A Lineage of Grace (7 page)

Even though the matter of Onan was settled, Acsah was worried about Tamar’s mood. Tamar was pensive and secretive. Before, she had always shared her thoughts and feelings. Acsah knew it was because the girl was becoming a woman, but it hurt to be excluded even in these small ways. She adored the girl and sought only the best for her. How could she lift her spirits when she didn’t know what Tamar was thinking? She pressed, but Tamar resisted. She wouldn’t say what was wrong. Acsah could only assume it was fear at the prospects of physical intimacy with Onan. And she could easily understand that, considering the heartless treatment her dear girl had suffered at Er’s hands. Acsah had been afraid for her and distressed about what to do without causing more trouble for her. A bruise now and then was common enough, but harder blows could cause internal injuries and permanent damage. And then what would become of Tamar?

But Er was dead now. Secretly, Acsah rejoiced. The wretched boy had only gotten what he deserved. He would never lay another hand upon Tamar, and Acsah was thankful to whatever god had struck him down. Countless times she had wished
she
had the power to do it. She had had to plug her ears to keep from going mad when she heard Tamar’s muted cries of pain behind closed doors.

Tamar need not fear Onan. Judah’s second son was different from the first. Onan was shrewd and ambitious. He tended his father’s flocks as though they were already his own. Acsah suspected Onan coveted more than his brother’s inheritance. He’d coveted his brother’s wife as well. Acsah had noticed the way the boy looked at Tamar. Perhaps the boy’s lust would turn to love, and Tamar’s life would be easier.

Most assuredly, Onan would be eager to fulfill his duty to her. The first son Tamar bore would be for Er, but others would follow. They would belong to Onan. Acsah could hardly wait for the day to come when she would help Tamar bring a child into the world. Oh, to see her lovely smile bloom again, to hear her laugh, to see her eyes shine with happiness! Tears sprang to Acsah’s eyes just thinking about it.

Taking her broom and basket, Acsah entered the room where Tamar and Onan would lie together. She set the basket by the door and worked vigorously. She chanted as she did so, exorcising the divine assembly from the room. Some spirits liked to hinder desire and prevent conception. They must be swept out and prevented from coming back. It was Acsah’s duty to see to this. She must protect the young couple and open the way to unfettered lovemaking.

Acsah took great care in her work. She made sure every inch of the walls, ceiling, and floor was swept. Then she mixed mortar and caulked the holes in the stone wall so that evil spirits couldn’t enter through them. She brought in rush mats and laid them out neatly over the earthen floor. She filled small lamps with scented oil and placed trays of incense in each of the four corners of the room. The air of the bedchamber would be permeated with a sweet musky fragrance that would stir the senses and stimulate desire. She took a mandrake from her basket and shaved off slivers of the precious root into a cup beside a jug of wine. Mandrake would increase Tamar’s fertility. Last, she took out a woven cloth and spread it over the mat where the couple would lie together.

Standing in the doorway, Acsah scrutinized every aspect of the room. She must make certain everything was in place, nothing forgotten. Voices and music came from the main room. The wedding feast had begun. Soon she would lead the couple to this chamber.

As a last precaution, Acsah entered the room again and took fine ground flour from a pouch at her waist. She cast it over the floor from the edge of the walls to the doorway. With every sweep of her arm, she chanted incantations to drive spirits from the room. She wasn’t satisfied until a thin layer of flour covered everything. If any spirits returned, she would see footprints in the pale dust and be warned of their presence.

Acsah closed the door firmly. She filled in the crack around the door until the room was sealed.

Finally, satisfied, she sat and rested. She would give Tamar an hour more to celebrate. Perhaps a cup or two of wine would make Tamar relax and enjoy herself. Smiling, Acsah murmured prayers to her gods. Soon she would lead the young couple to the bedchamber. She would make sure no spirits had entered, and then she would close the door behind Onan and Tamar and remain on guard against the spirits who might try to hinder conception. She would sit against the closed door and she would play her small drum, and she would sing a song to drive demons away and make young hearts beat with passion. If the jealous spirits could be kept from the house long enough, Tamar would conceive. And then, finally, this girl Acsah loved and served would be given the respect she was due as a childbearer.

* * *

Tamar soon learned that Onan was different from Er: His evil was more cunning.

Even while Tamar’s head swam with wine and her senses with the scents of sweet herbs and sound of Acsah’s drum, she knew the exact moment Er’s brother denied her the chance of a child. She cried out, but he covered her mouth with his own, silencing her protest. She struggled fiercely and wrenched free, clambering away from him.

“You’ve dishonored me!” She snatched her garment and covered herself. “And betrayed your own brother!”

Onan sat up, breathing heavily. “I promise, I’ll treat you better than Er ever did.”

“And this is better?”

“I’ll treat you with kindness and . . .”

“Kindness?”
Er had abused her. Now Onan was using her. “We’re together for one purpose: to conceive a son for Er.”

Onan stretched out on his side. “What’s wrong with enjoying ourselves?”

Tamar glared at him without response.

Onan’s eyes narrowed. “Stop looking at me like I’m an insect you found under a rock.”

“You must fulfill your duty to my dead husband, your brother.”

“I
must
?” Onan’s face darkened. “Who are you to tell me I must?”

“You know who I am and what my position is in this house. Will you do what is right or not?”

“I promise to take care of you. You’ll always have a roof over your head and food to eat. I’ll give you all you require.”

Her face went hot. Did he really think she would allow him to treat her like a prostitute? She could hardly stand to look at him. “There’s only one thing I require of you, Onan, and you’ve spilled that on the ground!” She flung his discarded tunic at him.

Slipping into it, Onan blushed, but his eyes remained calculating. “Er said you were stubborn. You could try to understand my situation.”

She wasn’t a fool. She knew exactly what he was after. She had known Onan was covetous, but she’d never expected this abominable injustice. “You want Er’s double portion as well as your own!” Onan was filled with avarice.

“Why shouldn’t I have it all? I’ve worked for it!”

“You have your portion. You have no right to Er’s. It belongs to his son.”

He smirked. “What son?”

Her eyes pricked with angry tears. “You will
not
have your way in this, Onan. I am not a harlot to be used.”

“Be reasonable, Tamar. Did Er ever care for the flocks as I have? Have I hit you or called you names? Did he ever show kindness toward you? Even once? All my brother ever did was cause you grief!”

“It doesn’t matter how he treated me or anyone else! He is your father’s eldest son. Er was firstborn. You must fulfill your duty to your brother, or his line will die! Do you think Judah won’t grieve over what you’ve done tonight?”

“Don’t tell him.”

“I won’t join you in this sin. What future have I if you have your way?”

“The future I give you.”

“And I should trust a man who denies his brother an heir?”

Onan stood, annoyed. “Er’s name should be wiped out! He deserved to die! We’re all better off without him!”

Tamar was shocked by his hatred. “You mustn’t deny me my rights, Onan. If you do, you cheat your father’s entire household.”

Jaw tight, Onan made a sound of disdain. “You don’t know what I suffered at my brother’s hands. Every time my mother looked the other way, Er was using his fists on me. I’m glad he’s dead. If you want to know the truth, I rejoiced when Er choked to death. It gave me pleasure to watch him die. I wanted to laugh and dance!” He smiled down at her mockingly. “As I’m sure you did.”

“Don’t include me in your wickedness. Er’s portion doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the son he might have had, the son you
must
give me.”

Onan lay down again and propped himself up on one elbow. “And if I won’t?”

“You can’t really mean to deny me, Onan. Would you have Er’s name go down into the dust with him?” It was as though he sought to murder his own brother.

“That’s where his name belongs.”

What Onan was doing was worse than murder! He was denying existence to all of Er’s descendants down through the ages. If he had his way, she would never bear children. What would become of her then?

“Please, Onan. You mustn’t do this. Give thought to what you do!”

“I have thought about it. It’s
my
name I care about, not his.”

“What sort of man are you that you would destroy the household of your own brother?”

“What brother? What household?” He laughed softly. He took the edge of her wrap and rubbed it between his fingers. “I’m a man who intends to hold on to what belongs to him.” He grinned. “I can make you happy. Would you like me to show you how?”

Tamar yanked her wrap from him and withdrew even farther. She wanted to scream at Acsah to stop beating the drum and singing. This night was a mockery!

Onan’s expression cooled. “Be satisfied with what I’m offering you.”

His avarice sickened her. “I won’t keep silent.”

“What can you do?” He mocked her just as Er had done.

“I can speak to Judah.”

Onan laughed. “Go ahead. Father won’t do anything. He never does anything. Besides, it will be your word against mine, and who will believe you, Tamar? My mother hates you with every breath she takes. Moreover, she’s convinced you cast a spell upon my brother and caused his death.” His smile derided her. “All I have to say is I gave my all to fulfill my duty, but the gods have closed your womb.”

She blinked back tears. “I will tell your father the truth, and may the God of Judah judge between you and me!” She rose, intending to leave the room.

Onan lunged for her. She tried to dodge him, but he grasped her ankle. When she tried to kick free, he swept her feet out from under her. She came down hard, and he pinned her against the rush mats scattered on the earthen floor Acsah had taken such care in sweeping.

“Be satisfied with what you have, girl, for you will have no more of me than I intend to give! And when my father dies, you won’t even have that much unless you make an effort to please me!”

Tamar drew in a sobbing breath and turned her face away. Onan eased his grip on her. “Shhhh . . .” He caressed her cheek and kissed her throat. “There now, my sweet little bride. Don’t cry.” His touch repulsed her. “Everyone’s glad Er’s dead and gone. You should be too.” He cupped her face and made her look at him. “I still want you, Tamar. I’ve wanted you since the day you came here. And now you’re mine.” When he tried to kiss her, she jerked her face away. Gritting her teeth, Tamar shut her eyes tightly and didn’t move.

“Make up your mind to enjoy things as they are. They won’t change.”

“I’d rather be dead.”

Onan cursed. “Don’t tempt me.” The rush mats rustled softly as he moved away from her. “Have it your own way. Have
nothing
.” He fell asleep within minutes, his conscience not the least disturbed.

Tamar slept in the corner, her hands over her head, while Acsah went on singing love songs outside the door.

* * *

Tamar spent the night gathering her nerve. She was resolved to fight the injustice done her. It was within her rights, and she must gather the courage to do so. Surely Judah would defend her. Without children, his family would dwindle and die out. The wind would blow away the name of Judah as though it were dust. She must take courage. She must be strong. She would have to speak up for herself because the sons in this wretched household cared only about themselves!

She went to Judah before Onan was even awake. She told her father-in-law exactly what his son had done. She presented the cloth Acsah had placed upon the rush mat to prove her statement. Judah’s face turned dark red.

“You’ve had only one night with Onan! He’ll come to his senses. Give him time.”

Time? Was that all Judah could say? He should be furious that his son had intended to deceive him. Onan was sinning against the entire household! His actions were clear, his motivation pure greed, and his crime equal to murder. How could Judah overlook this sin against his family? No matter how many times Er had abused her, she couldn’t allow her dead husband to be so dishonored. Did she have to scream from the rooftop to make him call Onan to account?

“I will not allow Onan to touch me under these circumstances. I cannot!”

Judah’s eyes flashed. “Who are you to tell me what will or will not go on in
my
household?”

“How can I allow this? I’m the wife of your firstborn son! Would you see Er’s name die because Onan refused to do his duty?”

“Be silent, girl!”

Anger filled her. “I am a woman, Judah, and shouting at me will not drown out the truth of this humiliation!” She knew Judah didn’t want to be pressed by anyone, but it was her right, indeed, her
obligation
to bear children. “Why do you thwart me? It’s in all our interests that sons be born!” What would become of Judah’s tribe if things were allowed to continue in such an immoral manner as this? “Land cannot be worked without children. Flocks cannot be tended without children.”

“I don’t need you to tell me that!”

Judah roared like a wounded lion, but Tamar refused to back down. Judah was not like Er. He wouldn’t use his fists upon a woman. And she could take hot wind any day. “It is my right to have children!”

Judah turned his face away, the muscle working in his jaw. “Very well,” he said grudgingly. “I’ll speak to Onan when I get around to it. In the meantime, let things be as they are.” He raised his hand when she started to protest. “Let me finish! Given time, my son may come to love you. Have you thought of that? You might work toward that end instead of causing him trouble. Do whatever you can to make him love you. If Onan loves you, he’ll do right by you of his own accord, without my saying a word.”