A Husband for the Holidays (Made For Matrimony 1) (16 page)

He looked up from the other box and smiled. “Yeah.”

It was easier than Darcy had thought to go through the boxes. Mack kept her laughing and sometimes he kissed her. But she caught him looking at her in that way, the way he used to, back when he loved her.

Marla’s words echoed in her head.
That man’s still in love with you.

It wasn’t possible. Was it? How could that be, after all this time?

She picked up a glass ball, hand-painted with the words
Darcy and Mack, First Christmas
with a heart and the year of their marriage. She froze, and held it in her hand. Did this go on the tree? Or did she try to bury it in the box?

She sent a furtive glance at Mack. He was looking in the other box, not paying attention. She could just tuck it in the tree, where it wouldn’t be visible. She slipped it around the side and hung it deep in the branches, where it couldn’t be seen if you were just walking by or sitting on the couch. When she came back over, he’d returned from the other side of the tree.

Mack’s phone rang and he answered it with an apologetic look at Darcy. She smiled at him to let him know it was okay, and wandered over to check out the snow. The wind was howling now, banging against the windows. Peeking out the door, Darcy could see by the porch light the snow was really piling up. Several inches were on the porch, and her car was a white lump. She clearly wasn’t leaving tonight. Not that she’d planned to, but it was always in the back of her mind. An escape plan in case things got to be too much, she supposed.

She went back to the tree and sat on the couch, just looking at it, now that it held their ornaments. It made the tree more theirs. She could hear Mack’s voice in the kitchen. The dogs snored in front of the fire. The cat was asleep on the couch, too. It was cozy. Comfy. And she was content. This could have been her life. So different from her life in Chicago.

Mack came back and sank down next to her. “Sorry about that. Jenn was checking in. Normally, we don’t do that unless there’s a patient we are watching closely. In this case, Fraser.”

“And how is he?” She didn’t protest when Mack took her feet, one at a time, and pulled them into his lap.

“Making progress. He’s got a long way to go, but he is healing. Barring a serious infection, I think he’ll make it. And I’m doing my damnedest to keep infection at bay. He doesn’t deserve any less.”

“I agree,” she said softly. “What will you do with him when he’s healed?”

He started to massage her foot. She scooted down a little closer. “When he’s well enough he’ll go to the shelter. They’ll take care of him and see if he’s adoptable. There’s a list of people who will take him, but if any of them are suitable or if he’s going to be able to be adopted is another matter.”

“If he’s not?”

Mack sighed. “I’ll take him. Or find a home. He’s terrified of people, thinks we’re going to hurt him.”

Her heart caught. “Of course he is. Poor guy. Any luck on finding who did it?”

“Actually, yeah. There’s a promising tip that came in they are checking out. Hopefully, it pans out and they can make an arrest.” He tugged her socks off and dropped them on the floor. She flexed her toes and propped a pillow under her head. They said nothing for a long while as they sat there in the light of the tree and listened to the crackling of the fire. Darcy found herself dozing. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she was home.

Chapter Sixteen

W
hen Darcy nodded off, Mack just sat and watched her for a few minutes. He wanted her, to be sure. But right now what he felt was more tender. He just wanted to keep her here, in this house he’d bought for them, in the little cocoon they’d spun tonight. Sure, it wasn’t reality and he knew that all too well. But damn if she hadn’t slipped right back in his life, as if she’d never been gone.

She stirred and he squeezed her leg. “Hey, sexy. Let’s go to bed.”

She sat up, sleepy eyed, and gave a big yawn. “Okay.”

She got her bag and he heard her in the bathroom, as he banked the fire and unplugged the tree. It looked right now, with their ornaments on it. Then he went into the bedroom as she came out of the bathroom. Flannel bottoms, a long-sleeve T-shirt. No bra, as he could see her breasts sway gently as she moved. He gave her a slow smile. “Flannel? I’ll keep you warm.”

Her nipples peaked against the shirt and he took that as a yes. “Unless you’re too tired.”

She shook her head and he kissed her, long and slow. He was in no hurry. None at all.

It didn’t take long to get her out of her pajamas—she was bare under the bottoms, too—and he took his sweet time with her body before finally sinking into her. They moved slowly and he never took his eyes off hers, even when her eyes blurred and she rose with her climax. When he followed her and collapsed on top of her, he knew this had been different. Something had changed. He rolled off her, then tucked her against him. She kissed his arm and he buried his nose in her hair as he pulled the blankets over them both.

Something had changed, all right. He was afraid he knew exactly what it was.

* * *

They made love once more in the night, and in the morning before he went to the clinic. Mack figured it was a great way to spend the night and start the day. In fact, he’d happily do it every day.

The snow hadn’t stopped, but it had tapered off. There was a good foot of new stuff on the ground. Their vehicles were just white mounds. He went out through the garage and shoveled quickly—it was light and fluffy, so it didn’t take too long to get it out of the way. Then he brushed off both his truck and her car and got in. This was why he had a four-wheel drive truck, he thought as he plowed his way down the street. They were last in line for the plows, being a residential neighborhood, so if he wanted to get anywhere on days like this, it was four-wheel drive and a steady hand.

It took him nearly three times as long as usual to make the trip to the clinic, but he got there. He figured there’d be plenty of canceled appointments today.

Jenn was in the back when he walked in. “You made it” was her greeting.

“Ha. Yeah. No school today, I take it.”

“Not according to the news, no. Do we want to call off any of the techs for today?”

Mack hesitated. “No, but tell them there’s no rush. If they can’t get here safely, then tell them not to risk it. We’ll be okay today.”

“All right.” She gave him the report on the animals and went to call the techs while he went to see Fraser.

He looked at the big dog in the cage, who looked back at him with pain and fear and suspicion. He talked to him quietly. Jenn had already done the morning’s meds. He’d change the bandages later when the meds had a chance to take effect. He made a point of talking to him quietly several times a day to try to win the dog’s trust, or at least let him know Mack wasn’t going to hurt him. He was very careful to avoid sudden moves and loud noises, as well.

It’d take time.

He went back up front as Jenn was hanging up the phone. “All done. They both said they’ll try it but promised not to take chances. I don’t think either of them will be here before ten.”

“That’s fine.” He wondered when Darcy would attempt to go home. Would she stay? He hadn’t asked her to, but not because he didn’t want her to. It was because he wondered what she’d say.

Plus, asking her to stay sounded needy. He wanted her to do it—or not—because it was what she wanted.

Sure enough, almost all of the patients canceled. But they still had a couple discharges to do today, and those people came in for their animals. Jenn went home for lunch and Mack sat behind the desk, looking over supply orders. This was the techs’ job and they did it well, but since they weren’t here, he figured he’d do it. When the bell on the door jingled, he looked up.

It was Darcy.

He rose as she plopped a huge bag of cat food on the floor at her feet and slapped one of the tags from his tree on the counter. Then she smiled. “Here you go.”

He came around the counter and pulled her into his arms, allowing himself a deep kiss, which she happily gave. “Thanks,” he said.

She stood there for a minute in his embrace. “I’ve got lunch, too. Let me go get it.”

“You didn’t have to—”

“It’s not fancy,” she laughed. “Hold on.”

He transferred the cat food bag to the room he kept that stuff in. They made regular runs to the shelter and dropped items off. She came back in, a whirl of snow coming with her, and held up a bag. “Where do you want this?”

“Let’s go in my office.” He led the way and she followed. When she opened the bag, she pulled out sandwiches and fruit and chips. From another bag she took out two pops and offered him one.

“This is a nice surprise,” he said. It was. It was wonderful to see her in his space, spending time with him. Just being together.

She gave a little shrug. “I just thought it’d be nice to have lunch together.”

They chatted and finished. Then he asked her if she wanted to see Fraser and she said yes.

The dog gave a thump of his tail when he saw them, which was the first time he’d done that. She gave a little inhale. This time there was no blanket covering him. All his cuts and scars were out in the open. “Oh, Mack. Oh. You poor thing,” she said to the dog, who shut his eyes and gave a little huff. She turned to look at Mack. “He looks awful.”

“He’s had it rough,” he agreed, and that was an understatement.

“Are the circles cigarette burns?” she asked, and there was anger in her tone.

Fraser whimpered.

“Easy,” Mack said to both of them. “Watch your tone. He’s really sensitive to tone.” No surprise given the abuse.

“Of course. Sorry, puppy,” she said to the dog, who relaxed again, apparently not sensing any danger from them. “Heartbreaking. Sickening, too,” she said to Mack, who nodded.

“That pretty much sums it up.” He just hoped they’d find who did it, and soon. Fraser deserved nothing less than justice and a good home. A lot of animals in his situation got neither.

Darcy left for her aunt and uncle’s after promising she’d be careful.

“I drive in snow,” she pointed out. “We get our fair share in Chicago.”

He knew that. But the accident still lingered with him after all these years. He’d never forget seeing her, banged up and bleeding and broken in that hospital. Ever. It was the moment his heart had stopped. “Just be careful. Please.”

She gave him a kiss as Jenn walked into the room. With a quick greeting to Jenn, she was out the door.

“You have to tell her if you haven’t already, Mack,” Jenn said quietly. “She deserves to know.”

“Tell her what?” Mack wasn’t keeping anything from her.

“That you love her.”

Mack shook his head, but he was afraid Jenn was right. “Jenn.”

“Mack. You let her go once. Are you going to do it again? Because she’s going to leave without knowing. How can you do that?”

Easy. If she left without knowing how he felt about her, he didn’t have to run the risk of having his heart punted back at him. Again. The first time had been hard enough. He wasn’t going to risk it again.

So he said nothing and Jenn sighed. “Mack. Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I’m smart enough to know how this ends.”

“Do you?” Her voice was quiet. “How can you be sure, if you haven’t asked her?”

I don’t have to ask her.
No, she’d left once. That was enough for him. If she wanted to stay, she would. She’d find a way. But he couldn’t risk rejection anymore. This time would kill him for sure. He just shook his head.

She sighed but left it alone. For that he was grateful.

* * *

Darcy made it to the farm. It took a while, but she got there, snow and all. The main roads had been plowed but were still tricky. The lane to the farm had been plowed as well, but the packed snow was still slippery. Her SUV was designed for this. Probably why she’d bought it, even in Chicago where she relied mostly on mass transit—she’d gotten so used to vehicles with four-wheel drive that it hadn’t occurred her not to purchase one for herself.

Ironic that back here was where she needed it the most.

She parked and hauled her bag out of the backseat. Joe had a checkup with the heart doctor today, so her aunt and uncle weren’t there. Luckily, they didn’t have to drive far for it. She was kind of relieved that she didn’t have to come in with her bag after an overnight at Mack’s.

But last night had been different.

She was trying not to dwell on it, but something had shifted. What that was, she couldn’t quite pinpoint. She did know she needed to tell him what had really happened, and she needed to tell him tonight.

The nerves wouldn’t quit.

The farm was open, even in the snow, and Mack was everywhere. Darcy was jumpy and distracted all evening. Marla kept giving her strange looks, but she managed to stave off any questions because they were so busy. She kept rehearsing what she wanted to say in her head. Running through it over and over.

It didn’t help.

Finally, when it was all said and done, she went up to Mack, whom she’d been somewhat avoiding all evening, torn up by guilt and nerves. “Do you have time to talk?”

Clearly, he’d picked up on her tension, because he looked at her closely. “Darcy. Are you okay?”

She hesitated, then nodded. “But we need to talk,” she repeated.

“All right. Can we go back to my place? I need to check on the dog.” He was looking at her with concern.

It took about fifteen more minutes to close down, say good-night and get everyone out the door. Darcy’s nerves had taken the form of huge angry butterflies in her stomach. She followed him to the clinic, where she stayed in her car, then to the house. By the time they got there, she was ready to explode. Was it the right thing? To tell him, after all these years? Did it matter anymore?

Yes. It did matter.

“What’s going on?” His voice was quiet once they got in the house and the dogs were wagging around them. She saw the concern in his eyes, but he didn’t reach for her. Clearly she was giving off stand-back vibes. “Darcy.”

She took a deep breath and looked at him, at this man she loved so much. Always had and, she suspected, always would. “I wasn’t ready to get married,” she blurted. “I wasn’t ready for any of it.” She put her hands over her eyes. That was the easy part of the truth.

He moved closer but still didn’t touch her. “What do you mean?”

It was so important she make him see. “You were so sure.
So sure
, Mack. Of yourself. Of us. Of everything. And I went along because I wanted to be sure, too.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He sounded shocked, as if it had never occurred to him. Maybe he hadn’t noticed the change in their relationship after they’d gotten married. She’d tried so hard to hide it.

She laughed, but it was more of a sharp bark than a joyful sound. “I was pregnant, remember? We had to get married. I thought maybe some of your optimism would rub off on me, too.”

He just looked at her, his face unreadable. She forged on. “And again, you are so damn sure you know what’s best here, too. Buying the farm, making it into something you know I’d never want it to be.”

She drew a shaky breath. “I loved you then, Mack. So much. But you didn’t feel the same, after all that sureness. You let me walk away.”

“Come with me.” He didn’t offer her a hand, but stalked off down the hall, and she followed after a moment. He went into the room that usually had the door shut. It had some boxes stacked up. Clearly, he used this one for storage. He opened the closet door and took out a couple of boxes labeled—

Oh, God.

Labeled
Baby.

She wanted to back away, but couldn’t make herself move, much less look away. “Where have those been?”

“My mom held on to them.”

Of course she had. If she’d held on to the ornaments, she’d hold on to the baby stuff. Behind him, in the closet, she saw a long box. Her heart stopped. “Mack. What is that?”

He moved out of the way, his jaw set, his arms crossed over his chest. “Look. Look at all of it, Darcy.”

It was the crib. They’d bought it two days before the accident. Had never had the chance to open it, much less set it up. He didn’t move when she pressed her hand to her mouth and laid the other on the box. She couldn’t speak.

“Look in the others,” he said, his voice rough.

She did. She moved from the crib, her hands shaking so badly she almost couldn’t open the next box. But she managed and couldn’t stop the tears. More baby stuff. Things they’d picked out together. Blankets, onesies, the changing table. Crib bedding, printed with trains. Not to mention their wedding china and other assorted gifts that he’d never used. All of it, he’d held on to for all these years. She finally sank to the floor and sobbed. All of it, the pain, the regrets, the truth spilled free. And then Mack was behind her, pulling her in and she felt his own tears on her hair. She wrapped around him and burrowed in, the sobs shaking them both. He stroked her hair and finally her sobs reduced to hiccups.

He just rested his head on hers and held on. He didn’t ask if she felt better, which was good because no, she didn’t. She really, really didn’t. She felt worse. She’d assumed he’d gotten rid of all this stuff. Let it all go, the pieces of their old life that never really got started. But here it was, their old life, real and tangible and oh-so-painful.

“Mack,” she whispered finally, and he said, “What?”

She pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were red rimmed and her heart ached because she wasn’t done delivering the blows. “I’m so sorry. For all of it. For causing the accident—”