A Kiss of Lies (20 page)

Christian shook his head. “No. Regardless of my childish jealousy, my rationale for leaving is sound. The longer I stay away, the more damage Barforte can do.” He drank the rest of the brandy before adding, “I need to get back to England and confront Harriet. If I face her, maybe she’ll recant her foul lies.”

For an instant he wondered why Sebastian looked relieved at his decision to leave. But he was too caught up in his own emotions to spend any time on the thought.

Sebastian nodded in agreement. “That was certainly Grayson’s impression. He gave me strict instructions to send you home immediately. I selfishly wanted you to stay awhile to ease my boredom. It would seem we both have apologies to offer each other. I shall miss you, even if you are acting like a possessive fool. This is why I avoid love.”

Christian looked sheepish. “When I get home I’ll help Hadley with your appeal. It’s the least I can do for making such an ass of myself.”

“I have to agree with your analysis about Barforte and the damage he’ll inflict. Harriet holds the key to all of this. However, I’m also worried that whoever killed Carla might also go after your witness. Harriet could be in danger.”

“Damn. You’re right. I’ve wasted too much time in Canada already. I can’t stay here any longer, even if I wanted to.”

“Grayson is keeping a watchful eye on Harriet. He has mentioned his concern over Harriet’s safety to the Duke, but Barforte has disregarded it. The Duke still believes you’re the guilty party. Some of Grayson’s men are providing discreet protection for his daughter.”

“I already owe Grayson my life. I don’t have anything else to give him.”

Sebastian looked out into the dimly lit garden. “Grayson feels responsible for your burns.” He poured more brandy down his throat.

“He’s not. I chose to go with him to silence the French cannon. It could have been he who became trapped.”

“You should tell him that. The guilt’s eating him alive.”

Christian stood. “I’ve told him that countless times. Perhaps if he sees me settled and
happy, it will vanquish his unnecessary guilt.” He moved and stood in the doorway, staring up the staircase. “Speaking of the future and happiness, how do you suppose I can win back Sarah’s trust?”

“Tell her the truth. Tell her what you thought you saw. Perhaps she’ll understand then.”

Christian sighed and put his glass on the sideboard just inside the dining room door. “She’ll understand. But will she forgive? She abhors violence. She’ll not easily overlook aggression, and my temper truly frightened her.”

Sebastian stood beside him. “Then you’ll just have to earn her trust once more. It will be hard, but the rewards will be sweet. I almost envy you.”

Christian turned to his friend. “At least on board the
Doreen
, she’ll find it difficult to avoid me.” It was only then that he saw Margarita hovering expectantly near Sebastian’s study. He looked at his friend, amused. So that was the way of things. No wonder he did not bother with Sarah. He hugged his friend. “Will I see you before we depart?”

Sebastian inclined his head, signaling to Margarita as she stood in the hall. She slipped inside his study. “Probably not, my friend. I hate goodbyes. Don’t let Hadley forget about me.”

“I won’t. I hope to see you in England soon.” He turned and began making his way up the stairs. “Say thank you to Margarita for me. She’s made Lily and Sarah feel quite welcome. But not as welcome as you, it would seem!”

Sebastian’s soft chuckle followed him up the stairs.

Christian halted outside Sarah’s door. The urge to enter and beg her for forgiveness made every muscle in his body tighten, but now was not the time.

He’d said at the beginning that the seduction of Sarah would take patience. Having to be patient hurt him greatly, but the need to see her was physical torture.

If it meant winning Sarah, it was one burden he’d stoically bear.

Sarah paced her bedchamber. She kept her hands clasped firmly behind her back, knowing she’d bite her fingernails to the quick if they got anywhere near her mouth.

What to do? What to do? What to do?

Christian had a temper. He’d frightened her tonight.

She could refuse to travel tomorrow. She could be a coward and stay here. Sebastian would help her if she asked. The only problem was, she’d already formed a close bond with Lily.
Lily would not understand. She’d be hurt yet again. Someone else was going to desert her.

Lily also filled a hole in Sarah’s life. While running from her past, while fleeing toward Canada, she’d known the life she’d always wanted was forfeit. There would be no husband, no children, and no loving family. Yet, since looking after Lily, her future seemed not so bleak. Suddenly she could see a chance at belonging, a chance at, if not having a child of her own, at least having a substitute one. She had Lily now.

She would love Lily as if she were her own.

However, the Christian at the table this evening was a stranger. He had been filled with anger and hate. His temper had been barely disguised by a veneer of respectability. How destructive could his temper get? Sarah had sworn never to put herself in harm’s way again.

When hatching her plan to travel back to England as governess to Lord Markham’s ward, she’d never fully considered how tenuous a relationship with an employer could be. She needed stability, especially as it would be dangerous for her to seek employment elsewhere. Once at his estate, if he learned how vulnerable she was, she would be at his mercy. Trapped, unable to turn to the law or indeed anyone for help, she would always be dogged by the fear of being arrested.

Sarah had thought she’d chosen well, that fate had sent her to Christian. She’d thought she knew him, the war hero whom the
ton
used to love. But did she know the real man underneath? The man who hid under the scars and heroic veneer?

She would be alone on his ship, with his crew, a long way out to sea. Memories of her horror-filled voyage to Virginia following her marriage made her stomach churn. The nausea she’d lived with most of her married life left her feeling terrified. She couldn’t go through a voyage or experiences like that again. She’d been kept a virtual sex slave in their cabin. Her husband demanded that his customary rights be available constantly. He’d not let her out of bed until she’d gotten sick with cabin fever. Finally, after two torturous weeks, she’d been allowed up on deck for sun and fresh air.

It had been the start of her eighteen-month nightmare. A nightmare she’d escaped by creating another nightmare. She’d become a murderess …

A small, persistent whisper in her head told her Christian wouldn’t treat her like Peter had. Unless … What if she upset him? What if she declined his attentions? After allowing him to pleasure her last night, would he expect to be able to bed her at his whim? No! She’d not allow it. With her husband dead, only she owned her body.

Her stomach knotted further, and she sank onto the corner of the bed. The memory of the night she’d fled her husband and Sean, her husband’s overseer … The images were more vivid when she closed her eyes. Zachary had saved her just in time. Onboard the ship, could she rely on Christian? She’d rather die than let herself be exposed to a violent temper again.

Would Christian force her if she refused him? She doubted it, but could she take the chance? In the dining room, he’d behaved like any nobleman stymied in his quest to get whatever it was he wanted. Most of the peerage did not understand the word “no.” They did not respect the word “no.”

For the first time since leaving York, she questioned her plan. She didn’t really know Christian Trent, the Earl of Markham. She’d only ever seen him from afar. She’d formed a picture of an honorable hero, but who was he really? He’d admitted that he’d been accused of rape. What if it was true?

She needed to speak with Sebastian. He would know the truth about the allegations, and he wouldn’t lie to her. Sebastian had sworn that Christian would never hurt her. Would he? She needed to understand the inexplicable change in Christian’s behavior. What could be the cause of his temper tantrum this evening?

If Sebastian thought it was safe to sail with Christian, she’d continue on with the voyage.

She jumped to her feet, the need to find Sebastian as soon as possible propelling her toward the door. With her hand on the latch she halted. Damn. She’d have to wait until Christian went to bed. Sarah leaned on the door and pressed her ear against it. She doubted the men would be too late. She’d seen Margarita skulking in the shadows and knew the housekeeper was waiting for Sebastian.

If Sarah wasn’t mistaken, Margarita held more than the position of housekeeper in Sebastian’s household. She was a beautiful woman. Her chocolate-colored skin, jet-black hair, and eyes the same emerald green as Christian’s gave her an exotic look. Every man looked at Margarita when she walked by.

You’d have to be blind not to catch the looks shared between master and servant. Sebastian’s lust-filled gaze followed Margarita’s every step, and her eyes sparkled with blazing desire in return.

Sarah envied the couple. No one else in the household seemed to mind. The affair would be frowned upon in England. Household staff were a vicious and jealous lot—one of the reasons
she could not be a governess and Lord Markham’s paramour. It would cause too much talk, and anyone envious of her position could cause trouble. If they chose to dig into her past …

Hearing no sound from the corridor, she opened the door—and stifled a scream as she stepped directly into a solid mass of muscled heat.

Christian!

He caught her and held her lightly. He immediately dropped his hands from her person when she gave a distressed cry and tried to pull away.

“I’m sorry if I startled you. I’ve come to apologize for my boorish behavior this evening. If it’s any consolation, I feel like an idiot.”

She stepped back into her room, all senses wary of his sudden contrition.

“May I come in and explain?”

She was about to shake her head, but his eyes, reminding her of a lost puppy’s, tugged at her heart. Would it hurt her to listen?

“You may enter, but the door stays open.”

“Of course.” He entered her room and moved to the windows. He stood with his back to her, his hands moving nervously, his shoulders tense. Why didn’t he speak? What was he waiting for? Perhaps he was still trying to find an excuse?

“When I came back from town this afternoon, I was informed you were still down at the beach.”

Sarah barely managed to stop the “Oh, no!” from slipping out of her mouth. He’d seen her with Sebastian! Understanding dawned bright on her face. He turned at her muffled squeak of comprehension.

An elegant eyebrow rose. “Precisely! When I saw Sebastian walk naked—”

“Naked? He was never naked.” She felt heat flare in her face. “At least, not while I was present.”

“I didn’t know that. I—”

She finished for him. “Jumped to the wrong conclusion.” He nodded. “Your display of bad manners this evening was what, jealousy?” she asked incredulously.

Christian’s face flooded with color, and he looked sheepish. “I thought what we shared the other evening was special. When I thought you’d been with Sebastian I was shocked, hurt, and angry. I thought you did not feel the same about …”

Anger slid over her, hanging about her body for protection. “You obviously think very little of me if you thought I could share myself so readily with another man one night after allowing you into my bed.” The room reverberated with the harsh, accusatory tones of her voice. “Did you think my reluctance and terror at intimacy were all an act?”

He turned his face toward her and struggled to express himself. “Since my burns, no woman has willingly shared my bed. I have to pay them. Even then they usually have to fill themselves with alcohol in order to bear my touch. I could not—” He paused, and she could see his Adam’s apple moving. “I still cannot believe you welcomed me into your bed, especially given the circumstances.” His shoulders straightened and he stood tall. “I am telling you this to gain not your pity or forgiveness but your understanding.”

And just like that, he crushed her bitter anger into little pieces. She’d been focused on her hurt and her injuries, but it appeared his injuries ran just as deep. His scars hid deeper internal wounds that he kept hidden from the world. He was a proud man, and she realized what it had cost him to admit this to her.

She reached out and stroked the battle-injured face, the face she could very easily learn to love. “The fact that I gave myself to you and trusted you not to hurt me should have told you how much I value your friendship. Didn’t that make you wonder why a man like Sebastian would appeal to me?”

He ran a finger under his cravat. “I used to be a man like Sebastian. I know what appeals to him.”

“I’m talking about me.”

He hung his head, reminding her of a naughty schoolboy. “I didn’t consider your feelings. A man with Sebastian’s experience knows how to seduce. And you’re a beautiful woman.”

She sighed. “Even I can see Sebastian has eyes only for Margarita.”

He looked even more sheepish. “I only noticed that tonight. I’d been too busy noticing you to see what was before me. I’m sorry.”

Heat flared in her cheeks. Inwardly she was flattered he noticed her more than a woman as beautiful as Margarita. “Apology accepted.” She saw relief wash over his handsome features, although he still looked nervous. She added, “Your behavior tonight proves that perhaps we are moving into our relationship too fast. You obviously don’t know me.” She shivered. “Unlike
consummate rakes, I could never—that is, I would never—have an affair with more than one man at a time.”

“I should have known that about you. In fact, I did know that about you. I’m not sure what came over me.” Sauntering over to the daybed under the opened windows, he sat, resting his elbows on his knees, placing his chin on his fists. “I have the Markham temper. I’ve too much of my father in me. I’ve always kept my anger on a tight rein, and up until today, I’d always taken pride in my ability to control my emotions.”