A Lighter Shade of Blue (Kings of Chaos Book 2) (10 page)

“You taste so good, Shadow. I could drink you down for days.” She presses her thighs together tightly.

I can see the lust in her dark eyes. My dick is already recovering, and I’m dying to get inside of her. I nudge her back onto the bed and pull her to the edge. “You safe, babe?”

“Yes.” She nods her head. “Are you?”

“Clean as a whistle.” I slip my cock between her moist lips, bumping her swollen clit with the head over and over.

“Oh, Shadow.”

“You like that?”

“Yes.”

I smirk and grip my base. Then I tease her, dipping into her entrance and pulling back. “You ready for me?”

“God, yes,” she whimpers.

I push in, and we both cry out. I force myself to slowly work my way inside of her. She’s tight, hot, and so very wet. I grit my teeth to keep from pounding into my newfound paradise. “You are mine now, little girl.” I push her hands over her head and link our fingers. She flexes her muscles, and I get lost in a haze of need and passion. The slap of our bodies, the mingling scents of our lovemaking, and the feel of her soft, warm body envelopes me. I’m gritting my teeth and forcing myself to hold out. Her muscles contract and I’m flying, filling her full of my seed. I release a guttural war cry.

This shit is mine, I claimed it and I’m never letting it go.

I collapse on top of her breathing heavily. When I get a second wind, I pull out and roll to her side.

She’s beautiful and blissed out with her heavy-lidded eyes, mussed hair, and swollen lips.

“More beautiful than I ever imagined.” I reach out and trail my thumb over her lips, marveling at the events that just happened. I need to make sure she knows she’s more than the first fuck I’ve had for three years. I kiss her forehead and sit up. “Stay there, baby, I’m going to take care of you.” I slip out of my cut, lay it on the bed, yank my T-shirt over my head, and stand, pulling up my pants. I move to the bathroom and find out it’s cleaner than I can remember it ever being. The scent of lemon and the fresh towels shows a woman’s touch. The thought of her tending to my needs has my cock gearing for round three. I grab a washcloth, run it under warm water, and return to Blue. Sinking onto the bed, I wipe her down, leaving the majority of my essence inside of her, where it belongs.

“This wasn’t a one-time thing, Blue. It was the beginning.”

She opens her mouth to speak.

I shake my head. “Not tonight. Tonight is ours. Everything else will wait until tomorrow.”

Blue closes her mouth and nods, allowing me to undress her.

I pull back the sheets and follow behind her. Her body fits against mine like it was handmade for me. I wrap my arm around her and bury my nose in the nape of her neck, inhaling her fresh scent. I drift off, relishing the peace she brings.

Blue

I open my eyes and slowly become aware of the arm encircling my waist.
Shit.
I screwed up badly last night. There’s nothing I want to do more than bask in the feel of Shadow’s body pressing against mine. He smells of leather and something uniquely him. I close my eyes and inhale, holding onto the magical moment. I’ve dreamt of this for so long, part of me wonders if this is some sort of very realistic dream.

He grunts in his sleep, and his morning wood presses against my ass.

No, definitely not a dream.

I curse my moment of weakness.
The last thing I needed to do was muck things up. He’s got enough to deal with coming back, adjusting, getting back into the swing of things with the club, and dealing with Bolton.
Bolton! What did he think of me not coming home?
My face burns with shame. I haven’t done the walk of shame ever, and I’m about to do it in front of everyone I’ve grown up with. My stomach rolls and I wiggle free of Shadow’s arms before slipping to the floor. I gather my clothing quickly, glancing at the sleeping man in the bed.

He looks happy. His face is relaxed in sleep, making him appear younger. To people who don’t know him, Shadow is imposing, large and deadly.

I’m not naïve about the men in my life. I know they’re dangerous, but only when provoked. He stirs, and I freeze. I need to put as much distance between us as possible. I have to get my head cleared before he comes home.

God, this never should’ve happened!

My hands shake as I pull on my jeans and shirt, forgoing the bra and panties I can’t find. I’m racking my brain on how I’m going to get home. Bolton took the car, and I sure as hell won’t be calling him.
Ruthie.
I thank God that my cell is still in my pocket and rush into the bathroom. I splash water on my face, rinsing off what’s left of my makeup, and tame my hair into a semblance of order. Taking a deep breath I hit the third speed dial.

“Woman, do you know what time it is?” Ruthie rasps.

“I need you.”

“What’s wrong?” she asks sounding more awake.

“I fucked up so bad last night, Ruthie.” My voice quavers. My throat swells, and I choke on the lump forming in my throat.

“Calm down, babe. It can’t be that bad. What happened? Something at Shadow’s welcome home party?”

I snort. “Yeah, you could say that. I’m in his bathroom right now. I slept with him.”

“Hallelujah, it’s about time!”

“No, this is bad, so bad, You don’t understand. What the hell is this going to do to Bolton? And I don’t know how many people saw us sneak into his room. Jesus, I acted like some slutty King chaser.”

“Hey!” she barks. “You could never be like them. No one’s going to think anything. Let alone say something. I know Shadow gives you the warm and fuzzies, but he’s damn scary, and so is your father.”

I laugh. “Not to these guys.”

“If they upset you, I’m sure they would feel some fear,” Ruthie says. “What do you need me to do, babe?”

“Come and get me.”

Ruthie sighs. “You still running?”

“Please don’t lecture me right now, Ruthie. I’ll ask one of the brothers to do it if that’s what you want to do.”

“No, don’t do that, Blue. Give me ten to get dressed and to the car and I’m on my way.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, resting my head against the cold wall.

“I love you, Bluebell, but I won’t lie to you. I’ll keep my mouth shut now, because it’s what you need, but this isn’t over. And knowing Shadow, I won’t be the only one who thinks so.”

“I’ll deal with it later.”

“
Hmmph
. I’m going to get dressed now.”

She disconnects and I straighten to peer into the mirror.
What kind of woman sleeps with her sister’s ex, the father of her child?
He said it was always supposed to be me.
But does that matter?
It’s not what the rest of the world will see. It’s a small town, and people have long memories. It’s like we lost out on all the glitz and glamour from L.A, and missed the laid back carefree vibe of San Diego, the bigger city we bordered. A dark mark on my neck stood out like a scarlet letter. I lean over the sink and stare at the shell-shocked woman in front of me.
Get it together. You’ve got a child depending on you. The last thing he needs is another significant change. Shadow had fun last night, but he may have been thinking more with the head in his pants.

“That’s right, baby. I’m the only who gets to touch you like this.”
I ignore the butterflies his words from last night cause and hurry out of the room, slowly closing the door behind me. It’s just past sunrise, and the clubhouse is a ghost town. Dark and silent, it offers me an anonymity I’m grateful for. Bodies lay on couches, pool tables, and floors in various states of dress. I tiptoe over the prone figures until I reach the door. Once I step outside I lean against the wall. Shadow is everything I ever wanted, but I can’t justify having him. Closing my eyes, I remember the feel of his calloused fingers running over my flesh.

“How you’ll sound, what your scent will smell like mingled with mine. I’ve already had you a million different ways in my mind.”

I shudder. I could orgasm from the memory alone. His husky voice whispering in my ear, telling me I’m his. It’s all I ever wanted.
So why am I running? Because it’s what best.
My temples throb as the internal war rages on.

The sight of the familiar silver sedan pulling up to the gates fills me with relief. I stride toward the gate waving at the prospect. “She’s here for me.”

“Okay, Ms. Blue.”

I roll my eyes. Poor bastards were so afraid of pissing someone off, they ended up being crazy formal. “Just Blue, Ralphie.”

He gives me a tiny smile, and his gray eyes light up. “Okay, Blue.”

“You don’t have to let her in. I’ll go out.”

He pulls the gate back, and I slip out. I open the passenger door, ease my achy body into the seat, and sigh.
I made it.
“Please drive.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I don’t want him to come out here and see me helping you with the getaway.”

“It’s not like I robbed a bank,” I say.

“Hah! I don’t know if he’d see it that way,” Ruthie replies.

“Dude, it’s not like I’m his Old Lady.”

“Hmm.” She pulls out of the driveway and floors it.

“What?” I ask, irked.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit,” I spit.

“Look, don’t get pissy with me, Blue. I love you, but you have some serious issues with allowing yourself to be happy. You put everyone else first, and it burns you out. I think it must be pretty serious if the minute he gets out, he goes for you. He could’ve had just about anyone, no strings attached, and he chose the one woman he’d be seeing every day for who knows how long? That says a lot.”

“I was a warm body.”

“If that was the case, you wouldn’t look like you saw a ghost right now,” Ruthie says.

I turn my head away to look out the window at the scenery passing by.

“What are you so afraid of?” Ruthie asks after a moment of silence.

I examine the questions.
Everything and nothing?
“Of what this will do to the people I care about. How are people going to take this? Am I going to seem like a complete traitor, and,” I swallow hard, “how will I be any different than my sister?”

Ruthie swerves the car a little with her shock. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No, I slept with her ex, the father of her child who I’m going to be living with.”

Ruthie huffs. “God, you could fuck half the people in the club and be nothing like that evil bitch. She sets out to hurt, manipulate, and use people up, Blue. I know she’s your sister, and you love her. But I’ve watched this happen time and time again over the years. She’s jealous as shit of you. Always has been. Always will be.”

“But why? She’s the pretty one. She’s the preferred one. No matter what I do, they’ve handled her with a special level of care I’ve never received. She has everything.”

“Except respect, focus, a degree. That girl has one screw up after the other. If it weren’t for you, Shadow, and your parents, Bolton would be a mess, and she knows it. She hates you for that, too.”

I cover my face and struggle with the tears. “It fucks with my head. It always has.” My voice cracks. The ugly truth comes rushing out of the fissure that’s formed in my soul.

“Honey, I think they just knew she needed more. It was never a reflection of their love.”

I laugh. “No. You don’t know, Ruthie. Y-you haven’t seen how much of a bastard my father can be. He never comes at Calla the way he does me. I was stunned when he didn’t front the bail money. It’s the first tough love I’ve ever seen from him when it comes to her, and that was what? Thirty-four years in the making? I can never be enough. I can’t please him. So this? God. What would he think of this?” My chest aches and my body shakes with each sob. This is why I kept my distance. The club has a way of breaking people down.

The car stops, and Ruthie wraps her arms around me. “It’s not you. Whatever they choose to do is on them, and for their own selfish reasons. You’ve been holding this in for far too long. I wish I could take the pain away. Because you are amazing, kind, and brave. Don’t put this on yourself.”

I hiccup as I suck down air. I hear her words and understand the logic, but it does nothing to assuage the ache in my chest. I’ve always known there was something off about me. Maybe I never fit in the club right. Not like Calla, who lives and dies KOC. I close my eyes, wishing I could forget the way I feel. It’s a bleeding wound I’ve never been able to close. Shame fills me. I shouldn’t have shared this with Ruthie, it is my cross to bear. I sniffle and wipe at my eyes. “Ignore me. I’m exhausted and emotional.”

“Bullshit. I don’t want you to be alone right now, Blue.”

I blink and study our surroundings. We’re parked outside of my house. “I’m okay.”

“I don’t think you are.” She frowns. “Listen, I don’t know your world, so I won’t pretend to. But there has to be someone you trust who does. I want you to call them.”

“No.” I clear my throat. “This is not what we do. Falling apart over silly shit.”

“If it hurts you, it’s not silly,” Ruthie responds.

I can hear the exasperation in her voice. By her standards, feelings and hang-ups are important and should be dealt with so you can be a well-adjusted, happy, functioning member of society. In my family, things are different. This is small and petty. If it hurts the club, it gets squashed. This could cause an upset. I don’t want to be responsible for that.

“I’m not leaving you alone right now.” Ruthie’s face is set in a stern, stubborn expression.

It’s a look I know well. “This is nothing new, Ruthie. I live this daily. It just…spilled over because of what happened with Shadow. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. That’s why this melt down occurred. No one is a fortress, Bluebell. Everyone needs help sometime. It’s okay to ask for it.”

I compose myself, and give a shaky smile. “You don’t know my family very well. Thank you for the ride and listening, Ruthie. I promise you I’m okay. I won’t do anything stupid, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She frowns. “I don’t like it. You should talk about this to Shadow.”

“No. This isn’t some fairytale that will end with a happily-ever-after,” I say with a sneer.

“It could be.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t want to fight with you, Ruthie.”

“Yeah, because I don’t understand how things work. I get it. But I also know that this isn’t going to go away, and with Shadow back you’re going to face your demons sooner or later. If you need anything, I’m a call away. Who else would I get out of the bed before eight in the morning on Saturday for?”

I lean in and hug her once more. “Thank you for being an amazing best friend.”

“Ditto.”

I feel like a fawn on new legs as I leave the car and make my way to the front door. I’m not used to feeling out of control like this. It’s terrifying and strangely exhilarating.