A Kiss of Lies (11 page)

“Why do you think my husband, as soon as we’d married, took me away from England, away from anyone I knew? It was too late.”

He jumped to his feet, feeling caged and impotent. She’d been hurt, ill-treated, and God knew what else by her husband, a man who was supposed to love, cherish, and honor her. No wonder she was skittish about trusting a man.

In a blinding revelation, he knew he wanted to be the man she came to trust. She was too young to spend the rest of her life alone—scared of intimacy, scared to commit to another. He knew, for he’d faced the same thing himself. He doubted he could marry any of the ladies of the
ton
. Who would choose him over a man who was whole? Over a man who could be looked at in the bright sunlight and admired and desired?

He wanted to heal her and prove that not all men were like her husband. It would be both the easiest and hardest of tasks. Easy for him, because she was desirable beyond words; hard,
because he was no longer the attractive rake he once had been. His face and upper body were twisted and disfigured. He could no longer simply smile and have a woman thinking of how good he’d look naked.

But Sarah was an intelligent woman. Surely she knew there was more to “relations” than the treatment she had received at her callous husband’s hands. Winning Sarah’s trust would be a prize in itself. To teach her about pleasure would heal them both. He knew it. He felt sexual tension fill him at the mere possibility.

He moved closer. “I’ll protect you.” He slid a finger down her soft cheek. “I’d never hurt you, nor allow anyone to hurt you ever again.”

His words meant more to her than he knew, but Christian had no idea what he was offering to protect her from, or the danger he could face in doing so. She saw the pity and understanding in his eyes, and it was almost her undoing. It would be so easy to step into his arms and feel safe.

Instead, she turned her back on him.

When he moved to stand directly behind her, Sarah tensed, feeling his presence like a tangible caress. This scene in the main cabin was too intimate, yet she couldn’t resist the traitorous warmth rising within her at his nearness. “I have no need of protection, except perhaps from you.”

He made no move to step away. “Are you really so afraid I would treat you as your husband did?”

She gazed over her shoulder into his sad eyes and shivered. “No. I know you’d never hurt me. I’m too important to Lily.” His mouth firmed into a grim and angry line. “Sorry. That was uncalled for. I know you’d never hurt anyone.”

The gentle sway of the ship, the soft sea breeze, and the light of the full moon made the room appear magical. Her instincts were on a reckless path, her skin felt oversensitive, and her body was a mass of tingles and feverish longing. Why did he affect her so?

Then Christian touched her. His fingers threaded themselves in her hair, pulling down the neat chignon she wore. Feeling her breath falter, Sarah wondered if this was in fact a dream. Had she gone to bed earlier and was merely dreaming this? But no, his hand moved on, his fingertips tracing the shell-like shape of her ear, leaving a trail of exciting sensations in their wake.

As his thumb traced around her jawline and found her parted lips, her breath fled
altogether. Words that would halt his arousing touch died in her throat and she stood mute, simply unable to utter a sound.

For the first time in her life she felt on fire from a man’s touch. Her blood pumped hot and fast through her veins in her rising excitement.

Both his hands found their way into her hair, pulling at her tresses until they flowed freely, and then moving to the bare skin of her shoulders. The neckline of her linen dress was low enough to expose the swellings of her aroused breasts. She’d put on such daring attire because of the heat, she had told herself, but now she knew she’d only been fooling herself. Wasn’t this what she’d been angling for all along? She knew he would desire her thus attired.

Perhaps his touch could heal her as much as her touch soothed him. Would he be able to help her overcome her fears and forget her sordid past experiences?

When his arms slid around her, his roughened palms stroking the bare flesh of her arms, she gave no resistance. Still she gave none as his fingers swept over the swell of her breasts and found their peaks beneath the thin linen of her bodice and chemise.

She should stop him.

“I can make you forget …”

Swept up in the moment, she truly believed him.

He caught her nipples between his fingers, and with the gentle pressure he applied to them, he sent a torrent of fire raging through her body. At the same time, he pushed the trailing strands of hair off her shoulder and pressed his lips to the curve of her neck, the touch both hot and tender. Her knees weakened, and the ache in the pit of her stomach intensified sharply.

He was right. Already she was forgetting everything: who she was, where they were, why this was wrong. She was simply allowing the magic of his touch to seduce her. She was helpless to fight it. She didn’t even want to fight it!

Sarah had never known passion before, but as they embraced, she found that his body was like a safety beacon at the entrance to a harbor on a storm-tossed night. If Christian wished to make love to her, here, now, she feared she wouldn’t have the sense to stop him. She’d never felt a man’s tenderness before, had never experienced the kind of ecstasy his hands and voice were promising her. It would be so easy to fall totally under Christian’s spell.

She desperately wished she could lose herself in his arms. She wanted him to show her the kind of carnal bliss she’d never experienced in her anguished and brutal married life.

He was kneading her breasts so slowly and exquisitely that the pleasure nearly melted her. She could feel the quivering in her limbs, her legs almost unable to hold her upright.

“You heat my blood with an undeniable craving,” he whispered hoarsely.

She craved him in return. He filled her with a hopeful longing she scarcely had dreamed would ever come true. To feel the worshiping touch of such a lover, a man who would cherish her and keep her safe forever …

Lost in the dream, she was barely aware that Christian was pulling at the bodice of her gown, ripping at the fabric of her chemise. The light breeze from the open windows teased her aching, bare breasts. Without pause, his thumbs moved in a maddeningly light caress over the hardened tips, making her shudder with desire.

He seemed content to merely pet her, as if anything else would frighten her away. For the first time in a very long time she wasn’t frightened, and she had no intention of fleeing. How could she? Her entire body was aroused. His hands grew bolder, stroking the swollen globes, flicking the throbbing crests, cupping and teasing the buds with expert skill.

An unbearable ache spread down from her stomach, to between her thighs. Sarah arched her back, seeking something more intangible, thrusting her breasts against his skillful hands. At her movement, her buttocks came into contact with the hardened shaft of his arousal, proof of his own desire for her.

She groaned into the stillness of the cabin.

She felt him shudder, and one hand tightened on her breast while the other moved downward, his palm stroking over her ribcage and lower … over her stomach … and yet lower still, to the juncture of her thighs. His heat seared her skin through the cloth; his hand came to rest over her mound with his fingers probing determinedly through the linen of her skirts.

At this, Sarah’s crooning cries of pleasure echoed in the night as she arched helplessly against him …

Her breathy whimpers and sultry pleading inflamed Christian’s desire until he was consumed with a driving need to possess her. Yet he knew he could not rush her.

The feel of her buttocks pressing so tantalizingly against him made his member throb painfully in the tight confines of his breeches. Unable to resist, he turned Sarah in his arms and lowered his head to taste her skin.

Never had a woman driven him to such a maddening need so quickly. He bent her gently over his arm and his lips sought her breasts. He let his tongue glide around her taut peaks; he could feel her body almost humming as he licked closer and closer to her hardened tips. Her moans grew more urgent in the silence of the cabin. She arched back further, forcing her breasts closer to his mouth, silently pleading. Finally he gave her what her body was demanding. His mouth covered her and he suckled a turgid nipple, rolling his tongue around and over it in his mouth, suckling greedily until he was sure he’d mark her skin.

But he had an even fiercer urge to explore the rest of her silken skin and taste the sweet essence between her thighs. The thought of her lying naked before him, every inch of her ivory skin exposed to his touch and taste, her pale thighs open in welcome for him, was gnawing hungrily at him …

He could feel her tremors burn through him in exquisite torture. He wanted her as badly as he’d wanted any woman in his life. But he wanted her pleasure more. He wanted her to know, feel, and experience the ecstasy of his lovemaking. He wanted Sarah moaning beneath him, sheathing him in her wet heat, hearing her cries as she orgasmed, before finally sending him spiraling into his own release.

Unable to help himself, Christian tore his mouth from her body and cried out, his voice almost a plea, “God, I want you!”

She heard the note of desperation in his voice. He was nearing the point of no return. He wanted her so badly, so desperately … Normally she was afraid of a man’s arousal. Her husband had hurt her when he came to her bed. Even now her body tensed at those raw memories.

But she knew Christian had a reputation as a magnificent lover. She’d heard the ladies of
the
ton
talk. They spoke of his size and stamina, his ability to bring a woman to orgasm over and over again before he gave himself to his own release, and his reputed skill with both hands and tongue.

Prior to her wedding she hadn’t really understood much of what had been said. Even now she had no idea what an orgasm felt like. The ladies referred to it as the “little death.” What had occurred in her husband’s bed felt like death, certainly, but she was sure this was not what they had meant, because when they spoke of it their faces flushed and their eyes took on a dreamy, faraway look.

Besides, having seen his behavior toward Lily and those in the Pearson household, she sensed he was a protector at heart. He would not hurt her.

If she trusted him enough, he would introduce her to passion. Perhaps even wipe out the degrading and incapacitating memories of her husband’s treatment from her mind. Maybe then she’d become whole again.

He was watching her with emerald eyes so dark they almost looked black. She could feel his arousal pulse against her stomach and then, just like that, the old fear returned.

Not only fear of the physical act they were spiraling out of control toward, but fear about her future, her position, her need to remain hidden, and the need not to draw any attention to herself. Becoming Lord Markham’s mistress would undoubtedly set tongues wagging because of his reputation as the disfigured infamous war hero. She couldn’t afford to draw that kind of interest upon herself.

He saw her withdrawal before she had to speak. He reluctantly let her go and gently pulled up her bodice and helped her tidy her clothing.

“You’re not ready to trust me. But I promise you, Sarah, if you give yourself to me, you’ll not suffer in my bed. In fact, I’m sure I can boldly state you’ll thoroughly enjoy yourself.”

She didn’t hesitate. “I’m sure you’re right, my lord. However, as I pointed out earlier, I’m not looking to become a man’s mistress. Once I journey down that path, I’d have no other option but to continue to slide down it. The next man who becomes my protector may not be of such a kind disposition. I’m a governess, and a governess I shall remain.”

She watched him fight with himself over the implications. Finally he drew a deep breath. “You are right. My apologies. I simply hate to see you decide upon a life of loneliness when, with the right man, sex can be exquisite, rewarding, and pleasurable.” He ran his fingers through
her hair. “You deserve more.”

She reached up and kissed his scarred cheek. “Thank you. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to take that step—with the right man. But that is not you, Christian.”

He paled, and sadness filled his face. “Because I’m so hideous to look at, do I make you more afraid?”

“No!” she cried. She grabbed his arm. “No! How can you think that? If I didn’t care about my reputation, if I was free to do so, I would be honored to become your paramour. But that is another of life’s dreams that I must forgo.”

“Why?” he urged. “Why can we not simply be lovers?”

She turned away from him. It would be so easy to say yes, to forget the penalties of being exposed. “I can’t because of the scandal. If it became known that I was your mistress … I can’t risk it. Think of Lily’s reputation too. I could no longer be her governess. Lily would lose another person she’s just come to know and trust.” She swung around to face him. “I won’t risk it. Can you forgive me? I’m sorry if I have given you the wrong impression.”

He picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. He pressed a kiss on her knuckles before letting her hand drop back to her side. “There is nothing to forgive. I am thankful to have found Lily such a wonderful governess, and a friend to make my voyage more enjoyable. I hope the events of this evening will not stop you from playing chess with me again.”

She smiled. “It would make for a very tedious voyage if I couldn’t beat you at chess every night.”

He laughed, the tension of the moment broken. “I swear, by the time this voyage ends I shall beat you.”

“You’d best hope it’s a long voyage, then.”

With a twinkle in his eye, he replied, “I already do!”

She blushed and decided to change the topic. “I have something for you that might help you. I noticed that your right shoulder pains you.”

He nodded slowly.

“I obtained some liniment from Mr. Pearson’s groom before I left. They use it on horses when they strain a muscle. It doesn’t smell particularly pleasant, but my father used something like this in winter after a hard day in the garden. It should help ease the stiffness.”