A Heart Renewed (24 page)

What good would it do anyway?  You’re ruined, remember?  There’s no chance of a courtship or marriage with any man, much less Adam.

That was it.  Storming back to her room, Julia donned her tan split skirt and white shirt.  Plopping her black cowboy hat down on her head, she walked at a brisk pace out the front door without a word to Hannah or Rosa.

Carefully checking the stables to make sure Will was not there, she picked a chestnut mare and saddled her.

“Planning on riding somewhere, Miss Colter?” Jed said as he entered the stables to select his mount for the day.

“Um, yes.  I was planning on riding out to the herd,” she confessed without thinking that he might tell Will.

The shocked look on his face gave her the gumption to do just that.  She would show these cowboys what she was made of.  She was not some timid mousy domestic woman.  She was pureblooded cowgirl and had the skills to prove it. 

Finishing with the saddle, she found a length of rope perfect for lassoing should the need arise.  She curled the rope into loops and hung it from the horn of the saddle.  As she led the horse outside, she nearly collided with Adam.  Her heart flipped when his face brightened, adding more fuel to her out-of-control emotions.

“Morning, Julia,” he greeted in his usual calm voice.

“Morning,” she answered as she mounted the horse. 

Without so much as another word, she kicked the horse into a full gallop.  Her hair streamed out behind her, tickled by the wind.  As the mare’s breath grew heavy, she eased up some, getting her bearing.  The herd was still off in the distance, but she wasn’t ready to be seen just yet.  Veering the horse eastward, she decided she would circle around the far way.

The sound of horse hooves beating the ground began to work out some of her frustration.  She was one with the horse, her motion reflected in the long strides of the mare.  She contemplated continuing on out of sight, but chose to pull up instead.

Slowing to a lope, Julia battled in her mind.  She was tired of the memories of Reuben.  She hated not just what he did to her—she hated him.  She wanted him to suffer like he had made her suffer—day after day, relentless, daunting.  She hoped he would go straight to hell and burn forever.

Realizing she clenched the reins so hard they were leaving a dent in her skin, she loosened her grip.  Taking a deep breath, she turned her face towards the sun.  Closing her eyes, she soaked in its warmth. 

She despised being so angry, carrying this bitterness.  Moving here was supposed to make her feel safe.  She was supposed to be able to forget.  Yet, the only time she found any solace was in the rare moments where she was around Adam.

Now, that peaceful respite was being invaded by these confusing thoughts.  He looked so handsome at the dance.  His eyes were bright, alive.  The way he looked at her sent pleasant little tingles up and down her arms.  She meant it when she called him her rock.  He was.  Steady.  Immovable.  Safe.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught a movement, distracting her from her endless cycle of emotions.  A young calf, probably nine months or so old, was hiding behind a tall juniper tree.  Julia grabbed the rope and formed a lasso.  One, two, three twirls of the loop over her head before gently floating the loop around the calf’s neck.  Pulling the loop closed, but not too tight, she nudged her horse near the calf.  Speaking in calming tones, she encouraged the young animal to follow her lead back to the herd.

Once near the herd, the cowboys rode over to see what she was doing.  They all sat atop their mounts with slack jaws, as if they had never seen anyone handle such a routine task.  When the calf was near enough to the herd, she dismounted and removed the lasso from the calf, slapping it on the rump.  The calf quickly disappeared from sight, swallowed by the herd.  She smiled, a real heart-felt smile, at her accomplishment.

When she turned back toward her mount, she noticed the men still staring at her.  Covington dismounted and was about to offer to help her back on her horse when she saw to the matter herself.  Looking down at him, she smiled.

“Where did you learn to do that?” he asked, dumbstruck.

She briefly wondered whether he meant mounting her horse without assistance or roping cattle.  She assumed he was referring to the latter.

“Will taught me.”

The men glanced at each other, whispering with incredulous looks.

Hawk, one of the youngest men, spoke up next, “Did you lasso that calf yourself?”

“Certainly,” she said.  Forming another loop she demonstrated her skill on a steer.  Only this time she rode over and removed the rope instead of closing the loop.

Covington, already back on his horse, commented, “She’s better than Owens.  Takes him a good two or three tries!”

The men laughed it up, especially since Owens was not within earshot.  Julia knew she had won their respect. 

After a few more minutes, the men broke up and rode among the herd.  She decided she would stay in the field despite the growling of her stomach.  It felt good to be in control of something.

 “Have you seen Julia?” Hannah asked as soon as Will stepped through the ranch house door for dinner.

“No, why?”

“She left right after you did this morning without saying where she was going and I haven’t seen her since.  I’m worried.”

Will frowned.  That was unlike Julia to not at least mention where she would be.  “Perhaps she was working the horses with Adam.”

Just then Adam walked in for the meal.  “Who, Julia?”  At their nods, he added, “I haven’t seen her since she saddled the chestnut mare this morning.  She left without a word.”

Will’s blood burned and he clenched his jaw.  What could she be thinking, taking off for a ride on her own in this dangerous territory?  Had she no sense at all?  She could be in danger in need of help even now.

Ben was in town with Snake today making deliveries.  That left only Adam and Will to go searching for her.  Despite his hunger, Will knew if someone was in danger, every second would count.

“Larson, you’re with me,” he said.  Turning to look at Hannah, “We’ll eat after we find her.”

Will saddled Jackson, his most trusted stallion and Adam saddled one of the mares.  Once they were ready to go, Will had half a plan on where to ride.  They would ride out to the herd first to see if anyone had seen her. Motioning for Adam to follow, he took off in that direction.

As they neared the herd, he saw her.  She was there chatting away with Hawk and Jed as if she hadn’t a care in the world.  Will’s anger rose when he noticed her hair was loose, certainly not becoming a proper woman.  Pulling to an abrupt stop next to Julia’s mount got her attention.

“What do you think you are doing?” Will thundered, failing to check his anger.

Fear crossed her features briefly before turning to sass.  “What does it look like I’m doing?  I’m riding and helping with the herd.”  She jutted her chin forward in defiance.

“What… Why… What made you think that would be acceptable especially since you told no one where you were going?” Will stammered.  Had she no concern for her own safety?

“I needed to ride.”

“Do you have any idea of the dangers out here?  It is not like back in Texas where you can ride out to the far fields and not worry.  If you had ridden away from the herd, you could have encountered Indians or cattle thieves!  You are going back to the ranch house, now!”

“I suppose you will confine me to the house now.”

She was intentionally goading him.  Through gritted teeth, he replied, “Back to the ranch, now.”

When she did not turn her mount towards home, he upped the ante.  “Your choice, Julia.  Head back now, or let me carry you back in front of all these fine gentlemen.”  Perhaps drawing her attention to the crowd would serve as motivation.

She jutted her chin even higher then turned the mount toward the ranch house at a canter.  He nodded for Adam to follow her.

Speaking to the cowboys, who suddenly seemed nervous, he said, “In the future, if Miss Colter takes it upon herself to join you with the herd, I hope you’ll point her back to the ranch house.  Escort her if necessary.”

He turned and rode back, not relishing the confrontation that would be awaiting him.

Julia was furious.  What right did Will have to humiliate her in front of the hands?  How could he?  Jumping down from the horse, she took it into the stables and began to unbuckle the saddle.  Adam was at her side in minutes.

“I’ll take care of that.  Why don’t you go on up and have dinner?  I know Mrs. Colter has been worried sick.”

Snorting, she mumbled, “I’ll bet she has.”

Adam frowned at her comment and finished caring for her horse. 

Having no other choice, she stormed into the house.  Within seconds, Will was back and looked none too happy.  Hannah said nothing as she dished up four plates of now cold food.

When Will spoke, his voice sizzled with angry tension.  “What in blaze’s name has gotten into you?  Why would you just take off like that?”

Since he remained standing, Julia decided to remain standing to keep him from intimidating her by standing over her.  “I needed to get out… To clear my mind… Riding was the only way to do that.”

When he gave her a skeptical look, she continued, “Don’t give me that look.  You understand exactly what I’m talking about.  You’re the same way too.  When you have so much going on inside you don’t know what to do with it, you ride.  You know it’s the same for me.”  She hoped the dagger would pierce him to the heart, for she knew she was right.

“That is not the point.  Riding, in itself is not an issue.  It is riding so far out, unescorted and without letting any of us know where you are going.  That kind of stuff will get you killed out here!”

Adam entered the room, but stayed near the door.

“Death would be better than this burden I carry!”  The words were out before she could retract them.

When Will raised his hands in frustration, she flinched and crouched down afraid he was going to hit her.  His expression was confused.

It was Adam who spoke next.  “Tell them, Julia.”  Then he turned and walked out the door to give them privacy.

Julia’s anger evaporated at the instruction.  Adam was right.  She needed to talk this out, not ride it out.  She needed to tell Hannah and Will.  Taking a seat at the table, she folded her hands in her lap and stared at the plate of food before her.  When Will took a seat, she gathered her courage to tell them all that happened.

“After Father died and Will left,” she said directing her attention to neither Will nor Hannah, but the fireplace on the far wall instead, “Reuben changed for the worse.  He was determined to marry me off to a wealthy rancher.  The suitor he chose was Hiram Norton, a man more than twice my age.  The first encounter I had with Hiram left me sick to my stomach.  He was far too familiar with me.  Then, when I tried to confront Reuben, he and Hiram turned the discussion into an announcement of my engagement to Hiram.  Neither had ever discussed it with me.  But the announcement was very public and difficult to break.

“The week before the wedding, I went to Caroline, Adam’s sister,” she said for Hannah’s benefit.  “We came up with a plan, which I executed the following Sunday.  I publicly announced that I thought Hiram was unfaithful and I made a dramatic exit, taking Adam’s horse.

“Once back at the ranch, Reuben…”  Her voice broke.  “He slammed me against the wall, choked me, and threatened me.  If it hadn’t been for Adam coming to collect his horse, I don’t know what might have happened.”

Julia heard Hannah’s gasp.  She ventured a look at Will and saw anger on his face—just like Reuben—only not quite as vicious.  Looking over at Hannah, she saw tears streaming down her face.  Hannah reached over and squeezed her hand.

She did not want to, but she knew she had to tell them everything.

“Then, several weeks after the broken engagement, Reuben arranged another suitor.  This time it was Lewis Jamison.  He told me if I knew what was good for me that I should comply with his wishes.  When Mr. Jamison escorted me on a walk, he refused to keep his hands to himself.  He spoke to me in a lewd manner.  I got away from him and ran into the house and refused to come out.