A Leap of Faith (21 page)

I was actually nervous as the plane touched down at Melbourne airport. I was back home, yet it didn’t feel like home anymore. So much had changed since I left, most of all - me.

Alex and I had taken a late flight, landing just after midnight local time to ensure our arrival would be as low key as possible. DarNell had accompanied us. Even though the need for security was minimal I decided to appease Alex and Chris and allow him to tag along. I did however not relent on the stipulation that his “company” would be non-intrusive and as much as I liked DarNell, he would not be sharing our accommodation, instead he would stay in a nearby hotel. I had arranged a town car to pick us up at the airport and I decided we would spend, at the very least, the first night in my old apartment. The last time Alex and I had been there together, we had ended our relationship and I thought it would be cathartic to exercise those demons and build some better memories for us.

Emma had gone above and beyond in keeping an eye on my old apartment and of all the people I was looking forward to seeing, I was most excited to be reconnecting with her. We had spoken constantly though phone and email but there was a certain aura that Emma radiated that could only be felt by her presence, it recharged my soul.

The car pulled into my old street. Everything looked the same. It was as if time had stood still, untouched by my absence. One thing I noticed was how quiet it was, nothing like the craziness of my new home. It was the first time in a long time I missed my old place. Its tranquillity, its sanctity.

“You look nervous.” Alex wrapped his arms around me as the car came to a stop.

“I regret not inviting you here. Not letting you be with me in my home, holding you at arms length.” I took a deep breath, hesitating before opening the door.

“I’m here now. With you. Let’s not waste any of our time thinking about the past. What matters is our future.” Alex opened the door and took my hand, “I want to lay with you in your bed. Are you going to invite me in?” His eyes gleamed with mischief.

“Alex, would you like to
come
upstairs to my apartment?” I smiled, intending the double meaning.

“Hmmmm, I would like that.” He laughed as he let me lead him up my stairs to my front door.

The lock creaked slightly as I turned the key, its inner workings protesting as if it had almost forgotten its required activity.  The entrance was dark, lit only by the security lighting from the outer hallway corridor. A very slight musky odour mixed with disinfectant permeated the air as we walked through to the main living area. It was evident Emma had visited earlier in the week, cleaning and preparing the apartment for our arrival. I hadn’t asked her to of course, but Emma’s generosity was deeply ingrained. She was one of the few people I knew whose motives were truly altruistic.

DarNell followed closely behind us with our luggage. I turned on the lights as Alex helped DarNell carry our bags to the bedroom. I stood, silently absorbing the spotless yet sober room, the sparsity of the furniture reminding me that this was no longer anyone’s home.

“Lexi, Alex. Anything you need before I head to my hotel?” DarNell re-entered the room, Alex a couple of steps behind him.

“No thank you DarNell, we’re fine.” I smiled as Alex’s arms found their home around my waist.

“Thanks Man, I’ll give you a call in the morning.” Alex released me to shake DarNell’s hand and see him out.

“No problem. I really think you both should consider a hotel though, where I can coordinate with their security team. I don’t feel comfortable with leaving you here.” DarNell hesitated at the door, surveying the surroundings.

“Hardly anyone knows we’re even here DarNell, trust me, I want to keep this trip as under the radar as possible. I think checking into a hotel would pretty much ensure that our arrival is not only announced but flagged to every media agency in the city. You worry too much.” I winked, appreciating his concern despite believing it was unfounded.

“Well Lexi, I believe that it’s in my job description. Let me know if you change your mind.” DarNell nodded as he closed the door behind him.

“You really do make his job harder than it has to be,” Alex laughed, as his lips gently traced a line along my jaw.

“It’s not intentional Alex, I just don’t see there is any eminent danger of us staying in my old apartment.” I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but by the same token, the heavy security I now endured due to my change in marital status was taking some getting used to.

“I know Baby, but there are some whack jobs out there. Being with me is going to make you a target for that. In time you will get used to the intrusion of having security and realize it is a small price to pay for your safety.” Alex’s hands trailed down my back.

“Funny thing is that despite my apparent exposure to danger by being with you, this is the safest I’ve ever felt.” I interlocked my hands around Alex’s neck, “It’s by far the happiest I’ve been too.”

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that.” Alex removed my hands from his neck and kissed my fingers. My recent confession about my past was clearly a trigger for Alex’s need to reassure me.  “I don’t want you to ever hold things back from me. To ever be afraid. I will never hurt you Lexi.”

Alex’s firm gaze focused on me, his amazing eyes displaying his intent. It astounded me that eyes that could look so clear and carefree could also command such authority.  Alex was no push-over and while he loved and encouraged my independence and strength, he was far from a submissive. He challenged me when he disagreed with me and was not intimated nor emasculated by my attitude. He had made it clear early on that he would call “bullshit” if warranted. It was a partnership where power swayed to and fro and neither of us held all the cards. I love it, I loved being with him, being myself and not having to apologize.

As we walked through the sparse rooms, I remembered the last time I had been in my apartment. It had been here that I had told Alex I didn’t want him, it had been here I was willing to forgo happiness because of fear, it had been here I had mourned his loss. The nights consumed by sadness which preceded my departure came rushing back to me, they lingered in the walls, like ghosts.

I led Alex to my old room and while a smile curved on my lips, it wasn’t sex I had in mind. My confessions of my past still fresh in our minds, it was closeness I craved. We shucked our clothes and crawled under my pillowy quilt, our bodies resuming their usual sleeping positions; intertwined, a mess of arms and legs. The comfort of knowing Alex was there instantly putting me at ease.

“You giving me a reprieve tonight?” Alex laughed as I snuggled against his chest.

“Don’t make it sound like you aren’t a willing participant, Stone!” I smirked as I kissed his firm smooth skin.

“Always willing, but I love holding you just as much. I’m glad I finally got to lay here with you, in your old bed. The last time I was here I thought that chance had disappeared and yet here we are. I will never take this for granted Lexi.” Alex’s eyes engaged me.

I ran my fingers along the strong angles of his face, his eyes closing under the gentle sweepings of my touch. I could tell the past few days were weighing on him and he felt the need to reassure me. I felt that need too, only to reassure him that I was ok, that I was still the same Lexi.

“I love you Alex and whatever I had to go through in the past to ensure that you came into my life, I would happily do it again. No matter how difficult it was.”

Alex swallowed hard as he looked into my eyes, “I’m too selfish to say I don’t deserve you and I’ll thank whatever force brought us together.”

~~~~~~~

The b
uzzing of my phone woke me. My arms and legs stiff from our awkward sleeping position.

“Don’t answer it.” Alex warned as his eyes slid open, his body still intertwined with mine.

“It might be important Alex, I can’t just stop answering my phone!” I protested as I stretched an arm out to my nightstand to retrieve it. Pins and needles travelled through my hand to my fingers.

I didn’t even bother checking the phone number but noticed it was 8 a.m. “Lexi Reed” I answered my voice still croaky from being asleep.

“Hi Sweetie. It’s Mum” My mother’s cheery “phone voice” filled my ear.

“Hey Mum, it’s a little early. I was going to call you later.” I was not in the mood for fake pleasantries this early in the morning.

“Well Lexi,
you
had said you want to get together while you were visiting. I’m just trying to find out when. Your father and I are both busy people. I just can’t drop everything because you decide to come home.” Yep that didn’t take long, what was that 30 seconds before my mother threw a little dig in there? Why was I doing this again?

I looked over at Alex, his beautiful messed up “morning” hair making him even more attractive. I ran my fingers along his amazing angled jaw allowing the rough stubble to prickle my fingers and I smiled. I was doing this for him.

“Well Mum, seeing as you are so busy. When would be good for you? I really don’t have any plans I can’t move around.” I tried not to sound as acrimonious as I felt.

“Well Lexi, would tonight suit you? Are you coming alone or is your husband coming with you?” My mother’s tone sharpened, she knew his name, this was just her way of getting under my skin.

“Yes Mum, tonight is fine and yes, Alex will be joining me.” I refused to be baited, if I was going to get through dinner with my family I was going to have to let this shit slide. It was one night, I could put up with their unpleasantness for one night.

“Good.” My mother relaxed once she’d gotten her own way, “We’ll see you around seven. Bye Sweetie.”

Ughhhhh I never understood how a term of endearment could make your skin crawl but hearing those words, devoid of sincerity made me want to puke.

“Hmmm maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all?” Alex’s brow scrunched with concern.

“I’m not calling her back and
cancelling. We are doing this, trust me - it will be like a bandaid...you just got rip it off real quick.” I smiled as I smoothed his frown lines with my fingers.

“God, I love your smile.” Alex ran his fingers across my lips, “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep you smiling.”

“Well I can think of a few things you could do...” I smirked.

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Just a few? Wow I must be slipping.”

My phone again vibrated noisy on the bed.

“Answer it and then I’m confiscating it for the rest of the morning,” Alex teased as he handed it to me.

“Fine, one more call!” I conceded, accepting the phone. “Lexi Reed.”

“Lexi!” Emma gasped, “I wasn’t expecting you to pick up, I was going to leave a message! And what’s with the Reed business?! I thought you were changing your name to Stone?”

“Hey Emz.” I couldn’t help but smile, “My mother already woke me and I’m keeping Reed professionally, so relax.... you can still address my Christmas cards to Lexi Stone.”  I winked as Alex nodded approvingly.

I had no issue taking his last name, but no one knew Lexi
Stone except that she was Alex Stone’s wife and I didn’t want that to define me, so I opted to keep Reed for work. This also meant that I didn’t have to go around and change everything as well. I wasn’t really into the whole hyphenating thing so I was just going to juggle the two names.

“Well seeing as you are awake, I was wondering if I could stop by? I’m desperate to see you. I’ll bring breakfast. I could be there in an hour?” I could hear Emma was hopeful I would say yes.

“Of course, I’d love to see you. Just give me some time to get
decent
,” I joked, wondering if I could squeeze in a little time to be indecent as well.

Emma laughed loudly, “Yes please. I’m still not used to seeing Alex as your husband, let alone half naked in your apartment.
It still sounds unbelievable saying it. He’s beautiful Lexi and no one less than perfect would have been good enough to be your husband.”

Despite Emma knowing me for many years, she refused to see my flaws or imperfections. She had been unperturbed by my questionable
I history, accepting my life choices regardless of how they differed from her own. Emma never judged me; she was one of my oldest and dearest friends. She was one of things I missed most about living over the other side of the world.

“That’s such a nice thing to say Em. I’ve missed you! See you soon.” I ended the call, with an amused Alex holding out his hand for my phone.

“Ok, Ok! Here!” I handed over my iPhone despite hesitations.

“So. What did Emma have to say? Other than I assume it’s going to mean I have to put clothes on sooner than I had intended.” Alex’s mouth twitched into a grin.

“She is bringing breakfast, but I have no objection to you remaining naked. She also said you were beautiful and the perfect husband for me,” I paraphrased.

Alex shook his head and let out a throaty laugh, “Beautiful? That’s not really what a guy wants to hear. But, the husband part... she couldn’t be more right.”

“So we have around fifty minutes… You
up
for a challenge?” I traced his impeccably defined abdominal muscles with my fingertips.