A Hand to Hold (25 page)

“If you’d do your part instead of chasing that
kinn
around all the time, he wouldn’t have to work so hard.”

Deborah struggled to let the comment slide.
Lord, help me!
“Naomi, this isn’t about me. Or you. This is about taking care of
Daed
.”

“He can’t sell this place,” Naomi shouted. “I won’t allow it.”

“I don’t see how you can stop him, if he’s set on it. And it may not even come to that. Stephen reminded him how the farm is Will’s legacy. That seemed to change his mind—or at least give him something to think about.”

Naomi looked ready to explode. “
His
legacy? Your illegitimate
kinn
doesn’t deserve any part of this land.” Her acidic tone dripped with anger. “Not a single blade of grass.”

Deborah could take insults about herself, but not about her son. She picked him back up and held him close. “He is my
kinn
, and he’s as much a part of this
familye
as you and I are!” She took a deep breath and said, “Naomi, we need to focus on
Daed
. If the farm’s too much for him to handle . . . maybe he should sell it.” From the way Naomi’s face reddened, Deborah regretted voicing the thought out loud. And it hadn’t been easy to say. But it was something she’d prayed about the last few days since her talk with Stephen. At first, the idea of letting go of the farm had pained her, but she couldn’t ignore how exhausted and withdrawn her father had become. “We have to be realistic. Trying to keep the farm running isn’t worth ruining
Daed’s
health or spirit.”

“I can’t believe this. I
refuse
to believe it.” She stared at Deborah. “Stephen told you all this? He’s lying to you, but you’re such a fool you can’t see it.”

“Why would he lie to me?”

“Ever think he might want the farm for himself ? He shows up here all of the sudden, offering to help
Daed
. He’s here every night checking out the property, assessing the value, calculating its worth.”

“That’s not true.” Deborah couldn’t accept Naomi’s theory. “Stephen wouldn’t do something like that.”

Naomi scoffed. “Pathetic. That’s what you are. All a
mann
has to do is say a few nice words and you’ll believe whatever he tells you. You’ll do whatever he wants.” She looked at Will, disgust coloring her features.

Deborah stepped away from her, pierced by her sister’s anger. “What did I do to make you so angry with me?”

Naomi glared at her, her eyes blazing. Then she spun around and stormed off.

Stephen stood near the barn, unable to move as he watched Deborah and her sister argue several yards away. Neither woman had noticed him. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but from his vantage point, he had a clear view of Naomi. Anger radiated off of her; he could sense it from this distance. Will clung to Deborah, his chin resting on her shoulder. He saw the fear in the child’s eyes, and that spurred him to move.

Just as he reached the backyard, Naomi stormed into the house, Deborah watching her go. Will’s eyes met his and the toddler lifted up his chin.
“Da!”

Deborah spun around, and the look on her face made Stephen halt his steps. Stricken didn’t begin to describe her expression. Her lips were a slash of red against her stark white skin, and her body trembled all over.

He rushed to her. “Are you all right?”

She looked up at him, opening her mouth but not saying a word. Will twisted in her arms, pushing against her shoulders as he tried to get out of her grip.

Stephen held out his arm to the boy. “Let me take him for a minute.”

She shook her head and took a step back. “
Nee
. He’s fine. I’m fine.” Her words ran together in one breath.

“Look, I don’t know what happened with you and Naomi, but you’re not fine.” This time, when Will held out his arms, Stephen took him. “You need to sit down.”

Her breathing came in spasms, and she shook her head.

“No arguments.” Tucking Will against his side, he put his other hand underneath Deborah’s arm and led her to a small wooden bench on the edge of the garden. “Sit.”

She looked as if she would refuse, then she lowered herself onto the bench. Stephen sat beside her, balancing Will on his knee. He bounced the child up and down as he looked at Deborah. “Take a deep breath.” He watched her try to calm herself. “That’s it.”

Her breathing slowed, her shoulders dipping as the tension eased from them. “I don’t understand it,” she finally said, not looking at him.

“Understand what?”

“Why she’s so angry with me.” She looked up at him this time. “It’s like she . . . hates me.”

“That’s not true. It can’t be.” Growing up Amish, he’d been taught not to hate, not to even utter the word. He knew Deborah and Naomi had been raised the same way.

Her gaze went to Will, and Stephen thought that she might take him. But she didn’t. Instead she stared at her child, her eyes filling with sorrow. “Then why does she insult me? Insult my
sohn
?”

He couldn’t answer that. Naomi hadn’t said much to him these past two weeks, even though he had tried to make conversation with her. He gave up after a while. Bitterness flowed from the woman. Moses never discussed his daughters, other than the one time that he’d mentioned they might never get married. The more he learned about Naomi’s brittle personality, the more convinced he became that their father had been right.

His heart ached at the pain on Deborah’s face. Her eyes were dry, but he would rather see her tears than the heavy sorrow she couldn’t release. He’d never felt so helpless in his life. Without thinking, he put his arm around her shoulders. “It’ll be all right, Deborah.”

She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. His arm tightened around her. He closed his eyes. Something pulled at him, deep inside. Having her close to him felt
right
. As if he were meant to be there for her at that moment, comforting her while he held her son. When she looked up at him, his heart halted, his gaze lost in the deep brown of her eyes, his fingers suddenly longing to glide across the flawless skin of her cheeks.

Then, in a movement so swift he barely had time to respond, she pulled away and took Will out of his arms. She popped up from the bench and began to walk away. He followed her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Deborah—”

“Don’t.” She kept her back to him. “Don’t touch me, Stephen.”

His heart ripped at her words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean . . .” He swallowed. “I want to help you. That’s all.”

“I don’t need your help.” She looked at him, her expression raw. “Naomi was right about one thing. I am a fool.” Then she ran back to the house.

Stephen stilled, floored by her rejection. What did she mean by that?

“Now if he gets upset, you can give him his little brown bear. That seems to calm him down.” Deborah handed Elisabeth her diaper bag. It was Saturday afternoon, and her friends had stopped by for a visit, then insisted on taking Will for a couple of hours so she could have a break. Deborah had refused at first. Will had never been away from her before, and she wasn’t sure he could handle it. It took almost fifteen minutes for Elisabeth to convince her to agree.

As they walked out the door, she saw Aaron standing at the bottom of the porch stairs. “You did it,” he said, grinning. “Congratulations.”

Elisabeth gave her husband a warning look, and his smile disappeared, replaced by a guilty expression.

“What was that about?” Deborah said, holding Will as she watched Aaron slink back to the buggy.

“Oh,
nix
.”

“C’mon. I know you better than that. Aaron wouldn’t have disappeared like that if he hadn’t said something he shouldn’t.”

Elisabeth grimaced. “All right. He said I wouldn’t be able to convince you to let us keep Will this afternoon.”

“I’m still not sure it’s a
gut
idea.” She held on to Will a little tighter. He arched his back in response.

“Now hold on a minute. First off, Aaron always underestimates my powers of persuasion. You’d think someday he’d figure out that I can talk—I mean encourage—anyone into doing anything.”

“Yes, your badgering—I mean encouraging—skills are pretty
gut
.”

Elisabeth laughed, which made Deborah grin. It felt good to smile, even for a moment. The past two days had been awful. Naomi was colder to her than ever before, though Deborah hadn’t thought that was possible. And the guilt over running away from Stephen wouldn’t go away. He hadn’t stopped by in the past few days, and she couldn’t blame him. He had been so caring, and she had treated him so poorly. Yet what choice did she have? He had put his arm around her in a friendly way, and she had turned into a puddle of mush, laying her head on his shoulder and soaking in his comfort, her mind traveling beyond that moment and thinking about what it would feel like to be wrapped in his huge arms, to feel his kiss—

Her smile disappeared as her emotions warred inside. She was hopeless. And as her sister said, a fool.

“Deborah?” Elisabeth snapped her fingers once. “You’re not changing your mind, are you?” She held her hands out to Will. “Here,
yung mann
, let me take you before your
mudder
backs out.” The toddler went to Elisabeth without protest.

Deborah watched her friend and son for a moment, listening as Elisabeth cooed a few nonsense words to Will. “You’ll be a
gut mudder
when the time comes, Elisabeth.”

“I’m not sure about that.” She sighed. “But Aaron’s terrific with
kinner
.” She lowered her voice. “He’s ready to be a
daed
. But God hasn’t seen fit to let it happen, at least not yet. I think it’s my fault.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I have a lot of doubts about having a
boppli
. I’ve been praying about it a lot, asking God to help me have more confidence about being a
mudder
. I don’t think it will come naturally to me, like it did you.”

Deborah was flattered by her words, but she shook her head. “It will, Elisabeth. I was terrified before Will was born. What did I know about having a
boppli
? I didn’t have any nieces or nephews to watch, and I was all alone.”

Elisabeth sobered. “I’m sorry. Here I am whining about my
dumm
doubts while you had to
geh
through this all by yourself.”

“They’re not
dumm
, Elisabeth. I’m sure if I had been married I would have had the same fears. But God helped me through it, and He’ll help you, when you have your children.”

Restless, Will wiggled in Elisabeth’s grasp. “You better get going, or else
he’ll
change his mind,” Deborah said.

“Will do.
Danki
for the advice.” Elisabeth smiled. “We’ll take
gut
care of him for you.”

“I know you will.” But even though she felt reassured that her son was in safe hands with Elisabeth and Aaron, it didn’t make watching them leave any easier. After the buggy disappeared, she didn’t know what to do next. Naomi had left for Middlefield earlier in the day to do some shopping, and her father, as usual, was out working, this time in the cornfield, double checking that all the good ears had been picked and collecting the ones that never fully matured for the pigs. For the first time since before Will’s birth, she was completely alone.

A cool breeze kicked up, making the ribbons of her
kapp
flutter. A couple of orange and red leaves skittered across the porch. Noticing the dust on the porch, she picked up a broom and started sweeping. The mundane task helped keep her mind off Will. But it would take a lot more than sweeping to put Stephen out of her mind.

Chapter 17

A
s Stephen made his way to the Coblentzes’, he saw Aaron and Elisabeth’s buggy on the opposite side of the road. He slowed, and when he waved, he saw Will sitting on Elisabeth’s lap. His sister had been talking about taking care of Will and giving Deborah a break, but he was surprised to see Aaron with her. Then again, his sister had never been confident in her babysitting skills. Aaron must’ve taken the day off to lend his support.

He directed Trapper down the dirt road to the Coblentz farm. He had missed being here. Two days ago, Byler and Sons had gotten a huge order for bookcases from a Yankee customer, and he had spent the past couple days helping his father and brothers with it. But the whole time he’d been in the shop, he’d itched to come back to the farm. Something strange had happened in the three weeks he’d been helping the Coblentzes. He had fallen in love with farming.