A Joyful Break (Dreams of Plain Daughters) (11 page)

“I told Rachel I’d write to her. I hope I don’t have to write too many because she’ll be back here soon.”

Peter gave him a broad smile. “I love being married to Ella, but cherish this time of being single. You have plenty of time to get married.”

After Peter left, Samuel locked up the store. On the way to his buggy, he thought a bit more about his conversation with Rachel. He’d forgotten to tell Peter about the photographer, Kevin Sullivan, taking pictures of Rachel. Sullivan might be innocent in including Rachel with his beach pictures, but there was a possibility he might have an agenda in using them somehow in the media. But Rachel’s famous uncle wasn’t at the beach with them, so there might be nothing to be concerned about a photographer living next door. Still, he felt a twinge of apprehension about some stranger taking shots of Rachel.

* * *

David peeked into the boys’ room and saw they were both asleep. He appreciated Judith reading to them earlier. She continued reading to them from a Hardy Boys mystery that Rachel had started before she left. Judith wanted to finish the book before the bookmobile came again. Fields Corner didn’t have a library, so it was difficult for the hard-working Amish families to get to one. It took too much time to drive buggies to check out books. He was thankful the bookmobile made a weekly stop in Fields Corner. Before closing their door, he took a last glance at Matthew and Noah, remembering how happy they were to have twin sons.
I wish Irene would be here to see them grow up, but for some reason, it wasn’t God’s plan for my lovely and dear wife to be on this earth any longer. I should be thankful she lived as long as she did and that we had a wunderbaar life together.

He slowly walked to his own bedroom. Each night he hated to go to bed. He missed his Irene all the time, but night was the hardest on him. Irene had snuggled next to him. While they held each other in their arms each night, they’d talked about how their day had gone. A few nights before she died, their conversation had been about Judith. Peter had just married Ella and Rachel was seeing Samuel, so Irene was happy about their two oldest children. She was hopeful that a marriage would occur between Rachel and Samuel. Her worry had been about Judith. Although she was proud of Judith’s decision to be a teacher, she’d been dismayed at their daughter’s wish for more education. Apparently Judith had seen English young women carrying college books. She’d told Irene that she would like to continue her education.

He wondered what Irene would think now that Rachel was the daughter unsure about joining the church and getting married, because of him being a poor
ehemann
. From Proverbs 22:6, it said, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” He hoped this verse would prove true in Rachel’s case, and she wouldn’t be like the few adult children who left their Amish upbringing to live in the English world. Judith hadn’t mentioned again getting her GED and going away to college. She decided teaching in the Amish school was the only place she wanted to be, and he’d been relieved when she’d talked to Bishop Amos about joining the church. Fortunately, Peter hadn’t given them any problems before he was baptized. He’d never gotten drunk like some of the boys his age during
rumschpringe
. His English friend, Fred Maddox, said that all teenagers rebel sometimes, but his Peter had done little to worry him and Irene.

Before removing his suspenders, he glanced at the bed again. He couldn’t imagine sharing it with another wife. That morning, his friend, Amos had visited to talk to him about getting married again. His sister Barbara had lost her husband, and Amos told him, “You still have young children. You should think about getting a wife to help raise Matthew and Noah.”

“I’m sorry your sister lost her spouse. Rachel has done a fine job with helping me with the boys. Also Judith’s close to them and gives them extra attention too. We’re doing as well as can be expected after losing Irene.”

Amos said, “Apparently, Rachel has felt the pressure of taking care of them since she’s not here. Judith will take on more teaching responsibilities after she joins the church. Rachel might have her own home soon. She won’t be able to take care of the house and the boys as much if she marries. My sister’s going to visit soon. You remember her…she used to follow us around. Barbara doesn’t have children but she’d make a fine mother to yours. It’s been a year now, David. Everyone’s out of mourning. It’s time to think about your family’s future.”

“I’ll think about what you said.
Danki
, for stopping by to see me.” He noticed his friend’s thinning white hair. They were the same age but Amos looked older. Amos made a good leader for their district, but right now he wished Amos wasn’t his bishop.

He didn’t want to court Barbara. He didn’t want a new mother for his boys. They’d already had the best
mamm
in the world, and she couldn’t be replaced by someone else.

I’d feel like I’m betraying Irene if I courted and married someone else. She’ll always be in my heart.

Listening to Bishop Amos was a bit hard because of their past. They’d been childhood friends and gotten into trouble together. Nothing terrible but enough scrapes to give their parents a few gray hairs. As young adults, Amos came to him whenever he had any questions or needed help with any problem. Amos had even followed him to Fields Corner when he left their childhood community. He felt uneasy sometimes with the reversal of roles. But he had remind himself that Amos’s selection was based on “divine appointment” through the drawing of lots, as shown in Acts.

It was difficult seeing the stern look in his old friend’s eyes. Amos, of all people, should realize he wasn’t ready to marry again. Especially Barbara. She’d gotten under his skin a few times while they were growing up. She’d been like an itch that could never be scratched enough. Even Amos had said how they needed to pray for her husband when she married, and they had moved to Indiana.

Although it’d been a long work day, he didn’t feel like going to bed.
I’ll go talk with Judith. She’s in the kitchen grading papers.
He had a special bond with his youngest daughter. When she’d been eight years old, Judith came down with double pneumonia. Because Irene was busy taking care of their baby boys, he’d spent the most time at the hospital with Judith.

As he walked down the stairs, he grinned when he thought of a way he could escape seeing Amos’s sister. He could take the boys and Judith to visit Carrie in Kentucky. Going to see his parents wouldn’t work because they’d suggested a month ago he should remarry. But Carrie wouldn’t bother him with marriage suggestions. She was a good listener.

When he entered the kitchen, he noticed the dark circles under Judith’s eyes. “Daughter, you should go to bed. It’s getting late. You won’t have any energy to teach if you stay up any later.”

Judith glanced up at him and smiled. “I could say the same thing to you. You should be in bed. You milk the cows at four-thirty.”

“I wanted to go to bed but knew it was pointless to try and sleep yet.”

“We should talk then.” She pointed to the chair across from hers. “Sit for a moment while I put my papers away. What’s keeping you up? It can’t be my cooking yet. I fixed Rachel’s casserole the first night, and Ella brought over the stew for this evening’s meal.”

He lowered himself into a chair, and exhaled a deep breath. “Too many thoughts keep me from sleeping some nights. This is one of those nights. During the day, I keep busy with work, but at night I can’t stop thinking about your
mamm
. I miss her so much.”

Judith squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Bishop Amos didn’t help my frame of mind today. While you were at school, he stopped by.” He told Judith what the bishop said about remarrying, but how he couldn’t imagine being married to another woman.

“I’m surprised because he should know that Rachel and I are here to help with Matthew and Noah.” She gave him a thoughtful glance. “He must think you and his sister might enjoy each other’s company. I don’t see how she could do a better than we are with the boys. She hasn’t had any experience with raising children. But I don’t blame you for not being interested. You and
mamm
were together for a long time and made a
wunderbaar
couple.”

“I wasn’t a
wunderbaar
ehemann
.”

“
Daed
, don’t think that way.”

“Rachel left here because she faults me for your
mamm’s
death.” Never had he felt that Judith blamed him, but he needed to hear what his younger daughter thought.

“She also left because she’s always wanted to see the ocean. Away from us should help her to think things through. I’m hoping staying with Aunt Carrie and Violet will take her bitterness away.” Judith slid her students’ papers into a folder. After a pause, she continued, “For a short time, I was angry at
Mamm
. I overheard Mrs. Maddox offering to drive her to an English doctor for a checkup.
Mamm
refused and said she’d go later. She had an opportunity to go and she didn’t take it.”

“That’s because she wanted me to take her to the doctor. She knew Mrs. Maddox had her hands full with the new baby.”

She frowned. “I know except if it’d been one of us ill,
Mamm
wouldn’t have hesitated to impose on Mrs. Maddox to drive us to the doctor.” She sighed. “But I decided it was wrong of me to be angry at
Mamm
. I decided to be grateful for the time we did have together.”

“I’m building the phone shanty this week. I should’ve done it long time ago.”

“That will be helpful if I need to make calls for school stuff.”

He nodded. “I wanted to put one in a few years ago, but your
mamm
didn’t want one. She said it was an extra expense that we didn’t need. I think she enjoyed going to the neighbors to use their phone when she made doctor appointments for you
kinnear
. She had a wonderful friendship with Mrs. Maddox.”

Judith’s raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “I didn’t know she was the one not wanting a phone. We assumed it was you. But now that I think about it, she did like visiting Mrs. Maddox, even more with the new baby.”

“I should’ve insisted about the phone, but when it came to household matters, I yielded to your
mamm’s
wishes.” He gave Judith a small smile. “We were a team and made decisions together about family matters and any important business decisions.”

Leaning closer to him, she said, “Rachel doesn’t realize
Mamm’s
the reason we never had a phone.”

He shrugged. “The phone’s not the only reason she’s angry at me. Even if I tell Rachel your mother didn’t want one, she’ll still say I wasn’t a good husband.”

“I think Rachel will come to her senses when she’s on the quiet beach. God will speak to her, and she’ll see that being angry at you is wrong.” She patted his hand. “This time away will give her a new perspective about everything.”

“That’s what Peter said too. I hope you’re both right.” He didn’t want to lose Rachel. He loved his eldest daughter, even though she didn’t seem to love him right now.

Chapter Ten

Rachel carried an insulated cup of coffee outside with her. She couldn’t wait to walk on the beach so she could enjoy the morning sun before cooking breakfast for her
aenti
and cousin. She wanted to surprise them before they left to go shopping. She hadn’t been able to help with the driving, but cooking them a
wunderbaar
breakfast was something she could do. Marlene’s neighbor had put a dozen eggs and bacon in the refrigerator. She’d use their Amish cheese to make omelets. She was glad they also brought a loaf of bread with them so she could serve that, too, with her big morning meal.

She was dressed in tan capris and a green top of Violet’s. She felt strange not wearing a dress. The capris weren’t feminine enough for her. In the Bible it said that women should not dress as men. She and other Amish women never wore pants because of this reason. She glanced down at Violet’s capris. These were also a bit fancy with a button adornment on the cuff of each leg. Buttons were never used on Amish dresses. But Violet told her it was time to go English, because it’d be easier to try on clothes without wearing her Plain clothing. Violet had watched her yesterday while she removed her dress using straight pins. Her cousin couldn’t believe that Amish women didn’t put zippers or buttons on their dresses.

“Why?” her cousin asked while she’d watch her remove the straight pins from her dress.

“Because buttons are forbidden on certain items because of a couple of reasons,” she’d answered. “One Amish objection is because of the association with military uniforms. During the Middle Ages, the buttons on soldiers’ shirts were switched from the left side to the right side. This change allowed the soldier to unbutton his coat more quickly to draw a sword. As you know, Amish are devout pacifists. By the way, mustaches have a long history of being associated with the military, so that’s why you never seen an Amish man with a mustache.”

“What’s the other reason for no buttons?”

“The ban on buttons goes back to the days in Paris when they were a fashion rage and a way to display wealth. The buttons were costly and showy, so the church leaders made a ban on buttons. But we can use hook-and-eye closures. Since I’m adept at using pins, I skip sewing the hooks and eyes in.”

“If buttons are a symbol for vanity in your faith, then why does Uncle David and your brothers have buttons on their shirts?”

“That’s true about men’s shirts fastening with traditional buttons. It’s just always been this way. Their suit coats and vests fasten with hooks and eyes. Their pants are made with a flap in the front held closed by buttons to avoid the use of a zipper. Zippers are just not allowed.”

As her feet hit the sand, she heard someone ask, “May I join you?”

She turned and saw Kevin Sullivan.
He’s already up at six o’clock in the morning. Oh great, is he always going to be around when I’m outside?
He seemed nice enough but she didn’t feel like talking. She’d wanted to enjoy God’s beautiful sky and feel the warmth of the sun’s rays while praying for her family…and for herself. She needed to be surrounded by quiet and concentrate on hearing God’s answers to her prayers. More than anything, she wanted to understand why she couldn’t move on with her life. It’d been a year since her mother passed on.
Mamm shouldn’t have died from a heart attack, but by now I should’ve come to terms about it.
But it wasn’t just her mother’s death that saddened her, she missed her grandparents too. She’d spent time with them on a regular basis. They were the sweetest couple.