A History of the African-American People (Proposed) by Strom Thurmond (27 page)

Nothing did, nothing that we can see, anyhow.

Another reason, Barton, is that the purpose of our visit was less substantive than atmospheric. You see? You are around the Senator daily. You know him. You are, so to speak, inside him. We needed to get a feel. We needed to sort of sniff him, let him exude, get into our head and senses and let us experience, let us BE, the man we are writing through. Why bother you with that?

No need for qualms, you see. We have none. You are too busy and important to have them. Qualms are for others, not you.

Let me turn to your hobbies. Martial arts and archery. I know that archery was, at the time you wrote the letter, simply on your list, your list of things to master. “Barton’s List of Things to Master: archery, calligraphy, opera (baritone), deep-sea diving.” Am I right? By now, you have mastered archery, I dare say. Several days have gone by, and I am not so dense or so unfamiliar with your brilliance as to suppose that you have not yet mastered it. Rome wasn’t built in a day, perhaps, but Barton Wilkes can master anything in two or three!

I assure you that we are not dating Reba. I won’t pretend to be ignorant of who she is. Why should I? When I say WE are not dating her, I mean that neither of us is. Actually, we are both married, securely and blissfully.

No word from Juniper McCloud. Martin Snell told us McCloud had been transferred to another editor.

Let us know how we can make your job, indeed your life, easier and more pleasant.

Affectionately,

Perce and Jim

F
ROM THE
D
ESK OF
P
ERCIVAL
E
VERETT

January 18, 2003

J

I see what you mean about your skills in diplomacy. It’s a remarkable letter. I’ve never seen prose that puckered and sucked simultaneously.

You got anything else you’re signing my name to?

P

Memo: McCloud to Snell

January 20, 2002

Dear Martin,

I think archery is dangerous.

In some parts of the South, bow-and-arrow season had to be canceled. You know why? Because the archery guys (and gals) were killing the deer at such a rate. They were also winging each other a lot, causing, in every case, a slow and certain and agonizing death. They stopped it and brought back guns, since guns are so much safer.

This is in response to your question about what one might have to fear from a skilled archer with his quiver full.

Faithfully,

Juniper

S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

To:     Ralph Vendetti

From: Juniper McCloud

Date: January 20, 2003

This is to give you notice of my resignation, effective immediately, though I will of course remain on the job for two weeks, unless that is not enough time for you to find a replacement, in which case I will stay longer.

I don’t think you know who I am, but I’m the one working on the Butter Miracle Diet book. I’m the one you call Julep when you yell at him.

In leaving, I want to thank Simon & Schuster for giving me this opportunity and indicate how sorry I am that I have disappointed both editors to whom I have been assigned. I can only say that I have tried to do my best, with full awareness of what a loser’s slogan that is.

S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

January 20, 2002

Dear Mr. McCloud,

Your note touched me deeply and made me reflect on a manner that I have come to regard as gruff, perhaps, but wholly professional. I see that it is sometimes simply rude and that I have caused you pain and, worse, a feeling of inadequacy.

I sense in your note that your decision is final, but I wish it were not. There is nothing about your work that seems to me amiss. Of course, it would be dishonest of me to pretend that I know anything at all about your work, one way or the other. But that’s good. If you were fucking up big time, I’d know.

Can I induce you to stay? I will try to be more considerate, though even as I write this, I suspect that any modifications will be slight and short-lived. There are reasons why I act as I do, reasons that I suppose I could plumb and perhaps understand, change. But I know I won’t. Clearly I am devoting much energy to avoiding any battle with those reasons, and that avoidance won’t be abandoned.

But if you could work for me, I’d appreciate it. It’s just that, were I you, I wouldn’t. There’s the one virtue left to the vile: bitter candor.

I will arrange for you to have two months severance pay. You should consider yourself free to leave at the end of work today.

I may not be able to change, but I can feel regret. And do.

Sincerely,

Ralph Vendetti

Ralph Vendetti

S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

January 20, 2003

Dear Mr. Vendetti,

You are a man of such skills that I wish I had it in me to live with your way of expressing them. But I do not.

Thank you for your generous offer regarding severance. I will vacate this afternoon.

With all best wishes,

R. Juniper McCloud

R. Juniper McCloud

January 21, 2003

Dear Professor Kincaid,

I am sorry for the formality, but the truth is I cannot remember what we had grown to in the way of addressing one another. I am not in the office and have no access to the file, which would tell me. Also, I feel a little ruffled, bedazzled actually.

Not to burden you with my problems, but I have left Simon & Schuster. There is no earthly reason you should care about that, but you seem like kind men, both of you, and you’re the one I had the correspondence with. You have helped me before, and I hope you don’t think ill of me for turning to you once again.

As I think you know, Martin Snell shuffled me off the project and out of his office. I think it was because that idiotic draft got sent to you (though the truth is he was the one who sent it, but never mind). Anyhow, he booted me down the hall to a strange guy who had me working on diet books—how to live better with butter. It was the worst of both worlds, since Snell had clearly not cut me out of his social life, making little buzzing noises about Valentine’s Day.

I feel as if I’ve escaped from Bedlam. But I’ve escaped into something of a void.

Any chance you two might be able to use me as a research assistant? I know the project, can take the research off your hands, and do any of the writing you’d like. I come very cheap, cheaper than any grad student you might have working now. You see, I have a friend in L.A. I could live with and I could do some waiting tables and maybe get into grad school or something.

As I say, there’s no reason you should help me; you just seem so very kind. Kindness attracts those who need it badly.

Cordially,

R. Juniper McCloud

Juniper McCloud

January 21, 2003

Dear Professor Everett,

You don’t know me from Adam, and you probably think I’m going to try and sell you time-shared condos or aluminum siding. Actually, I’m Juniper McCloud’s sister, Reba. I know you have been working with Juniper on a project involving Senator Strom Thurmond. I also know that he speaks very highly of you. He has read all your novels and sent some to me, which I found both hilarious and shocking.