A Girl Can Dream (17 page)

Charlie was thinking more about the pleasures of the flesh almost within his grasp and he didn’t want to waste time, but yet he couldn’t risk annoying Doris so that she wouldn’t give him what he craved, as she had occasionally before now. Anyway, what she’d said more or less made sense to his fuddled brain. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘The children need to be evacuated.’

‘So you’ll see about it?’ Doris said. ‘You must sign the forms.’

‘I will, I will,’ Charlie said. ‘I promise. Now come here, woman.’

‘Not yet,’ Doris said, evading him with ease.

‘Christ!’ Charlie cried. ‘I’m burning up inside.’

‘Ah,’ said Doris, and she put her arms around Charlie’s neck and kissed him passionately. ‘I’ll make it up to you, Charlie, when you decide what we’re going to do about Ruth.’

‘About Ruth?’ Charlie repeated. He hadn’t given the child a thought.

‘Well, she can’t be evacuated with the rest, so what are we going to do about her?’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘I mean that you can’t seem to stand the sight of her, because Maeve died giving birth to her and I can’t take to her at all either. Anyway, with all the children away I could earn good money – have a little nest egg for when you come home again – and I couldn’t do that with a two-year-old around my neck.’

‘No,’ Charlie agreed.

‘Anyway, are we being fair to her?’ Doris said. ‘I mean, if she went into an orphanage I bet she wouldn’t be there long because she’s a pretty little thing and she could be adopted by people who would really love her.’

Charlie was silent so long that Doris thought maybe she had gone too far too quick; that she had really offended him. Then she saw the tears in his eyes because Charlie was reliving the day he had been told that his beautiful wife and mother to his children had died and then, as if some sort of consolation prize, that the baby might pull through. He wished she had died too and prayed that she would, but she was here, a living breathing child of his blood, yet he felt little or nothing for her.

The tears he shed were for Maeve and he let them trail unheeded down his cheeks as he said brokenly, ‘That’s what I wanted to do in the hospital. I thought the baby wouldn’t have survived and against the odds she had, though it was touch and go at first, and I wanted to leave her at the hospital, but Meg insisted on bringing her home.’ He looked at Doris and asked, ‘Could I really do that now? Would they take my child like that?’

‘They will if you play it right,’ Doris said, who had already given it some thought. ‘Go before we are married and say nothing about getting married. You can tell them truthfully that you are a widower and yet you want to do your bit in the war that’s coming. Explain about the evacuation of the others and ask them to take Ruth until you return for her.’

Even in his confused state, Charlie could see that that just could work. ‘It will be no wrench for me; more relief, if I’m honest,’ he said. ‘But the children – Meg in particular!’

‘Oh, she’ll be upset, I grant you,’ Doris said. ‘But she’ll get over it. It will allow her to have a future for herself. What would you have her do, give her life over to the care of Ruth while the others grow up and leave? If you do that you could be stopping her having any sort of life and maybe children of her own.’

Doris let that sink in before letting her hand trail up Charlie’s leg. ‘She might never know the delights of sex as we do, Charlie. Think on that.’

‘Yes,’ gasped Charlie.

‘So what do you say, big boy?’

‘I say yes, you’re right.’ At that moment Charlie would have said anything Doris wanted him to say. ‘I will take Ruth to the orphanage.’

‘Are you ready to claim your reward?’ Doris asked with a slight smile. ‘You have gone very hard all of a sudden.’

‘Oh, my darling girl,’ Charlie cried. ‘Come to me, please, for God’s sake, and I’ll do anything you want.’

Doris pulled Charlie down on top of her and as he entered her he felt as if he’d exploded inside and he let out a cry of exultation, and Doris smiled because she knew she had Charlie under her thumb. She pulled the strings and he danced to her tune, and that was how she liked it.

The next morning Charlie had only a vague memory of the night before, but Doris remembered it and she reminded him. Charlie was badly hung over. He felt as sick as a dog, a thousand hammers were drumming in his head, and he was no match for Doris. He could see no reason for her to lie to him and so if he’d promised to see about evacuation for the older ones and an orphanage for Ruth that was what he would do.

They had both agreed that it was better to take Ruth when Meg was out of the way but didn’t really know how that was to be achieved. Doris was thinking up errands to take Meg into town when fate played into their hands. because on the following Wednesday morning, Meg received a letter.

‘Oh, it’s from Joy,’ she said.

Joy’s interview for the Land Army was that Friday morning but she had booked the whole day off and suggested that Meg could meet her afterwards for lunch and then either go to the pictures or for a mooch round the shops, as once she left they would see very little of one another. When Meg told her father and Doris that evening she missed the look that flitted between them.

‘Will you go?’ Doris asked.

Meg thought that strange because Doris wasn’t usually interested in anything she did, but she had asked pleasantly enough and so Meg said, ‘Oh, yes. She is such a lovely person and I am going to miss her so much when she goes off to the Land Army.’

‘Is that where she’s bound for?’ Doris said. ‘The Land Army. Wouldn’t that suit you too?’

‘Maybe,’ Meg said, and she lowered her head as she muttered, ‘Circumstances are different for Joy.’

Again she missed the look Doris gave Charlie, the look that said plainly, ‘You see, the family, and particularly Ruth, are stopping Meg doing what she wants.’ Charlie understood her perfectly. However upset Meg would be initially at Ruth’s been sent away, they were doing her a favour. Not that he wanted Meg leaving her home at such a young age. There were plenty of jobs she could do in Birmingham and still be around to give Doris a hand if she needed it.

On Friday morning, when Charlie said he was having the day off because there were some legal things he had to see to concerning the wedding, Meg, who took as little notice of the wedding as she could, wasn’t the least bit suspicious and went off to meet her friend unconcerned.

She hadn’t been gone more than half an hour when Charlie said to Jenny, ‘Get Ruth’s coat. I’m taking her out.’

Jenny stood stock-still on the floor and stared at her father. ‘But you never take her out.’

‘Well, today I’m going to,’ Charlie said.

Jenny felt concern prickle the back of her neck and she asked herself why that was. Wasn’t it a normal thing for a father to take his young daughter out for a walk? Perhaps, but not in their family. ‘I’ll come with you,’ she said. ‘No, better still, I’ll tell the others and we’ll all go. We haven’t had a day out with you in ages.’

‘Have to be some other time,’ Charlie said. ‘Today I’m taking Ruth on her own.’

‘But Meg told me to care for her.’

‘I am her father, in case it has escaped your notice,’ Charlie said.

‘It certainly seems to have escaped yours.’ Jenny clapped her hand over her mouth because she hadn’t intended to let that slip out. She saw her father’s eyes smouldering with anger in a way she had never seen before. He was usually a mild-mannered man, but in that instant she was afraid of him.

‘Get Ruth’s coat,’ he said through gritted teeth and she ran to get it.

Ruth didn’t want to go with the man that, despite her tender years, she had learned to avoid and she struggled and cried. Even when he held her hand her other was stretched towards Jenny. Her eyes, awash with tears, were fastened on her elder sister’s and seemed to be begging her not to let her go as she cried out, ‘Jenny. Jenny. Want Meg.’

Exasperated, Charlie lifted her into his arms and stepped out on the pavement, and Jenny stood biting her lip to stop her crying because she didn’t know what was going on. Billy and Sally tumbled into the room. They both saw the flash of their father pass the window holding the threshing, protesting Ruth in his arms.

‘Where’s our dad taken Ruth?’ Billy asked.

‘God knows.’

‘He never takes Ruth anywhere,’ Sally said.

‘I know,’ Jenny said, ‘and it bothers me that he has just decided to do it now so I’m going to follow him and try and find out what he’s up to.’

‘And me,’ Billy said.

‘No, just me,’ Jenny insisted. ‘It wouldn’t do for him to know he’s being followed. You stay here. I shouldn’t be long.’

By the time Jenny was out on the street she saw her father turning down Bristol Passage and so she was able to hurry along Bell Barn Road to the top of the passage, where she followed more slowly. He went on to Bristol Street and she watched him wait at the tram stop, and a few minutes later she was flying down Bristol Street in the opposite direction.

Terry wasn’t that pleased to see Jenny because the shop was really busy, but Mr Drummond told Terry to have a word with his agitated sister because it could be important. Terry took Jenny into the stockroom at the back and when she blurted out that she was worried because their dad had taken Ruth out, Terry gave a low whistle.

‘That’s a turn-up for the books, ain’t it?’ he said.

‘He ain’t never done it before.’

‘I know.’ Terry said. ‘Maybe he’s had a change of heart.’

Jenny shook her head. ‘He was really strange, Terry,’ she said. ‘I suggested we all go with him ’cos you know he doesn’t know the least thing about Ruth, but he said no, and Ruth didn’t want to go with him anyway and she played up shocking. It really upset me seeing her crying and trying to pull away and calling for Meg.’

‘Where is Meg?’

‘Gone to meet Joy in town and that’s where Dad was heading with Ruth too, into town.’

‘Didn’t you ask him where he was going?’

‘He probably wouldn’t have told me,’ Jenny said. ‘Like I said, he was strange. But I didn’t expect him to get on a flipping tram, and Ruth was still roaring her head off.’

Terry had to admit it was concerning, but he refused to get worried about a man taking his young daughter out for the day. ‘There’s likely some simple explanation. Dad ignores Ruth, or has done up till now, but he wouldn’t harm her or anything, would he?’

‘No, I don’t suppose so.’

‘Well, then, wait until he comes back and I’m sure he will explain everything.’

But Charlie didn’t come back. Jenny made them all something to eat in the end, and still they waited. It was almost tea-time when Meg came home and Jenny was so glad to see her and yet a bit anxious in case she blamed her for letting Ruth go out with their father.

Meg was as concerned as anyone else but she didn’t blame her young sister. ‘What could you have done?’ she said. ‘You couldn’t have stopped him. But he will get the length of my tongue when he does decide to come home, worrying everybody like this.’

Meg’s words were said to help her sister, but she had a deep dread feeling inside that something was very badly wrong.

And then suddenly her father was standing in the threshold and he was alone.

‘Where’s Ruth?’ Meg shrieked at her father. ‘What have you done with her?’

Terry’s words of assurance that their father wouldn’t hurt Ruth rang hollowly in Jenny’s head as she cried, ‘Have you hurt Ruth?’

‘Of course not,’ Charlie said. ‘Ruth is where she should have gone long ago. I’ve placed her in a children’s home.’

‘You did what?’ Meg screamed. She was having trouble drawing breath as if the heart had been cut from her, like her worst nightmare coming true, the one thing she had dreaded and guarded against. It was too much, she couldn’t bear it and with an anguished cry she fell to the floor.

When her eyes flickered open she groaned as the memory of what her father had done returned to her. She closed her eyes again and wished she could pull up a mental drawbridge and retreat into herself so that no one could hurt her any more. ‘How are you feeling, my dear?’

Meg forced her eyes open to see she was lying in her father’s bed and her aunt Rosie was sitting on a chair beside her. ‘Aunt Rosie …’

‘I know it all, my dear.’

‘Why did he do it?’

‘He said he was thinking of you.’

‘I don’t believe that for a moment.’

‘He said he was giving you your life back and said something about your friend going into the Land Army and you wishing you could have gone with her.’

‘I never said that, and I was going to get a job here and a place to live, seeing that Doris doesn’t want me living at home.’

‘Did she actually say that?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Meg said. ‘And I was doing that to keep an eye on Ruth, for Doris cares as little for her as her own father and I was worried about her.’

‘Even so, it seems a grievous thing to have done, to put the child into an orphanage when she has a family willing to care for her,’ Rose said. ‘Robert is raging about it because, as he said, surely between us all we could care for one small child. We will all feel the loss of her but yours will be the greater.’ Rose gave her niece’s hand a squeeze.

Meg eyes were deadened and her words seemed wrung from her very soul as she said, ‘There are no words to tell you how I feel, but it is as if a part of me is missing and the pain of losing that part is agonising. I suppose there is no chance of getting her back?’

Rose knew there was little chance once a child was in the system, but instead of answering directly she said, ‘I’ll tell you what I know. According to your father, the first place Ruth will be sent to is the Children’s Hospital to be examined and make sure she is healthy and carrying no infectious diseases.’

‘And then?’

‘Then, as we are Catholics, she will be sent to Maryville Orphanage in a place called Kingstanding, which is run by the Sisters of Mercy.’

‘And once she is there, can I visit?’

Rose shook her head. ‘They say no. It just upsets them.’

‘I’m never going to see her again, am I?’ Meg said plaintively, and then the tears came in a torrent and great gulping sobs like a paroxysm of grief. Rose relinquished Meg’s hand, gathered her into her arms and rocked her, crooning softly as she had done to her own children, quite understanding Meg’s agony for she felt tears prickling behind her own eyes.