A Kiss of Color: The Complete 3 Book Collection (25 page)

When she thought about it, Helena merely sighed, trying not to fall prey to the gnawing pain of longing. Would it really take so much for Xavier to find someone else? The man was successful, intelligent…devastatingly good-looking…

Biting her lip, Helena clicked from the screen where she’d been going over some notes at the front desk to take a peek at a recent press release from an event pertaining to XTech’s recent merger. The picture above the text was a large image of Xavier, his long form clad impeccably in a dark navy suit. The young woman touched the computer screen longingly. She could still feel the slight scrape of the stubble on his cheeks and the fullness of his lips against her throat, her shoulder, her belly…and beyond…

That was another startling caveat of being pregnant.

Helena was suddenly much too aroused for her own good…
all
the time. While she liked to think she’d had a fairly healthy sex drive before, pregnancy had popped the lid off something she didn’t know if she could contain. Just the memory of how Xavier had touched her was enough to reduce her to a panting, writhing mess – not convenient for public situations.

Even now, she rubbed her thighs together beneath the desk, remembering a particular occasion upon which the man had come home from a trying day at the office and had demanded that she spread her legs for his mouth until he felt better.

It had taken a long…long…
long
time.

Helena whimpered softly, her fingers clenching the arms of the desk-chair in which she sat as she tried to calm herself. These little interludes were wreaking havoc with her concentration. Which she needed now more than ever.

“Heya, Helena.”

Jumping, the dark-skinned woman turned in her chair to see Elliot bent over just behind her, his smile slightly sheepish.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

The man never failed to startle her, honestly. Despite his size, Elliot could somehow move around the office like a goddamn ninja. She’d come out of a patient’s room, or merely turn around in the narrow hallway, and he’d be right there – practically on top of her. As many times as Miranda expressed her jealousy over the positions Helena found herself in with Elliot, the elder woman was careful to express that she never relished them.

In fact, there was still something about Elliot that made her feel distinctly uneasy. His smile was genuine enough, and there was a sort of rugged handsomeness about him, but she didn’t like how he could just get on top of her like that. The man invaded her personal space on a near daily basis, and thought she knew he was just trying to be friendly, it was…unnerving.

Add to that the fact that he seemed to be obsessed with everything she did - he followed her even more than he did their supposed mentor, Dr. Forge, which Helena found inherently strange. Wasn’t the point of their internship for them to be learning from a full-fledged MD? She was still a student, and felt uncomfortable with his adulation. “You’re fine, Elliot.” She managed with a small smile, struggling to tamp down her raging libido. A part of her was worried that Elliot would somehow smell her arousal.

The man gave off a distinctly predator vibe. “What’s up?”

“I came to give you these requests for bloodwork to run to the lab upstairs.” He held out a stack of papers to her. “Susan needs them for this afternoon.”

“Oh.” The young woman breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Helena waited with bated breath for the man to move off, and when he didn’t she groaned inwardly. He wanted something else from her. At this particular moment, she didn’t feel like being interrogated. She’d basically told the man everything about her studying technique, the way she went about her surgical trials, what she wanted to do with her MD, and everything else that could be associated with their degrees.

That left only the personal stuff, and honestly, at this point in her life, Helena didn’t feel like divulging anything terribly personal to someone she barely knew from Adam.

“Helena?” She had turned her back to him and was furtively pretending to be busy when he spoke again.

“Mm?”

“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some dinner or something when we’re done today. I know you’re working really hard…and that things have been difficult for you recently. Maybe we could just wind down together?”

He knew things had been hard for her recently so he was hitting on her? Helena swallowed a sigh of exasperation. This was the last thing she needed at this particular moment. She also happened to think that Elliot might be a little out of his mind.

She was damaged goods. Five months pregnant and struggling to make ends meet as she adjusted to life without the support of the man she loved. And that was without even getting into her past – something, she realized, that she could probably never do with anyone else but Xavier. He had coaxed her insecurities from her and soothed them away with all that he was. He’d made her believe in herself, and believe in them together.

And she didn’t know if she could ever have that again.

“Not tonight, Elliot.” She turned in her chair just enough to make sure that her words sounded sincere. “I’ve got a test to study for and…” She cupped the swell of her abdomen tenderly. “I think the baby might be a little antsy.” That might have been a lie, but she liked to remind the man that she was, in fact, pregnant.

That he was
hitting
on a pregnant woman.

Elliot’s returning smile was forced. “Got it. No problem. You should get some rest, then.”

“Yeah, I will.”

She breathed a sigh of relief once the man had gone, her fingers coming to rest on the keyboard. Helena couldn’t pinpoint exactly why Elliot made her feel so uncomfortable. Susan seemed to like him, and Miranda was very occupied with trying to get into his pants; but he seemed to have eyes only for her.

It would, unfortunately, be a long time before Helena was ready for that kind of attention again – if ever. She owed her child every bit of her devotion and, now, she wondered if that meant that she would never take another lover.

Or even if she wanted to.

She honestly didn’t know if she could. Xavier had claimed her so thoroughly…so completely…

Damn
.

Really not the appropriate time to think about these things.

Biting her lip, Helena swallowed her arousal and tried to get back to work, going over files for the next day’s appointments. She would be home in a few hours and then, she could…take care of her problem. Until then, she was just going to have to deal with being uncomfortable.

She left the office late that night, tired and craving something ridiculous. In the small amount of spare time she could find, she’d begun reading up on the changes pregnancy made to the body and found that her cravings weren’t so terribly strange. Ice cream, sausage, pickles…it seemed like every time she went to the grocery store, it was a new adventure.

As she reached her car and began to unlock it, a low, unexpected tone made her jump.

“Hey, Helena.”

The young woman turned on her heel, stumbling and nearly falling before a pair of strong arms caught her, steadying her.

It was Elliot. She might have guessed – but even so, the realization made her jerk away from him in surprise. The man had left the office a good two hours ago at the end of his shift. Did that mean that he’d…come back? Or even more intimidating, waited two hours for her to finish? She didn’t know which idea disturbed her more – or why she was so damn scared of the man. He’d never made any move to hurt her. Xavier was also a good deal bigger than her and she’d never been so frightened of him.

“Elliot? What are you doing here?” She gazed up at him warily. The dusky shadows of the evening had thrown his face into sharp relief; and, Helena realized, given his already frightening features a sharper edge.

“Well, I stayed in the neighborhood for a drink or two after work and decided to come back and check on you – just to make sure that you got to your car alright.”

While his tone seemed sincere, the very fact that he had memorized her schedule was, at the very least, a little disturbing. “I’m fine, Elliot. Thanks for checking on me.” She tried to inject as much genuine appreciation as she could into her words. Helena wasn’t quite sure what would happen if she did anything else.

“You sure you don’t need me to follow you home? I know men here can be…a little bit pushy.”

Like he was being?

“I’m fine, Elliot. Thanks.” Helena was tense as she slid into the driver’s seat, adjusting her round stomach behind the wheel. A part of her was pleased that Xavier’s baby, for all intents and purposes, seemed to be growing just as large as his father. Other times, she simply cursed her shrinking clothes and expanding waistline.

The young woman struggled to keep her smile enthusiastic as Elliot rounded to her side of the car. His own grin had turned into something a bit more intimidating as he took hold of the driver’s side door to close it. “You know, Helena,” He murmured, before leaning in slightly to address her. “I’ll always keep you safe. You never have to worry when you’re around me.”

A small shiver passed down the woman’s spine as Elliot slowly closed the door, enclosing her in the small space of her car. As he backed away, his gaze remained on hers – right up until the point that Helena stared straight ahead, pulling out of the parking lot and into the street.

As she drove away, she tried to shake the shivers her co-worker had given her. Who told people things like that? That she would always be safe with him…Why the hell would she ever, rationally, think she wasn’t? Miranda had told her that perhaps his comments had something to do with men being naturally inclined to protect pregnant women, even if the baby wasn’t theirs. This, of course, she managed in between lamenting that Elliot wasn’t paying
her
more attention. In Helena’s book, if the young woman wanted more of Elliot’s particular brand of attention, she was welcome to it. The big man was far too interested in her herself – while she still clung to the idea of the lover she had lost like a lifeline.

Once Helena walked into her modest two bedroom apartment and dropped her keys on the counter, she collapsed with a sigh onto one of the sofas, careful of her slightly swollen stomach.

At times, the acute pain that Xavier’s memories brought with him still carried the threat of tears. Even now, five months along, having never heard from the man in the wake of their fight, and afraid to answer Brandy’s phone calls, she found herself in a weird kind of limbo. On the one hand, she thought it would be best if she could just forget Xavier altogether.

Her rational brain, however, mocked the stupidity of the notion. Xavier had taught her more about herself than she’d ever known. He’d been the first man to make love to her, to accept her despite the past that had almost ruined her, and to love her, even though she’d been scared she might never love him back.

He was the most beautiful man she’d ever met, inside and out, and when push came to shove, she wasn’t sure that she could ever give up that notion. It was too easy to close her eyes and imagine him coming home to her – kissing her so hotly that she forgot her own name…and, increasingly, now, she found herself imagining what he would be like as a father to their child.

During the first few weeks of her pregnancy, the young woman told herself that she would tell Xavier about the baby before it was born. She knew how much she’d hurt him with her then-resolute decision to abort it, and he deserved as much right to their child as she did. As her stomach grew more and more round, however, Helena knew that it wouldn’t be as easy as that.

She couldn’t just tell Xavier that he had a child and then expect him to be happy with half custody. The man would be a wonderful father, she knew, and she didn’t want to deny him anything. The fact that she could imagine him here and now, with his ear to her stomach and a grand smile, should speak enough to that fact. Where she once could never have imagined having a child at all, she now couldn’t picture denying that child its father.

Xavier would be angry with her, she knew, for not being honest about her plans for the baby. She would have to figure out how to handle that in due time. For the moment, she was just preoccupied with staying on top of her classwork up until the time that she was due. She’d already put in for maternity leave and been approved, so hopefully, she would have absorbed enough that whizzing through her surgical trial examinations when she returned wouldn’t be a problem. Susan seemed confident enough in her abilities. Her mentor had even urged her to take her exams early just to get them out of the way, but she didn’t want to rush anything.

Not knowing, when her hormones seemed to be on the fritz and the slightest thing could set her off. For the first time, her own mortality was very present. After all, it wasn’t only herself she was taking care of.

It was her unborn child – Xavier’s child- as well.

**

It had taken longer than he would have thought – to arrange the meeting that Emily had suggested. In the midst of his company’s restructuring, amidst his trying to come to terms with the tentative movers who came to pack Helena’s things and speaking to his sisters as often as they would allow; he tried to come to terms with the idea that perhaps his parents didn’t want to speak with him as much as Emily had attested.

He’d sent messages to them several times, and called another few, only to be told that they – his parents – weren’t available. He’d told Emily and Brandy both about his dilemma, and while his older sister had no viable advice for him, Emily cautioned him to wait. They, she attested, were just as nervous as he was – though he found that exceedingly hard to believe.

His parents, who had ruled over him his entire life, were nervous to speak with him? Wasn’t it they who had always had the upper hand –
they
who had always dangled their support before him like it was something to be earned and not implicit?

But now, none of that mattered – because that afternoon, he was scheduled to speak with them via Skype. In his now woefully empty house, where he wondered if he was ever going to be able to forget the woman who had once filled the void in his chest.