A Graceful Mess (21 page)

Four days have passed since the shooting and I still haven’t seen Parker, but Carson has kept me updated. He should be getting discharged around noon today. Maci has been a wonderful friend through all this. She was there then too, when Brody killed my child, when he stole my light and his evil filled every nook around me. She never gave up on me. There were times I would lie in her arms sobbing from nightmares reliving that night. She would lie with me until the tears stopped. I consider her way more than a best friend; she is more like my sister. How could I abandon her now? After all she helped me through. My parents are worried about me, I get it, but I am worried about Maci and Parker. Brody would do anything in his power to hurt me, to get me back for what I did to him. For some reason he had it in his mind that I was giving the baby up to hurt him. In reality I was giving the baby up so we could be teenagers. Finish high school, go to college, and one day when we decided to settle down and get married, we would have a baby. He didn’t like that plan, so he did what he did to interrupt it. An interruption which killed a living, breathing part of me. So I of all people know all too well what he is capable of doing, and I will do everything in my power to prevent him from taking more people I love away from me. I want to surprise Parker at his house with dinner, but first I know I need to talk to my parents.

Pulling into the driveway, I put my car into park. I haven’t been home in quite a while, but everything still looks the same. The neighborhood kids are all playing basketball in the streets, and sounds of dogs barking and music blaring from garages sound like home and bring me back to a much simpler time in my life. Walking into the house I am greeted with the warm smell of fresh vanilla. My mom is a free spirit, to put it lightly. Sometimes I think she is still living in her Woodstock days, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Compared to my dad, who was a corporate businessman and her total opposite, they are perfect for each other. Like yin and yang, they even each other out. Their lives are much less chaotic since we moved to Iowa. In Maine, it was like we were the picture perfect family, going to banquets for my father’s company all the time, plastered on smiles in front of the fireplace for the holidays, volunteering at homeless shelters. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others, but not when it’s forced, which it was. Moving here was the best thing that ever happened. Leaving and starting over are things that people only dream about, but not us. Not our family. We made it a reality. What happened once we got here wasn’t so great, but we made it through. Not only did I prove to be a warrior in life, but my family did as well. They were as much devastated by what Brody did as I was.

My mom walks out of the kitchen in a black apron.

“Hey, honey. I am so glad you finally called us. I sure wish it didn’t take four whole days, but better late than never. Come here and give me a hug. I’ve been so worried about you.”

Walking over to her I give her a kiss on the cheek and then walk into the kitchen and kiss my dad on the cheek too. He is sitting at the table reading the newspaper in his flannel pajamas and black-rimmed glasses.

“The boys are out back if you want to say hello.”

My two younger brothers are twins. They are twelve and a handful. I think they both think they are invincible. The thought makes me laugh. Too many times to count we have made trips to the ER due to their tree climbing adventures.

“I’ll see them later; I really just wanted to stop by to apologize.” My dad nods as my mom pulls out a chair next to him, sits down, and folds her hands on her lap. I follow her lead and sit down at the round table too.

“I know you both had my best interests in mind, but you have to see where I am coming from.” I hold my hand up to stop anyone from interrupting me. Continuing I take a deep breath, “I love Parker. He has truly been a gift, and I am so thankful to have met him. And you both know I love Maci. I couldn’t just leave them. Brody had the chance to kill me and who knows how long he has been out of jail? He’s had plenty of opportunities. I’m scared, okay? I am. I admit it. Every time I use the bathroom, I open the shower curtain first; every time I get in my car, I check the back seat. I am so terrified he will find me, but I cannot hide anymore and that is my choice and mine alone. I can only hope you will both support me and know that I am a woman now. I am not that same girl he attacked. If anything it all made me stronger. That was a major defining moment for me. At first I let what he did weigh me down and turn me into a hollow person, but not anymore and I have Parker to thank for that. We’ve really gotten to know each other, and he is really sweet, and I know he cares about me. He wouldn’t have pushed me away if he didn’t.”

It’s like a light bulb flashes in my head. Parker pushed me away. There has to be a reason, maybe something he knows that I don’t. No way. He couldn’t possibly know about Brody. I know Maci would have never said anything. Unless she told Ramsey, who I guess could have told Parker, but that is highly unlikely. I would trust Maci with my life, and I know my darkest secret is safe with her too. I know she wouldn’t tell, but what other reason would he have to push me away? I know he was hurt by his last girlfriend, but I’ve never once given him a reason not to trust me. It just doesn’t make sense.

My mom’s voice breaks my stupor, “Well, honey, we don’t know much about this Parker fella, but we do know about Brody, and we just want you to be safe. The thought of losing you kills us.”

“I know, you guys, but it won’t come to that. I promise.”

“I think it is about time we show you something. You have to promise not to get upset. We have only kept this from you for your own protection.”

What is she talking about?

“Come up to the attic with us.” They both stand and walk into the hallway. I am at a loss for words as their strange behavior takes me off guard. My dad pulls down the short string in the hallway and wooden steps descend from the ceiling. Helping my mom up first, he then gestures for me to follow. It is dark other than the light coming from a flashlight.

Kneeling by an old tattered box my mom starts to sniffle.

“Sit down, Gracie.” She pats the floor beside her.

Are they going to tell me I am the milkman’s baby or something?

“Gracie, you know how much your mother and I love you, and everything we do and have ever done has been to protect you. We didn’t know the lengths Brody would go to find you.” He inhales deeply and for some reason I feel like what he is going to say is really bad. My body tenses waiting for his words.

“Brody was released from jail the same day you finished your undergraduate degree.” My chest feels tight as my eyelids fight to hold the tears at bay. It’s a losing battle as anger, confusion, and betrayal overwhelm me.

“What?”

“We received a letter in the mail from our attorney advising us that the court granted his parole. Five years is a long time, though it certainly isn’t long enough for what he did, but they deemed otherwise.”

Anger pumps through my veins.

“How could you hide that from me?” I shout through gritted teeth while angry tears stream down my face. “How could you not warn me?” My body slouches down as my hands attempt to hide the hurt on my face.

“Grace, you have to understand, we are your parents. It is our job to protect you. We thought we were doing what was best. We see now that we should have told you. Maybe we could have convinced you to come stay the summer with us. But that day at the café, you looked so happy. I couldn’t tell you, although the secret has been weighing on my shoulders ever since we decided not to.”

“So let me just get this straight, you just casually talked about this? Not once did you guys consider I needed to be made aware. He…that fucking lunatic was released, and you didn’t think I needed to know?”

“Grace, do not talk to your mother with those foul obscenities. Do you hear me?”

The thought of sitting in this cramped attic with my parents for one more second makes me feel physically ill. As I stand up, my mom grabs my wrist and pulls me back down to a sitting position.

“There’s something else.” She pauses. “We’ve had this box up here since the incident. The police wanted us to keep it. They have the originals of all of it, so these are only copies.” My mom opens the cardboard box. It looks like stacks of papers rest inside of it.

“Brody kept a journal. We didn’t have the stomach to read them, and you might not either, but we are done hiding things from you. Gracie, your father and I love you more than anything in this world. With time I hope you can forgive us.” Then they both get up and climb back down the ladder, leaving me alone and feeling emotionally wrecked in the attic. The flashlight flickers as my hand reaches up to grab the first piece of paper. It is dated, and is in Brody’s handwriting. Writing I so vaguely remember from the notes he passed me during Algebra all semester.

I will fucking kill her and that baby. Who does she think she is?

I can’t bear to read the rest. Wiping my tears, I grab the box and hold it on my side, climb down the ladder, and walk out their front door to my car. I don’t have anything to say to my parents and there is only one place in the world I want to be: with Parker.

The nurse comes in and explains my discharge instructions to me. Carson helps hold the clipboard as I sign my release papers and prepare to go home. The doctor said I should be fine in a few weeks as long as I abide by my extensive physical therapy plan.

“Do you want me to wheel you out?”

He has been a big help the past few days, but Carson is still my smart ass little brother.

“Hell yeah, I want you to wheel me out. Do you know what it feels like to get shot?”

“Oh, okay, Parker. So you’re going to milk this for all it’s worth, aren’t ya?”

“Shut the hell up and take me home.”

It feels good to be home, but the silence is almost eerie. I don’t know if my imagination has been in overdrive for the past few hours, but I swear after Carson left I heard footsteps. Josie never barked, so I chalked it up as paranoia. This time I do hear something – loud thumping on the front door. Opening my nightstand, I grab a small pistol from the bottom drawer. I’ve never carried it or even had reason to shoot it, other than at the range, but I won’t hesitate now. That’s for damn sure. Tucking the gun behind my back, I secure it in the waist of my pants and make my way into the living room. I see Grace pacing back and forth through the windows that frame the door. I open the door, and for a split second time stands still as our eyes hold one another in place.

“Grace.” The sound of her name leaving my mouth brings back a rush of images and emotions. The look on her face hovering over me, her hands holding my shoulder as blood squirted out of my wound. That is something I will never forget, but here she is. She looks so scared and all I could say was her name.

“Parker.” She lurches forward and wraps her arms around my body.

“Ahh…sweetheart. Easy now.” Her tight grip around my shoulder sends shooting pains down my arm.