A Kiss of Fire: A Kiss of Magic Book 2 (25 page)

Her loyalty was touching, but Ariana suspected the girl’s heart was being sorely abused because of it. And after all, wasn’t it the heart that should come first?

Ariana stilled inside her own skin. She had not put her heart first. She had thought she was doing so by putting her people, whom she loved first, but it was becoming more and more clear to her that it was not what her true heart had wanted.

“If you don’t mind me saying so, my lady, I think you do miss him. I think you miss him a great deal more than you are letting on.”

Ariana’s eyes suddenly burned and she had to look away to conceal them from her maid.

“I admit I miss his strength and his quality of character. He was a far more remarkable man then I ever gave him credit for before this…this journey into Kilt.” She did not call it a kidnapping any longer. She couldn’t view it as such. It had been more like a forced diplomatic mission…where she had learned so much that she had changed her entire perspective about a people she had so sorely misunderstood.

“And as a lover? You do not miss him at all?” Mariah persisted.

Again she looked away from Mariah’s too keen sight. She thought of Sin’s hands on her body, his mouth on her skin. She thought of his touch invading every corner of her body so erotically she had quickly grown addicted. She remembered the feel of him hard inside of her and her body responded to the memory. She flushed hot all over.

“I…” She couldn’t make herself deny him again. Not when she was standing there warmed by the memory of his passion. She could no longer lie to herself or to others. “I do miss him,” she admitted at last, her throat aching. “More than words can say.”

“Tch,” Mariah clucked consolingly as she crossed the room and took her mistress into her arms. Mariah’s compassion acted like a valve release and tears suddenly began to flow down her cheeks.

“I don’t know what’s the matter with me!” she cried into the other woman’s ear. “I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t seem to make myself stop.”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t try so hard to deny it,” Mariah said wisely. “Perhaps by admitting it will ease the ache of it.”

“Perhaps,” Ariana said, pulling away from Mariah and wiping her eyes.

“Come. Have your bath. It will make you feel better.”

It didn’t make her feel better. Instead she found herself weeping into the soapy bubbles of her bathwater. She was frustrated with herself for doing so. There was nothing to be done about it. Crying wasn't going to help matters. She was simply not the sort to sit about crying “woe is me”. She took charge of her feelings. Took charge of her life. The trouble was, she didn’t know how to do that just then. She had no solution.

Ariana arose from her bath and stepped out onto the tiled floor and suddenly, inexplicably, the world tilted off its axis and she had to grab for Mariah to keep from falling. Mariah guided her weight until she was sitting on the cold tiled floor. She felt sick to her stomach.

“Should I fetch a doctor?” Mariah asked worriedly.

“No. I’ll be all right. I just need a minute. I stood up too fast is all.”

Mariah bit her lip, then she ventured, “You have not had your moon’s cycle since we left Kilt.”

Ariana felt her heart stop in her chest. Her breathing froze. She couldn’t possibly mean…?

It was possible, she realized with dread. While in Kilt she had not had access to her usual methods of preventing conception. She could very easily be carrying Sin’s child.

Oh no! That would make everything so much worse than it already was! Perhaps the public could accept a bastard child, but the bastard child of such a hated man? Her child would grow up vilified. She did not want that. She could not have that.

That meant one of two things must be done. She must either marry and have someone claim Sin’s child as their own…or she could rid herself of the child by contacting a midwife who knew how to do such things.

Both choices made her sick. She could not stomach the idea of marrying anyone…and the thought of destroying a child of Sin’s was horrific.

There was a third option. She could give birth to the child then let it live its life in Kilt where it would not be so hated. It would be heir to a great kingdom if it was a male child…and if it was a female it would be doted on by its father. Sin would love a girl just as much as he would love a boy.

But that would mean living apart from her child for all the rest of her days. Letting a child grow up without a mother…unless Sin married another and that woman took the child in as her own.

Again there was that white-hot flare of jealousy. Another woman in Sin’s arms? Another woman raising
her
child? It was not to be borne. It could not be tolerated.

Yet she had no rights to Sin. No right to keep him from finding another woman. She had no rights at all.

“No. It is merely stress,” Ariana said aloud for Mariah. “My cycle is sensitive to the stresses in my life.”

Mariah looked dubious but instead she said, “You must be right.”

They both knew that no amount of kidding themselves would work if indeed it were true.

Ariana got to her feet after a minute and with Mariah’s help made it to her dressing room. She sat before her vanity and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was wet, the curls lying lankly against her chest and collarbone. Her face was pale and thin, her eyes looking too large for her head. She felt awkward in her own body and now that the idea of being pregnant had entered her head, she couldn’t think of anything else.

She kept thinking about how wonderful it would be to carry and then hold Sin’s child. She had never had the urge to be a mother before this, so the desire took her by surprise. Then it began to make an incredible impact on her that it wasn’t just any child that was inspiring her. It was Sin’s child. The baby they had created out of their…love? Was it love? Did she love Sin?

She couldn’t tell. She had never been in love before. Had never been driven to make choices based on feelings alone. She had always controlled her life with a cool, thoughtful head. She did not give in to passionate emotions.

But she had given in to her passion with Sin. He had made her see what it was they could have together. But she had turned her back on it. On him. Would he ever forgive her for that?

What did his forgiveness matter?
she asked herself angrily. She would never see him again. Why should she care if he forgave her for leaving?

There was a sudden rapping at the door. Hurried and frantic. Mariah hurried to answer it and a page stepped inside the room.

“My lady, Triumvir Hittite and Triumvir Felone want to see you right away. There is a delegation from Kilt just arrived!”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Ariana leapt up out of her chair, then had to grip the edge of her vanity to steady herself as the room spun around her once more. She righted herself, swallowing down the nausea that followed hot on its heels.

“Is it him?” she demanded to know.

“Who?” the page asked dumbly.

“
Is it Raja Sin?
” she all but shouted at him.

“I-I don’t know my lady. I was just sent to tell you—“

“Go. Tell them I am on my way. I just need a minute.” This last she whispered to herself. The page left the room with all due haste and Mariah hurried to her side.

“I must get dressed. Quickly. Whatever gown is handy.  No! Wait. The blue one. The midnight blue satin. Then come dress my hair. Quickly!”

Ariana had to sit down, her heart was thundering so hard in her chest. What was he doing coming to her like this? Felone and Hittite were well within their rights to see him taken captive and thrown in jail for his crimes against their leader. She did not want that. She had been unable to adequately described the progression she had gone through from captive to lover to Jutsin and Mason. All they knew was that she held no ill will toward Sin and she would not see their associations with Kilt tarnished by this one unfortunate incident. Trade and peace between them was paramount. She would not have Sin or the Kiltian people punished for what had been a very punishable offense.

Ariana arose from her seat only briefly to dress herself, then reseated herself so Mariah could put up her hair.

“Quickly!” she scolded the girl, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. She wanted to run to him. To fly down these halls and into his arms again. But she could not do that. She must maintain her decorum. She must see what it was that he wanted.

All she could think of was:
Can he ever forgive me
?

Mariah had barely tucked the last pin in her hair before she was up and hurrying down the hallway. The page had neglected to say where they were, but she suspected they would be in the capitol parlor, the room in which they entertained heads of state from all walks of life when not at a formal ball or dinner. She reached the doorway to the parlor, stopped herself and took a deep breath. Then, as gracefully and composed as she could be, she swept into the parlor.

The first people she saw was Jutsin and Mason. Both men were facing the entrance she had come in by. The entire Kiltian delegation was between them, their backs to her entrance. Her gaze swept over the heights and shoulders of the delegation and in an instant she knew he wasn’t there.

Her disappointment was crushing. So much so she could barely breathe as Jutsin caught sight of her.

“Ah. Here she is,” he said, moving through the delegates and reaching to take her hand. The Kiltians all turned and she saw their faces. She recognized every single one of them. Most notably was Lindo. The enigmatic Jadoc shaman was never far from Sin’s side and she took heart in that fact. If he was there, then Sin was not too far away. Or, she realized, that was what she hoped.

“Triumvir Colla,” Lindo greeted her with a very respectful bow of his head and shoulders. It was such a formal greeting, as though those weeks in Kilt had never happened for her.

But they
had
happened.

“Lindo,” she returned the greeting. She had never discovered what his formal title was.

“Envoy Lindo,” he supplied for her. He did not smile, but his eyes were light with kindness and sympathy.

“Envoy, what brings you here to us?” she asked.
Please let it be that he wants me still. Even though there is no hope for it, let it be that he wants me.

“I come with a formal request from Raja Sin.” Here Lindo hesitated as he shifted his glance between all three triumvirs. “He wishes to pay court to Triumvir Colla publicly and properly.”

He did want her! Oh the relief of it went so deep. So deep that she couldn’t ignore the feelings.

“I say, that’s preposterous!” Jutsin exploded. “After what he’s done? To come in here and ask to pay court to the woman he kidnapped and dragged off halfway across the continent?”

“Raja Sin abducted the triumvir in the custom of our people. Now he wishes to court the triumvir in the custom of
her
people.”

“And if she refuses?” Mason asked darkly.

“I have been asked not to leave here without her consent. I will be here for quite some time then I imagine.”

Mason scoffed. “The nerve of the man. Still trying to bully us. Well it won’t work. This time he isn’t getting what he wants. It would serve no purpose in any event. The purpose of a courting is with the intention of marriage in the end. Such a joining would be impossible.”

“Why?” Ariana asked softly.

All of the men turned to her, questioning looks on their faces.

“Ariana, surely you’re not considering—”, Jutsin began.

“Why does he want to pay court? Does he give you his reasons?” she asked.

Lindo let one corner of his lips curl up. “I would not presume to know the heart of the raja. However, I think he has made it very clear what his feelings are for you. He only wishes to pay you respects until such time as you come to feel the same for him.”

“Of all the unmitigated gall of the man!” Jutsin cried.

“My master merely knows his own heart and is unafraid to declare it and pursue his desires. Can you say the same, my lady?”

She could not. All she did know was that she wanted to see him again. More than anything. But Mason was right. There would be no ultimate solution for them if they embarked on a formal courting.

She realized then that she didn’t care. Once again he was bullying her, flaunting his desires in her face and demanding she acknowledge them. But this time she did not find them offensive. She found them charming. She found them to be so endearingly Sin.

“Is he here?” she asked breathlessly. “In Capitol City?”

“He is here,” Lindo confirmed.

“Tell him I accept his suit.”

“
What
?” Mason and Jutsin exploded in unison.

“Are you out of your mind?” Mason asked. “The people will never accept—“

“I don’t give a damn about the people!” she cried, shocking herself as well as her fellow triumvirs. “I am tired of doing what the people demand of me! They have been my keepers for much too long. It is time I do something for my own pleasure and peace of mind. Envoy Lindo, return to your master and tell him I accept his suit wholeheartedly. With all the enthusiasm I can muster. Jutsin, you can make the formal announcement to the papers. We should see the fallout from this as quickly as possible. The sooner the idea is out among the people the sooner they will get used to it. Meanwhile, we will house your delegation in the guest quarters, Envoy Lindo. I will not have you in the city where you might become victims to hostile sentiment.”