A Kind of Romance (2 page)

“Thank you. How did you know to call me?”

He cocked his head and gave me a funny look. “George talks about you all the time, but of course, he calls you Ezekiel.”

“He’s got a thing against shortening first names.”

“I noticed.”

We shared a halfhearted smile, a symbol of an unlikely kinship between two strangers sharing a burden of concern. A sudden wave of awareness washed over me, the way it did when intuition took on a clairvoyant quality, warning me to pay attention. To what, I didn’t know. Before I could contemplate the absurdity of having any connection to the blue-haired stranger whatsoever, the nurse called my name.

“I have to go. If you’re staying, would you mind looking out for my brother, Abe? He’s about five ten, a little heavy around the middle, and—”

“I know Abe.”

“You do?”

“Sure. I’ve met all your brothers at the store at one time or another. Don’t they live in Brooklyn? George mentioned you were the only one who lived in Manhattan,” Benny said, brushing his blue bangs from his forehead.

The gesture was curiously elegant. I was interested in spite of myself, though the niggling sense of attraction was more bothersome than titillating. Benny was cute. Pretty even, but he was not my type. He was slender and small at maybe five foot eight. That made him easily four inches shorter than my own six feet. Other than the electric-blue fringe in the front, his hair was a dark brown. It offset his light brown eyes, pointed nose, square jaw, and golden skin beautifully. He was effeminate-looking in a way, and yet not obviously so. Something in his voice made me think he was affecting a tone a notch or two below his usual register. But the way he dressed gave him away. The tight black jeans with red Converse sneakers were one thing, but the snug-fitted, white T-shirt depicting a fish on a rod with the words
size matters
was sure advertisement that he was “that” kind of gay.

Benny set his hands on his hips and gave me a lopsided grin that let me know I’d been caught staring. “Well?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, Abe lives in Brooklyn,” I said, stuffing my phone back in my suit pocket distractedly.

He smiled kindly and pointed toward the redheaded nurse waiting nearby. “You should go. I’ll wait for Abe.”

I nodded in acquiescence and at the last second squeezed his shoulder impulsively. It was meant as a gesture of solidarity. An innocent, physical show of appreciation and support. The immediate zing to my fingertips was alarming. I glanced at him again, making sure to linger on his weird T-shirt in an effort to get my balance back. However, the moment our eyes met, I had a notion something was cosmically compromised in my world. How else could I explain the feeling I’d met someone extraordinary?

THE STERILE
smell of the waiting area was nothing compared to the actual emergency room. The pungent odor made my eyes water. I followed Lynn toward a short row of hospital beds surrounded on two sides by blue curtains and prepared to greet my old man with what I hoped passed for an encouraging smile.

Until I saw him.

“Jesus, Dad! What the hell happened?”

My father chuckled softly and patted the space beside him on the single mattress. I ignored the request but moved closer to examine the large bandage covering his entire forehead. The gauze wrapped around his head, sending a shock of white hair sticking straight up. I couldn’t tell if it was the banal hospital gown or the horrible lighting, but Benny was right about Dad’s pallor. He looked… gray. And considerably older than his age.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I bumped my noggin and wound up here. It’s precautionary only, but they want to do some tests. No big deal. How are you, son?”

“Really?” I swiped my hand over my jaw in frustration. It was rather astounding how fast my blood pressure spiked through the roof when I was with my father. The man drove me crazy. “You ask how I am when you’re the guy who looks like an extra in
The Mummy Returns
? I’m just dandy,” I snarked.

Dad shrugged and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he smiled, but it was faded and weak. Benny indicated Dad had fallen after losing consciousness. That couldn’t be good. I’d selfishly hoped there would be some silly story attached to this hospital visit. A simple “I tripped, hit my head, and here I am” followed up with a few compulsory tests to be sure that was the case. Now I didn’t think this was going to be so cut and dry. I was worried. My short, plump, jovial father with twinkling eyes and a smile for everyone looked drawn and worn-out.

I hoped Abe showed up soon. He had a better bedside manner than me. And even in the best of times, Pops and I were like oil and water. I took a deep breath and sat in the lone blue plastic chair next to the bed.

“I’m sorry they bothered you at work. We won’t be long. Two or three tests, then you can take me home. I would have had them call one of your brothers, but apparently I passed out,” he said with a chuckle.

“How is that funny?” I sighed and shifted in the uncomfortable chair.

“It’s not, but your name is first for emergencies because—”

“I’m not married and I don’t have kids. Got it.” I glanced at my watch. Less than five minutes in his company and I was already itching for a cigarette and lamenting the fact I’d quit smoking a year ago. “Abe’s on his way.”

“But Abraham has to help take the kids to school and….”

I tuned him out. I had to. It was a question of maintaining sanity.

George loved to state the obvious. My brothers were all married. Abe and Jonah were fathers, and Dave surely would be one day. I was the token gay family member. The cool uncle, the pain-in-the-ass brother, and the lone kid who was closer to Mom than any of my siblings were. I was the black sheep in every way possible. Sure, we all looked somewhat alike with dark hair and brown eyes. But where I was tall, lean, and fit with short hair and a beard I kept closely trimmed, my brothers were an inch or two shorter and at least ten pounds heavier than me. They were jovial, easygoing guys, while I was infinitely more serious and driven to succeed in a world that had absolutely nothing to do with bagels.

“Don’t worry, Pops. Between Abe and I, you’ll be taken care of.”

He smiled kindly. “All right, then, tell me about your weekend. I was hoping you’d stop by for dinner last night but….”

I sighed and patted his hand companionably. I wasn’t going anywhere now. It was up to me to swim above the familiar pull of frustration and simply be in the moment.

“It was fine. She had a good day.”

He looked away and stared at that blue curtain, unseeing. The well of unshed tears made his eyes shine in the fluorescent light. I swallowed and bit my lip so hard I could taste blood. I didn’t know what to say now. So I let the static background noise of the emergency room take over. The setting seemed suddenly poetic somehow.

I desperately searched for a safe topic change. One that wouldn’t upset him. Or me, for that matter. “I met Benny. The guy with the blue hair.”

“He’s a nice boy, isn’t he? I just hired him. He’s taking over Rand’s morning shifts a couple days a week. He’s very friendly. Great with customers.”

“Good. I’m glad you found more help. You should probably cut back on your hours.”

“I will for the rest of the week. Did he tell you he works for his family at Johnny’s? It’s an Italian restaurant in Greenwich and….”

“Mmm-hmm.” I tuned Dad out as I moved toward the curtain, hoping to find a nurse, or better yet, a doctor to speed this process along. No such luck.

I turned back to my father and stopped in my tracks. His expression was a little mischievous and— Uh-oh. I knew that smile. Not good. “What are you up to?”

Dad chuckled. “Nothing at all, but— Do you think you can take an hour out of your busy schedule to bring me by the store later this week? Maybe Thursday?”

“Why Thursday?”

“It’s as good a day as any. I shouldn’t get on the train in my condition, and I can’t dri—”

“Your condition? You’re going to be fine, Dad.”

He shrugged nonchalantly and made a sweeping gesture at the hospital bed he was perched on. “We’ll see.”

“Rest is what you need. Don’t worry so much.”

“You’re right. But I should see how Benjamin is doing. Did I tell you I’ve known him for years? He came by the store when he was a student at NYU. He’s good-looking. Don’t you think?”

“In spite of the hair… yeah.”

“He’s funny too. Benjamin has a great sense of humor.”

“I’m sure he does.”

“He’s single and—”

“Pops, he’s a good guy. I get it. But wherever you’re going with this… stop. He’s not my type. At all. Come on! Even you can tell we’d never get through a dinner without it being extremely awkward.”

“Why not?”

“He’s too… gay.”

“What does that mean? You’re gay too.”

I rolled my eyes. “Right. But I’m not
that
gay.”

“Are there degrees in gayness? You should tell me these things. I’m your father. I should know.”

“No, you shouldn’t! Some things are better left a mystery. As in anything to do with my personal life! A mystery. Got it?”

“No. Explain yourself. What do you mean by ‘
that
gay’?”

“He’s too swishy. Nice guy, but not for me. Okay?”

“I don’t see why not. It’s what’s inside that matters, Ezekiel. Don’t put up walls to hide the sunshine.”

I stalked back to the curtain and rolled my eyes again before turning back to face the infuriating, kindly old man propped in the hospital bed. “Look, Pops, I don’t want to get into it with you. Neither of us needs the elevated blood pressure, but I want to remind you…. Benny is exactly the kind of gay man you didn’t want me to be. I recall your words verbatim. ‘It’s bad enough you have to be a pansy, but please don’t act like one.’ Remember saying that? I do. I remember it well. Can we drop this now?”

Dad shook his head sadly. “I was wrong. I apologize. I only want you to be happy.”

“I’m happy,” I snapped in a hushed tone, willing him to stop.

“You’re not. You work too much. You stay out too late. If your mother could, she’d tell you—”

“She can’t!”

My voice was low, but the fury behind those two words felt like a cannon had gone off behind the blue curtains unexpectedly. The subsequent quiet was not the soothing kind. It was filled with pain and unspeakable sorrow. A hollow, lifeless absence of sound that echoed around us uncomfortably. I was instantly ashamed. No one missed my mother like Dad. She had been his world. His glue. His fucking everything. The fact he managed to get by as well as he had without her was a miracle my brothers and I marveled over every damn day. Miri Gulden had been our champion. The one person who’d understood us individually and helped us navigate one another’s idiosyncrasies. Without her, we simply weren’t the same.

“No. She can’t,” he whispered sadly.

“I’m sorry, Dad. That was uncalled for. I—”

“No, no. It’s fine. I meddle. I get that. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

I should have been relieved, right? He said I was right. He said he understood. But I knew this man. I’d done a version of this dance for over thirty-one fucking years. I’d just lobbed a softball over home plate, and he was about to knock this baby out of the park. I waited one heartbeat, two, and then….

“Just take me to the store Thursday. That’s all I ask, son.”

What could I say?

MAYBE I
was a sucker. Maybe I was a good son. Or maybe I’d grown up on a steady diet of guilt and was hopelessly unable to unshackle myself from its fierce hold. The moment I heard any combination of the words
family
,
your mother
, or
all I ask
, I was doomed. So the following Thursday morning after I’d put in five hours at the office, I had Hector pick me up downtown to traverse the midmorning traffic to Brooklyn and then turn back to the city. I was tempted to have Hector chauffeur Dad and meet them at the bagel store, but my conscience wouldn’t let me. No part of his request was convenient for me. I had an important job. I had clients who counted on me to make big money decisions. They didn’t want to hear about my family woes, and they wouldn’t be impressed I’d selflessly taken time from my busy schedule for the second time in one week to deal with family BS.

Truthfully, I was able to conduct almost all of my business from the backseat of my tricked-out Mercedes sedan. With my laptop, two cell phones, and a television streaming international financial news, I could be anywhere and get a shitload of work done. However, Bowery Bagels wasn’t where I wanted to be. I was itching to get back to my computer after the twenty-five-minute return trip into the city. I did my best not to glance at my watch when Hector pulled in front of the store on Bowery. Instead I nodded dutifully and grunted in response to Dad’s never-ending story about his next-door neighbors, Gil and Gloria, bringing by too much food.

“They mean well, I know. The fruit baskets are lovely, but how much fruit can I eat? There’s only me now. You’ll have to come back to the house to get one for yourself. I’ll give you the one with pineapple. You like pineapple, don’t you, son?”

“Sure.” I turned to him when we arrived at our destination. “Hey, I’ll come in with you for a few minutes, but then I’m gonna have Hector take me back to the office. He has instructions to take you anywhere else you need to go… as long as you don’t overdo it.”

“What about lunch? We should go to lunch. Benjamin might want to come with us and—”

“Don’t start.” I guided him by his elbow, unsurprised when he smacked my hand away. His way of reminding me he was still the parent, I thought with a sigh as I reached for the door.

The Bowery location was by far the smallest of all the stores. It had been remodeled recently with crisp black-and-white modern accents. The floor was a wide checkerboard tile that complemented the smaller checked tiles along the back prep wall. A long, L-shaped marble counter with black beadboard wainscoting featured a glass enclosure with three shelves for the many baskets of freshly made bagels. There was an open refrigerator with cold drinks and cream cheese adjacent to the counter. Three small café tables with bistro chairs were on one side of the store under an impressive photo gallery documenting the Gulden family’s prolific history in the New York City bagel business. A floating bar with stools ran the length of the huge picture windows in front so patrons could enjoy a quick breakfast while people-watching before getting back to work. It was a welcoming atmosphere, with delicious smells and a notoriously friendly staff.