A Gift of Grace (4 page)

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L
ater that evening, a light knock on Jessica’s door caused her to jump. Placing an empty box in the corner, she stepped over and opened the door, finding her sister standing in the hallway clad in a pink nightgown and hugging her teddy bear.

“Linds?” Jessica asked, studying her puffy eyes. “You okay?”

Lindsay wiped her eyes and gave a sad smile. “I found my old Mr. Bear tonight. It made me think of home and how safe I used to feel in my room. I know this sounds silly, but can I sleep in here?”

Jessica glanced at her twin bed and then shrugged. “Sure? Why not?”

Lindsay’s eyes scanned the room. “You’re still unpacking? It’s almost midnight.” She yawned and lowered herself onto the bed. “Aren’t you tired?”

Jessica shook her head and grabbed her nightgown from an open suitcase on the floor. “Nervous energy I guess. I’m trying not to think about … everything.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.” Lindsay pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed. “I know it’s been a month, but I can’t believe they’re gone.”

“Yeah,” Jessica said softly. She changed into her nightgown and then snuffed out the kerosene lantern before climbing into the bed next to her sister. Staring up at the ceiling through the dark, she contemplated the events of the day. Her life was so different now that she couldn’t wrap her brain around it.

“So, what do you think about this place?” Lindsay asked.

Jessica hugged the blanket to her chest. “I don’t know what to think. It’s so different.”

“The Bible readings tonight were nice,” Lindsay said.

“Yeah. It was nice.”

“That verse from Isaiah was kinda sad, though. It made me think of Mom. How did it go? Something like, ‘As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.’ ” Lindsay shifted in the bed. “But it was neat to read from the Bible. It made me miss Sunday school.”

“Yeah.” Jessica cleared her throat, hoping that the mention of the Bible verse wouldn’t cause her to tear up again. She, too, had thought of Mom when Daniel read it. She had to change the subject before she cried again. “It will take me a while to get used to the silent prayer before dinner.”

“Yeah. That is different,” Lindsay said. “But it’s good, comforting really. The food isn’t bad.”

“I’d do anything for a burrito, though,” Jessica muttered.

“We can ask Aunt Rebecca if there’s such thing as an Amish burrito.”

The girls chuckled and then a painful silence filled the room, hanging over the bed like a dense fog.

“Isn’t it strange not to hear traffic outside?” Lindsay’s voice was soft and unsure through the darkness. “It’s too quiet, almost creepy.”

Jessica closed her eyes and imagined the roar of traffic whizzing by on Princess Anne Road, outside their subdivision in Virginia Beach.

“Can you believe Mom slept in this room?” Lindsay asked. “I can’t picture her dressed in Plain clothes, can you? That’s just not Mom.”

Opening her eyes, Jessica stared up at the ceiling. “No, I can’t see Mom in clothes like Aunt Rebecca. I guess that’s why she left. She wanted to go to college. She told me the Amish only let their kids go to school through eighth grade, and that wasn’t enough for her.”

“Do you think Aunt Rebecca will make us go back to school in the fall even though we’re past eighth grade?”

A sick feeling rolled through Jessica’s stomach. “Gosh, I hope so. I don’t want to work in a furniture store forever. I want to go to college and travel like Dad did. I want to backpack across Europe and see Big Ben and the Eiffel Tower. I don’t want to be stuck here in this farm country forever.”

“I don’t care about going back to school,” Lindsay muttered while snuggling down in the pillow. “I hate school. I’m not good at it like you. I fail math tests even when I study for days. It’s fine with me to work in the bakery.”

Frustration surged through Jessica. “Don’t say that!” She clicked her tongue. “Dad was right—you sell yourself short, Linds. You’re much smarter than you think.”

“Easy for you to say,” her younger sister deadpanned. “You don’t have to study, and you get straight A’s. Not me. I struggle all the way. Working at a bakery will be fine for me.”

Sighing, Jessica rolled onto her side. Dad was right when he said Lindsay was too hard on herself. Lindsay just didn’t see how much potential she had.

Jessica opened her mouth to tell Lindsay how important school was but closed it after hearing Lindsay snore. Closing her eyes, Jessica wished she could fall asleep as quickly as her sister. However, her mind swirled of memories of her parents—birthdays, Christmases, summer evenings spent in their large, in-ground pool, trips to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and barbecues on the deck with Trisha and Frank. She’d give anything to have those days back.

Anything
.

Her thoughts turned to the night of the accident, and guilt washed down on her like a tsunami. She wished she could take the whole night back and relive it.

Despite her best efforts, she recalled her parents leaving for their anniversary dinner, the last time she saw them alive. Her mother was radiant, dressed in the cutest little black dress with her chestnut hair pulled up in a perfect French twist, and her father looked so handsome in his pinstriped charcoal suit.

Lindsay had hugged them at the door and told them to have a great time.

But not Jessica.

No, Jessica had remained up in her room, pouting and angry because Mom wouldn’t allow Jessica to invite her boyfriend over that night. In retaliation, Jessica didn’t say good-bye to her parents.

To make matters worse, she’d called her mother’s cell phone, and they argued—mere minutes before the accident. Jessica never got to say “good-bye” or “I love you.”

And now they were gone forever.

Why did they have to die?

Guilt mixed with regret slammed through Jessica as she wiped a tear from her hot cheeks. Closing her eyes, Jessica swallowed a sob.

The Bible verse Lindsay had quoted rang through her mind.

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

But how could Jessica find comfort when she didn’t understand why her parents had to die?

“Why, God? Why?” she whispered.

Closing her eyes, she hoped she could somehow fall asleep and let go of the grief gnawing at her soul.

Rebecca pulled on her nightgown and snatched the brush on her dresser. Running it through her long hair, she wondered how the girls were sleeping.

She’d heard soft voices in Jessica’s room when she went to check on them a little while ago. She hoped they were able to settle down and sleep despite saying good-bye to Frank and Trisha today. Guilt nipped at her while she pondered the pain and anxiety the girls were enduring in this new home.

The bedroom door softly opened with a squeak and then closed. Turning, she found Daniel crossing the bedroom while pulling off his shirt.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said, sinking onto the bed. She ran the brush through her hair and stared down at the log cabin pattern quilt her mother had made long before Rebecca and Grace were born.

“Becky, I know you better than that.” She heard the smile in his voice. “I can tell when something is eating at you on the inside.” He sat down beside her, and the bed groaned under his weight. “What is it?”

Sighing, she looked up into his eyes, taking comfort in the warmth there. “I wonder if I made a mistake bringing the girls here.”

His eyebrows cinched in question. “Why would you think that?”

“What do I know about raising teenage girls?” she asked, her voice trembling with uncertainty. “And what do they know about living here in our community?”

“
Mei Lieb
,” he began, taking her hands in his. “We will make it through this. We just need to guide them. They will adjust. You have a lot of love to give them, and they need you.”

Rebecca felt the love and reassurance in his face and wished she could believe him. “I don’t know, Daniel. When the lawyer told me that Grace wanted me to be their guardian I was so honored and felt so blessed to be their mother in her place. When I called you and told you, I wanted to cry because I thought this would be my chance to be a mother to someone who needed me. I saw this huge opportunity to make the difference in the life of a child and get back the years that Grace and I missed through her children.”

She paused, taking a deep breath. “When I was there with them for the month in Virginia, I thought I would bond with them while we took care of their parents’ affairs and got the home in order. I thought my being with them would make them feel close to me and make the transition here easier.”

Glancing around the room, she scowled with defeat. “But now I see I was kidding myself. I had this simplistic dream of the girls moving in and feeling a part of the family. When Trisha and Frank left this morning, I saw almost the same grief on their face as I saw the day of the funeral. They lost their parents all over again today when their parents’ best friends left.”

“You sell yourself short,” he said, gently squeezing her hands. “You’re a
gut
, strong, faithful woman. You will be a
gut mamm
to them. We need to help them feel comfortable here, but also make sure they respect our ways.”

“I took on too much.” Tugging her hands from his grasp, she stood and padded over to her dresser. Opening the top drawer, she snatched the letter the lawyer had given her the day he’d read the will. She unfolded it, and tears filled her eyes as she read Grace’s words for what felt like the hundredth time.

Rebecca
,

I know that many years have passed since we lived together in our farmhouse in Bird-in-Hand. However, I still remember our late-night conversations in my old room when we’d talk about our plans. While I dreamt of going to college and seeing the world, you wanted to stay in Bird-in-Hand and become a wife and mother
.

Even though we lost touch for many years, I never stopped thinking of you daily. I see your smile and your face in my Jessica. I always wanted my girls to know you and to know about my heritage in Lancaster County, but Philip wasn’t comfortable with the idea of taking the girls down the path of those memories. I don’t think he ever forgave our father for shunning me as punishment for leaving. Although he hasn’t admitted it, I think Philip is afraid I’ll visit you and not return to my English life. As much as I want to visit my old home, I can’t risk losing him. My life is with him now
.

If you’re reading this, it means that something has happened to Philip and me. My girls need a home, and I can’t think of a better guardian than you. You are the most loving, understanding, and faithful Christian I’ve ever known. You will love my children as if they were your own and give them the patience and understanding that only a family member can provide
.

Although my girls have never been to the community, I trust that you will make them feel at home. You’ll teach them our heritage, and they’ll experience the community where I was raised
.

Please give my daughters the love they need in my place. I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’re my sister, my only family. Please accept my girls into your home and your heart in my absence. And please remind them of how much Philip and I love them
.

Thank you, sister. May God continue to bless you and Daniel
.

Love you,
Grace

Glancing up, Rebecca wiped her eyes. “I’m afraid I’m going to let Grace down,” she whispered, her voice quavering with regret. “I can’t be the mother they need; only she can.”

A soft smile turned up the corners of Daniel’s lips as he stepped over to her. “Yes, you can.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “Have faith, Becky. You’re stronger than you think. We need to guide them and give them boundaries in which they can grow.”

Burying her face in her husband’s chest, Rebecca closed her eyes and hoped she could give the girls the emotional support they needed.

Starter (Do not refrigerate):

3 cups milk

3 cups sugar

3 cups flour

Day 1
—Mix 1 cup milk, 1 cup sugar, and 1 cup flour.

Days 2 through 4
—Stir each day.

Day 5
—Add 1 cup milk, 1 cup sugar, and 1 cup flour.

Days 6 through 9
—Stir each day.

Day 10
—Add 1 cup milk, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour.

Into each of three containers, put 1 cup of the mixture. Give to 3 friends or keep one for yourself as a starter and give 2 away.

With remaining batter, make the bread:

Bread:

2/3 cup oil

2–1/4 cups flour

1 cup sugar

3 eggs

1–1/2 tsp baking soda

1–1/2 tsp cinnamon

1–1/2 tsp salt

1–1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp cinnamon

Add above ingredients to starter. Pour mixture into 2 loaf pans or 1 bundt cake pan that has been greased and floured. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes. You can also add raisins, blueberries, nuts, apples, bananas, etc. if you desire. Yield: 2 loaves or 1 cake.