A Is for Abstinence (8 page)

I couldn’t believe I was admitting all this in front of the whole freaking world. Adrianna was probably going to see this interview and would laugh about how she broke my heart for the rest of her life.

I pushed Adrianna from my thoughts. I didn’t care about her anymore. It didn’t matter what she thought. “I figured since I wasn’t doing it anymore anyway, I might as well wear the bracelet.”

I forced myself to meet Val’s gaze. She’d been waiting for me to look at her. When our eyes met, she stared at me as if she were trying to tell me something important. As if my life depended on whatever secret message she was about to convey.

“Good for you, Kyle,” she whispered.

Her eyes misted over, and I realized what she was trying to get me to understand. She was proud of me. I’d surprised her—impressed her, even—and she was proud of me.

I’d been waiting
years
to see that look from her. I’d tried so hard to win her approval back in the day, but I’d never gained it. Yes, she’d grown feelings for me, but I’d never fully earned her respect. Until now.

My chest started to burn. I squeezed her to me again and brought my lips to her ear. “I’ve figured it out, Val.”

Before I could explain myself, Connie interrupted us. “Are you going to perform something for us today?” she asked me.

Hell yes, I was going to sing something today.

My adrenaline spiked. I’d never been so anxious to sing a song in my life. Not even the first time I sang “Cryin’ Shame.”

“Uh, yeah,” I said.

Unable to sit still another second, I jumped up and crossed the stage to where my band was set up.

Things were going to be different this time. Val wasn’t going to hate this one. She was going to love it. The whole world was going to love it. Shane had been right that day. I had another chart topper on my hands. I was sure of it.

This was going to be just like “Cryin’ Shame” all over again. I could feel it in my bones. This moment, right now, was the start of something epic. Kyle and Val: the Sequel.

I couldn’t wait.

I adjusted my mic and gazed out at the anxious audience. I could feel their excitement as sure as I could feel my own. “I’ll be singing the first single of my new album,” I said, a wide grin spreading across my face, “and in grand Kyle Hamilton tradition, I’ve written it for a certain someone who I couldn’t manage to get out of my head.”

The audience went crazy at the confession and after smiling for them, my eyes found Val’s. The expression on her face was classic—something akin to horror. Laughing, I winked at her and said, “It’s called ‘Worth Waiting For.’”

I know it sounds horribly cliché, but music is my life. I literally live and breathe for the moments I get to hold a microphone to my mouth and share all my innermost thoughts and feelings in song. Singing isn’t just what I do; it’s who I am. I love it.

As soon as the first chord of music sounded, everything faded out and all was right in the world. All the nerves I’d been trying to shake all day melted away and I opened my mouth to sing, feeling as if I were on top of the world.

Thoughts of you runnin’ through my head

Heart’s pumpin’ full speed ahead

Body’s screaming to get you in bed

Need you, want you, baby gotta be mine

Come to me girl, I’m done wastin’ time

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

But I can’t let you go, can’t shut the door

Heart’s telling me you’re worth waiting for

The feel of your lips, hot breath on my skin

Touching you, touching me, I’d relish the sin

Let’s find a way for us both to win

Need you, want you, baby gotta be mine

Come to me girl, I’m done wastin’ time

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

But I can’t let you go, can’t shut the door

Heart’s telling me you’re worth waiting for

Forever I’ll wait, it’s drivin’ me mad

Driven by memories I’ve not yet had

Hangin’ on a promise of you and me

Hope springs eternal for things that could be

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

But I can’t let you go, can’t shut the door

Heart’s telling me you’re worth waiting for

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

Bring on the torture, forever and more

’Cause girl it’s true, you’re worth waiting for

The music ended, the audience cheered, and I basked in the thrill of a performance well done.

Man, I’d missed this.

If nothing else came from today, at least I’d found my muse again. It’d been gone since Reid died, and for a while I’d given up all hope that I’d ever feel like my old self again. As I came down from my adrenaline high, I knew I was back. I was myself again. I was ready to let this solo album take me on my next great adventure. I had a purpose again, and it felt amazing.

It was all thanks to Val.

That thought had me crashing back into reality. Val. What did she think? I took a deep breath and looked in her direction. Her eyes were already on me. She sat there, completely motionless, as if she’d been frozen in place. Her eyes were wide, but otherwise her face was smooth. Either she was doing all in her power to hide her thoughts, or she was in so much shock she was unable to express them yet.

Good or bad? Good or bad? Good or bad?

I had no idea what was going through her head. We were caught in a crazy staring match and I couldn’t tell
at all
what she was thinking. Not a freaking clue.

I had to do something. I had to move, or look away, or something. Anything besides just standing there staring at her. I lifted a finger in her direction and mouthed the words, “For you.”

The spell holding us finally broke. Val turned her head away from me and discreetly dabbed a tissue to her eyes. She was crying. I’d made her cry. That
had
to be a good thing. Right? Or was it bad?

I moved exactly one step toward her and then Connie was there, hugging me and complimenting the song. My brain went to autopilot, unable to think of anything but Val, until I heard a roar of applause. I shook myself from my daze. Connie was thanking me for something. What had I just agreed to?

A signing. All of the audience members had received a copy of my new album, and I’d just agreed to stay and sign them. No, no, no! Val would be long gone before I was finished. That was unacceptable.

I held the microphone up to my face so that I’d be good and heard by everyone in the room as I answered her. “Sure, Connie. I’d be happy to stay behind for a while and sign a few CDs…as long as Virgin Val agrees to stay with me.” I flashed the women in the audience my best smile. “I haven’t seen her in four years. I can’t give her the chance to sneak away from me too quickly.”

This got the reaction I was hoping for, the reaction I knew it would get. No matter what, when it came to Val and me, the fans would always be on my side.

I waited out the screams and then turned my grin on Val. She was across the room, introducing her birth mom to her parents, and whirled around at the sound of her name. The incredulous look on her face made me burst into laughter. Just like old times.

“What do you say, Val?” I taunted. “Want to do the Virgin and the Rock Star thing with me again?” Time to bring out the irresistible sexy pout. “Just this once? For old times’ sake?” I turned my puppy dog face on the audience and said, “It’d really make you guys happy, wouldn’t it?”

Everyone in the audience went crazy again. Val had no choice but to throw her hands in the air. Groaning, she said, “All right, you win. I’ll stay.”

“Excellent.” I grinned at her so big she laughed.

“But just this once!” she warned.

Not if I had anything to do with it. “Of course just this once. I swear.”

As I crossed my heart for Val, I shook my head “no” at the audience, making them all laugh and cheer again. Oh, yeah. I definitely missed this.

Val asked for a ten-minute break
before the signing, so I used the time to say good-bye to my bandmates—all of whom wished me luck while making endless fun of me—and use the restroom. On my way back into the main studio, I stopped by the guest lounge for a bottle of water and some snacks that would get me through the next hour. I’d been too nervous and excited before the show to eat anything, but now that crafty table was practically luring me in like a siren’s song. It’s never a good idea to interact with fans on an empty stomach, or with Val, for that matter. Actually, it’s never a good idea to have an empty stomach in general.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my quest for food forgotten when I entered the guest lounge and saw Val. She was standing there alone in the dark, leaning against one of the couches. Her back was to me and she was distracted enough that she didn’t hear me come in the room. I opened my mouth to say something flippant about her trying to get me alone when she sucked in a big breath and her entire body started shaking. I realized she wasn’t leaning against the couch, but gripping it as if it were the only thing keeping her on her feet at the moment.

I’d never seen Val so upset before. I’d flustered her on a regular basis back in the day. I’d always pushed her to her limits on purpose, trying to get her strong façade to crack, and she never once had. She was the strongest person I’d ever met. It said something about her emotional state of mind that she’d asked for a few moments to collect herself before having to do the signing with me.

I knew she probably wanted these few minutes alone, but I couldn’t pull myself away. I couldn’t leave her like this. I cleared my throat to gain her attention, and she jumped at the intrusion. She whirled around, hastily wiping away a tear or two as she forced her emotions down and reverted back into the calm, controlled woman I’d seen onstage.

She opened her mouth as if to explain herself but shut it again, realizing that there was no hiding what I’d just witnessed. Instead she decided to ignore it. “Kyle Hamilton.” It was a warm greeting and a sigh at the same time.

Her smile was sincere, and her eyes held genuine pleasure, but there was a wariness about her that made me afraid to approach her. We stared at each other in silence, both cataloging the changes four years had brought. I wasn’t sure what to do or how to break the silence between us, so Val took the initiative. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” she said with a small shake of her head.

“Me, either.” I finally broke from my stupor and managed a small smile. “Hug for an old friend?”

I held out my arms, still not taking any steps further into the room, letting her come to me on her terms. It took her a moment to decide, but eventually she pushed her smile up into her eyes and crossed the room to me.

We sank into the embrace and simply held each other as the tension left our bodies. Her arms were low around my waist and mine tight around her shoulders. Thanks to her heels she was only a few inches shorter than my six-foot-three inches, putting her at the perfect height to rest her head on my shoulder, which she did with the smallest sigh. My eyes drifted shut and I enjoyed the moment. It was a long time before I whispered, “Are you okay?”

She sucked in a sharp breath and pulled herself out of my arms. “I’m fine.”

I didn’t believe her. The words sounded too much like a personal pep talk. “Val, if you’re not up for sticking around to sign autographs with me, I’ll understand. I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well.”

Val gaped up at me, stunned by the offer. She was shocked that I’d let her off the hook. Normally I wouldn’t, but the image of her crumpling to pieces alone in this room was not one I was going to forget anytime soon.