A Graceful Mess (35 page)

“Hey, sweetheart, are you ready to do this?” Parker asks as I get out of the car and walk towards him. The small jet owned by Porter & Sons is about to gain another heir to the family business.

“I am so ready. I can’t wait to hold him. The pictures do not do him justice. I know it.”

“I know. Let’s go get our little boy.”

Boarding the plane, Parker grabs my hand and doesn’t let go until we are getting out of the cab in the city. My thoughts wander as my mind recalls the events that have led us here as I take my first step onto the sidewalk. To imagine my life without Parker isn’t a possibly my brain can even grasp, and knowing that he was almost taken away by Brody’s hand makes me feel lightheaded. Just the thought of his name still gets to me, even though I know there is no possible way he could ever hurt me or my family again. I remember the call like it was yesterday.

Parker was packing my lunch because, as always, I was running late. Who would have guessed my punctual and anal behavior would have faded so fast? The phone rang as I was walking to the kitchen. Parker said hello and then his face turned as white as a ghost. That was the day Brody killed himself in prison. About a week later I was checking the mail and there was a letter in there with a stack of bills and other junk mail. Never once did I ever have the courage to read any of his letters. Although I got them almost as regularly as I got the electricity bill, but for some reason I felt drawn to open it. I waited until Parker had come home from the gym. He asked me countless times if I was sure I wanted to open it. I wasn’t a hundred percent, but I needed to know. After all he was gone. His words couldn’t hurt me anymore. I wouldn’t let them. Opening the letter I was shocked as my eyes skimmed the paper in front of me.

Grace,

I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I’m sick, but that is no excuse for the things I have done. I can’t live knowing you hate me. I’m sorry, Gracie.

Goodbye.

B

That is the last memory I have of Brody Hendricks and the last time I would ever allow myself to think of him. Parker kissed me more passionately than he ever had that night, and then he took me and made me forget. When I woke up the next morning, the letter was gone and so was Brody’s memory.

Parker nudges my arm breaking me from my daze. I read the sign in front of us, “Saint Vincent de Paul Orphanage for the Innocent.” The building is huge, and a little dark and dreary, I might add. Knowing I lived here, for even a short period of time, should make me nervous to go inside, but honestly it doesn’t. It makes me more eager to get inside and do what we came here to do.

“Let’s go sign these papers and bring our baby home.”

I love this man, and I will love this baby.

Walking up the snow covered steps, I am reminded of the harsh winters we had in Maine when I was younger. A snowball flies in front of me as two older boys laugh and duck behind a bush. Turning back around, I see a little girl – she can’t be older than three – holding a nun’s hand. The other hand is close to her chest holding a small, white, stuffed rabbit. It looks like my childhood rabbit, Lucky.
Thinking back to the comfort that stuffed animal brought me, I also remember things that my mind wouldn't allow me to over the past few years.
Mother Helen gave me the rabbit, just like she gave all of the children here. Therapy has helped me tremendously, especially since I had an abundance of repressed memories. But looking into this little girl's eyes, I see myself, scared and alone, with only one possession to call my own...my stuffed rabbit.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” the nun says as she passes by Parker and I. He nods and allows her to walk in front of us and up the steps. The little blonde haired girl turns around and smiles.

“I’m Sophia,” she says with a smile and pure innocence that causes goosebumps to rise all over my body. I can feel Parker’s hand grasping mine tighter and tighter. He knows. He felt it too.

The nun gives a weary smile and guides her through the door. Turning my head slightly so I can see Parker’s face, he is grinning from ear to ear. Out of all the places in the world, what are the chances that the day we come to adopt our first child, there would be a blonde named Sophia who is a spitting image of me as a child? Taking it as a sign, I have a feeling in my gut we will be becoming a family of four today, instead of the original planned three. We make our way to the office, where we are about to sign adoption papers and bring our sweet boy, Hayden, home.

There was no talking things through, no long, drawn out discussion. After I graduated law school, we wanted to wait until my career was established. Mark left Alexis and I a good chunk of change in his will, and we split his life insurance money. While she can’t touch hers until she is twenty-one, I could. So we built a house on Parker’s land, paid off my student loans, and updated Parker’s cabin for my parents. The only other big purchase we made was building the gym. Parker splits his time between the office and running the gym now. He was my dream come true, even if I didn’t know at the time that I was wishing for him. It’s only fair he got to live his dream of opening a gym too.

His parents decided it was best to move up here after things settled down. They hired a few more detectives to run the site in Alabama, and they have enjoyed living here the past few months. My brothers share a room and the cabin is big enough that they had one of the extra rooms made into a little boy’s nursery, for when Hayden stays over with them. When we decided we were ready to start a family, we knew what we needed to do. Adoption was our first choice. We may have more children in the future, and we're not opposed to having our own biological children, but if we could rescue a child and love a child the way my adoptive parents did with me, why not? Coming to peace with things that have happened wasn’t easy in the slightest, but it brought me here, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the entire world.

“All right, so here are the documents. I just need you both to sign each one and then date them. The funds have been received by our attorney, so this is the last little bit. Once this paperwork is complete, Hayden will become Hayden Porter.” A smile crosses my face although I still have a feeling of guilt that I just cannot seem to shake.
Ever since that little girl said her name was Sophia, I felt, I don’t know, conflicted?

“Wait, I’m sorry. Can we please have a minute alone?”

“Yes, of course. This is a very, very big decision. Take all the time you need.”

As soon as the door shuts, Parker is already on his phone. The best part is I know who he is calling.

“Hey, Miles, it’s Parker Porter. We need some additional papers drawn up. Fast. Like in the next five minutes if that is possible. Her name is Sophia, and we would like to adopt her while we are here. Yes, she and Hayden will both be coming home with us. Yes, Miles I know. I will make arrangements for us to stay in town the rest of the week. One week, that’s it. I know we are good to go on Hayden, so I can’t imagine how much harder it is for you to make this happen with Sophia. Please just email me as soon as possible. Thank you.”

Without words, he knew, just like he knows me from the inside out. Today he has made me the happiest woman in the world. Today he has made it possible for me to be a mother, to save these two adorable children’s lives, to love them the way I was loved. That’s the beauty of life though. You learn to love and then give love. It doesn’t always come easily, or it may come fast, but once you’ve loved, whether it be your partner or a child, there is no better feeling in the world. I love my husband with everything I am, and I will love these children just as much.

Scrolling through my cell phone I send a quick text to Maci. I know she will have her hands full today preparing for the welcome home party, but she can handle it. After all, she and Ramsey have been juggling their own little rugrats for a while now.

Please call the bakery and order another cake and push the party back a week.

Parker grabs my hand as we both stare down at my phone, waiting for her response.

Okay, does it need to say anything special? Wait…is everything okay with baby Hayden.

My fingers pound away on the phone’s screen.

He is fine, but we are…well, we need another cake that says “Welcome home, Sophia.”

A few seconds pass, but it feels like hours until my phone buzzes in my hand.

OMFG. Two?

Parker and I both bust out laughing.

Just tell my parents and Parker’s that we have a really big surprise for them.

Looking over and staring at my husband’s handsome face and into his hazel eyes, I know we are ready to take this next step, and I know he is going to be an amazing father.

Life hasn’t been easy, and I can’t see what the future holds, but I know as long as I have my family, we can make it through anything. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined I would be where I am today, and it all started that night at the bar, the night his hazel eyes undressed me. The happily-ever-after I sought, but knew I didn’t deserve was my own burden. I was tainted by Brody’s evil and had become a shell of the girl I once was. As I grew into adulthood, I remained hollow. I never thought true love existed. I never thought I would or could be freed from my past, but he did. Parker found a way into my heart and healed me. He taught me to let go, to love, to explore, and to be comfortable simply being me. In the process, looking back, I guess we healed each other. He wasn’t nearly as jaded as I was, but he had also been hurt before. Sometimes you don’t know how broken you once were, until you finally feel whole. Parker Porter filled a void I didn’t know I had. He completed me and made me whole, again.

Staring into my adoring husband’s eyes, I know without a shadow of a doubt, he was worth the mess, even if the fall wasn’t graceful.