A Is for Alpha Male (33 page)

“Believe it or not, all of your frustration was for a reason, baby doll. Can we go inside and talk about it?” he asked, the light from my porch winking off of the scruff I loved so much.

“I’m thinking you better give me a reason to let you inside, Dan-o,” I countered, but I gave him something by calling him that—and we both knew it.

He nodded his head in surrender. “Fair enough.” He took a deep breath, and then said, “The reason I had you drive across town is simple. I wanted you to know that I knew enough to give you the time you needed to work through your thoughts. You’re an incredibly forgiving person, but you need time.”

Definitely true. I nodded in agreement, and he took it as a sign that he could continue.

“But I also wanted you to know that while I was giving you the time you needed, I didn’t expect you to be the one to have to come to me. I am one hundred percent in this and sitting outside of your apartment for hours on end is a small price to pay for a chance to have something real with you.”

Well, shit. That was “hella” convoluted, but it was a really good explanation, and in my twisted, fucked up brain, it made sense.

“Access granted, Dan-o,” I said simply as I walked past him, unlocked my door, and pushed my way into my apartment.

Once inside of my apartment, we both took up residence on my couch, but I made sure he stayed on his own side.

I didn’t need his touches muddling my brain and swaying me into letting him off the hook sooner than I should.

“When you didn’t choose me that night, you crushed me. There’s no other way to put it. I’m a little concerned that it gives you too much power, but it’s the truth. It made me question if you ever really wanted
me
. And not just in my pants. Me. The real, in your face, bust your balls version.”

“Of course, I wanted you. I’ve wanted you from the beginning.” He smirked a little bit, knowing I would know what it meant when he said, “I’ve wanted you since I before I can remember. I knew you were the type of girl I wanted when I was eight years old.”

He had absolutely no idea how good it felt to hear that. All of the mixed signals...the way I was so aggressive when I got back. I was never sure if he had ever really wanted me or just thrown me some sort of pity fuck.

I hadn’t thought that at the time. It felt real and honest and deep. But after that fucked up night at The Cabin, I hadn’t known what to think.

“I couldn’t start something with you in the beginning, Hales. I needed you to leave and finish your trip with your mom.”

“Yeah, we went over that. But it sure as hell seems like you left out some information. In light of the trashy, blond leper, I could see how you would need to create a little miscommunication.”

“That wasn’t a miscommunication. It was purposely not communicated,” he clarified.

Great. That made me feel so much better.
Not
.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to communicate about your other girlfriend,” I prodded.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Your hook up.”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head and letting the word pop for emphasis.

“Well, okay,
was
your girlfriend or hook up.”

“Not that either.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, you just grab the ass of every woman,” I said, throwing my hands up in frustration and rolling my eyes in ill disguised disgust.

“No, I don’t. Look maybe, but not grab.”

My glare was the strength of seven super heroes put together, and he at least had the decency to shrink back from it a little.

“Okay, not the right time to joke,” he mused. “I was undercover. And she was my way in.”

“Your...como say what now?” I asked, backtracking and trying to comprehend what he had just told me.

“Undercover,” he semi-repeated, a small grin lifting the outside corner of his perfect mouth.

Well, shit.

Not only was that the horse of a whole different color, it was in a whole other box of crayons.

“So you’re a—” I started.

He finished, “
Was
a federal agent. Undercover. Now, I’m a Knoxville PD Police Officer. Heard you were driving pretty fast on your little cross town journey tonight.”

“Back up, Dan-o. It’s nice to know that you’re using valuable police resources to stalk me, which by the way, Hunter already does, but you’re going to have to give me a little better explanation than that. You were undercover.”

“Yes,” he said simply.

Widening my eyes comically, I gave him the prompt he obviously needed. “For who and on what?”

“I have been a field agent for the FBI for the last five years, and I’ve been undercover for the last two. I just finished up that case, and now I’m moving on. To Knoxville, to the KPD...to you.”

“You stayed in Alabama after I left. You chose her,” I pointed out, desperately clinging to my argument, trying to prove that there was a reason for all of the hurt and anger. For all of the hours of heartbreak.

For all of the weight I had gained in ice cream and alcohol!

“No I didn’t, Hales. God, I wanted to go with you so bad, to give you an explanation, but there were so many people counting on me. If I had gone with you, I would have ruined a two year investigation.”

“I’m guessing that’s why you didn’t tell me who you really were,” I mused.

Both dimples made a small appearance, his eyes flashing with the knowledge that he was getting through to me.

“At first it was that I was still technically in Witness Protection, seeing as José was still alive,” he explained, his eyes dimming slightly at what I knew was the memory.

“And then it was the investigation. I almost told you a million times, but Wade kept talking me out of it.”

Fucking Wade.

“Hmm, Wade,” I said noncommittally, but Danny could hear the meaning in my tone.

“Hales, he was doing his job. He’s not my blood Uncle, but he’s been my family since I was eight years old. He’s the reason I got involved in the Bureau. And he was just looking out for my safety. And yours. If I had told you, I could have been putting you in danger.”

I shook my head back and forth and exhaled a breath, knowing I had to give Wade some points back now.

“Believe it or not, Gulf View, or the surrounding area, really, is a hotbed for black market military weapon sales. We’ve been working our way into that group of scum, trying to make our way up the chain to the primary dealer for two very long years. The Leper, as you affectionately know her, is his sister. She was interested in me, and my superiors urged me to use it,” he explained, taking a huge breath when he was finished, likely bracing for what my reply would be.

“Did you sleep with her?” I asked, and then like always, started a rant before letting him answer. “Because that it seriously fucked up if you did. I mean thanks for wrapping your shit up, but I also effing slobbed your knob. You realize how douchebaggy that is to put me at risk? I mean how could you do that if you care—”

“Haley,” he cut me off. “I didn’t fucking sleep with her. She’s filth. They all fucking are. I was all about that job, but I draw the line at dirtying my dick. And you’re right, I would
never
put you at risk like that. My hands on her ass that night is as far as it’s ever gone, and it only went that far because I was getting desperate to end it and start my new life with you. Lucky for me, you just happened to witness it,” he finished sardonically.

We both sat in silence, letting everything process, just staring into each others’ eyes. I searched his for falsities, for some kind of sign that he was feeding me more lies, but I couldn’t find any.

“You’re telling the truth. About everything,” I stated on a throaty gulp. “You really feel the same way I feel.”

“My whole life has been a lie, Haley. I’ve been suffering, secret after secret. Knowing what happened to my family, living as someone else, and then finally choosing a profession of lies.” He reached out and tugged a strand of my hair, and then rested his open palm over his shirt-covered tattoo as he finished, “You’re it. The link to who I was and the biggest, boldest dose of honesty I could ask for.”

“Why didn’t you testify?” I asked quietly, knowing it was none of my business and that I was a selfish bitch for asking. But I just couldn’t stop myself.

“I was scared, Hales,” he told me roughly, and I felt a fresh wave of tears coat my eyes. “I was eight years old, and I witnessed things that, I’m sorry, I’m never going to tell you about. It’s bad enough that one of us has to live with the visual.”

I nodded my head in understanding, moving over to him and straddling his lap, my knees falling to the couch beside him and my hands moving up to cup his rough jaw.

“A couple years later, I regretted the decision, wished I had testified. But it was too late. At that young of an age, that many years later, I wasn’t a credible witness.”

“Well, fuck me,” I said simply.

A devilish smile lit up his handsome face, his anguish disappearing instantly, and the pads of his fingers flexed into the gap of soft skin at my hips. “I’d love to.”

He moved to pick me up, sweeping his hands down and around to my ass, presumably to carry me to my bedroom and see about breathing some fire.

I was totally on board, but I wasn’t quite done with the conversation. Pushing him lightly on the chest to stop him, I murmured, “No, wait.”

His head cocked to the side and his eyelids shuttered a little, no doubt surprised that he wasn’t completely in the clear.

“Don’t you think this is all just a little too perfect, a little too convenient? You’re the friend we lost in childhood and all of a sudden I just happen to walk into the bar where you are and fall in love with you?”

“First of all, I’m pretty sure you left out a couple of details,” he replied, his long, tan fingers tugging playfully on a loose piece of my hair.

“Saves time and energy.”

“Right. Well then, let me just take you on a little journey here. A woman can travel half way across the world to take a break from her fiancé, end up in a secluded house where the owner is there at the same time, end up practically living with him immediately, and end up falling in love, and you find that believable. But the fact that I’ve been on my own for almost
twenty-two years
, and then,
after all that time
, you and your mom come into the bar where I’m working and become my friend, and
then
fall in love with me after our fair share of hardships, is too convenient for you.”

Well, it seemed someone had been reading
The Gamble
.

“Okay, Danny. I guess I could see how maybe you could be right about this.”

Even though he had started as Ryan, I knew I could only really think of him as Danny. I fell in love with a Dan Smith, not a Ryan Parker, as unfortunate as that may have been.

“Haley baby, the Badass Alpha Male is
always
right.”

THE WHITE, LACE dress was tastefully hugging the curves of my body, the curly strands of my hair were draped over my shoulders, and I was in the middle of marrying the ruggedly handsome man in front of me.

“Haley Lilianna Whitfield, I promise, as your own personal Alpha Badass, to love you with zeal and kiss you with skill.”

Oh shit, I saw where he was going with this, and I wasn’t certain all of it was suitable in mixed company. Clearly, Allison knew what was going on too, her soft giggle drifting up to my ears with the slight breeze of the day.

“Taking my manly role seriously, I promise to protect you when you’re in danger and keep my mouth shut when you’re not. I promise to use my gorgeous, sexy, tattooed, hard body to romance you every day and my previous experience and “junk” to provide you with the x-rated skills and virility you desire,” he continued, his mischievous eyes roving over me in my dress as he spoke.

Oh my God. He just said “junk” in front of a minister. And then eye fucked me! Holy shitballs, I couldn’t believe this was happening, and it was all my fault. I had threatened him over and over again about making his vows live up to the amazingness of mine.

“I promise to not only understand your quirkiness, but value it
and
you for what you are, baby doll. In a quest to be perpetually young-hearted, I promise to embrace the laughter you mine from me and cause as much as I can for you. After spending my whole life wondering where you were, I promise to think smart and keep myself from danger even though it’s part of my aura. And last but not least, I promise to love you and only you until death do us part.”