A Heart for Robbie (16 page)

he was so tired. Robbie had been playing soccer in his dreams the night

before and kicked off the apnea sensor more times than he could count.

Finally, around three thirty, he’d given up and turned off the machine so they could get some kind of sleep. He’d hated himself for it, but neither he nor Robbie was going to get through the test on zero sleep. Four weeks of interrupted sleep made him desperate.

After working with the intake people and the doctor, the nurse let

Julian know they were ready to take his son for the procedure. The

basketlike table on wheels sat ready next to Julian as he held Robbie.

Robbie wore nothing but a diaper, but the nurse had swaddled him in a

blanket.

“Don’t be scared, buddy. It’s not going to hurt. You’re just going to

sleep for a few minutes, and then we can go home,” Julian whispered

against Robbie’s hair. “Then, after, we’re going over to Grandma’s so you can have a sleepover. Your very first sleepover, are you excited?” Robbie just watched him with patient eyes. He wrapped a little fist around Julian’s finger, holding tightly.

I’ll be okay, Daddy. Will you?

“Mr. Holmes, they’re ready for him. We really need to get started,”

the nurse said gently, reaching to take Robbie from his arms. He gave his son another long kiss on the forehead.

“I love you, Robbie. I’ll see you soon.”

A nurse he didn’t recognize, but who had the name “Carah” on her

tag, took Robbie into her arms and then laid him gently on the transport table. He looked up at Julian and smiled. Not the smile he showed when

he was gassy, but a real “I’ll miss you, Daddy” smile. Tears formed in

Julian’s eyes, and he waved as the nurse pushed his son down the long

hallway and turned a corner. His legs barely carried him into the room

next door to wait.

The first hour passed simply, and he considered taking out his notes

to work on the book, but Liam and Clay were conspicuously absent. Plus,

he didn’t really feel like working anyway. He couldn’t concentrate on the story or on anything that required any level of thought. All of his thoughts were focused on the tiny little boy down the hall.

The second hour, the hour they shouldn’t have needed, began to pass

in excruciating increments. He watched the door, trying not to panic. If 88

JP Barnaby

something had gone wrong, they’d have come out to talk to him by now.

Robbie should be in recovery, safe and sound. Maybe they’d gotten started late. Maybe the procedure before his ran long. Maybe aliens came and

abducted the lab technician.

“Code blue to room C. Code blue to room C.”

The voice blared over the hospital PA system, and Julian sat straight

up in his seat. He didn’t know what room they’d taken Robbie to, but he

had a pretty good idea what a code blue was from the research he’d done

for the Black Heart series. Code blue meant someone’s heart had stopped.

A tiny little heart with a camera in it? He had to know.

Julian left his backpack in the waiting room and took off at a run for

the cardiac nurse’s station, where they milled like sheep. They wore

scrubs with normal, everyday things like dogs or flowers rather than the cartoons Julian had seen in the children’s ICU.

“Excuse me,” Julian said, cornering the first nurse he saw, since he

didn’t see the woman who had taken his son to the lab.

“Yes? How can I help you?”

“My son, Robbie, was taken in for a cardiac cath a little over an hour

ago. Could you tell me what room he’s in? I don’t want to go back there. I just would like to know, please.” Julian’s hands were shaking, so he

shoved them into his jeans pockets.
Please don’t say C. Please don’t say
C.
The nurse frowned for just a second before she turned to check a computer terminal behind her.

“Last name?”

“Holmes.”

A few clicks of the keyboard and she put her finger on the screen as

if she were following a line from one side to the other. “Robert Holmes is in….” She stopped and checked over her shoulder.

“Sir, I need for you to go back into the waiting room. We’ll have

someone come and talk to you in just a moment.” Her voice was firm but

concerned as her brows contracted again.

“He’s in room C, isn’t he?” Julian asked, trying desperately to keep

his voice calm. Panicking now wouldn’t help. In fact, it would be the

opposite of helpful.

A Heart for Robbie

89

“Sir, I….” She looked around again, and without saying a word gave

one nod of her head, confirming they had just called a code blue on his

child.

Julian put a hand on the desk to keep from falling to the ground.

90

JP Barnaby

Chapter 9

SIMON CLEARED the rest of the paperwork from his desk in anticipation

of ending the long day. He felt better after having talked to Julian. The unspoken closet reference seemed to dissipate with Julian’s easy manner.

He liked that. Simon didn’t feel comfortable with many people, but he and Julian had an easy and free way with each other, so he could be himself, without fear.

Simon noticed an unsigned privacy notice as he shuffled through the

last few pieces of paper on the far corner. Lifting it from its place, he found Julian Holmes’s consent forms beneath it. Julian hadn’t signed the privacy notice. Every patient seen at the hospital had to sign a privacy notice, which Simon put in their financial folder in case they decided to sue. Unlike many of their patients, Julian Holmes actually had the means to sue. He pulled up the record and saw that Robbie had yet to be

discharged and that he’d been put in the ICU. An uneasy feeling rose in

the pit of his stomach. Julian had said that Robbie would only be in

taking his test for a bit that afternoon. He couldn’t tell from the records why the hospital chose to admit Robbie, and Simon hoped it was

something minor. Of course, with a transplant patient, nothing could be

considered minor.

Taking the form up to the ICU would give him an excuse to see

Julian. Simon liked that idea more than he cared to admit. Julian would be standing right next to Robbie’s bed, and they could talk. Simon could get the form signed, and no one need know he’d been too distracted by the

strong lines of Julian Holmes’s face to do his damn job.

He found Julian in a fight with one of the nurses when he got up to

the cardiac ICU.

A Heart for Robbie

91

“He’s my son. Of course I’m not leaving,” Julian snarled. The nurse

across from him simply stood her ground. She crossed her arms over her

massive chest and blocked entry into the unit.

“If you don’t go home and get some rest, Mr. Holmes, I’m going to

call security. Visiting hours for the ICU are over. Visiting hours for the hospital itself will be ending soon. Robert is in good hands. Please, let us take care of him.”

“In the pediatric ICU, they normally just pull in a chair for me and I

sleep there. Is that too much of a hardship?”

“We don’t have the same rules as the pediatric ICU. Things are

different down here.” The steel in her voice showed that her patience wore thin.

Simon put a hand on Julian’s arm. Julian turned, startled, and the

helpless look in his eyes made Simon ache.

“Hey, Julian,” Simon said, stepping forward and sidetracking the

nurse. Divide and conquer, right?

“Simon, can you call Dr. Dane for me? They won’t let me stay with

Robbie.”

“Mr. Holmes, Robbie is stable. It looks like he’s going to be here a

few days. Please, go home. You’re not going to do him any good here

when you fall over,” the nurse pointed out.

That’s when Simon really saw Julian’s broken, ragged appearance.

His eyes were bloodshot slivers of white in a sea of red. His hands shook, though they were clutched at his sides. His body curved in on itself as if he were waiting for life to deal him yet another blow.

“Maybe that’s a good idea. You look like hell, Julian.”

“Thanks, man, that’s less than helpful.”

“Really, why don’t you let me take you home? You can get some

sleep, pack up some things, and I can pick you up on my way in

tomorrow.” It wasn’t the ideal solution. Dr. Dane might consider it

fraternizing with a patient, but he didn’t think Julian was steady enough to drive on his own.

“I….”

“Dr. Dane will tell you the same thing. There’s nothing more you

can do here tonight. He’s resting comfortably.” Simon looked to the nurse for confirmation, and she nodded. “Come on. Don’t make me call your

92

JP Barnaby

family. Why aren’t they here, anyway?” Simon looked around but didn’t

see anyone either in the hallway or the lounge beyond.

“I didn’t want to worry them. I didn’t want to call and tell them that

Robbie stopped breathing, that his heart stopped. They have so much to

deal with already.” A tear slipped down Julian’s face, and Simon used the hand still on Julian’s arm to turn him toward the door. Julian grabbed the backpack from the floor with one hand and the empty car seat with the

other. He followed Simon without a word as they made their way to the

elevators.

“Must have been fate that I drove today. I normally take the train,”

Simon said as they reached the tiny silver Yaris, which looked more like a keychain than a car.

“Why did you drive?” Julian asked with disinterest as he waited for

Simon to unlock the door. His shoulders sagged, giving him the look of a much older man.

“I was running late.”

They climbed into the car, Julian folding himself a little to

accommodate both his backpack and his body in the small space after

wedging the car seat in the back.

“This looks a lot like my Civic. The lighted displays and dials and

stuff, but in here they’re all so much closer to my face. This thing is like a bear humping a roller skate,” Julian grumbled as Simon laughed.

“Thank you for that mental image. I don’t have a kid to tote around.

Now, buckle up.”

“I don’t know why. It’s not like I’d go anywhere. I’m pretty trapped

in this seat.” Julian pulled the seat belt across his chest and clicked it before wrapping his arms around his backpack with a sigh. At that

moment, his stomach rumbled, breaking the preignition silence.

“When did you eat last?”

“I had oatmeal before I brought Robbie in for his test.”

“Well, that explains why you’re grumpy. There’s a little pub around

the corner from my place that has the best wings. Let’s get some food in you, and then I’ll drop you at home. Okay?” Simon asked as he turned the key and started the little car.

“Wait, you don’t have to wind it up first?”

“Is that a yes on food?”

A Heart for Robbie

93

“Why rush to get home to an empty house?”

Simon didn’t say it aloud, but he understood that question all too

well. He went home to an empty house every night despite his mother’s

best efforts. Sometimes, at night just before he drifted off to sleep, he could see it so clearly: a guy in the kitchen with him making dinner,

laughing, talking, touching. He shook his head to dispel the image because the guy looked way too much like the man in the passenger seat.

“Let’s go see what they have on tap.”

The drive to his place usually took somewhere between twenty and

ninety minutes depending on traffic, but they lucked out and were parked within half an hour. Julian shoved his backpack next to the car seat in the back to keep it out of view. Simon led Julian out of the small parking

garage and out to street level.

“Is this your building?” Julian asked, glancing up at the ten-story

structure towering above them. Rather plain, with beige-colored concrete and a darker brown trim, it looked like every other building on the block.

“Yeah, I figured it would be easier to park here than trying to find a

metered space.” Simon held his arm out, pointing in the direction of the pub, and then followed Julian around the corner. He tried not to stare at Julian’s ass in those jeans. Really, he did.

Most of the tables stood empty in the early evening as people started

to wander in from work, looking for a game on television, a frosty beer, and a plate of hot and hearty food. Simon led Julian to one of the tables off to the side, away from the blaring televisions. Two of the stools were

missing from the table, so they took the remaining ones, both at the back of the table, facing the open room. They were close but not cramped.

Simon could reach over and touch Julian, but he chose not to. Instead, he picked up a menu and started going through the selections he already

knew by heart.