A Hope Undaunted (53 page)

A smile softened Faith’s lips, easing the worry lines in her brow. “Oh, I’m glad. Father needs total rest right now to get well. And he’s taking his medicine, so no more attacks?”

A chuckle parted from Katie’s lips. “Nope, no more attacks. He’s taking his medicine faithfully . . . at least since Mother made him swear on the Bible.”

Charity blinked, her cup stalled midway to her lips. “She made him swear? On the
Bible
?”

Katie nodded and grinned. “And then she tucked him in just like she does Gabe.” Her brows lifted as she gave her sisters a knowing look. “Trust me, it was a rather chilly night on Donovan Street, as I recall.” She blew on her tea again and took a drink, her smile shifting into a frown. “How bad does Sean say it is – their finances, I mean?”

The creases were back in Faith’s brow. “Bad enough that he’s going to ask Father if he can move back in – not because he needs to, mind you, but because he knows they need the rent. He plans to tell Father that Mr. Kelly has cut his hours, which he has, but I know Sean has more than enough saved to stay in his flat for a long time to come.” She shot a nervous look over the rim of her cup. “Providing all the banks don’t default first.”

Katie’s chest tightened. “You don’t really think that could happen, do you? Why, President Hoover is talking of cutting taxes and raising government spending to stimulate the economy. Surely that will help.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” Charity said in a grim tone. “Mitch says Hennessey has ordered him to put a positive spin on all the bad news they print, even things like referring to a ‘labor surplus’ instead of calling it ‘unemployment.’” She paused, her eyes fixed on the cup in her hands. “I didn’t say anything before, but trust me – a lot of jobs are in jeopardy.” Her eyes flickered up, and her worry was evident in the hush of her tone. “Including Father’s.”

“That can’t be,” Katie said, her tone laced with shock.

Charity leaned forward. “Don’t you dare breathe a word of this to anyone, especially Mitch, but Hennessey said . . . well, he
implied
. . . Mitch could have Father’s job if he wanted.”

Faith gasped. “No!”

“Yes, and after almost thirty years at the
Herald
, Father draws three times the salary that Mitch does, so don’t think that’s not attractive to Hennessey at a time like this. Trust me, loyalty goes out the window when money is involved.”

“What did Mitch say?” Faith’s cup quivered in her hands as she stared, open-mouthed.

“Well, he told him in no uncertain terms that if Father left, he would too.”

“Oh Lord, help us . . .” Faith’s cup clattered back onto her saucer. “I had no idea it was that bad. What did Hennessey say to that?”

“What could he say? He backed off. He knows how close Mitch and Father are.”

“But what if he fires Mitch?” Lizzie asked, chewing on her lip until it was pink.

“Doesn’t matter,” Charity said with a toss of her head. “Mitch is a saver who has put a tidy bundle away, not to mention his inheritance in Dublin that he’s hardly ever touched. And then there’s the store, which is still doing well despite the economy, thanks to Emma.”

Katie stared blindly ahead, the conversation swimming in her brain. Suddenly it all came into focus – Mother taking in laundry and sewing, leftovers three times a week, large family dinners happening less and less. Katie swallowed and closed her eyes. And now Sean talking of moving back home. She shivered, thinking of what a drain law-school tuition would be. With a clank of her cup on the saucer, she shot to her feet. “Well, it looks like you have dinner under control, so I really need to get some studying in before they get home.” She glanced at the clock. “Mother said they’d be late because Dr. Williamson has a brand-new test he wants to run on Father – something called a cardiac stress test.”

“As if Father doesn’t have enough stress already,” Charity mumbled.

Faith pushed her cup away. “Mother didn’t mention when they’d be home, did she?”

Katie glanced at the clock. “She said something about six o’clock or so.”

“Good,” Faith said. “That’s when Sean said he could be here too. It’s five-fifteen now, Katie, so you better hurry if you want to get some studying in before dinner.”

Katie gave Faith’s shoulder a quick squeeze and headed out. “Thanks, guys,” she said, then pushed through the door and vaulted up the stairs, tears stinging.

She closed her door and leaned against it with eyes closed. Fear writhed in her stomach. Her world was falling apart! First Luke, and now her parents. And who knows what that meant for law school. Sobs rose in her throat as she threw herself on her bed.

She froze at the sound of a knock on the door.

“Katie? Can I come in?” Faith’s voice was a muffled whisper. The door opened quietly and closed once again.

Katie lay still, her face buried in the pillow while she waited for Faith to speak. The bedsprings groaned as her sister sat down, and when Faith touched her shoulder, a sob broke from Katie’s lips. “Faith, what am I going to do?”

“Oh, Katie.” Faith gathered her in a tight hug, her voice low against her ear. “My heart is breaking for you, and I am so sorry. But it’s times like this that strengthen our faith. God says in our weakness, he is strong.”

Katie lurched up to a sitting position, her cheeks sodden with tears. “But I don’t have any faith – not like you. You’ve always focused on God, but I’ve barely ever thought about him.”

A faint smile softened Faith’s lips. “That doesn’t mean he hasn’t thought about you. You own a piece of God’s heart, Katie, like a piece of a puzzle that’s missing. A piece nobody else can fill.”

Katie sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “But I’m angry at him too. I had my life all planned out – a long list that included law school, marrying Jack, and making a difference in the world. Now with this financial crisis, it looks like I’ll probably have to quit school and maybe even get a job, if there’s even a job to be had. I could be selling apples on the corner next week, for all I know.” Her chin began to quiver. “My list and my life are in shambles, and on top of everything else, I’ve lost the man I love . . .”

Pulling her sister into her arms, Faith soothed her with a gentle massage of her back. “Shhh, Katie, hush . . . if you put your life in God’s hands instead of your own, you’ll be amazed at what he will do for you . . . including the man that you love.”

“No . . . no, it’s too late.”

Faith stroked her hair. “Whatever happened between you and Jack, if he’s the man God has for you, it will all work out.”

Katie shook her head, her voice nasal with tears. “No, Faith, he can’t. It’s too late.”

“But Jack – ”

With a violent heave, Katie pulled away, her vision blurred as she stared at her sister. “No, you don’t understand. I’m not talking about Jack – I’m talking about Luke.”

Faith blinked, eyes rounded in shock. “
What?
You’re in love with Luke?”

She nodded while heaves shook her body.

“Oh, Katie . . .” Faith tugged her close. “I thought you two were just friends.”

“So did I,” Katie said with a tremor in her tone. “Over the summer, he told me he was in love with me, but I wouldn’t listen.” She pulled away and pushed the hair from her eyes, her voice hard. “No, I had my life all mapped out, pretty as you please, and it sure didn’t include a starving street lawyer whose only ambition in life was saving the next orphan.”

“Did he . . . did he know you were in love with him when he . . .”

“Proposed to Betty?” Katie lagged into a cold stare, remembering with painful clarity everything about that fateful night. “No . . . no, he didn’t. I could see it in his face when I told him – he was stunned beyond belief.” She looked up then, the despair so potent in her eyes, it was bleeding down her cheeks. “He admitted it, Faith, admitted then and there that he was still in love with me, but his mind was made up. And that’s when I knew – I had lost a soul mate forever, a man who’s been the missing piece of my heart since as far back as I can remember. But it’s too late now . . . even for God.” Bitterness cut in her tone. “Because I may be the woman in Luke McGee’s heart, but for the rest of my life, it will be Betty who’ll be in his arms.”

Faith grabbed her hand and held on tight. “Katie, I’m so sorry. But all the more reason to cling to God, because you have nothing to lose right now and everything to gain.”

Katie pulled her hand away and closed her eyes, her voice dead. “I don’t know, Faith. I know God is real to you, but to me, it’s always been more of a fairy tale. You have faith in him, but I don’t. Sometimes I even wonder if I believe in him at all. I pray, but I feel like he doesn’t hear my prayers, like they’re long-distance and lost in the shuffle. I don’t feel any closeness with him, any desire to pursue him.” Her shoulders slumped forward, weighted with despair. “I guess the bottom line is . . . ,” a knot shifted in her throat, “I’m not sure he even exists.”

Her sister’s tone was gentle. “It doesn’t matter, Katie, not one little bit. All you have to do is ask him to reveal himself to you, to prove that he’s real and that he loves you and has a plan for your life. Just the frail consent of your will to invite him into your heart is all it takes. And you can have a living, breathing relationship with the God of the universe, overflowing with a love and passion as real as anything you ever felt for Luke. Go ahead, Katie, do it! And if you do, you have my word – your life will never be the same.”

Katie’s eyes widened as she stared, her sister’s gaze aglow like a beacon of hope. She swallowed hard, knowing full well that no matter any storms in her life, this was the sister who carried a reservoir of peace wherever she went. The sister who had scaled every mountain, weathered every storm with her resilient faith in God. Katie blinked.
Could it actually be real?

As if she sensed the shift in Katie’s thinking, Faith placed a palm on top of Katie’s hand, warm and stable, cupping it, shielding it, like an anchor of hope in this storm of her soul. “Katie,” she whispered, “you say he’s not real to you, that you’re not sure he even exists. But right this minute, one of us is right and one of us is wrong.”

Katie looked into her sister’s face, as if compelled to listen by some strange force that pulled at her with a tentative thread of hope.

Wetness shimmered in Faith’s eyes. “If it’s me who is wrong, then I have lost nothing. Because even if I have believed in a lie or a fairy tale, then that lie or fairy tale has given me more joy, more hope, and more strength than anything I have ever encountered. But if it is you who is wrong, Katie, I tremble to think that you will have lost everything – his joy, his peace, his hope . . .” Her voice softened to a bare whisper. “His salvation.” She straightened then, her manner as sure as the conviction in her tone. “I repeat, Katie, one of us is right and one of us is wrong. Do it now, I beg of you – invite him into your heart. Because truly, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

Katie stared while seconds ticked by like heartbeats, thundering increments of time in a reality she could feel, see, touch. She was a realist, a woman bent on the law, with a penchant for facts, statistics, and tangible proof. How could she lay all of that down to embrace an intangible God? A God her family had embraced all of their lives, depended on, lived for . . . while she herself had stood in the wings, master of her own future. She closed her eyes, grief piercing anew. A future that now lay in shambles at her feet. She swallowed the pride in her throat.
Nothing to lose . . .

And then out of nowhere, Emma’s words that day in the store haunted her thoughts, and in a catch of her breath, Katie’s heart began to race.

“Whatever your hurts or fears or scars, Katie – call on him.
He’s waiting to love you like you’ve never been loved before.”
“I don’t know, Emma, it all sounds wonderful, but God
. . . prayer, well . . . I’m just not sure that it’s real.”

“I understand, Katie, but I can tell you this – you won’t
know till you try . . .”

Till I try . . .
Katie’s breathing accelerated, and all at once, in the thud of her pulse or the trail of a tear, her decision was made. Gripping her sister’s hand like a lifeline in a stormy sea, Katie lifted her face to the ceiling while water seeped from her lidded eyes. Her voice quivered, but her resolve was sure. “God, Faith says you’re up there, that you care for me and have a plan for my life. If you are, and I’m not just talking to a ceiling, will you show me? Reveal yourself to me, your love, your purpose for my life. Please, God, come into my heart and make me the woman you want me to be.”

She opened her eyes then, and somehow the room seemed different. The same ivy wallpaper covered the walls, and the lace-curtained windows still wore pretty green ribbons tied back in a swag. The scent of rosewater hovered in the air, and Miss Buford – the porcelain doll from her youth – still perched on her vanity like some regal judge presiding over her bench. And yet, in the beat of Katie’s heart, everything had changed. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of her freedom, tears escaping as surely as her heart had escaped its gloom.

Dear God, can it really be this easy?

Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at her sister, her words soft with wonder. “I never knew . . . never knew that it could be so easy . . . so real.”

A smile lighted upon her sister’s lips as Faith placed a gentle hand to Katie’s face. “Believing in him is easy, Katie, because he gives us that tiny seed of faith. And loving him is even more so, because when you see how he moves on your behalf, your heart will spill over with joy. But unfortunately, living for him is not so easy. Feelings and doubts will come and go, but his Word stands forever. Study it, commit it to memory, learn through his Bible what he wants you to do. Because everything in this world will come and go – people we love, financial security, jobs – but God is a constant, and his promises endure forever.”

Katie nodded, the memory of her father’s hand on the Bible bringing a soft smile to her lips. All at once, she thought of law school, and the smile slowly dissolved. She drew in a deep breath. “I need to quit law school, don’t I, Faith?”