A Hope Beyond (20 page)
“The weather is pleasant and I have all day.” She walked to a rather large, flat boulder and took a seat. “Pray continue.”
James looked out on the river valley below and sighed. “You see that railroad bridge below us? It was weakened by improper construction. The master plan was good, but the man in charge of construction refused to heed the instructions. He substituted cheaper materials, and now the pier headings have cracked and the bridge is unsafe. Shoddy workmanship and poor materials are to blame for the failures, but the one who is mostly to blame is the man who made such choices.”
“And were you that man?” Annabelle asked softly.
“Not in as much as the bridge is concerned.” James turned to her. “But where my own life is concerned, I alone am responsible for the demise.”
“What is to be done with the bridge?” she asked.
“It will have to be rebuilt, at least the five piers in the river will be. There is nothing else to do at this point; it’s simply too late to merely brace it up.”
“And is it too late to merely brace up your life?”
“I fear so.” The simple reply was filled with emotion.
“So shoddy workmanship and poor materials are the culprits on the bridge,” Annabelle stated, “but what of your own life? What happened there, and what has been destroyed that must be rebuilt?”
James studied her for a moment. He searched her expression for any hint of condemnation, and finding none he began his story. “There was a girl. I was hired to tutor her, and because my parents desired I marry a wealthy woman, I was to consider such a match to this young woman’s older sister. Which I did, albeit not as willingly as I should have. To draw things to a conclusion, I agreed to marry the older sister, but . . .” His voice trailed off as though even speaking the words would forever condemn his soul.
“But you fell in love with the younger sister,” Annabelle finished for him.
James looked at her, knowing the anguish of his soul was surely conveyed in his eyes. “Yes. I didn’t think I had. I thought it was simply that Carolina—that’s her name—had inspired me to return to the railroad. I was grateful to her for her encouragement, and I highly admired her intelligence and eagerness to learn. She isn’t like any other woman I’ve ever known, perhaps with exception to you.”
Annabelle smiled but remained silent.
James pulled his top hat from his head and twisted the brim in his hands. “She doesn’t even know I care for her, and now that I’ve broken the engagement to her sister, Carolina Adams would never consider me for one moment. I’ve acted in a completely unforgivable manner. I broke an engagement, although I allowed her sister to appear the one who had done so. There was a death in the family, and it made postponing the wedding quite convenient. I simply took undue advantage of the moment and penned a letter of dismissal. I broke the hearts of my parents in doing so, as they were quite desperate for me to bolster the family’s failing economy with an advantageous union, and I left without saying a word to them.”
“You said nothing?”
“I left a letter. I tried to explain, but you must understand I wasn’t even sure what it was I felt at that point. I was still convinced that it had to be a simple infatuation with Carolina. Not that I would have admitted to them my feelings at all.”
“No you wouldn’t,” Annabelle said quite seriously. “But you knew it was love, real love, or you’d have never acted in such a manner.”
James’ mouth dropped open, about to reply, but then he closed it. She was right. A part of him had known from the moment he’d first bumped into Carolina at a party in his home. Yes, even then he’d given a part of his heart to her. It had taken very little to offer her up the remaining portion.
Annabelle got up and walked to where James was still pacing and considering the matter. “You have faulty pier headings, and they must be rebuilt. How will you do it?”
James shook his head, trying to figure out if she meant the railroad or his life. “I suppose we must take one pier at a time. Tear out the old faulty pieces and reconstruct the new.”
“And you won’t destroy the whole bridge by working these little things out, will you?” She placed her gloved hand upon his arm and looked up at him with an expression of complete understanding.
“No,” James replied, seeing her meaning. “It won’t be easy.”
“Good things seldom are,” she said with a smile.
“So where should I start?”
Annabelle looked skyward and pursed her lips ever so slightly. “Hmm . . . I think forgiveness is the very best place to start. Although I must admit I’m not very good in accomplishing such matters myself, but I know good advice when I give it, even if I can’t always follow it myself. I think you must first seek to forgive yourself, then ask it of those you’ve wronged.”
“What of God?” James asked. Several spiritual conversations with Ben Latrobe had also been haunting him lately, and soul-searching was rapidly becoming a full-time consideration for him.
“Have you wronged Him, too?”
“I believe I have.”
“Then maybe that is where you should start.” Her words were simple and without condemnation. “After that, you should send a letter to your mother. Her heart must surely be broken by your absence.”
James nodded. “I suppose you are right. It’s just that I felt so confident they would want nothing more to do with me.”
“Then let them be the ones to say so,” Annabelle replied. “They should at least be given that chance.”
James felt a surge of hope. “You are wonderful, Annabelle. I wish I had met you long ago.”
“Does that mean you’ll write that letter?” she asked in coquettish fashion.
James laughed and linked his arm with hers. “Yes. I’ll write the letter. Now, didn’t you suggest we impose upon your sister for refreshments? I’m very nearly parched from all this talking and famished from the walk up here.”
“Confession is hungry business,” remarked Annabelle with a grin. “Perhaps now you can eat properly and put some flesh back on your bones. You don’t want to look shabby when you go back for your Carolina.”
James startled at this. Could he go back for her? Would there ever come a day when she would welcome him into her life again?
Annabelle sensed his concern and patted his arm. “One pier at a time, remember?”
James drew a deep breath. “Yes. One pier at a time.”
“It’s a lovely party, don’t you think?” Julia Cooper asked Carolina.
“To be sure.” Carolina turned to Lucy and drew her into the conversation. “Sarah Armstrong will make a beautiful bride, but not quite so beautiful as you were, Mrs. Adams.”
Lucy laughed and Julia smiled conspiratorially. “You don’t suppose she’ll wear those awful feather contraptions on her wedding gown, do you?” Julia asked in a low whisper.
Sarah was notorious for dressing a bit ostentatiously, and even now at her bridal shower she was decked out in a bold, if not overwhelming, red gown complete with ostrich feathers.
“I don’t suppose Randolph Buford will care what she wears so long as she continues to look beautiful. He’s quite wealthy, you know”—Julia offered the gossip as if it were news—“but very much one who cares about appearances.”
“Wealth may not be enough to weather the coming storms,” Lucy said. “My husband tells me we may well see a complete failure of the monetary system.”
Julia looked at her rather strangely. “Do you really have an interest in such things?”
Carolina answered before Lucy could speak. “Lucy and I both see it as a responsible matter for women to be informed as well as men. We are, after all, the ones who will figure out how to make things stretch to meet the household needs, are we not?” She didn’t wait for Julia’s response but continued. “And while I’m not yet responsible for my own home, I see a great deal to be gained by keeping myself informed. Lucy and I attended a lyceum not long ago that addressed the need for better educating women. Did you know that Oberlin College in Ohio is now offering college degrees to women and negroes?”
“How shocking,” Julia admitted. “Tell me you aren’t considering such a thing.”
Carolina shrugged. “I’ve long held a desire for furthering my education, as you well know, Julia. College has been uppermost in my mind, and now that such opportunities are starting to present themselves to women, it just might make my dreams come true.”
“It seems to me that the idea of a young woman, unchaperoned in an unfamiliar place, is asking for trouble,” Julia said, fanning herself thoughtfully. “What if it turns out to be more than you can endure?”
“Women can often endure a great deal more than they give themselves credit for,” Carolina said.
“I’d like to see men endure the travails of childbirth,” Lucy interjected with a twinkle in her eye.
Julia gasped, then giggled at the ridiculous picture Lucy’s words conjured.
“I believe keeping us ignorant makes men look better,” Carolina said with a mischievous smile.
“Of course, we mustn’t let on that we know what they’re up to,” Lucy added.
Several other young women joined them, including Sarah Armstrong, whose dress made enough noise to bring an awkward halt to the conversation.
“We simply had to ask you something, Carolina,” Sarah said, glancing behind her and then to either side. The other women nodded, as if to prove agreement.
“Ask me what?”
“Well, while Virginia is in the garden with Kate, I thought you might dispel the rumors about her.”
“What rumors?”
Sarah gave her a look of disbelief. “Surely you know what I’m talking about.”
“No.” Carolina looked to Lucy, who shook her head.
“I believe Sarah wants to know about Virginia’s broken engagement to Mr. Baldwin,” Julia said, looking rather peeved with Sarah for bringing up such a delicate matter.
“What of it?” Carolina asked defensively.
“It is thought that perhaps your sister was jilted. My brother Daniel suggests that James, and not Virginia, dissolved the agreement.”
“That’s utter nonsense,” Carolina replied. “I can’t imagine how such a rumor could get started. James is a man of honor, and Virginia was overwrought with grief. Our mother has been quite ill since the death of our sisters, and Virginia felt it her obligation to care for her.”
Lucy added indignantly, “It is scandalous that anyone would seek to bring further grief upon a family that has already suffered so much.”
Sarah wasn’t deterred. “There are servants to care for your mother. And everyone knows Virginia isn’t exactly the devoted type. Besides, why else would Mr. Baldwin completely disappear from Washington? His parents haven’t even had so much as a letter from him, and my mother told me that Mrs. Baldwin is sick with grief. If James Baldwin is so honorable, why has he left his mother to fret over his whereabouts?”
“I can’t believe James . . .” Carolina paused, feeling her face grow flushed. “Mr. Baldwin would never do such a thing willingly. Perhaps he is ill or unable to write.”
“Perhaps he is simply too ashamed,” one of Sarah’s companions offered.
Carolina caught sight of Virginia and Kate Milford Donnelley as they entered the room. She wanted nothing more than to shut Sarah Armstrong’s mouth on the matter, but before she could change the subject, Sarah continued.
“Virginia dare not wait much longer for a husband. She’s getting terribly old, and no man will want her once she passes twenty. Perhaps there is something wrong with your sister that made James want to break the engagement.” Sarah, obviously still unaware of Virginia’s presence, drove home her point. “Maybe your sister is . . . well . . . perhaps she’s compromised.”
Carolina saw the expression on Virginia’s face. The look contorted from one of disbelief to sheer rage. Hoping to avoid an ugly scene, Carolina hurried to her defense.
“How dare you!” Carolina retorted. “My sister is an honorable woman. Mr. Baldwin did not break the engagement, she did! And she only did so in order to put our family first. I think you positively meanspirited, Sarah Armstrong, to suggest anything other than the truth.”
Virginia had heard most of the conversation and felt a seething rage overcome her. It was bad enough to be the center of such nasty gossip, but to have Carolina support and defend her was too much. She wasn’t about to stand by and say nothing in her own defense, nor was she about to allow Carolina to come out of the situation looking like a heroine. No, Carolina and James had neither one paid the price for double-crossing her. But perhaps it was time to start.
Feeling Kate’s hand tighten upon her arm in a supportive way only stirred Virginia’s anger. She didn’t want anyone’s pity, nor did she want to be regarded as a spinster. What she really desired was that Carolina suffer as much as she had. Instead, she had a beau who was quite devoted and spoke of marriage at every turn. How Virginia would love to find a way to put an end to that adoration!
Feeling the effects of the sherry she’d managed to sneak sips of throughout the day, Virginia felt her courage bolstered. An idea sprang to her mind—an idea that just might see Hampton Cabot packing his bags forever. Glancing around at the small gathering of women, she smiled to herself. This was the perfect setting for her first strike against her sister.
