A Heart Once Broken (7 page)

“I hope you see our point of view,”
Mamm
said. “I know this is hard for you. It has been for all of us…but things could be worse. We still have
Daett
with us.”

Lydia nodded. She didn't disagree with
Mamm
, but she wished her sisters would behave themselves. She had never pulled off such stunts while on her
rumspringa
.

Emma and Rhoda appeared in the kitchen doorway. Emma said, “We're all done with the dishes. Anything else?”

Mamm
tried to smile. “No, girls. You've done
goot
today. Take off the rest of the evening and relax.”

Happy looks crossed their faces, and the sisters raced each other up the stairs.

Daett
stood up from his rocker to look out the window. “There's a buggy coming in the lane.”

“Surely it's not the deacon again!”
Mamm
gasped.

Daett
's face fell even as he shook his head. “No, it's Sandra. And she's alone.”

“Sandra!”
Mamm
and Lydia said together.

Lydia was at the door in a flash, but paused to gather her thoughts before she rushed out. Why would Sandra make the trip by herself? Was there fresh trouble after everything the family had already been through?

“Go see what she wants,”
Mamm
ordered. “And bring her in if there's something we need to know.”

Lydia jerked open the front door and was at the hitching post by the time Sandra pulled to a stop.

“
Goot
evening.” Lydia tried to catch her breath.

“
Goot
evening,” Sandra replied with a grim face.

“What is it?” Lydia demanded. “Not more bad news?”

Sandra offered a weak smile. “No, I just had to get out of the house, and speak with you.”

Lydia tied Sandra's horse Dixie to the hitching post while she studied her cousin's face. Did Sandra need comfort because of her
daett
's death?

Sandra climbed down from the buggy and seemed to hesitate before she asked, “Maybe we could find someplace private to talk? Maybe your room?”

“Of course,” Lydia said. “But if it's something my sisters can't hear, upstairs might not be wise. They're sure to eavesdrop.”

Sandra winced. “Then maybe the front porch would be better.”

Lydia nodded, and they walked together to the porch swing where Sandra sat down with a sigh. “So where do I begin?”

Lydia patted her cousin's arm. “Just take your time.”

Sandra stared across the front lawn toward the setting sunset for a moment before she began. “You know that you and I go way back, Lydia, to our school years and even before that. We've always done things together, fun things like competing for the best grades in school, and who could win the most points at prisoner's base. And lately it's been Ezra…” Sandra's voice trailed off.

“
Yah
,” Lydia agreed, not sure where this was going.

A tear trickled down Sandra's cheek. “You know we're ruined financially, Lydia. And we have no
daett
to get us back on our feet. Deacon Schrock was over last night for a visit. We'll get some support for a while, but we're also expected to make some choices of our own.”

“I'm so sorry.” Lydia reached over to touch Sandra's arm.

Sandra whimpered. “Deacon Schrock brought an offer of marriage with him.”

“For you?” Lydia gasped and leaned forward. “It can't be!”

Sandra shook her head. “For
Mamm
, but it might as well be for me.”

“You had best explain yourself.”

Sandra tried to smile. “Deacon Schrock wasn't mean or anything, and he said
Mamm
could refuse if she wished. After all,
Daett
hasn't been gone that long. But it's one of those horrible situations. My brother Mark can't support us for long, and
Daett
mortgaged the farm for much more than it was worth because of that awful investment scheme of his. The place will have to be sold. Mark doesn't
want the debt when he can buy a bigger place for a lot less in this down market. And what is
Mamm
to do? At her young age she can't move in with one of her married sisters. So the bottom line is that
Mamm
plans to accept the offer.”

Lydia's mind raced. She already knew the answer to her question, but the words still came out in a burst. “It's that new family, isn't it? The widower. Clyde's
daett
, Amos.”

“
Yah
.” Sandra's voice broke. “That's the one. I've heard he's awful strict. They left the old community in Holmes County because the
ordnung
wasn't kept well enough to suit him. And his son Clyde isn't much better. You already know he dumped Rosemary—and it was all because her
daett
once attended a few church meetings with the New Order Amish. Can you imagine that?”

“Some people are that way,” Lydia managed. “But will your
Mamm
be happy with this arrangement?”

Sandra snorted. “Happier than if we starve.”

“But that won't happen,” Lydia objected. “Deacon Schrock would see to that. He's also helping us for a while, you know.”

Sandra sighed. “You still have your
daett
, Lydia. That makes all the difference in the world.”

She couldn't argue with that, so she asked, “So what will happen to you?”

“I don't know,” Sandra said. “No doubt the wedding will be soon. Amos will call on
Mamm
this Saturday.”

“And you will live with them? In the same house with Clyde?”

“See what I mean?” Sandra turned her head sideways. “It's not going to work. We're both too old to adjust, and I can't stand the man. Look what Clyde did to poor Rosemary. The girl's still shaken from her experience with him.”

“You're probably right,” Lydia agreed. “But I don't know what you can do.”

Sandra hesitated for a second. “There
is
something you could do. I hate to ask, but I'm desperate. This would be the biggest thing I've ever asked of you.”

“So what is it?”

Sandra could barely get the words out. “Lydia…would you please…let me have a chance at Ezra by myself? Sort of step aside and let me see if I can win him?”

Lydia couldn't hide her astonishment. “You want me to give up my hopes for Ezra?”

Sandra's eyes pled. “I've been hoping he'd choose me…but I know you have a chance too. I know I've never asked for something like this in our relationship. We've always assumed our competition would run its course and there would be a clear winner. But we're grown now, Lydia. My
daett
just died. We have to make adult decisions.”

Lydia tried to breathe evenly. “But you know I want Ezra as much as you do.”

“Then unless Ezra decides soon, we'll just go around in circles for another ten years,” Sandra said. “We're too closely matched this time. Poor Ezra will have his neck in a corkscrew before long.”

Lydia laughed in spite of herself. Sandra's description fit to a tee.

“Please?” Sandra pled again.

Lydia took a long breath before she spoke. “But if I ignore Ezra and you don't, that may backfire. You know how men act when they're ignored. Ezra might respond in a way we hadn't planned. You might lose him to me for sure.”

Sandra didn't hesitate. “I know that, and I'm willing to take the chance. I'm that desperate.”

Lydia looked into Sandra's face. Finally, she spoke. “Okay. It's a deal.” She reached over to give Sandra a quick hug. “And our friendship remains intact regardless of how things turn out.”

Sandra appeared worried. “You won't feel too badly if I win? Ezra's the best catch in the whole community.”

“Oh, I'll cry my eyes out,” Lydia admitted. “But one of us has to lose. Perhaps this is for the best.”

“You're so kind,” Sandra said with tears in her eyes. “I never thought I'd find myself in such a low state. But the thought of living under the same roof as Clyde and having him eye me as a potential
frau
gives me shivers all the way down to my toes.”

The two girls got up and walked toward the buggy together. Lydia untied Dixie and held the bridle while Sandra climbed in. With a quick wave, Sandra was off down the lane. Lydia watched the buggy until it was a tiny dot in the distance.

So she had given up Ezra for
goot.
The thought pained her. Should she have agreed to this? But in a way the issue wasn't over at all, and Sandra understood that. Ezra might be driven straight into Lydia's arms.

Chapter Seven

L
ydia ironed the last crease again, before she held up the dark green dress. The effort would have to do. The hour was late and
Mamm
would soon object if she continued to fuss over the dress she planned to wear tomorrow at the service. The effort was useless anyway, but old habits to impress die hard.

Sandra had made
goot
progress with Ezra at the youth gathering this past week, while Lydia had stayed in the background. Ezra hadn't seemed to notice, which hurt more than she wished. How could she simply turn off her affections for a person? Or was the pain from the lack of competition with Sandra? She had never before stood by while Sandra surged on ahead. The thought of allowing her cousin to pursue Ezra alone had seemed grand and noble last week, but something felt terribly wrong now. Lydia took several deep breaths and calmed herself. This would turn out okay—somehow. Even if Sandra succeeded.

Lydia would need to prepare herself to see Sandra and Ezra saying their wedding vows. The sight would be easier if Sandra won fair and square, but she must not think such thoughts now. The truth was, Lydia hoped Ezra would pick up on what the girls were up to, and things would go back to what they had always been.

Lydia flinched when
Mamm
appeared in the kitchen doorway. She quickly hung the dress on a hanger, but
Mamm
still scolded, “It's indecent to spend so much time on dresses, Lydia—especially now that the Lord has laid us so low. We should act like the poverty-stricken people we are. The church is helping us with living expenses. Showing up with fancy dresses at the services isn't fitting.”

“But this is a year-old dress,” Lydia protested.

Mamm
didn't back down. “
Yah
, but you can make things look new by fussing with them.”

“Yah,
Mamm
.” Lydia sighed. “I'll try to do better.”

“When did the girls leave?”
Mamm
asked, looking around.

“Right after supper.”

Mamm
settled in her rocker. “I can't keep track of my own dishes these days, let alone my children. I declare there is another large stainless steel bowl around somewhere, but I've looked all over the basement. I wonder if I left it at the last potluck?”

“It's above the shelf near the washer,” Lydia said.

“Okay,”
Mamm
responded, but she seemed to have lost interest already. “So what do you think about your sisters and their outings? Do you think they're okay?”

“Not really,” Lydia replied, but they had been over this ground before.

“
Rumspringa
time,”
Mamm
mused, gazing out the living room window. “It's getting more dangerous all the time with the way the world is going. I wish we didn't have to deal with it.”
Mamm
attempted a smile.

“I'm taking the dress upstairs,” Lydia said as she left. She took the stairs slowly, a step at a time. The image of
Mamm
's forlorn figure in her rocker was still with her when Lydia entered her bedroom. She opened the closet door and hung the dress inside. Maybe she should dress in sackcloth and ashes tomorrow? Lydia grimaced. She wasn't
so low that she would resort to those measures for attention, and she couldn't anyway.
Mamm
and
Daett
wouldn't allow her to leave the house in such an outfit. That would be a truly poverty-stricken state. And there was still much to be thankful for even in their present condition. The help from the community was at least there—humiliating though it was.