A Little Bit of Us (21 page)

I want… no need to taste him. Really. Please?

     “You must be Maya,” he says. I bite back a groan and nod slowly, he has the voice of the gods. “I’m Doctor Jones.” Oh hell no.

     “That’s really unfortunate,” I blurt.

Smooth.
Real smooth. Let’s upset the doctor that will be delivering our baby.

HAHAHAHAHA!

     Marie covers her face and starts laughing her ass off. Jacob clears his throat and shifts, he’s about to laugh. I face palm. “I’m so damn sorry.”

     Fortunately he just laughs with my idiots. “It’s fine. You’re saying what everyone else is thinking.”

     “I’m Maya Johnson.”

     He furrows his brow and glances at the receptionist, “We were booked for a Maya Freeman.”

     Of course he was, “That’s my previous last name.”

     “Hi, sorry I’m late,” James walks in and pats the snow from his shoulders. It must be coming down again. He shakes the doctor’s hand.
Nice, he has finally gotten a haircut, it’s only a few inches long and all tussled and sexy and it looks really good. “I’m James Freeman. Maya’s husband.” Pee on my leg why don’t you James? Would you like me to roll in it too?

     “How old is this guy?” Marie whispers and motions to the doc who’s currently in conversation with James. “He can’t be older than thirty five.”

     “Oh my Lord. He’s fine.” Age is but a number, especially in this case. My ‘husband’ and the doctor turn towards me. I notice James scowl a little at Jacob but he says nothing, too right he doesn’t. When his green eyes meet mine my heart stops. Wow, I’ve missed him. The intense look he gives me tells me he feels the same. I blink myself out of my stupor and hop up to shake the doctor’s hand.

     “Come on then, let’s get you in.” Doctor Jones… I can’t help it that’s so funny. I’m just going to refer to him as DJ.
Yuck, now that song is stuck in my head. It’s so irritating.

     I follow him into his office, he leads us straight through to a brightly lit room that stinks of sterile. Is that even a scent? It is now. I just named it. I hop up onto the bed and remove my jacket and sweater
, revealing a think white vest. James and Jacob both go for them at the same time. Jacob wins. James does not look happy.

     The doctor picks up on the tension between the two men and speeds things along. “How has
mommy been? Suffering with any bad back ache or sickness?”

     “Nope, not even heartburn anymore. My back
’s fine unless I’ve been on my feet for a while.”

     He pulls out a white tape measure, “I’m just going to measure you. You’re looking a little small for twenty eight weeks
. Could you please lift your vest to the top of your stomach?”

     I roll up my vest and lay back on the bed. Oh my god, this guy is
going to be staring at my noonie in a few months. My life sucks.

     His cool hands touch my stomach as he measures me from my pelvic bone to the top of my womb. “You’re measuring at six centimeters below what I’d like you to be.” Come again? “I’ll take your blood then we’ll do the scan. Make sure she’s growing ok in there.”

     My heart stops, literally stops. What have I done wrong? Is she ok? What does that even mean? James takes my hand and his smile has also vanished. Marie starts chewing on her nails and Jacob leans forward on his elbows. The tension and fear between us all is so thick I can practically feel it on my skin.

     “Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s fine,” DJ smiles reassuringly but it doesn’t placate any of us. “Sharp scratch.” Yuck, I hate blood tests.
We wait as he marks and places the blood tests onto his tray and then proceeds to wheel the machine over. After hitting the lights off he squirts warm gel onto my stomach and begins. Tap, tap, tap. He takes ten minutes, ten whole minutes measuring and tapping away. Each second my eyes burn a little more. There’s something wrong with her isn’t there. I’ve failed to even carry her properly. I’ve been taking my tablets I swear. I don’t realize how hard I’m squeezing James’ hand until I feel him try to wriggle his fingers. Before I can remove it he places his other hand on top of mine and brings it to his lips. “She’s fine, she’s approximately two pounds and nine ounces. A healthy weight for this stage, her heart beat is fabulous.” We all sigh with relief, a collection of groans can be heard and the chewing of the nails stop. “Listen.” A tiny thumping sound fills the silence, it’s fast a little erratic. “A perfect heartbeat.” Thump, thump, thump, thump.

     James laughs a little and kisses my temple, “Thank god. Can we see her now?”

     If I thought the baby was developed before
, I was wrong. This right now, this tiny little angelic face… she’s beautiful. I’m almost certain she has my nose. Her face is larger and more pronounced than before. Wow.

     “She’s a beauty,” DJ grins at us and moves the prong up a little further showing us her arms. “She’s grasping the cord, that’s good.
Her legs are fine, very long. No problems whatsoever.” We sit and watch for a few more minutes before being given the DVD and some pictures. I wonder where Sinus blocker is. I half expected her to be here today. “I want to see you again in three weeks for another scan. Just to be sure, but I’m positive she’s growing well. You’re just carrying small.”

     And my heart plummets again. “So, you’ll be there for the birth?”

     He nods, “Of course.” He hands me a blue plastic bag, full of books. Yay, more books… “In there is a list for what you’ll need in your overnight bag.” My what? “And also a ledger so you can plan your birth. Choose the medication and such. If you bring that back next time I’ll make sure it’s revised so I know exactly what you want during the birth. Obviously not every labor is as quick and easy as we’d like and if there are any complications whatsoever we may have to divert for obvious reasons. The chances of that happening are small.”

     Yeah, I read about this in the baby books. It doesn’t sound too scary.

     “There’s also a birthing DVD in there so you and your husband can watch and know what to expect.” He shakes our hands once more and leads us out of his office. “Take care now.”

    
Jacob throws his arm around my shoulder, “That was awesome. Really cool. Apart from the first bit. That freaked me out. I’m glad she’s ok.” Me too. I catch James’ eye, his sparkling greens dim and angry. Gulp. He’s openly glaring at Jacob’s arm. “Everything ok?” Jacob asks as we walk to our cars.

     “Fine,” James grumbles and waves the
sonogram DVD at me. “I’m taking this to my mom. If I’d known this was going to be an open event I would have told her she could come.”

     I raise my hands in surrender, “I never said she couldn’t come. I told you Marie was coming.”

     He laughs once, it’s definitely humorless, “Whatever Maya.” He climbs in his car and speeds off before I can say another word. Leaving me gaping by the open passenger door of Jacob’s hire car. What the fuck just happened?

     “He’s pissed because I was there,” Jacob shrugs looking a little defeated himself. “I’m sorry Maya.”

     “Don’t you dare, he’s just sour that’s all,” I climb into the car, Marie gets in the back. “It’s all good. He’ll calm down.” I hope.

     I get why he’s pissed, I think… he’s jealous for a start. Jealous that I’m now spending time with another male and even brought him to our baby’s sonogram. I get that. It was insensitive of me, but then again it’s not like he’s making an effort. He’s not calling me or texting me or asking to meet up. Apart from the other day but I’m not cancelling my plans. That’s not how this works. If he was really that bothered he would have asked me to go a different day right? And he would’ve stayed behind just now to talk to me, to ask me to meet him tomorrow.

     “Sylvia is on the phone,” Jacob shouts from the kitchen. I’m assuming he’s answered my phone. I head in there and snatch it from his hand. “Hey,” Sinus blocker. “Sylvia, everything ok?”

     “I was calling to say thank you for the sonogram tape. She’s beautiful.”

     “Sure, it’s no problem.”

     “And…” here we go. “I was wondering if you’d call James. I think he’s feeling a little left out.” Come again? “I promised I wouldn’t meddle and I’m not but he’s worried… that he won’t be a part of his child’s life.”

     I laugh once, “Is he crazy? I’d never stop him from being involved.”

    “I know that, and he knows that but he’s worried. Please, just call him or something.”

    “Ok, I’ll do that,” I lie. Like hell I will. “I should go, we’re about to have dinner.”

    “Of course. Take care Maya.”

    
Jacob looks up from his chopping of vegetables on the worktop, “Everything ok?”

     “Yeah,
its fine, she was just thanking me for the sonogram and informing me that her son believes I’m going to cut him off from his own kid. Does he not understand the fact I can’t do this without him?” with a sigh I bang my forehead against the counter a few times. “I don’t get him Jacob. I don’t understand him at all. When we’re together he’s not happy, when we’re not together he’s not happy. Does he genuinely think I’m going to hop into your bed and ask you to adopt his kid or some shit? Or any man for that matter.” Although I’d be extremely pissed if he started dating. No, not pissed. Jealous to fuck. I don’t think I could handle seeing him with another woman. I really don’t. It would rip my heart in ways that would never repair.

     “Think of it from his point of view. You broke up, he had no warning you were going to break up. He genuinely thought you were going to work through it. He’ll be blaming himself constantly because of what he did. The one thing he wants most in the world is now in the stomach of the woman who he hurt beyond imagination and also said girl has a devastatingly handsome movie star living under her roof for a few weeks. Said girl who also used to love freedom and before she fell in love would have snapped up a night with said movie star in a heartbeat.” He gives me a flirtatious smile. Big headed bastard. “So of course he’s paranoid, insecure and a little unstable emotionally. I guarantee the reason he hasn’t called or texted is because he’s waiting for you to do it because he wants to give you your space and respect your decision.” Talk about speech of the year. “Which you should, I’ve seen you glancing at your phone every two minutes, checking your email every five and sighing when there is nothing from him
. Call him, meet up and sort out everything. So he doesn’t feel so rejected.”

     “Go away,” I grumble because he’s right and I hate it when that happens. “Fine I’ll ask him to meet up over dinner tomorrow night or something.”

     “Good girl,” he tugs on a lock of my hair and dumps the veg from the chopping board and into a large pot on the stove. “Dinner won’t be ready for an hour. Why don’t you go relax in the bath and give him a call?”

     With a huff, full of attitude I do as I’m told. Fifteen minutes later I’m soaking in a tub full of hot water and bubbles that smell of vanilla and coconut.
How did everything get so messy with James? Sigh. I look at my pudgy that is poking out of the water a tiny fraction. No stretch marks yet, thank god.

     It’s ringing, it’s still ringing. And he answers, “Hello?”

     “Hey,” I respond automatically. “How are you?”

     “Fine.”

     Ouch, what a clipped tone. “I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner tomorrow. I think we need to talk.”

     “I’m busy.”

     “Saturday then?” Don’t be awkward James.

     “I’m busy Saturday too.” He does not sound happy at all.

    
“Ok, then when?”

     “I’ll let you know,” I can tell he’s about to hang up.

     “James, wait.”

     “What Maya?”

     “Please, we really need to sort this out.” I rub my pudgy with my free hand. “Please?”

     “Fine, I’ll come round tomorrow lunch time. Could you get rid of your boyfriend for an hour? That would be great.”

     I’m not even going to bite, “Yeah, I’m sure he won’t mind going out for a little while.”

I’m pretty sure that was you biting.

     I hear him inhale sharply, “So, you’re not denying it then?”

     “Denying what?”

You know exactly what.

     “That you and Jacob… are together.”

     “Right now he’s in the kitchen and I’m in the bath, but yeah I guess you could say that,” why am I being a bitch? “See you tomorrow.” Beep. That was me hanging up. He infuriates me, really infuriates me.

     Jacob doesn’t mind having to vanish for a bit, says he’ll probably head over to Lucas’. I do love how close our already close group has become. Minus James, it sucks that he’s ostracized himself from everyone but Lucas and Amelia and even then he doesn’t see them as often as I do. They’re his family, if he feels like I’m overstepping
I’ll back off a little bit. Only time will tell.

     The door opens, I take a long and deep calming breath and pad into the hall. He’s dressed in his work suit, he looks stunning. Has he got a tan? “Hi,” I smile and step closer to him just so I can catch a whiff of his divine scent. “You look great.”

     He gives me a weak smile, managing to avoid my eyes by glancing around, “This place looks good.”

     “Thank you,” I clear my throat and lead him to the room. “Would you like a drink?”

     “Have you been taking your tablets?” wow, straight to the point. I nod. “Good. And you’ve read the baby books?”

     “About thirty times. I’ve also written my birthing plan and packed an overnight bag ready,” I wanted to be organized.

     Bump. Yep, daddy’s here. “So. What’s going to happen when she’s born? Are you coming home with me?”

     Umm… “No? I’ll be coming back here. We have a nursery and everything she needs.”

     His mouth drops open in horror, “You’ll do all that now but not whilst we were together?” His green eyes dim with hurt. “So I’m coming to live here then?”

     “What are you talking about? Aren’t you like, having her on the weekends or something?”

     He stares at me like I’m stupid, “So you’re saying that not only am I not going to take my daughter home with me but I’m also not allowed to come here and I have to wait for every weekend to come before I can actually have her?”

     “You’re working anyway,” apparently this wasn’t a good answer. He looks mad, “Are you fucking kidding me? I want to be there Maya. I want to be there for the first few months. I’ve got them off work, I want to see her first smile and play with her every time she wakes. You can’t do this!”

    
I raise my hands in surrender watching as he stands in the center of the room with his hands fisting in his hair. “Calm down. I didn’t say that was definitely the arrangement. This is why we’re talking right? To sort this out.” He nods slowly and exhales, I watch the tension release his shoulders, “Ok, well. I’ll move in here then. Just for the first few months and then we can take it in turns. I’ll have her for a week, my mom can watch her while I’m at work and you can have her for a week. It’ll be great. Completely fair.”

     “Wait, there’ll be no moving in with anybody.” I scoff and stand in front of him. “The first few weeks are the most important between mother and baby. You can come around during the day or something. You won’t be moving in.” I want to meet him half way but his demands are driving me crazy.

     “You can’t stop me from seeing her.”

     “I’m not trying to. I would never do that. But be reasonable. Most fathers only get every other weekend. You can see our daughter whenever you like. And as for this business with the one week on one week off. We’ll discuss that when it comes to it.”

     “Fine, for the first month I’ll move in here.”

     “The first week, unti
l I establish a proper routine.”

     “Maya.”

     “James.”

     “I’m not even arguing about this anymore. I get it. You don’t want me in the way of you and your boyfriend but don’t you think it’s unfair that he gets to live here around my child and I don’t?” He practically spits out.

     “That’s what you think? You think I’m with Jacob?”

     “I really couldn’t care less,” he snaps and sits on the couch. “I genuinely do not give a shit. All I care about is that child. Let’s face it Maya, you couldn’t handle this. You’ll be begging me to move in. Jacob will do a runner, you honestly think a man like that with a pick of any girl would want to be stuck with a single mom and a baby?”

     Holy shit, James the ass hole has come back to bite me in the ass. Ouch. “I couldn’t handle this?” I’m ignoring the Jacob part. For now let’s focus on his lack of faith in my parenting skills. “What happened to…? Maya, you’ll be a great mom. Meh, meh, meh.” The last part is in a high pitched mocking tone.

     “What happened to you not wanting to be a parent? I told you I’d be there and I will be. We all know you can’t do this without me. Everyone agrees.” Everyone? Who’s everyone? “She’s not a toy Maya. She needs constant supervision and a mature parent. That’s hardly you.” He’s really spitting out the insults today. Wow. “I’m just being honest, no need to look at me like I’ve kicked your puppy.”

     I’ll kick you in a minute. “James. I really think you should go now.”

     His face falls carefully blank, “You’re kicking me out?”

     Bump. No playtime today kid. Daddy’s being a dickhead. “Yep.”

     “What happened to talking like adults? What happened to solving this?”

     “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that option just flew away with your list of insults. Got any more to come or are you done?” He shakes his pale face. “Now, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Or do, I really don’t give a fuck.”

    
He steps towards me and places his hands on my shoulders, I step away from him and watch as his hands fall to his sides, “I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m just being honest.”

     What a laugh, “You’re insulting me, not being honest. You have no idea
what kind of parent I’ll be!”

     “You’re right, I don’t. I’m sorry.” He sags in defeat. “I don’t want to miss this. I don’t want her to come every damn weekend with tales of how her step daddy did this and this and how she’s going on holiday with the two of you and not me. I’m going to miss everything. You’re going to be celebrating with whoever the fuck you’re screwing when she takes her first steps. When she speaks her first word. I’ll never be her first word. I’ll miss it when she falls over and bumps her head and I won’t be there!”

     “So because you want all of that, that gives you the right to speak to me like shit?”

     “I’m scared, I’ve lost you… don’t let me lose her as well,” his voice is barely above a whisper. My temper vanishes.

     “I’ve got my ante natal classes in a few weeks. If you want to come? They teach us to change diapers and bathe a baby and also teach us techniques during labor to make things more comfortable.”

     His eyes light up, “You want me there?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Jacob won’t mind?”

     Eye roll, “I’m pretty sure he’ll be back in LA by then.”

    
“Great. Just, text me the appointment day.” He smiles and this time it’s real. “Can I see the nursery?”

     “Sure,” I respond and take him into my dad’s old room. I watch him as he touches the shelves full of baby lotions and such. He pulls drawers open that are contain clothes, towels, etc. He walks to the wardrobe and pulls that open. It’s full of more clothes.

     When the doors to the wardrobe shut he hangs his head. “I should go.”

     “What’s wrong now?” I ask a little harshly.

Be nice.

I’m trying.

     “You’re really doing this without me aren’t you? I mean,” he turns to face me and rubs his eyes as if exhausted. “I thought you’d call. I thought you’d text. I thought if I stopped bothering you you’d realize just how great we are together and come back to me. Instead… you’ve completely planned your future and my daughter’s without me. I’m not in the equation.” My eyes burn at the emotion in his voice. “It’s really over isn’t it?”

     Well, yeah. “Yeah. I guess so.” His face contorts in pain, pain that reflects the ache in my heart. “I’m not seeing Jacob. We’re still just friends and probably always will be. There are no love interests in my life. This I promise you. I’m pregnant, right now I have enough to deal with.”

      “You don’t need to tell me this. It’s none of my business.” His blank mask is back. “I should go. Thanks for…” he lifts his arms motioning to the room. I’m still not quite sure what he’s thanking me for. Whether it be the tour of his daughter’s room or the kind of but not
so much reassuring conversation I think we may or may not have just had.

Look, your horny, he’s horny. That would certainly reassure him.

     Well… it has been a while…

Don’t do it. Don’t give him false hope.

     She’s right, I mean… I’m right. No. Hell. “James.”

     “Yeah?” he stops at the door and turns to face me.

     “I’m sorry it’s like this.”

     He steps over to me and wraps me in his arms, I return the tight hold. “
Me too.”

     We stand like this, body flush to body in the middle of our daughter’s room just holding each other for… I don’t even know how long. I think we’re both scared to let go. Me especially. I mean if he’s only just realized we are in fact finished, does this mean he will suddenly start dating? What if he gets another girl pregnant? Will he suddenly not want me and the baby anymore? Of course the rational part of my brain tells me he’d never let this happen… but I’m still scared.
What of you ask? I have no idea. I’ve come to terms with my choice to end it. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s over. So why am I so sickened by the thought of him with someone else? I’m sure it’s normal, my heart doesn’t know that he doesn’t belong to me anymore. We’ll get through it, we have too.

     We must have been holding each other a while because I hear the door slam and footsteps in the hall, that’ll be Jacob.
After another brief squeeze we pull apart, I already miss the sound of his heart beating against my ear. He kisses me forehead and we step out of the room. Jacob is in the kitchen making lunch I assume so I see James to the door.

     With one quick glance back he closes the door behind him leaving me aching and empty.
“Lucas is having us both over tomorrow,” Jacob calls from the kitchen. “Sylvia made you a cake with Amelia. She figured you wouldn’t take it from James but I’d never deny a cake that Amelia is so proud of.” Clever woman. I laugh with him. “I’ve booked my flight for next Wednesday.”

     Of course he has. I’m going to miss him. “We’ll still talk though right?”

     “Nothing could keep me away.”

     And suddenly nothing feels right anymore.
I’m going to be alone… again.

     “So you don’t want any pain relief?” DJ asks with a smirk. “Just gas and air?”

     I nod. “I’ve been researching the epidural and apparently it can have long term effects on your back. Not something I want to deal with.”

     “Fair enough. You can’t have one in a birthing pool anyway. Any particular reason for this choice?”

     “Then I won’t be all bloody and dirty and the baby might not be so gunky.” Meaning I won’t be as freaked out when it’s thrown into my arms.

     He grins broadly, “This is a great birthing plan. I’ll try my best to make sure you get it.”

     Thank fuck for that. Where the hell is James?

     It’s bad enough that Jacob left two days ago. Of course we had an awesome time doing things that I’m allowed to do and pigging out on food. Marie has yet again been a constant although something is going on with her whenever I try to talk to her about it she says it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll trust her judgment… for now. Summer is currently in the process of planning my baby shower with Sylvia, which should be a fun few hours. It’s in two weeks. When I’m officially seven months pregnant. Did you know technically you’re pregnant for ten months but they say nine because some months have five weeks in them. And you’re technically only pregnant for thirty eight weeks instead of forty
because they add two weeks on so it dates back to your last period. Makes no sense to me if I’m honest.