A Glimpse of the Dream (39 page)

Teagan

Simon saw the last partygoers to the door, but my thoughts remained on Kane. Our moment in my office had been incredible. I wondered what he had been thinking, what fantasy he was having, because there had been a deliberateness to his actions, a longing that I’d sensed hadn’t quite been quenched with that fast but fantastic ride. I was up for anything, would do anything, have anything done to me, as long as it was Kane doing it. Just thinking about the possibilities made my body respond in a very pleasant way. Since that moment in my office, though, he had been acting odd. Distant. I couldn’t wait to get him home so I could ask him what was troubling him. Besides, I had a surprise for him, one I knew he was really going to like.

“Have to hand it to my mom. She outdid herself. We made some really good contacts tonight.”

“We did, and we sold quite a bit too.”

“Added bonus. Where’s Kane?” Simon asked exactly what I was wondering.

“Not sure. I saw him earlier, but that was over an hour ago. I’ll see if he’s in the back.”

Nervousness, or maybe it was worry, had my heart pounding in my throat. Checking my office, I discovered that he wasn’t there, nor was he in the small room we used to consult with clients. After a quick sweep of the store, my worry turned to panic.

“Simon, he’s not here.”

“What? He’s got Zeus. Maybe he just went for a walk.”

“He’s doesn’t know the way and neither does Zeus.”

“Does he have his phone?”

“Oh, right.” Hurrying to the counter, I grabbed my phone out of my purse. Dialing Kane, my hands shook as I put the phone to my ear. It went right to voice mail. Fear clawed at me. He could be anywhere and, not being able to see, he wouldn’t know which direction was up. Even with Zeus, how would he know where he was?

“What do we do?” I was bordering on hysterical.

“Calm down first. He’s a grown man. If he gets into trouble, he’ll figure it out. Seriously, Tea, he isn’t a helpless child.”

I knew that, and still I couldn’t stand the thought of him out there alone and blind in a strange city, especially since he was only in Boston because I had asked him to come.

“My guess, Zeus knows the way home, if nothing else, so let’s check the apartment first.”

“Okay.” A rational move. I needed that, since I wasn’t thinking clearly at all.

Throwing the door open, I called out. “Kane, are you here?”

He came out of my room, dressed in jeans and a tee. He was wearing sneakers and a jacket.

“Are you going somewhere?”

“Home.”

“Now?”

“Yeah.”

Simon moved past me into the apartment. “I’ll be in my room,” he said before disappearing down the hall.

“What’s going on?”

“I never asked you about college, about your studies. Hearing you tonight, I realized how much you love what you do.”

“I do.”

“I’m proud of you, proud of what you’ve accomplished despite what I put you through.”

“Kane, what’s going on?”

“I need to do the same. You’re right, I was hiding, afraid of living, so I buried myself on that island in a solitary life. Asking you to give this all up for that isn’t fair.”

“You’re not—”

“Let me finish, please. I’m blind. I’ve finally come to terms with that. I won’t be the man I thought I’d be when I was that eleven-year-old. There are so many things I’ll never be able to do. I mourned for that for a long time—up until a few hours ago, if I’m being perfectly honest. But though I’m not who I thought I’d be, I can still do so much. Witnessing the life you created here only reinforces that. I don’t want you to have to give anything up, and I don’t want to be a burden. I want to be able to make it on my own, to find my own niche, to be self-sufficient, so we’re stronger together, and it’s not just me pulling you down. I’ve been working toward that, taking classes online, learning about business and finance.”

I hadn’t known he was doing that. I was happy to hear he was. “For the inn?”

“Raven’s Peak to start, but I want to open multiple inns, if I can.”

“I think that’s a wonderful goal.”

“I’m going home, Tea, going to work my ass off to be the man you deserve.”

And just like that, the happy glow faded, the familiar knot in my stomach returning. “You’re pushing me away again.”

“No, just trying to stand on my own two feet.”

My head got it, but my heart wasn’t on the same page. “Call it what you want, but you’re holding yourself back. I can’t do this again, Kane. Can’t be left again.”

“Can you not see that I need to do this for myself, and, in doing it for me, it will be for you too?”

“What I see is you pulling back into yourself. You don’t want my help. You don’t want me to treat you differently because you’re blind, and yet at every turn you place your blindness right there between us.”

“I’m not pulling away, Tea.”

“You are, you’re here, dressed to leave without me. You’re leaving me again.” The ache I had lived with for years was back, and even more devastating.

His face turned fierce, and he stepped closer to me. “I’m not leaving you.”

“You are.” I wanted to curl up in a ball, wanted to disappear again.

“Tea.”

“Go, just go. Find what I can’t give you. Put your demons to rest, but know this: You leave here now, I won’t be following. You want me, you know where to find me.”

He looked incredulous as well as hurt. “Of course I want you.”

At that moment, I honestly couldn’t agree with his heartfelt declaration.

“I don’t want to leave things like this,” he whispered.

I couldn’t stop the tears even if I’d wanted to. It was all too familiar, too much like the last time. “Please just go.”

He turned and walked into my bedroom, and my heart cracked open. I couldn’t believe this was happening again. When he returned, he had his bag over his shoulder and his dog at his side. Watching as he headed to the door, I was screaming inside for him to stay, to stay with me. He reached for the doorknob, his voice so soft I almost missed it, “Love you, Tea.”

And then he was gone, walking out of my life again.

Teagan

Lying in bed the morning after Kane left me, I stared up at the ceiling. Simon lay next to me, his arms folded under his head.

“He didn’t leave you.”

“You keep saying that, but it sure as hell feels like it.”

“He’ll be back. He needs to do this, needs to know he can do it, can manage without you, so being with you won’t feel like helplessness.”

“I get it in theory, but it still hurts like hell.”

“Yes, well, that’s why I suggested eating Sunshine’s brownies.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Simon nearly fell out of the bed. “What?” His eyes moved down to my stomach. “You are?”

“Yep. I took the test before we left Maine. I had planned on telling Kane last night after the party.”

“Kane doesn’t know?”

“Nope, and during his speech about needing to stand on his own didn’t really seem like the best time to drop it on him.”

“You need to tell him.”

“I realize that, but how’s that going to go? He’ll come back because he’s responsible, and then he’ll grow to resent me and our child, since he never did find whatever the hell it is he’s looking for.”

“You’re upset, I get that, but deep down you know what he’s doing is what’s best for him. You’re just upset that you can’t be at his side while he does it.”

“What if he can’t? What if he never finds what he’s looking for?” It was my biggest fear.

“I don’t think—”

Sitting up, I looked back at Simon. “Seriously, what if he can’t? What if his blindness is too much for him to overcome?”

“I don’t know.”

“I agree with what he’s doing. Ever since I returned, I’ve been thinking he needed to do something like this, but I’m afraid that he won’t find his way to the other side. He’s had so much time already.”

“He never had the enticement he has now.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You. He didn’t have you. He does now, and he has that one,” Simon said, touching my belly. “Amazing what a good incentive can accomplish. When are you going to tell him?”

“Don’t know.”

“Don’t wait too long.”

Dropping back on the bed, I really wished I could have two or three of Sunshine’s brownies.

Kane

Two months ago, I’d left a heartbroken Tea. I’d called her every day and, though she sounded hopeful, there was a sadness about her. I wanted her with me, but I understood why she wouldn’t come. She was right. I needed to go to her. And when I did, I’d be a man more deserving of her.

Breathing deeply, my hands actually shook a little, but it wasn’t just nerves, it was also excitement. I was having the first staff meeting for the inn. I won’t lie, when I first returned home the whole idea seemed incredibly daunting—turning Raven’s Peak into an inn given my lack of sight. How did I work with the contractors? How did I create and follow a project plan or check status updates when I couldn’t see? Mr. Clancy and I did a bit of research on the sites left to me by my nurse, into the technology available to aid those without sight—software that allowed for voice commands, apps that actually spoke what was on the computer screen through synthesized voices, other apps that converted documents into Braille. We even had the floor plans drawn up in Braille, tactile graphics they were called. Once we got a system set up and trained the various contractors on the uniqueness of my project management style, it was surprisingly easy to mange the transformation of Raven’s Peak into an inn. I also learned that sighted or not, I was going to need help and more, I had learned it was okay to ask for it.

Kevin O’Malley had helped me hire the contractors, and Mr. Lawson and Mr. Bowen had helped with the legal parts. Mrs. T and Mr. Clancy had helped me interview the staff members who would be assuming their roles now that they were officially retiring.

I hired Kathy to manage the inn. It made me feel good, despite all that had happened, that she was there because I had walked into that fire: The ends absolutely justified the means.

We were meeting in the kitchen. Zeus walked with me down the hall from the library where I’d set up a temporary office. I’d thought about using the study, but I felt Tea in the library, felt her around me, and I drew strength from that.

I could hear their voices and knew that I wasn’t the only one who was excited about this venture. Mrs. Marks had been very outspoken the past couple of months, thrilled at the activity going on in her home and the direction I was taking the place.

The voices immediately softened as I stepped into the kitchen.

“Is everyone here?” I asked.

“Yes,” Mr. Clancy said. He had become my right-hand man. It wasn’t helplessness to ask for help—Tea had been right.

“There are only a few rules that will be strictly enforced: We all help out, because Raven’s Peak is big and can be a handful. If you need something, ask; don’t go without because you’re afraid to ask. The customer is always right, even if they aren’t. We want the experience to be so outstanding that they return year after year and tell their friends about us. And lastly, we eat cake for every staff meeting.”

I could feel Mrs. Marks’s eyes on me, even though I couldn’t see her. Mrs. Rainer was the new chef. Mrs. T raved about her pudding and sauces. From what I had sampled of her work, she was worth the rave reviews. “So, Mrs. Rainier, what cake did you bake for us?”

“Mrs. T gave me her recipe for your favorite: triple chocolate.”

I flashed her a smile, “Excellent.”

Two slices of cake later, I hunted down Kevin. Well, Zeus did. He was staying close to help oversee the contractors.

“What can I do for you, Kane?”

“I need the name of the uniform cleaners you used for the ice cream parlor—will they handle linens?”

“We’ll call and see. How’s it going?”

“Good, all the permits are in place, plus the insurance and legal agreements with the town. The contractor is making some renovations in the west wing for Mrs. Marks and the others. The new fence is up, and we’ve placed a locked gate on the stairs—legal demanded that. A sign is being made, a few vans purchased to transport guests to town.” I’d finally found a use for the money the town had given me after the fire, and it seemed fitting to use it on the inn, since it was going to bring tourist business to the town too.

“Sounds like it’s all coming together. How’s Tea feeling about it?”

“We talk, but there’s a distance. I hope I did the right thing, that I didn’t hurt her one more time than she can forgive.”

“She loves you, son, I imagine she’d forgive you anything.”

“I hope so.”

Teagan

“If I throw up one more time, I swear to God, Simon, my stomach is going to come out.”

“That is really disgusting. Thank you for putting that visual in my head.” Simon was rubbing my back, which caused a case of déjà vu to wash over me as I remembered the night I’d gotten stupid drunk at Dahlia’s. “You haven’t told him yet. You’re almost three months along, Tea, you got to tell him.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“I think it should be done in person, but I’m waiting for him to come to me. Stupid, I know, since asking him to travel to me is kind of rude, but he left. Every time he leaves, I somehow come back to him. He needs to come to me.”

“I understand, but you’re carrying his child. He has a right to know that.”

“I agree, and every day I reach for the phone and every day I stop myself.”

“We haven’t talked about the shop in Maine. You still want to do that?”

“I think business-wise, it’s a good investment, but if Kane and I don’t . . . Maybe it won’t be Maine, but I think opening a second shop is smart.”

“Me too.”

“I almost told Mrs. Marks about the baby yesterday, but Kane should hear it first. There’s a lot of activity going on at Raven’s Peak. She sounded excited.”

“That’s good news.”

“I hope so.”

Kane

“The florist is here and needs the order,” Mrs. T called, hurrying down the hallway. Opening day was in one week. In five months, we’d turned Raven’s Peak from a private home to an inn. I hadn’t felt this kind of pride in something I had done in a really long time.

“Kane, the inspector needs you to sign off,” Mr. Clancy said as he, too, hurried past me. Moving through the house, Zeus at my side, I felt more like the kid I had been, the optimistic wide-eyed kid. I had driven it, planned it, organized it, coordinated it, seen it through, and countless people had helped. My blindness hadn’t stopped me, hadn’t been the obstacle I deep down feared it would be. And having accomplished this, I was eager to try for some of the other dreams Tea and I had.

I wouldn’t do another thing without her, though. I was done with life without my Tea. There was the very real possibility that she was going to take a play from my book and push me away when I saw her again. Well, she could try to push me away, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I might have a fight on my hands, but I was prepared to fight dirty if necessary. I loved her, wanted her, and I knew she felt the same despite the anger she may have been feeling toward me at the moment.

“Four more reservations on the wait list,” Kathy called from the library.

“The contractor needs you,” Mrs. Marks said, startling me, since I hadn’t heard her approaching.

“Why aren’t you wearing your heels?” I asked.

“Oh, so last year. I am all about Crocs now. I can garden in them, walk in the water and across the sand, and with no squished toes.”

“I don’t have a clue what a Croc is, and I think I will live a very happy life if I never do.”

“They make them for men too.”

“Never going to happen.”

“Your loss. The contractor is in the kitchen. He needs you to sign off on the work done to your house. I like the changes a lot, Kane, and I just know Teagan will too.”

“You’re sure you’re okay with me redistributing some of your things?”

“They’re yours now, yours and Teagan’s, but yes, I am very okay with it.”

I had a surprise for Tea. I’d had the idea since we were kids and, with Raven’s Peak turning into an inn, now seemed like the best time to turn the idea into reality.

“Car’s here,” Sam called from the doorway.

“Thanks, Sam. I’ll be right there.” Time to finish this up. There was somewhere I needed to be.