A Late Divorce (29 page)

—No. Of course it's not your fault. But I feel you're an old hand ... you may be young, but you're very experienced...

—No. Forgive me ... it's just that, I'm telling you ... that the boundaries ... and I'm a child next to your experience ... the boundaries are all gone ... it's like a wall has fallen inside me ... there aren't any rules anymore. And I'm afraid to ask too much, because the more I'll know, the more frightened I'll become. Who would have thought a few months ago that I could be jealous of you? I thought it was just some sexual adventure ... a little bit of action ... but it's already gone far beyond that. If it hadn't, everything would be all right now ... but I fell for you ... and now I want you locked up in a room...

—I swear I don't know. I'm attracted to your whole family by now. I was very pleased that you took me to see your mother in the hospital. It touched me that you weren't ashamed to let me see her or the two of you together. Your whole story ... you know, your father intrigues me too ... what's happening to me? Have I fallen in love with you? Can that be? Tell me, you know better than I do. I know I'm not your first ... maybe you even have a few other Refa'el Calderons in a few other banks ... can that be? You're killing me. What do you want from me? Is it just the money? Tell me. You can't just say nothing now. And don't smile...

—No. Inside you. I feel that you're laughing at me all the time there.

—It's crazy for me to be talking like this. And it's almost morning.

—Right.

—But how did you spot me? Flow did you know? You only saw me once or twice in the bank, and you already knew that I had it in me. And then when we went out for lunch you put your hand on my pants with such assurance. How did you know? I've already asked you that, but you've never really given me an answer.

—No, no, I won't bring that up again.

—Yes. I beg your pardon. I've gone too far.

—Fine.

—All right. All right.

—I won't say another word.

—No.

—Right.

—Maybe.

—No.

—Yes. You see, what I've told you about the bank verges on a criminal offense. If they found out about it they'd bust me right away to some small branch—and they'd be right. Bleicher is always warning us about leaks ... what counts most in all these transactions is the element of surprise ... because as soon as the word gets out, you've lost your whole edge. That's why he's lucky to be surrounded by us Sephardim. He knows we can be trusted to keep our mouths shut.

—No. No, I'm not prejudiced ... wait a minute ... you misunderstood me...

—No. He said that himself. That ... that...

—No. But it's an attitude. He's right. If he knew that I had relations with you ... that I could be blackmailed...

—No, try to understand...

—No, please try to understand...

—No. I didn't mean that. Forgive me.

—No. Forgive me, my dearest ... my darling...

—You keep telling me that and I hear every word and I believe you. I want to believe you. But you have to understand. Even if I don't say anything, I'm watching you just like my wife is.

—One minute ... one minute ... listen to me, my dear ... it's not as though you had a real job...

—No ... one minute ... oh God ... what really is that investment company of yours? It's nothing. I've looked into it...

—One minute ... I'm begging you to listen to me. I'm falling off my feet. Go ahead and reassure me if you can. Go right ahead...

—That doesn't matter. But you have no capital. And who is this Gilat character that you work for? A bank joke. A man who juggles a few stocks here and there to create an optical illusion. Not that I mind, but...

—Hold on a minute. Listen to me.

—I know all that. I know. But believe me, I'm a specialist in these things. I know all about them. And I've seen more than one of these little investment companies come and go like flies. There's no future in them.

—I didn't say criminal. I said no future, which comes close to criminality. Not that it's any of my business. It's just that I keep asking myself ... it worries me sick that maybe you took up with me ... that it's all ... because otherwise why should you ... with an old, worn-out man like me ... I even have wrinkles...

—No ... just a minute ... but maybe you're trying to milk me for...

—Inside information. Hold on. Just tell me. I don't care. I never said I wouldn't give it to you. Just tell me if that's what you're after. I don't care. I'll tell you everything, whatever you ask for...

—No. I beg your pardon. Just a minute...

—Yes, shhh ... excuse me, I'll lower my voice ... but what do you need all that for? I can get you a good job in one of our branches. You wouldn't start with a high salary, but you'd be well placed and I'd see to it that you were promoted. I'd take terrific care of you from high up. Stick with me and I'll look after you like my own son ... because that's how I feel about you ... as though you were ... you're the right age, after all ... but there I go again...

—Yes. I'm going right away.

—No. I'm going. I've already ruined your night. My dearest ... my love ... my desire ... oh God, look how I'm ranting at the mouth. I don't know what's happening to me, running around like this in the middle of the night—me, who used to be in bed at nine-thirty, after the evening news, and in my pajamas by eight. I can't go on like this. I beg your pardon, I swore I'd never cry in front of you and here I am doing it again ... I'm on the verge of tears all the time ... Hold it, don't move!

—Don't move! He's really there.

—I just saw him!

—The mouse ha ha ha.

—Yes. He ran behind you, by the stove. I swear he stopped to look at us. You were right.

—Hold it, don't move! Don't frighten him. By God, he's a big one. Maybe it's a rat. Or a very old mouse. He was looking at me...

—He's in the stove, or behind it, ha ha ha.

—Why do I find it so funny...?

—You thought he was in the closet. But they like stoves.

—I guess the heat doesn't bother them.

—You need a trap and a piece of cheese.

—Leave it to me.

—Me too. But it's the killing that I mind, not the catching. I'll come to spend a night here and catch him for you. It's a real mouse ha ha...

—A really big one. I don't know why it makes me laugh. Ha ha ha ha. A mouse...

—Yes, shhh ... I'll be going now. What would you say before that though to a little ... it would suit my desperate mood splendidly ... I could really go for it now ... we'll make it quick and quiet...

—Your father? Yes ... but...

—I understand.

—Quietly ... it would just take a minute or two...

—I understand. But suppose we closed the door. He's fast asleep.

—No. I understand. All right.

—I could do it by myself. If you'd just let me do it by myself ... you can even fall asleep beside me. All I need is your hand...

—It won't take me long. I'll be quiet. I need it so badly now ... What?

—You just have to let me lie next to you. I only need to see you ... even in your pajamas ... you needn't undress ... you won't even feel me ... I'll be like a bird. This whole night has given me the most awful passion ... I have it so bad ... I feel all shook up by it. What a terrible age to be! It's like you're feeling the beginning of the end. There's an impatience with things ... I can understand your father so well. And it's not just physical. It's an actual psychological need ... what do you say?

—I don't want to pressure you.

—Never mind. You're killing me. You'll kill me in the end, but never mind. In the end I'll come down with some terrible illness ... I can feel it in my bones ... or else I'll end up like your mother...

—All right. All right. You've been putting me off for a week now. And afterwards you'll be tied up with your father.

—I'll live. I just thought...

—It's been at her brother's house for the last thirty years. The whole family gets together. I'm petrified that they'll guess right away that something is wrong. I can see already that it's going to be a very hard seder for me. And I'll have to sing too. It gets longer and longer every year, because her brother keeps getting more religious. Well, never mind...

—Right.

—Yes...

—Never mind.

—I've been one my whole life, haven't I?

—My whole life ... never mind...

—No. I mean that I've been a good fellow all my life. I've been a decent husband, a wonderful father, a devoted uncle, a conscientious member of the clan—and now that I want a small time-out for myself, everyone is furious with me. Tsvi? You're asleep...

—Yes, you are.

—It's almost three. Get into bed. I'll take a rain check. I'll just stay on a while longer with that ha ha ha mouse of yours. Maybe I'll discover where his hole is. It looks like he's moved in with you. Get into bed, tum out the light ... I'll sit by myself in the dark...

—What?

—At the bank. Why do you ask?

—Phone me at the bank. And if you want those shares, just let me know. I'll take out an option for you.

—Fine. We'll talk about it tomorrow. I mean today. Don't forget that it's Friday. I quit work at one.

—When?

—You want me to wait for you downstairs? I know where it is.

—No problem.

—Let's leave it open. I'm dying to know what you do with him. What you talk about. Is it ever about me?

—I understand. Do you think he could see me sometime too?

—All right. It's something to think about. Try to find out.

—All day?

—When is he going back?

—No. To America.

—Shhh. How can you talk like that?

—Don't expect me to believe you.

—What???

—How can you talk like that? Just the thought of it! If words could kill, there wouldn't be a living soul left in this world. You're groggy. Go to bed. I won't be working on the day of the seder. If you'd like, I can drive you up north.

—That morning.

—Think it over. I'll be glad to do it.

—All right. Now go to sleep. We'll at least be in touch by phone. Thank you for having sat up with me. For being so patient. You're so good to me. I swear, I knocked just like a little bird and you woke up right away...

—Go to sleep. You have some hard days ahead of you.

—Never mind, turn out the light. I have the key. I'll lock up when I go. Don't you remember giving it to me a month ago?

—I know I returned it. But I made myself a duplicate.

—In case you might be sick or something and couldn't get out of bed.

—Let me keep it. It makes me feel better about you. I'll never let myself in when you're not here. You can have it back whenever you want.

—Yes.

—No.

—Maybe.

—Fine.

—Don't worry. I won't touch you. Maybe sitting here and thinking will calm me down. I've become like a child again. I'm having a second childhood...

—Good night, my dear. Until tomorrow. Just let me give you one hug ... one kiss...

 

—It's not Tsvi, Mr. Kaminka, but it's all right.

—It's all right, Mr. Kaminka. I'm a friend of his. Tsvi knows that I'm here.

—He's asleep now, but it's all right. We were just having a chat.

—No. Who's Yosef? I'm Refa'el Calderon. He's never mentioned me? We do business together.

—No. I work in a bank.

—I was just passing by and dropped in to chat.

—Refa'el Calderon. I dropped by to help him with something ... with a mouse...

—No, don't be alarmed. There's a mouse here ha ha ha. We just saw him a few minutes ago. Tsvi's known about him for several days, but wasn't sure where he was hiding. So I told him the best thing was to wait for him at night, in the dark. He's a little squeamish, and I don't mind such things. I grew up in the old Jewish quarter of Jerusalem—we were used to mice there...

—Yes, a real mouse. It's nothing to be scared of. If you ask me, it's an old one that may have been living here for a long time. It's odd, though, how it should have managed to get up here ... because you're on the third floor...

—A dog?

—Ah, the dog we saw there. I remember him.

—In the hospital.

—I drove Tsvi up there on Tuesday.

—Calderon. Refa'el Calderon.

—No. I didn't take part in their conversation. I was standing off to one side. It was then that I noticed the dog. A big fat one with a tawny coat.

—Yes. Exactly. I thought it was some hospital dog that she had gotten friendly with.

—It lived here? Then you couldn't have had a mouse. A dog would have gotten it.

—Of course. How long has this apartment been yours, if I may be so free as...

—Well now, that's quite a while. But please, don't let me bother you. It's very late, and there's nothing to catch a mouse with now anyway.

—Nearly three o'clock.... How's that?

—Your wife? In what way?

—No. I was off to the side and didn't hear anything. I know nothing about it ... What's that?

—Yes. Tsvi had spoken of it vaguely ... you've come to separate.

—Begging your pardon?

—Yes. To get divorced. Something of the sort. I didn't really discuss it with him. I just drove him up there because the public transportation is so poor.

—In what way?

—I didn't notice anything. She talked sensibly enough. In fact, at first I didn't even know where I was taking Tsvi. I thought it was to some home for the elderly or something ... I don't know the northern part of the country at all...