A Handful of Time (18 page)

“Here?” She poured the watch and chain into Ruth's lap.

Her mother gasped. “Where on earth did you get this, Patricia?”

“I—I found it in La Petite in July. It was under the floorboards,” she continued, as if Ruth didn't know. “Uncle Doug had ripped up the old linoleum. I know I should have shown it to someone, but I—I kind of liked it … so I kept it in the attic. But it must be the watch Nan lost, so I'd better give it back. Do you think she'll be angry?”

Ruth didn't speak for a moment. She ran her fingers up and down the chain in wonder. “I can't say—I just can't say how glad I am that you found this, Patricia,” she murmured finally. “I think I'd better tell you something about it and then you won't worry about Nan.”

Patricia waited, her former awe of her mother returning. Now she was going to admit how she'd deliberately kept the watch from Nan.

“When I was your age,” her mother began, her voice shaky, “I had a very bad summer here. I felt picked on and alienated from everyone in the family—especially from my mother. She tried to force me to be something I wasn't—a ‘nice young lady' who would make a good marriage. She wouldn't accept me as I was.” Ruth paused and looked into Patricia's eyes. “I guess I've done the same with you … not seen who you really are.” She looked down for a minute, then went on. “Anyway, the night of that costume party—which I do remember in every detail—” she added sheepishly, “I found the watch on the road soon after Mother had lost it. La Petite had just been built the summer before and the floor was only bare boards. I pried one up and hid the watch under it. It was a shameful thing to do, and I've always felt terribly guilty about it. For that and other reasons my relationship with Mother got worse and worse. I decided to leave home as soon as I could. When I won a scholarship to the University of Toronto they couldn't stop me, though Father certainly tried.”

“Why didn't you give the watch back?” Patricia couldn't help asking.

“I meant to. I meant to keep it hidden for just a few days. It gave me a feeling of power over Mother— I wanted to make her suffer. And then I was going to return it in triumph and she'd be so grateful she'd never yell at me again,” said Ruth dryly. Her face flushed. “But I kept putting it off. I was very bitter in those days. In many ways I had a right to be—but not that much. Then a friend from school asked me to stay with her on another lake. All the two weeks I was away I felt terrible and I swore I'd return the watch the minute I got back. But when I returned—oh, Patricia!—Father had put down linoleum. The watch was sealed underneath and I couldn't—I just
couldn't
—ask them to pull up the floor. Then I would have had to confess and be even more in their black books. It was cowardly and I've never forgiven myself for it.”

Patricia could see how difficult it would have been to tell. But she was relieved that Ruth hadn't meant to keep the watch from her mother forever.

“We can give it to her now,” she said softly.

“Yes, we can!” agreed Ruth. “She'll be so excited! Did you know it belonged to her first fiancé? She cared for it a great deal.”

“When Nan was here she said some things that were quite … awful,” said Patricia slowly, peering at her mother to see her reaction. “She might be really mad I kept the watch all this time.”

“I kept it from her much longer! Yes, Mother can be fierce. She's had a disappointing life in many ways and sometimes her anger about it erupts. But I guess at some point we have to forgive our parents.” She smiled ruefully at her daughter. “Even if they don't deserve it. Mother and I have become so used to not getting along that it's become a bad habit. But maybe this will change things. Maybe now she'll forgive
me
. It's not necessary to say where the watch has been all these years, as long as we give it back. We'll tell your Nan—we'll tell everyone—you've just found the watch under a rock or something. It will be our own guilty secret, all right?”

Patricia grinned with relief. “All right.” She recalled Nan suggesting that she and Patricia begin again. Perhaps all three of them could make a fresh start. Sometimes it might be best to forget the past. Or at least accept it, and then keep on going.

And she would never completely forget the special secret feeling of being in that time. She picked up the watch and swung it back and forth. “It doesn't work,” she said wistfully. “I keep trying to wind it, but it's broken.”

Ruth laughed. “You'd hardly expect it to work after lying under a floor for thirty-five years! Mother won't care, she'll be so overjoyed to have it at all. Did you read the inscription?” They bent over the watch together.

“Here you are!” Kelly and Trevor and Maggie burst through the door. “We bought you some comics, Patricia,” said Kelly. “Why don't we go to the fort? Then we can go swimming and try out Bruce's new snorkel and then we'll fix the raft. You still have a few days. Let's not waste them!”

“Go on,” smiled Ruth. “I'll wait for Ginnie and show her the watch.”

A
FTER ALL THE RAIN
the path was so muddy that Patricia had to straddle it on the hilly parts, gripping the bank on each side with her toes to keep from slipping.

She descended the steps to the beach, pulled the canoe into the water and steered it into the path of the setting sun. The water broke in little waves against the sides. Resting the paddle, she let the boat drift and waited to hear the loon. Above her, the trees were black shadows against the dim sky. Her family's voices drifted down from the cottage; they were all inside, but Patricia had come out alone to say goodbye to the lake.

She didn't want to leave tomorrow. The thought of going to England was exciting but scary. Even though she and Ruth were now friends, it would take a while to get used to each other's real selves.

And Ruth was still her mother. Yesterday Patricia had seethed with irritation after hearing all morning about the countless fussy preparations for their trip. Then she remembered how Ruth needed to feel in control. She surprised herself by saying to her mother in a teasing voice, “Relax, Mum. We'll get to London somehow, even if everything isn't done perfectly.”

Patricia wondered where she would be next summer. She might come here again … or she might not. Nothing was certain but the calm water around her and the tremulous bird call she finally heard.

Then she saw the loon for the first time. It glided ahead of her, peering around warily with its dark, straight-beaked head, its broad back half-submerged. It sank into the water and disappeared.

For an instant Patricia didn't know what time she was in. The lake and the loon's cry were out of time. They had been there before the Indians came, part of one endless summer that extended infinitely into the past and the future.

Then time settled into the present and Patricia paddled towards the shore.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Many thanks to Philippa Pearce and Oxford University Press for permission to use the lines from
Tom's Midnight Garden
(1958); and to my editor, David Kilgour, who helped me discover what I really meant.

THE LONG AWAITED NEW NOVEL BY
KIT PEARSON IS NOW AVAILABLE!

A Perfect Gentle Knight
tells the story of the six Bell children, each of them coping in different ways in the aftermath of their mother's death. Seen through the eyes of eleven-year-old Corrie, the story illustrates how a rich fantasy life can sometimes get in the way of reality. While elder sister Roz is growing up and out of the desire for fantasy games, eldest brother Sebastian, who fancies himself Sir Lancelot in their Round Table Game, continues to need them as much as ever, creating tension in the family. Corrie becomes concerned and worries that Sebastian may have lost his grip on what's real.

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It is the summer of 1940, and all of England fears an invasion by Hitler's army. Still, ten-year-old Norah Stoakes is shocked when her parents decide to send her and her younger brother, Gavin, to Canada as war guests. Travelling across the ocean is an adventure, but Norah's new life in Canada is a bigger challenge that she ever expected. Until, that is, Norah discovers a surprising responsibility that helps her accept her new country and her new home.

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It has been five years since Norah and Gavin arrived in Canada, and how that the war is ending, they will soon be going back to England. Norah is eager to see her parents again, but ten-year-old Gavin barely remembers them. He doesn't want to leave his Canadian family, his two best friends, and his dog. Then something happens that forces Gavin to make the most difficult decision of his life.

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