A Life Plan Without You. (66 page)

“Your into rope play and heavy sadomasochism, some very dark
sex games and your right, ones I don’t want to know about, that
isn’t love Andy, and that’s your trouble, its torture and pain and
domineering there’s no love in that for you to get hurt, and that
suits you Andy, but not Sam and certainly not me, but hey it would
be a pretty damn boring place if we were all the same, wouldn’t
it?”

He looked very shocked at what I did know. I also knew from
the pain his eyes and from the woman at his side he was tortured
and abused, she said he was much troubled and disappeared saying he
was in love with the wrong girl, he loved me, and loving me meant,
we would end in tears, he would destroy me and I was to be careful,
I had to be careful, he would destroy me if I wasn’t careful. She
walked away, and I watched she disappeared, leaving me to think
about her words, a tad cryptic, but I laughed, because Andy wasn’t
capable of that type of love and he knew I loved only Sam not him.
Damn these visions, they never tell me how to stop something just
that its coming.

“Well, aren’t you the dark horse Michelle Welles? Back to the
house, not to put too fine a point on it she’s good at what she
does, but all that was before she used my weak link in my armour,
you see she knew Sam was, and still is my weakest link, he always
has been and always will be, he’s my baby brother like you are with
little JJ? I will kill for him and to keep him from danger
Michelle, and don’t think I’m joking. He is the one I will walk
over hot coals to make sure nothing bad happens to him. I love Mum
and Jimmy, but for so long it was me and him against Dad and that
made me need to protect him.

Janet, that fucking bitch knew this, and well she used him
against me, my brother, she made him her pawn, and dragged him into
her web of deceit. Please believe me I knew nothing about it until,
well I went for a session at the house and he came running out of
the house. I thought he was just using it, to lose it the house is
a brothel. I wrongly thought he’d paid for a girl. He was painfully
shy, he was a skinny kid with spots and nothing like he is now, he
couldn’t catch a cold let alone a girl and as you correctly pointed
out, his friends had done it he wanted not to be left out, and I
had suggested it, as a way to lose his virginity.

I knew what Janet was capable of, she’s good at what she does
Michelle, it was my fault she dragged him into our seedy circle, he
never knew about me and I certainly didn’t know we were sharing a
girl, as soon as I found out I broke all contact. Sam walked in on
Janet with another fella and it broke his heart, it fucked him up
in so many ways and all that was my fault too. Please if you do
nothing else don’t tell him. I will tell him eventually but for
now, please we have too much other crap to sort out without her
too.”

“I wouldn’t want to upset him, the things I heard her saying,
made me want to kill her. If he had just told me, I would have been
better prepared. However, we sorted it and I told him just enough
to appease his need to ask more. I’m not stupid I know it would
hurt him knowing you did her too. I’m glad photo girl has a name. I
promise not to say anything, unless it comes between us and well
I'll give you the heads up first, and we haven’t had sex, Andrew
Todd. He’s definitely is messed up in that department, but well,
when he’s ready, we will.”

“Thanks Michelle, it was all her doing, I would never hurt him
like that ever, and you’re some kind of girl, Michelle. I wish I’d
seen you first you may have been able to save me too. Sam is so in
love with you, don’t hurt him Michelle ever, losing you I think
would kill him, your sickly perfect together, and you’re the one he
needs to fix him, we all needed you it seems.

I really thought the damn Michelle from summer, was a pain in
the bum. You though are slowly growing on me. He’s right I can’t
tell why you are as you are you’re a sodding mystery. I don’t know
there’s something familiar about you, it’s like I know you, or have
known you, yes stupid I know I had left school before you came,
it’s just a nagging thing at the back of my head. I just don’t know
you are a mystery Michelle a damn mystery, sent to save the bloody
Todd’s from Dennis Todd hell.” He walked me to the door, gave me a
quick peck on the cheek. I’d broken the rule about being alone with
Andy, but I had no choice, and the talk I think cleared a few
things up, and made sense of what this Janet had said.

“Thanks for today Michelle, It’s not too late to swop
brothers, you know?”

“Erg what did you say earlier about loving your brother Andy,
me swopping brothers even if I wanted to be so stupid, would hurt
him too much? I love him and only him, you had your warning when
you had your hand on my knee, no Andy, Sam is all I want, sorry but
he is… Besides your way too old for me, old man.”

“You are wonderful and my brother doesn’t know how lucky he
is, and no I know it would kill him if I did anything to spoil it
between you two, and me and you, only in my dreams Sister Dearest.
You and Sam are perfect and well enough mush, you really don’t know
how this will change everything for us, tonight was the best night
I have had in a long time, knowing Mum is finally out of there and
for that I am thankful really I am and you Michelle are just what
my family needed and we will be good for you too.

Get some sleep and good luck in your exams tomorrow he will be
fine in the morning, he will take an age to sober up too, he’s not
a great drinker it makes him do and say stupid things.” Seems I did
the right thing. I know he says some stuff when he’s drunk it’s
called the truth and for that I’m glad he did get drunk and tell me
everything well almost everything. I needed sleep and lots of
it.

“Wake up pisshead, now.” I’m being shaken awake.

“Who put me to bed? What time is it? Where’s Michelle? Why is
my head thumping?”

“That would because you got hammered last night, it’s eight
o’clock and I have to get to work. Michelle got you home and I
walked her home, you had her pinned down under you she couldn’t
move!”

“We had sex and I passed out on top of her?”

“Err, I don’t know what you did but she was fully clothed and
I don’t think sex was involved though, what the hell were you
drinking?”

“Oh a lot of lager and double whiskey chasers, I needed it,
but fuck I can’t remember getting home, was she dead angry with
me?”

“Yeah, she dumped you…” I jumped out of bed…

“What fuck I have to get to her why did she dump me after she
said yes she would marry me?” I began crying like a child, who had
dropped his ice cream on the floor…

“Fuck I was only joking, Sam I was joking sorry, please stop
crying I was pulling your leg!”

“You bastard that was below the belt, was she fine when you
got her home?” Thank fuck I can’t lose her I love her and she has
my heart wrapped so tightly in her hands, I can’t breathe when I
see her and realise she’s mine, oh hell I need her and
soon.

“Yes sorry she was and she is some sort of girl. I may have a
crush on your fiancée bro, here take these she left them for you
and drink that drink there, apparently it’s good to rehydrate you?”
I took the three pills and drank the flat lemon drink, she is so
thoughtful and I bet damned mad at me?

“Umm, join the fucking club. She is off the market and has
been since she met me!” I look and realise he is smiling at me I
look that bad eh?

“Right I’m off to work and Michelle left your wallet under
the mattress, as it seems she knows our Father only too well. She
scribbled a message on your hand too, I’m off and you
stink!”

“I need more sleep, thanks for getting her home in one
piece!” He laughed and left me suffering on the bed. I collapsed
back on it and pass out again.

I wake up in desperate need of a pee and I stumble out of bed
and fall to the floor with a thud, fuck why is it spinning out of
control? I crawl to the toilet and I quite spectacularly throw up,
great I am never drinking again. I stand and try to pee, leaning
against the wall to steady myself, I did this last night too, then
I laugh, I have a flashback, Michelle had to toilet me, and she
held my soldier as I arsed around, happy thoughts. I wash and add
bleach to the stinky mess and flush the toilet, definitely never
drinking to excess ever again!

I look at my hand I have to meet her at two at college, opps
best I try to get ready, I risk a shave and a have a quick shower
apparently I stink? I look at myself in the mirror, who got me in
these pyjamas, Andy? I make my delicate way to the wardrobe and get
a clean pair of boxers and black chinos, fuck this is hard work. My
bloody legs don’t want to go in the bloody things, I manage just
and then grab a tee shirt and shirt, even more bloody obstacles to
get my arms into, it’s taking me forever as I grab the socks I sit
on the bed and attempt to put them on. I lie down and admit defeat
I can’t do this. I remember I was wanking last night who finished
me off? Fuck how did I get home I pray to God it was with Michelle?
Hell I didn’t bring someone else home, no I was with her all night,
and did Andy say we broke up? No…

I have a flashback, (my alcoholic amnesia is a fucker; I
hardly ever remember anything I do after indulging in copious
amounts of alcohol and I consumed loads last night!) I remember the
wank though, and showing her how I did it before her, thank God it
was Michelle, and umm it’s twitchy dick time again, she finished it
for me, my memory is coming back, I hope!

I get the bloody socks on and shoes too, I put the Bally slip
on’s on as I can’t do bloody laces too not today! I put on my watch
and grab for my wallet, shit where is it? I look in the drawers and
on my shelf. Then I get an idea to look under the mattress. Thank
God it’s there. Michelle must have put it there or Andy? I need to
be off, but I need to sober up a little, so drink a couple of cups
of strong coffee, I know I have said this before but I am never
drinking again, ever!

Dad comes downstairs and he looks rougher than me, he has a
shiner and a bruise or two on his forehead, I wonder if he
remembers? He says nothing and fucks off, I laugh his eyes are a
mess and she has broken his nose! I need to get to college to pick
her up and quickly, she will be finishing soon, my fiancée, and oh
hell I remembered she agreed to marry me. I have another flashback
remembering her saying she would and I smile. I really need to see
her and as I arrive she is screaming abuse at Becks and a bunch of
girls, my baby has a very loud gob! I watch as she kicks and hits
the ball, she’s bloody good as she saves and kicks the balls at the
girls several at a time. Good she has finished and has seen me. Umm
my girl is beautiful…

CHAPTER
12

Waking in the morning, I’m refreshed and strangely happy. I am
engaged and wondering if my fiancé remembers we are? I wondered too
if Sam is awake yet? I doubt he is sober though, how did he get so
drunk? Either way he would be nursing one hell of a headache, come
hangover. Jimmy was getting out of Aunty Allison’s car, as I
arrived at college.

“Are you, all right Jimmy?” He smiled.

“Yes, thanks, can I ask…”

“I won’t tell anyone it’s no one else’s business but yours and
your families. Right exam to be done Jimmy walk this way?” He
laughed.

“Prefer not to, Michelle I’ll walk proper thanks.” Funny
hearing him laugh.

“Your brother was wasted last night, so he may have a
headache, drunken Sam was bloody hard work, was Emma alright this
morning?”

“Yes, she slept really well, and ate her breakfast and was so
different, I have never seen her so happy. Sam was drunk really?
He’s not been wasted in a while, New Year I think, even then he
came home as bloody miserable as sin, his hangover took a couple of
days, he stopped in bed. He’s a funny drunk, cries a lot, after he
comes home, he’s full of sadness because he well he…”

“I know Jimmy, he came back from his nights out full of shame
and regret for the things he did to the girls, believe it or not he
has told me some really bad stuff how he is, hell I mean how he was
a whole load of a man whore. I know Jimmy he told me that first
night, he tells me something’s and hides others, but he’s letting
me in slowly. He will be in a sorry state and boy I’m going to
enjoy tormenting him, wanna join in?” He laughed. He had his arm
over my shoulder when we entered the gym Karen was wide eyed and
smiling, umm dream on Karen.

“See you later, Sister Dearest, oh and you are too, part of
our family, congratulations on the engagement, our Mum loves her
new Daughter.” Oh, my word he actually said that aloud. The wasp
gawped and Tasha smiled, Karen well, what can I say apart from,
thanks Jim Bob.

“Jimmy, that wasn’t common knowledge yet you blabber mouth, he
hasn’t asked Dad yet.” I laughed. Her face was a picture. I did my
maths exam not my best subject in the world because maths and I did
not understand each other at all. When am I going to need to know,
algebra doing cooking? The square root of a leg of lamb, is…? I
laugh Pythagoras isn’t a great help in making an apple pie either,
oh my jokes are shit.

I had a goal keeping practice straight after the exams with
the girls from my old school we share the field and the coach. It
was like yesterdays practice. The girls, including Becks, lined up
and fired away, they had to field off my return shots. After a good
work out and practice, they were focused and if they could beat me
to score, they would do well in the match. They play well and
respond to my instructions. They give me a bloody good work out
too, we finished playing, I had an audience, I ran to the fence, to
meet my lush of a fiancé, if he in fact remembers I said I would
marry him, and as soon as possible.