Authors: Kimberla Lawson Roby
Tags: #African American, #General, #Christian, #Contemporary Women, #Fiction
T
he Tuxson was still the best restaurant in Mitchell, and even though it was Valentine’s Day, much of the lunch crowd had cleared out. Late this morning, Charlotte and Janine had gone to their favorite spa to receive massages and facial treatments, and for the first time in a while, Charlotte felt refreshed. Ever since little MJ had been born, she’d been through more than she wanted to emotionally, so this outing with her best friend was the therapy she needed.
The distinguished-looking maître d’ seated them in their usual section, near the window overlooking the scenic river, and placed lunch menus in front of them.
“Dino will be with you shortly, Mrs. Black.”
“Thank you, Thomas.”
Janine set her purse on the chair next to her. “This place never changes. Always so relaxing.”
“That it is,” Charlotte said, scanning the restaurant and seeing the cutest little boy, sitting in a high chair. “Gosh, I so look forward to the day when MJ is that age.”
Janine looked in the same direction. “I can imagine.”
“Although, if Racquel doesn’t start bringing him around a lot more and letting us keep him overnight, he won’t even know us.”
“I thought you said you saw him this past weekend.”
“We did, but he and Racquel only stayed for a couple of hours, and we’ve only seen him six times since Matthew went back to school. My parents were here the second time she brought him over, but seeing my grandson only a few times in three weeks is ridiculous.”
Janine looked at her strangely. “And you don’t think a couple of times a week is a lot?”
“Not for grandparents. As a matter of fact, I called Racquel first thing this morning, hoping she’d bring him by, but she wouldn’t answer her phone.”
“Well, you and I both know how it is with newborns. They keep you up all night, and you sort of have to sleep whenever they do. And didn’t you tell me he’s a little whiny?”
“He cries a quite a bit, but only because Racquel doesn’t know how to hold him. She’s just a kid, so what does she know about being a mother? What experience does an eighteen-year-old have with anything?”
Dino walked over to the table. “How’re you ladies today?”
“We’re great, and you?” Charlotte said.
“Wonderful. Before I take your drink orders, let me tell you our specials. We have a great chicken salad with walnuts, mandarin oranges, and a very tasty vinaigrette dressing; broiled sea bass with spinach and potatoes; and finally our house rib eye.”
“Actually,” Charlotte said, “I’ll have a glass of red wine and the sea bass.”
“I’ll have water and the chicken salad,” Janine said.
“Still or sparkling?”
“Still is fine.”
“Sounds good, ladies. I’ll bring out a basket of warm rolls with your drinks.”
When Dino walked away, Janine wasted no time. “When did you start drinking again?”
“I’m not really drinking. At least not in the sense you’re talking about. I just felt like a glass of wine.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t.”
Charlotte pursed her lips. “I’m only having one drink, J. You worry too much.”
“And for good reason.”
“This is the first drink I’ve had since last year, and it’s not like I’m gonna make a habit of it.”
“But you know what happened before, Charlotte. You were completely out of control.”
“Only because of the problems Curtis and I were having. But this is different.”
“Well, you’re not the happiest now.”
“No, but I would be if Matthew would break off that silly engagement.”
“I can’t believe you’re still upset about that. I mean, I know you want him to wait, but at the same time, he’s an adult.”
“Yeah, an adult who’s making the biggest mistake of his life.”
“Things have a way of working out for the best. And even if for some reason they do get married and it doesn’t work out, you have to let Matt live his life.”
Dino set their drinks and bread onto the table and left again.
Charlotte took a sip of her wine. “I can see where this is going to be one of our agree-to-disagree moments.”
“I guess so,” Janine said, setting her glass of water back on the table. “And anyway, I’ve got my own issues to worry about.”
“Like what?”
“My marriage.”
Charlotte was a little surprised at this, because Carl had always been a wonderful husband. He worked hard, he loved his wife and daughter more than anything, and he had such a kind and caring personality. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s me. But I’m not happy, and I feel like something is missing.”
“But you and Carl have always been so great together.”
“We used to be. But now, all he wants to do is go to work and spend the rest of his time at home. The only reason we went away four weekends ago was because I made reservations and told him we were going. It didn’t matter, though, because all he did was watch basketball while Bethany and I ventured out.”
“I’m really sorry, J. Do you think he’s depressed about something?”
“I don’t think so. He seems fine as long as we’re at home doing nothing. But he doesn’t even want to go to the movies anymore, and I can’t remember the last time we got a sitter so we could go out to dinner. As far as I know, we don’t even have anything planned for tonight, and it’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Too many times, and that’s why I’m really getting tired of it.”
“I pray things get back to normal for you guys. I’m sure this is just a rough patch. We all go through them,” she said, but then she almost dropped the knife she’d picked up to slice one of the rolls. Vanessa, Racquel, and little MJ had just walked in. Vanessa looked dead at Charlotte, but she never told Racquel, who hadn’t seen her.
“That witch,” Charlotte said. “This is never going to get any better.”
“What?”
“Look,” she said, pointing.
Janine turned around and then back to Charlotte. “You’re not going over there, are you?”
“What do you think?” she said, already out of her seat and heading to the other side of the restaurant. When she walked in front of Racquel and Vanessa’s booth, she smiled and said, “Well, hello.”
Racquel seemed nervous. “Hi, Mrs. Black.”
“And how are you, Vanessa?” Charlotte said.
But Vanessa turned to the baby, who was lying next to her, nestled away in his carrier, and opened up his blanket.
Heifer.
“So did you get my message?” Charlotte asked Racquel.
“Uh…yes. I tried to call you back.”
“Hmmm. I didn’t see any missed calls from you.”
“I called your home number. I even left a message.”
“I was probably already gone, so why didn’t you call my cell?”
“I saw your home number and didn’t think to try it. I’m really sorry.”
“Can I hold him?” Charlotte asked.
Racquel looked at her mother. Vanessa blew a sigh of disgust but picked little MJ up and passed him over to Charlotte.
“Hi, sweetie,” Charlotte said in a babylike voice. “How’s Nana’s handsome little man doing? Nana and Grandpa love you so, so much.”
Charlotte admired the baby and played with him, but she couldn’t get him to smile. “So when can Curtis and I keep him overnight? We’re just dying to spend a whole weekend with him.”
“When he’s a little older,” Racquel said.
Charlotte swallowed her anger. So at barely a month old, there was nothing wrong with exposing MJ to germs in a restaurant, yet he was way too young to spend time with her and Curtis? You’d think Neil, being the doctor he was, would have stopped them from dragging MJ out like this, anyway, but maybe he didn’t know what they were up to.
Instead of lashing out like a madwoman, though, Charlotte mentally calmed herself and forced a perfect smile. “If it’s okay, I’d like to take little MJ over to see Janine.”
“That’s fine,” Racquel said, looking at her mother. Charlotte guessed she was waiting for approval, but Charlotte walked away before Vanessa could say anything.
“Look who I have,” Charlotte said, when she arrived back at her and Janine’s table.
“Awwww,” Janine said. “What a cutie you are, little MJ.”
“Say thank you, Auntie Janine.”
“He looks like Matt already.”
“I told you,” Charlotte said, moving her chair back and sitting down.
Janine leaned forward. “What are you doing?”
“Enjoying my grandson. Racquel wouldn’t answer her phone this morning, so I’m spending time with him now.”
Janine looked on in silence, but her face was flustered.
Charlotte started her baby talk again. “Nana is so happy to see you, sweetie. Yes she is. And she loves, loves, loves you so, so much,” she said. MJ whined a little, so she rocked him and kept talking to him, but now he cried.
Janine turned around and then said, “Racquel and Vanessa seem worried about him. I think they want you to bring him back.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I’ve been wanting to see my grandson for three days, so Racquel and her mother can just wait.” She rocked the baby more. “Shhhhhh,” she whispered, but MJ cried louder. “Honey, what’s wrong? Aren’t they treating you right over there?”
“Charlotte, people are starting to stare,” Janine told her. “He’s probably hungry.”
“He’ll be fine,” she said, still rocking and quietly shushing him. “He just doesn’t see me enough, is all.”
“But you said he cries a lot with Racquel, too.”
“Yeah, but it’s like I told you. He only does that with her because she doesn’t know how to take care of him. Babies know when another child is holding them.”
Janine leaned back in her chair but looked up when Vanessa strutted over to the table.
“He’s hungry, Charlotte, so I’ll just take him now.”
Charlotte slowly glanced up at her. “If he’s hungry, then why didn’t you bring his bottle over here? I can feed him just as well as you can.”
“Please don’t do this, Charlotte,” Janine said.
Now little MJ screamed with more tears, and Charlotte finally surrendered. “Fine. Take him.”
Vanessa cradled him in her arms and walked away.
Janine stared at Charlotte, clearly not happy.
Charlotte drank more of her wine. “What?”
Janine shook her head, seemingly confused and disappointed.
Charlotte took more sips of her wine as if nothing had happened.
D
ad, you won’t believe this! Racquel just called me all upset and saying she saw Mom at the Tuxson.” Matthew was talking a mile a minute, and he was outraged.
“What happened?”
“I guess she and Aunt Janine were having lunch, but when Racquel and her mom came in, Mom went over to them. She questioned Racquel about not calling her back this morning, and then she wanted to take MJ to her own table.”
“Why?”
“To see Aunt Janine, but when MJ started crying, she wouldn’t take him back. Racquel said he cried louder and louder until her mom couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Lordy. Son, I just don’t know what to say.”
“And then she keeps badgering Racquel about MJ spending the night. Racquel keeps telling her it’ll be fine when he’s older, but she won’t listen. I told her the same thing when she asked me a few days ago, but she’s not hearing it.”
“I’m really sorry, son. Your mom was completely out of line this afternoon, and I’ll have a talk with her.”
“Dad, this really does have to stop, because Racquel is afraid of Mom. She’s getting to the point where she hates being around her, and I don’t blame her. I mean, how often does she think she should see the baby, anyway? Every day?”
“Actually she does, and this obsession she has is starting to concern me.”
“I’m worried, too, because who keeps a baby while he’s crying like that and doesn’t take him back to his mother?”
Curtis was speechless. He’d known things weren’t getting better for Charlotte when it came to the way she felt about little MJ, but now she was causing scenes out in public.
“Dad, this is crazy, and all this drama is affecting my study time. I have a huge biology test tomorrow.”
“Try not to worry. I know that’s easier said than done, but eventually this will pass. I’ll call your mom as soon as we hang up. Hopefully, I’ll be able to reason with her.”
“I really need to withdraw and just start back up in the fall.”
“No, son. I know you’re upset, but don’t do it.”
“It’ll only be for the rest of this semester.”
“Yeah, but one semester can turn into two.”
“I just feel like I need to be there for Racquel and MJ…to protect them from my own mother.”
“I understand, but son, you have to hang in there. You need your education, especially if you want to take care of a family.”
Matthew paused, sniffling. “I know you’re right, Dad…but this is so hard. I’m miles and miles away from Racquel and MJ, and now Mom keeps acting like something’s wrong with her.”
Matthew’s tears broke Curtis’s heart, and it was all he could do not to weep himself.
“I mean, why does Mom do this kind of stuff? Last year, she started drinking out of control; the year before that, she messed around with two different men; and the year before that, she walked around for months hating Curtina. Why is Mom so cruel to people?”
“I don’t know. Your mom gets caught up in her own feelings, and she doesn’t think. It doesn’t dawn on her that her actions will hurt other people.”
“Well, I wish she would stop. I wish she would just be a normal, kind, respectable mother. That’s all I want.”
“I’m gonna call her now, but you get back to your studies, okay?”
“I’ll try to—and Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks, and I’m sorry about all the crying.”
“Don’t you ever apologize for that. Letting things out is the best thing you can do.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“You take care, son. Love you, too.”
Curtis never set his phone down and dialed Charlotte immediately. Her phone rang and rang until her voice mail answered. She’d told him that she and Janine were going to the spa and that they were then going to have lunch right after, so maybe they’d gone to the mall or something. He wasn’t sure why she would, though, since the two of them had already exchanged Valentine’s Day gifts this morning. But knowing Charlotte, she’d found a reason to do more shopping.
He thought about trying her again, but his phone rang. He figured it was her until he saw
Private
on his screen. “Not again,” he said. This time he refused to answer it.
He reviewed his upcoming speaking engagement schedule for the summer, but it wasn’t long before his phone rang again. It was the anonymous caller. He didn’t want to answer it, but he also didn’t want his phone to keep ringing or to have to place it on Silent.
“Hello?”
“Hello yourself,” the computerized voice said.
Curtis creased the middle of his forehead. “Who is this?”
“That’s really not important. What you
should
be worried about, though, is that letter I sent you.”
“I’m not sure why you’re playing these games, but I wish you’d stop harassing me. And how did you get this number?”
The voice was technologically disguised, so Curtis couldn’t tell whether the caller was a man or a woman. Whomever it was, though, seemed tickled out of this world. The sound was strange, but the person was definitely laughing at him.
“What is it you want from me?” he asked.
“Nothing. You’ve already dished out enough to last a lifetime, but the buck stops here. You’re finally going to get what’s coming to you.”
“I’m not listening to this, and please don’t call my number anymore.”
“Don’t worry. This is my last call…I promise.”
Curtis’s heart rate sped up a few notches as the caller hung up. He didn’t like what this person had just said, because it sounded like the next time he’d hear from them was when they exposed his secret.
Dear God, I’m begging you. Please make this person go away. I know I did a terrible thing, but I was a different man back then. I saw no limits when it came to getting what I wanted, and I’m sorry. Lord, please forgive me.
Curtis wasn’t sure why he kept asking God to forgive him, because deep down he knew God already had. It was this mystery person who still had it in for him. And it was driving him insane. He’d tried his best to forget about that letter and the annoying phone calls, but lately he’d been burdened with sleepless nights, guilt, and regret. What was Charlotte going to say once she found out? What about his children and his congregation? What would they think and how would they react to the news? And what about everyone else who’d come to know, love, and trust the good man he was today?
If he had one chance to change anything, it would certainly be that particular time in his life, but the past couldn’t be corrected. That was always the problem when it came to making the wrong choices; once the deed had been done, there was no taking it back. A person could move on from the sins they’d committed, but they could never erase them. And apparently the person who was calling couldn’t forget or forgive and had decided to do something about it.
Curtis’s office phone rang, and it startled him.
“This is Curtis.”
“Pastor, Dillon and Melissa are here to see you,” Lana said.
“Please send them in.”
He looked at his watch and saw that they were a little early, but he was ready for them. When they entered, he shook their hands, and they each took a seat.
Curtis leaned forward and rested his hands on his desk. “So, how are things going?”
“Not too well,” Dillon said.
Melissa crossed her legs. “Not well at all, is more like it.”
“Did you read the scriptures I gave you, and have you been praying?”
“Sort of.”
Curtis chuckled. “Well, either you have or you haven’t.”
“I did at first,” he said, “but it wasn’t working.”
“Did you attend any meetings?”
“One.”
“Why didn’t you go to more?”
“I don’t know. I guess because the more I read scripture and prayed, the more I wanted to watch porn. So to me it was pointless to go back to those meetings.”
“You do know that when we try to do the right thing, the enemy doesn’t like it, and he works even harder to bring you down. The devil is a powerful individual, but you have to stay strong. You have to keep your faith strong.”
“Why don’t you tell him what else you did?” Melissa said. She seemed a lot less supportive of Dillon than before and very irritated.
Dillon looked at her and then toward the other side of the room.
“Tell him,” she said.
“What is it, Dillon?” Curtis asked.
“I went to a strip club.”
Melissa crossed her arms. “And not just once, either. He’s been going every single night.”
“Have you ever gone before?” Curtis asked.
“Not really. I mean, I went back when I was in college but not since then.”
“Well, what made you start now?”
“I don’t know. I had the urge to go, so I went.”
“And you told Melissa about it?”
“No, he never told me anything,” she interrupted. “But two weeks ago, it seemed like he was hurrying me off the phone. So, I waited until about midnight and called his house number, but he never answered. Then, when I asked him about it the next day, he said he must have been asleep.”
“I only said that because I knew you would go ballistic if I told you the truth.”
“Well, after calling you three nights in row, I’d had enough,” she said, then looked at Curtis. “And that’s when I rented a car, waited outside, and followed him.”
“I’m sorry this has happened,” Curtis said.
“I’m sorry, too,” Dillon added. “I know I have a problem, but I can’t help what I’m doing. I like sex, and since I’m not getting any of my own, porn and strip clubs satisfy me.”
Melissa jerked her head toward him. “So what are you saying? That until we’re able to have sex, you’re not gonna stop this madness?”
“I’m not saying anything. I’m just telling you and Pastor Black how I feel. And at least I’m not going out sleeping with other women.”
“And that makes it okay?” she said loudly.
Dillon looked at her. “Baby, I’m not saying that, either.”
Melissa uncrossed and recrossed her legs. “Well, I don’t think this is going to work.”
“So you’re just gonna give up on me?”
Melissa didn’t respond.
Dillon looked at Curtis. “Pastor, I really do want to stop this, so can I schedule some time with you on my own?”
“Why would you need to do that?” Melissa asked.
“There’s nothing wrong with that at all,” Curtis said. “Sometimes talking man to man is a good thing. There are times when a man can’t say certain things in front of a woman because of pride.”
“I don’t get any of this,” she said.
“Dillon, why don’t we schedule an appointment for just the two of us for tomorrow or Thursday. Will either of those days work for you?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“Lana will take a look at my calendar, and you can confirm the time on your way out.”
“I really appreciate this, Pastor,” he said.
Melissa still wouldn’t say anything, so Curtis finally said, “At least he’s trying. He’s willing to work on this problem he has, and he loves you.”
“l love him, too, but this porn-strip-club thing has got to stop.”
“And it will, baby,” Dillon said. “I promise.”
Curtis looked at both of them and hoped Dillon could in fact stop what he was doing, because he could tell Melissa wasn’t having it. She wasn’t the kind of woman who would put up with this kind of thing, and it was only a matter of time before she called off the wedding. It wouldn’t be long before she dropped him completely.