A Kiss Remembered (12 page)

“And that first time set a pattern,” Shelley said intuitively.

“Precisely. I found myself squiring one of Washington’s prettiest young unattached women for the convenience of her lover. Either I’d pick her up at their rendezvous and take her home in the wee hours, or she’d get a cab. Either way, people drew the conclusion that it was I she was seeing and not the congressman with the lovely wife and three children.”

Grant’s disgust with the congressman was apparent. Obvious also was his disgust over his own culpability. “What happened?” she asked softly. “Why did Missy commit suicide?”

“The usual. She was pregnant and the congressman was furious when she told him. All along she’d foolishly expected him to leave his wife for her. I’d warned her for months that she was whistling in the dark, but she refused to listen. She called me from their secret apartment. When I got there she was disconsolate. He’d told her he’d arrange for a quiet abortion but that was all she could expect from him. When I dropped her at home, I advised her to go to bed and sleep on it. The next morning, she was dead.”

She laid her hand on his. “Why didn’t you tell anyone about this when you were unjustly accused and fired from your job? If you’d gone to the senator quietly and told him, wouldn’t he have believed you?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. If I hadn’t named the guilty party, he might have thought I was making the whole thing up to protect myself. And if I had told him who the other man was, the senator might very well have confronted him. I would have enjoyed seeing the congressman get his comeuppance, but I didn’t want to destroy his wife and kids. They were the only true innocents in the whole mess. Even Missy was old enough to know that you have to pay the piper.”

“Few men would have done what you did, take the blame for something you didn’t do.”

He laughed harshly. “Don’t pin any medals on me, Shelley. At that point my actions were guided by apathy, not integrity. I was fed up with the duplicity, the backbiting. If my colleagues believed I could be so callous, then I wanted no more to do with them. They were ready, even eager, to believe me guilty of destroying that girl’s life. I just didn’t give a damn anymore what they thought of me.” He paused, and his vulnerability touched her heart.

“I went to Washington with stars in my eyes, with an almost fanatical respect for the government and the men who ran it. I found out in a short time that they’re just men like the rest of us, with all the frailties of human nature. I came away feeling I was above all that.” He fixed her with his gray-green eyes and said softly, “But I’m no better than any of them.”

He pulled her to her feet and guided her around the small table until she stood in front of him. He clasped both her hands in his. “If you had come into my class a married woman, I doubt if it would have made any difference to me. Seeing you after ten years of separation, mature and more beautiful than ever, I wouldn’t have let a husband stand in the way of my wanting you. I’d have done anything, said anything, to bring about what happened between us last night.”

She touched the silver hair at his temples. Her voice vibrated with emotion. “You wouldn’t have had to try very hard. Thank heaven I wasn’t placed in the dilemma of having to choose between you and a husband. I’m not sure morality would have entered into my decision either.”

“Your husband didn’t appreciate the woman you are, Shelley. I know. I could tell by your surprised responses last night.”

She smiled fondly at his male vanity. “If you mean he didn’t love me well, you’re right. He never loved my breasts with his mouth. He kissed them sometimes, but never as much as I wanted and never like you do.” She never knew where this streak of uncharacteristic boldness came from, but she felt no self-consciousness about saying such things to him. “He didn’t tickle the backs of my knees with his tongue, or talk to me when we were making love or snuggle afterward. He wasn’t able to bring me to fulfillment, and he never forgave me for that. You did. All through the night.”

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing the palm fervently. “Thank you for telling me that, Shelley. God, I wanted that to be the case. By your startled reaction, it seemed so. I
hoped
so. I’m a selfish bastard, but if I couldn’t have your virginity, I wanted that.”

She outlined the sculpted lines of his mouth with a loving finger. “The taking of my virginity meant nothing. It was painful for me, an act executed without love or tenderness. Last night was …” Her eyes searched the walls of the tiny kitchen as though she’d find the abstract idea she was searching for emblazoned on the walls. “Birth. I became a woman.”

His eyes were filled with emotion. “I love you.”

“I love you.” She repeated his words softly. Then, because they had been withheld for ten years, she repeated them with more emphasis.

He drew her toward him and laid his head heavily on her breasts. Her arms enfolded his head and held it against her. For long moments they maintained that position, savoring their spoken avowals of love. When he raised his head his eyes issued an open invitation. “All this talk of knee kissing, etcetera, has made me … ah …” With deft hands, he untied the belt of his robe from around her narrow waist. The sides of the garment fell free, giving him an unrestricted view of her nakedness.

His hands stroked up the backs of her thighs beneath the robe while he lowered his head again and opened his mouth over her navel. His tongue delved into the soft indentation and he muttered, “Think you could get in the mood?” Were she not already quivering with desire, his mouth, hot and wet and urgent on her stomach, would have been strongly convincing. His hands cupped her derriere, lifting, tilting.

“I have a confession,” she mumbled. “I thought of it before you did.”

“Don’t count on it.”

“Let’s go upstairs.”

“Let’s stay here.”

He caught her off guard and before she knew what had happened, he had drawn her onto his lap. “Grant,” she breathed, wide-eyed. “I’ve never …”

He winked mischievously, quite pleased with himself, as he yanked free the knot of the drawstring at his waist.

“You’ve always been … ah, Shelley … an excellent student, a fast … yes, that’s it … learner,” he strained to say through clenched teeth as she demonstrated an uncanny aptitude for innovation. She sheathed him with her dewy warmth and moved wantonly.

“You’re … a good … instructor.”

The dry, uninteresting contents of the finance textbook she was studying wouldn’t register. For an hour she had tried to absorb the information she was reading, but her mind wasn’t on it and her eyes seemed bent on wandering to the man sitting across the room, concentrating on the book resting in his lap.

She loved him so much, she was barely able to contain it. Grant’s sexuality and her response to him stunned her. Daryl, well acquainted with the mechanics of human sexuality, had known nothing of romance, of a loving technique. He wouldn’t have recognized the woman who had unabashedly participated in every act of loving with Grant as the same woman who had lain beneath him, apathetic and listless. It would crush him to know what a lousy lover he was. The thought gave her a perverse pleasure.

“You’re staring.” Grant’s quietly spoken words brought her out of her daze and she made a face at him as he raised his eyes from his book.

“I’m studying.”

“Uh-huh,” he said with obvious disbelief.

“I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t interrupt me again,” she said primly. He grinned before going back to his own reading.

The weather, which was still cold and rainy, had encouraged them to stay indoors. They had returned to his bed after clearing the kitchen of their breakfast dishes. Sleeping for a while had refreshed them, but they’d agreed to be lazy for the remainder of the day. Each was jealous of this precious time they had been granted and didn’t want anything to intrude on it.

She had reluctantly told him she had a finance exam to study for. As he had to prepare his lectures for the coming week, they’d agreed to take two hours away from each other and study. As they stood in the middle of the room they played out a leave-taking scene that would have rivaled a tear-jerking movie.

“Let’s sit together on the couch.” He kissed her ear, his tongue detailing the outer rim.

“No. We’d never get our studying done and that would only prolong the misery.”

“I promise not to touch.”

“But I can’t promise.” She slipped her hands underneath his shirt and flattened her palms over his chest.

“But I’ll be sitting way over there,” he complained. “I’ll miss you.”

“It wouldn’t work.” She sighed, unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his chest.

“Are you afraid I’ll distract you? Do something like this?” He dipped his head and flicked his tongue across her nipple. She was wearing an old shirt of his. He had convinced her she didn’t want to dress in her stuffy suit again. With the shirt, which had the long sleeves rolled up to her elbows, she wore a pair of his white sport socks that came to just beneath her knees. The long shirttail reached to the middle of her thigh, providing only a modicum of protection.

When he pulled back, the soft cotton was wet where his mouth had been. “Or something distracting like this?” His fingers combed down her stomach, inched under the shirttail and found the dark V at the top of her thighs.

“Oh, Grant,” she groaned and, with a supreme act of will, pushed him away. “Go!”

“Killjoy,” he grumbled, but he went to the opposite end of the room and sank into a chair.

Now, over an hour later, she still knew no more about the exam material than she had earlier. Even at this distance, he continued to divert her. All she could concentrate on was his loving, the way his lips and hands could bring her to an apex of sensual excitement she’d never imagined. She should have guessed it would be this way between them. Hadn’t the kiss of ten years ago, that forbidden kiss that had refused to be banished from her mind, hinted that no man would ever love her as he did?

She thought of the past affectionately. Of the future, she thought not at all. It frightened her. For where would they go from here? She wanted him. But devoting herself to a man was something she’d sworn never to do again. She loathed that person she had become when she was married to Daryl, for she’d lost her individuality. She had been a dim shadow, existing without nucleus, soul, or spirit. Never again.

Grant had said that he loved her. But for how long? He hadn’t spoken of a commitment. Was she only a tonic he was taking to restore himself after his debacle in Washington? Once healed, how would he feel about her?

“Now you’re staring and frowning,” he teased.

She blinked until he came into focus and her frown faded into a contented smile. If there was no future for them, she wasn’t going to dwell on that fact in the present. She wasn’t going to waste the time they had now ruminating about what might be.

“I’m sorry,” she said, surrendering and slamming her book shut. “I was just thinking about the abysmal grade I’m going to make on that exam, and how it will be all your fault.”

Having waited impatiently for the merest invitation from her, he vaulted out of his chair and came to stretch out beside her on the couch. “You might have to settle for a ‘B.’” He claimed her mouth with a scorching kiss.

“Did you get your lectures outlined?” she managed to say when he at last released her mouth.

He ignored her and began kissing her neck. Her throat arched gracefully to allow him access. “I’ve been thinking. I may switch over to teaching anatomy and physiology. We’d have a helluva time doing research. You’d make straight ‘A’s.”

“Would I?” she asked, her voice coming from deep in her throat. He had worked free the buttons on the shirt and was caressing her breasts tenderly. Cupping one, he lifted it slightly and closed his lips around the dusky crest.

“Um-huh,” he hummed, not lifting his mouth, but tugging on her with exquisite sweetness.

Her hands slid down his back and curved over his jean-clad hips. At her encouragement, he settled himself between her thighs. With fumbling motions, she grappled with the fastener of his jeans. “Grant … ?”

“Yes, my love, yes …”

They froze when the doorbell pealed loudly.

He put his forehead against hers and let out a long sigh. The doorbell rang a second time. He looked down into her face apologetically. “Don’t move,” he commanded, levering himself off the couch and resnapping his jeans as he crossed to the door. He opened it no more than a few inches.

“Yes?” he barked.

A seductive giggle preceded Pru Zimmerman into the room. “Is that any way to greet a … friend?”

She turned toward the startled Grant before she could see Shelley, who was curled into the corner of the sofa, her feet tucked under her. She had hastily rebuttoned the shirt, though the fabric was twisted around her thighs in a telltale fashion.

Grant hadn’t taken time to rebutton his shirt and Pru audaciously slid her fingers up and down the buttonholes as she said, “I came by to ask you about some extra reading. I didn’t do as well on that test as I had hoped to.”

Shelley couldn’t believe the girl’s gall. Her sweater was much too tight. Her breasts were unconfined, the nipples obvious through the knit. She moved closer to Grant with a swaying motion and tilted her head at an angle she no doubt thought irresistible. When her hand slipped into his open shirt, Shelley was seized by a fierce jealousy and cried out in anger.

At the same time, Grant’s viselike fingers closed around the girl’s wrist and jerked her hand away from him.

Pru whipped around toward Shelley and met her turbulent blue eyes. She took in Shelley’s dishabille at a glance. Fury thinned her petulant lips and narrowed her calculating eyes.

“Miss Zimmerman, I’m asking you politely not to come here or call again. Anything you have to see me about can be seen to in the classroom.” Grant held himself rigid. Shelley suspected that if he’d let himself go, he would have throttled the young woman.

“Don’t be ridiculous,
Mr. Chapman
. You know why I came here.”

“Then I find your behavior not only rude, but offensive. I don’t need to remind you that you’re my student, nothing more.”