A Headstrong Woman (27 page)

“Hey, Alex, what’s this I hear about you visiting a brothel?” Ben teased her.

Alexandria felt her cheeks color.

“Alright, who’s been talking?” she looked between Jonathon and Rusty. Rusty was grinning. “Funny,” she smiled despite herself. “Anyone else want make fun of my naivety?”

Ben had the good grace to look guilty.

She looked over to find Sparky watching her. He dropped his gaze when she met his. She settled back in fairly easily and enjoyed the familiarity of the routine.

That night after Anna, Lilly, and Millie were in bed Alexandria found herself restless and not ready for sleep. She slipped out onto the downstairs back porch and breathed deeply of the night air.

“What are you doing out here?” Jonathon asked as he crossed the yard.

Alexandria smiled and shrugged, “I wasn’t ready for bed.”

“Me either,” he leaned against the porch railing. “I should be, but I found myself so restless I was afraid I’d wake the others.”

“Know what you mean,” she agreed as she watched him seat himself on the railing; his long legs stretched toward the other end. She moved to the post opposite him at the corner of the porch and copied his pose; her booted feet came within an inch of touching his.

“This is comfortable,” she gazed up at the stars that she had been unable to see from the rockers on the porch.

“So what drove you out here, Alexandria?”

Alexandria smiled at him in the pale moonlight, “Too much thinking.”

“Ahh, thinking, a dangerous past time you know?” he teased her.

“So I’m finding out. I was startled to realize that I was more comfortable on the range today with a group of men than I have been with other women lately,” she admitted.

“That bothers you?”

“Yeah, I enjoy my mother and sister’s company and my friends but…”

“The combination of Ellie and Desiree was too much? I’m aware that neither of them treated you very well this past weekend.”

“I suppose so,” she sighed. “I try really hard to act like things don’t bother me but…”

“That stubborn tilt to your chin is hiding how you really feel and a sensitive heart,” he asked her and watched her frown at him.

“It really isn’t fair that you can do that,” she told him and gave his foot a gentle shove with hers.

“Sorry,” he smiled.

“Am I really that transparent?”

“Not transparent as much as I’ve learned to read your moods.”

“It scares me that you understand me so well,” she grumbled irritably.

“Understand you?” Jonathon smiled with a raised brow and shook his head. “I suppose that I understand you as much as any man ever understands a woman, but I hardly understand you. I’ve merely learned to read your moods.”

Alexandria smiled at his response and fell quiet for a moment before picking up her earlier train of thought.

“The truth is, I have female friends but I’ve never really felt that I fit in with other women. I’m not at all like a proper woman should be. Oh, I learned all the appropriate things but I… well, it’s not that I didn’t dream of falling in love and marrying and having kids. It’s just that, I’m not content with just that. I don’t guess I’m making any sense, huh?” she laughed.

“I think you are. You have more energy and drive than some men I’ve met, that doesn’t make you any less of a woman, Alexandria.”

“Others seem to think so,” Alexandria sighed. “I should learn an instrument…did that, not overly well granted. I should learn needlepoint or sewing…did that. I should learn to cook and manage servants…learned to cook from my mother, learned to manage servants from Elijah. I should be seen and not heard unless it’s an appropriate forum for women. I should take delicate steps; catch a husband, raise babies and think of…” Alexandria, humiliated by what she’d almost said, stopped short.

Jonathon was laughing across from her.

“London?”

“Jonathon!”

“You started it,” he reminded her.

“You finished it! This is not an appropriate conversation.”

“You weren’t raised that way were you?”

“No.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“Really, Jonathon, this conversation has gone far enough,” she muttered.

“Don’t get all prim on me now, Alexandria, it doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m not getting prim on you. This really isn’t an appropriate conversation.” Had he been able to see her he would have found her cheeks a deep shade of scarlet.

“Why? Emotions and feelings aren’t wrong, it’s how we handle what we feel that is right or wrong. Intimacy belongs in marriage, I don’t want you to get what I’m saying wrong, but I am tired of it being approached like a dirty thing. Marriage is supposed to be a mutual giving and taking. Women shouldn’t be taught that men have baser instincts and that nice girls don’t think that way, it’s nonsense,” Jonathon said rather passionately.

“You’re very forward thinking,” she was trying hard not to show how embarrassed she was. She didn’t want him to know just how inexperienced she really was in such things.

“I’m sorry, Alexandria. Emily was raised that way and it took her the first two years of our marriage to come to grips with that. It’s a huge injustice when we teach women to think that way.”

“I’ll make certain not to scar Lilly,” her tone was somewhat amused.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Jonathon chuckled.

“I’m sorry, Jonathon.”

“I bet you are.”

“I am,” she laughed.

“Are you looking forward to the picnic tomorrow?” Jonathon changed the subject to safer ground.

Alexandria slowly shook her head. “No, not really, I’ll feel terrible in my widow’s weeds among all those beautifully dressed women.”

“So wear something else,” he suggested.

“I can’t,” she sighed.

“Why not? Everyone knows how things really were, Alexandria, at least most do, and this isn’t exactly the east coast.”

“I can’t,” she reiterated. “And even if I did…”

“You have one of the worst inferiority complexes I’ve ever seen,” Jonathon informed her. “Just what is so ugly about you?”

“I didn’t say that I’m ugly, I’m just not as pretty and feminine as the other…”

“But you are, Alexandria; more so!” Jonathon insisted.

Alexandria sighed and stood to turn and look toward the silver mountains in the distance. She appreciated his attempt to cheer her but the mirror told her otherwise. “Jonathon, you’re a good friend and your opinion of me is colored by that I’m sure.”

Jonathon stood and moved to stand behind her. Alexandria turned to face him, her back now to the corner post.

“Alexandria, I am your friend, in fact, you may be the best friend I’ve got right now and I’m sure that affects my overall opinion of you, but may I remind you that I am also a man and as such an expert on what’s pretty and what isn’t.”

“An expert?” Alexandria laughed.

“Yes. You’re beautiful; Alexandria, from your green eyes and beautiful face to your small waist, slim hips, and impossibly long legs. Didn’t know I’d noticed?” he took in her wide eyes and surprised face. “I have, it’s kind of hard not to, Alexandria.”

Alexandria swallowed hard. This was the first time in her life that she had felt small and feminine.

“Graceful, that’s what comes to mind when I watch you,” he commented, though whether to her or himself he couldn’t have said.

“Jonathon…” it came out rather breathless. Alexandria’s heart was racing, her palms sweating, and she couldn’t hold a train of thought. It was both a frightening and exhilarating feeling rolled into one.

“Yes?” Jonathon’s voice was low.

“I…” Alexandria frowned and wet her dry lips. What had she been about to say? Jonathon reached up to push a stray strand of hair from her face and Alexandria felt her heart leap into her throat; it was pounding as though it wanted out. Hot and cold, that’s how she felt; hot and cold all at the same time.

Jonathon lowered his head and brushed a light kiss across her lips; he intended to stop there, instead he found himself claiming her mouth with his as he pulled her closer; his arms closed around her waist. He kept the kiss light.

When he finally released Alexandria, she was torn as to whether or not she was relieved. His kiss had been nice, too nice.

“That was a mistake wasn’t it?” Jonathon asked her. Alexandria nodded. “Yeah, I guess it was,” Jonathon sighed.

“It…it was just a kiss, a kiss between two lonely people, that’s all, we’ll forget it ever happened,” she said and moved around him to hurry into the house. Jonathon pushed a hand through his hair and blew out a long breath. Forget? He wasn’t certain he could forget… or that he wanted to.

***

“How do I look?” Anna asked her sister. Anna was wearing a dress from the new dressmaker in town. The skirt was in the latest style with wide China blue and white vertical stripes, narrow at the top and widening as it reached the hem. A wide white belt defined the waistline below a tailored jacket. The jacket was china blue with a yoked collar and sleeves that flared from the shoulder before tightening at the elbow. Under the jacket, Anna wore a white shirt with horizontal ruffles. A straw hat with a blue ribbon overlaid with white lace around the band sat at a saucy angle on her head.

“You look beautiful,” Alexandria assured her sister. She did and it made Alexandria feel even more morose than she had before coming down stairs. She had spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in her bed after leaving Jonathon.

“If this doesn’t get his attention I think I’ll give up,” Anna commented as she gathered her basket to take it to the wagon.

Alexandria colored and let the comment pass.

“Come on, Lilly,” she called to her daughter. She stepped onto the porch as Jonathon was helping Anna into the buggy.

“Good morning, Alexandria,” he greeted her and offered her his hand as she approached.

His eyes were intense as they searched her face and she knew he was looking for her reaction to their kiss the night before.

“Good morning, Jonathon,” she forced herself to meet his gaze.

“You ladies, look lovely this morning.”

“Thank you,” Anna smiled and lowered her lashes.

Alexandria felt like a mule beside a thoroughbred.

“I’ll see you ladies in town,” Jonathon tipped his hat, swung into Raven’s saddle, and started out ahead of them.

“I think he noticed!” Anna exclaimed as Alexandria set the buggy in motion.

“That’s nice,” Alexandria forced a smile.

Alexandria had trouble finding a place to park the buggy when they arrived in town and had to park well away from the festivities. She didn’t mind the walk. She turned and started carefully backing down.

“It amazes me that you ladies don’t break your necks in these ridiculous skirts you wear,” A familiar voice said as she found herself airborne and placed firmly on the ground.

“If we didn’t have to go to such ridiculous lengths to catch a husband we might dress more sensibly,” Alexandria quipped and forced a smile; she was determined not to let the events from the night before ruin her friendship with him. She could joke and pretend it had never happened; she could.

“You ladies could run around in sack cloth and we’d still pursue you,” Jonathon informed her as he helped Anna from the buggy and lifted Lilly out.

“There you are!” Shirley exclaimed as she hurried up to her daughter. “What took you so long?”

Alexandria frowned. She hadn’t known that she was expected. Her mother was already pulling her down the boardwalk and muttering something about a shop closing if they didn’t hurry. They entered a small narrow building and were greeted by a woman equally as tall as Alexandria.

“Mrs. Cannon, a pleasure. You must be Alexandria. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Mrs. Morris; I’m Mrs. Louis. Now if you’ll just go on back and change, there isn’t much time,” the elegant lady ushered her through a curtain and into a generous dressing room before disappearing.

Alexandria frowned at the curtain a moment before looking in front of her. She gasped when she did. In front of her hung the most beautiful outfit she’d ever seen. Along with it were all the under clothes she would need. She really should go back and demand to know what was going on but moved forward to change with the help of a young woman waiting nearby. Alexandria’s fingers itched to feel the beautiful fabric as she waited patiently for her corset to be tied. She emerged from the changing room and moved to stand in front of three mirrors that were arranged to show one a view of themselves from all angles.

“Oooh, Mommy’s a princess,” Lilly commented around a bite of sugar cookie.

Alexandria felt like a princess. The skirt was light green, fitted tight at the hips and flaring only moderately at the hem, perfect for Alexandria’s height.  The jacket was the same light green and cut to fit closely. The lapel cut in a V and the cuffs turned up and were decorated with embroidery. Small ornate buttons closed the jacket, which dipped to a point over the close fitting front. Beneath the jacket she wore a white vertically pleated shirt waist that buttoned high up the neck in back and around her waist a wide belt that dipped into a V and accentuated her small waist. A straw hat, died green and piped with velvet ribbon and an attached veil, hung from her hand. Mrs. Lois stepped forward to place it over her upswept hair. White kid gloves hugged her hands, low pumps encased her feet; and a white lace parasol was leaned against the settee waiting for her.