A Gentleman's Kiss (16 page)

She smiled and put her arms around him. He only hesitated a moment before returning her hug, and that widened Claudia’s smile. Though he still was not used to affection, he was learning quickly.

“Thank you, Grandpapa,” she whispered against his coat.

❧

Cameron tried to pretend he wasn’t just standing around in the hallway waiting for Claudia and George to finish their meeting. Yet that was precisely what he was about, ever since he had seen them enter the office and close the door behind them.

He knew he should have been the one to tell George about the engagement, but he could not seem to form the words this morning when he’d awakened his butler from his bed. He’d instead offered him the job of running the shelter full-time. He’d been thinking about promoting him all along, of course; but because of the devastation he felt over the engagement, he wanted to feel good about
something
.

Just then the door to George’s office opened. Cameron headed in that direction and hoped it appeared as though he were passing by on the way to somewhere else.

He had reached the door when Claudia stepped out.

“Oh! Cameron!” she exclaimed. She glanced back at her grandfather’s office and then at him. “What are you doing?”

That is the question, isn’t it?
He couldn’t very well say he’d been skulking through the hallway hoping to find out how George took the news. “I was just—,” he began then stopped when he couldn’t think of anything to say. “What are you doing?” he countered, folding his arms.

“Oh, well. . .” She hesitated. “I was just talking to Grandpapa about his new job. Thank you for that. You could not have bestowed such a position on a man more appreciative.”

He waited a moment for Claudia to elaborate, but she said nothing else. “He is the best man for the job since he worked as hard as I on building this shelter. It is I who feels fortunate and appreciative.” He cleared his throat, trying to figure a way to form his next question. “And that is all you talked about?”

Claudia looked at him. “If you are asking if I told him about your engagement, the answer is yes. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell him yourself.”

Cameron sighed and rubbed his finger along his chin. “I don’t know, Claudia. When I talked with him I’d just returned from speaking with Aurora’s father, and frankly I was sick and tired of speaking of the whole sordid affair. Telling George of his promotion was a pleasant alternative to the other business, I suppose.”

Claudia looked away. “I can understand that.” She glanced back at him. “Well, I’d better go and check on my class. They will be finishing their lunch, and I’ve yet to have my own.”

“Wait,” he called out softly, and she turned back to him. “How did your grandfather take the news of. . .the engagement?” Cameron could not bring himself to say “my engagement.”

She looked away again. “Think how you would feel if your sister came to you with the same situation.” She disappeared then into the classroom.

He stood there in the middle of the hallway, thinking. He had, in fact, gone through a similar situation with his sister when her fiancé broke their engagement only weeks before the wedding. It had been frustrating to see that her heart was breaking and not be able to do anything about it.

George had to be feeling the same way.

So it was with some trepidation he knocked on George’s door and stepped into his office.

All it took was one look at his face to see that George knew the whole story. “May I have a moment to speak with you, George?” Cameron asked, half expecting the older man to throw him out on his ear.

George didn’t answer right away but took a few deep breaths. Cameron swallowed hard and almost walked back out of the room.

“Of course, my lord,” he finally answered, motioning toward the chair across from his desk.

After Cameron was seated, he got right to the subject. “You know, do you not? About my engagement?”

George nodded gravely. “Indeed, my lord.”

Cameron sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I know you must be sorely vexed with me at this moment, George, but it cannot be worse than I feel about myself.” He looked away and prayed for guidance. “It is all my fault. I made a promise in haste to keep Aurora from worrying me with her situation, and then when I told her I would not marry her, she came to the ball to find me. I should have escorted her into the ballroom straight away. She might have thought twice about launching herself at me then.”

“While it is true you should not have made the promise in the first place, it is hardly your fault that you were caught in such a position. How could you have known what she would do?”

“Regardless, we were caught, and our reputations compromised,” he said deliberately, more to remind himself. He turned his head to stare out of the window to his right. “I never believed when she came to me with her dilemma that it would come to this.”

“Surely you can see now that she never meant for this to go any other way, my lord. You have been friends for years, and while you always regarded her as a sister, her feelings were quite the opposite. This fact was obvious to me when she came to your home last night.”

Cameron jerked his gaze back to George. “Why could I not have seen this? How could I be blind to the fact that she felt this affection for me?”

The older man strummed his fingers on his desk. “You probably saw what you
wanted
to see, my lord. You felt no such attachment to her, so you ignored the signs that were there.”

Cameron ran his hand through his hair again as he absorbed George’s words. “I feel like such a fool,” he said wearily.

George looked at him with concern. “We all make mistakes, my lord. You must forgive yourself.”

“But this has affected not only my life, George, but Claudia’s and yours, not to mention our families and friends. My only consolation is that I will have a few months to get used to the idea of having to marry Aurora.”

“I’m afraid you don’t even have that to comfort you, my lord.” George picked up the
Times
he had laid on his desk and handed it to him.

Cameron raised his brow then looked down at the column George had indicated. His heart felt as though it had dropped down to his toes when he saw his name in print next to Aurora’s. “It’s a wedding announcement,” he murmured.

“Yes, your own,” George said.

Cameron glanced at him, then at the paper. It announced their wedding would take place in three weeks.

For the announcement to be printed today, Aurora had to have submitted it yesterday morning, right after he’d spoken to her and told her he couldn’t marry her.

Cameron’s stomach clenched. Last night before she left the ball she had asked him to set a date. He had put her off saying he would have to think about it.

But she had already set it.

“I’m sorry, my lord,” George said quietly. “But I thought it was something you had to see.”

Cameron folded the paper and tucked it inside his coat. “I was feeling terribly sorry for myself last night. I knelt at my bedside and asked the Lord over and over why this had happened to me. It was a selfish prayer and one I am not proud of, but God heard me just the same.” He leaned forward in his chair, his elbows braced on his knees. “I was reminded of what Christ went through before He was nailed to the cross and then what the disciples endured while they endeavored to spread the good news to all the lands. I felt contrite, of course. But then I also felt blessed. God has given me so much in my life. Why am I to throw a tantrum when things do not go my way?”

“We all grow through adversity,” George added.

Cameron nodded, looking down at his hands. “Yes.” Taking a deep breath, he clapped his hands together and rose from his chair. “Well, enough said about this. We still have a shelter to run and people to look after.”

George stood with him. “Indeed we do, my lord.”

Cameron smiled at the older man, grateful for the friendship they shared. “Thank you for speaking with me.” He nodded his head and started toward the door.

He took hold of the door handle but stopped and turned once more to George. “My greatest regret in all this is the hurt I have caused Claudia, George. I would never have started a relationship with her had I known—”

“I never thought you would, my lord. You have no need to explain.”

Cameron nodded as the pain of losing Claudia washed over him once more; then he left the room.

Sixteen

Two weeks later Claudia entered her bedroom with Helen after a tiring dinner party at Lord Paisley’s home. She admitted to Helen that it was becoming a strain to be around Cameron.

“Helen, we have attended every ball, soirée, dinner party, and even a boring poetry reading, and still I cannot stop thinking about him. Not when I see him every day at the shelter.”

She walked to the window and plopped down on the cushioned window seat overlooking St. James Square.

“I was hoping you’d meet some other gentleman who could make you forget about your heartbreak. But then I think about my love for North and know it could not be that easy.” Helen sat down beside her and started picking the pins out of her hair.

Claudia sat up and motioned for Helen to turn so she could do it for her. “I feel as if I spend all my free time praying God will show me what to do next. I admit I cannot hear His answer. Do I stay at the shelter where I am helping others, or do I try to find another venue? I do not know.”

Helen sighed. “What about your grandfather Moreland? Is he still upset with you over losing Cameron to Aurora?”

Claudia brushed through Helen’s curls with her fingers. “Not as much. I had contemplated telling him the whole truth of the matter—the shelter, Aurora’s throwing herself at Cameron—everything. But it would not change anything.”

Helen turned and looked at her with worry. “Claudia, you cannot tell him about the shelter! You know he would stop you from going there.”

“I know. Do not be alarmed, Helen. I said I only thought about it.”

Helen turned and made a spinning motion with her finger. She then proceeded to take down Claudia’s hair. “And the Scotsman? Is your grandfather still talking about him?”

Claudia winced not only from Helen’s yanking her hair, but also because of Lord Charles MacBain, the Baron of Glenfalloch. “Unfortunately, yes. Every time we meet, he gives me a glowing description of the baron’s vast holdings in Scotland and his exalted political position in the House of Lords.”

“What of his looks? Is he old? Young? Does he play the bagpipes and wear a kilt?”

Claudia laughed. “I have no idea, and I haven’t asked. It would just encourage Grandfather. My only consolation is that the baron is apparently staying in Scotland for the season and not able to come for a visit.”

Helen drew a brush through Claudia’s hair. “But what if this highlander is the one for you? The vicar this past Sunday said that God does work in mysterious ways.”

Claudia turned back around with her dark hair falling about her shoulders. “They would have to be mysterious, indeed, to make me forget. . .” Her voice trailed off when she realized she was about to mention Cameron again.

Helen gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her hand. “I know.”

❧

Cameron had only one week before he would no longer be a single man. One week before all hope for him and Claudia would be gone and he’d be left with a life not of his choosing.

One week before he would no longer come to the shelter on a daily basis.

He’d honestly thought he could do it. He thought he and Claudia could work as friends because they were spreading the love of God to the unfortunate, work that was good and noble. But being with Claudia only made him aware of what he couldn’t have.

And Claudia probably thought she was handling things by avoiding him and treating him like a stranger. But they were apparently only kidding themselves.

So he waited by the door, and when she walked in with the Northingshires he stepped up to greet her.

“Hello, Claudia. Do you mind meeting with me a moment in my office?” he said right away, though she wouldn’t bring her gaze up to meet his.

“I’m sorry, Cameron, but I have so many things to do—”

“Please. It will take only a moment, and it’s important,” he insisted.

Something in his voice must have alerted her he was serious, for she looked up at him with wary, questioning eyes. “All right.”

He led her quickly into his office and motioned for her to take a seat.

“No, Cameron. Just say what you need to say.”

Cameron looked at her rigid posture—the way she had trouble meeting his gaze—and his heart broke all over again.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he began, not sure why he’d spoken it aloud. It wasn’t what he meant to say at all.

She glanced at him then down at the floor. “You know why. I thought you understood why I—”

“I know,” he said softly and let out a breath of frustration. “This is why I’ve made the decision to let George and North handle the running of the shelter.”

This time she looked right at him, her eyes filled with dismay. “What? But you can’t! This is your dream, your vision, Cameron.” She took a step closer. “Don’t let her do this! Don’t let Aurora keep you from fulfilling God’s purpose in your life.”

“Aurora is not the reason,” he insisted firmly, holding up his hand. “She doesn’t like for me to work here, but it isn’t why I can’t be here anymore.”

She shook her head. “Then why? What is so important to make you quit your work?”

He didn’t answer for a moment. He looked into her eyes, hoping she would understand how hard it was even being in the same room with her. “You are,” he told her bluntly.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she pressed her mouth with her hand. She tried to speak, but the tears seemed to clog her throat.

Cameron had to swallow to clear the lump in his own throat and struggled to stay strong. “It’s tearing us apart, Claudia, to be here day after day with each other. You think by avoiding me you can pretend I’m not here. Let us be honest—you are as aware of me as I am you.”

She took a deep breath and wiped her cheeks. “Then I will be the one to leave, Cameron,” she insisted, her voice broken. “I will
not be able to live with myself if I let you give this up for me.”

“Claudia, I—”

“No,” she said firmly, holding out her hand. “This is your shelter, the vision God gave you. I was only sharing it. I will find another charity to help.”

“Absolutely not, Claudia,” he returned as firmly. “You and your grandfather can work together and—”

“Grandpapa and I will be fine, Cameron. We’ve grown very close, and this will change nothing.”

“Please, Claudia. Stay.”

But he could see her mind was made up. “No, Cameron,” she said softly and backed toward the door.

“But—,” he began, but she was already walking out of the room.

❧

Claudia had closed Cameron’s door and turned when she noticed someone was standing in her path. She couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d seen the prince regent himself standing there.

It was Aurora.

“What are you doing here?” Aurora hissed, anger seething from her expression and voice.

Claudia swallowed, unsure of what to do or say. “I. . .uh. . .”

“Have you been seeing Cameron behind my back? We are not even wed, and he is already playing me for a fool?” she asked, louder this time.

Claudia glanced about the hall and was thankful to find no one about. “Your assumptions are wrong, Aurora. I work here with the children,” she told her quickly.

Aurora narrowed her eyes at her. “I don’t believe that for one moment. You are here for Cameron. You can’t deny that.”

Claudia knew Aurora was on her way to causing another scene. “I can and will, Aurora. Now please lower your voice. There are many people about.” She took her arm and pulled her further down the hallway, but Aurora shook off her hand after a few steps.

Brushing away her arm as if Claudia’s touch offended her, she said, “Say whatever you will. It won’t matter anyway once Cameron and I are wed. I shall demand that he give up this—this place. It is not fitting for a man of his position to be doing charity work. It is beneath him.”

Claudia could only stare at Aurora after she had spoken those selfish words. She shook her head slowly. “If you truly knew him, you would never demand such a thing. He does this not for his own benefit but because he believes God has purposed him to do it. Do you know where these women would be if not for Cameron? Begging in the streets or possibly dead now. Instead they are learning skills and finding employment in homes and shops to support their children.” She paused to take a deep breath and saw that Aurora had stopped scowling and was listening to her. “Preventing him from running this shelter would be to tell him that neither he nor God matters at all. Only you do.”

Aurora looked away and folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t understand his need to be so religious,” she murmured, and Claudia could tell she still did not grasp it.

“It is not religion, Aurora. He loves God and wants to do His will. It is the reason the Duke and Duchess of Northingshire work here also.”

Aurora seemed surprised at hearing this. “Oh? I did not realize they were involved also. Cameron has never mentioned you nor them to me.”

“We all have to be careful of our reputations. You cannot imagine that I would be here without a friend or chaperone.”

Aurora unfolded her arms and rubbed her hand across her brow. “I’ve imagined many things; yet nothing has turned out as I believed it would,” she answered faintly. She must have realized how her words sounded, for she thrust her chin back up and refolded her arms. “I mean I never imagined Cameron had such ideas as this shelter.”

Claudia knew that if she were changing anything about Aurora’s way of thinking, the woman would be loath to admit it. “Aurora, we have not been friends, and I know you resent my friendship with Cameron, but please be assured of this—he is an upright and honorable man. If he were not, he would have left the ball that night and let you bear the humiliation alone.” She stopped for a minute and prayed she would not cry while speaking her next words. “If you are to have any sort of happy. . . marriage, you cannot fight with him on this issue of the shelter. I pray you will read the scriptures or perhaps talk to your vicar and understand for yourself what it means to desire to do the work of the Lord—to follow His will. It will go a long way in helping. . .your marriage be a successful one.”

Knowing she could say no more without breaking down, she said, “I must go,” and bobbed a curtsy before stepping around her.

Aurora stopped her. “Why are you telling me this? I know you wanted to marry him. All of London knows this.” She shook her head. “Yet here you are advising me on how to make him happy. Why would you do this?”

Tears finally filled her eyes as Claudia looked at the woman who was to marry the man she loved. “Because, though he can never be mine, I do want him to be happy and contented in life.” She felt a tear splatter on her cheek, but she did nothing to wipe it away. “And you need not worry about me again. I will no longer be working here after today.”

She turned, ran down the hall before Aurora could say anymore, and didn’t stop until she reached the supply room. Finding a quiet corner she sat down on a wooden crate.

And cried one last time.

❧

As Claudia rode with her friends back to her home that afternoon, she contemplated her options. There seemed to be only one solution—one that would help mend her heart. “Helen, I think I want to go home,” she said out of the blue, looking at her friend with resolve.

Helen smiled at her and patted her hand. “That is where we’re going, Claudia. I knew you didn’t want to go to my house.”

Claudia shook her head. “No, I mean I want to go home—to Louisiana.”

“Oh!” Helen exclaimed. “If you need to get away, we have a home in Scotland where you are more than welcome to stay and—”

She put her hand over Helen’s, stopping her speech. “I want to go home for a while and see my family. It’s not forever—only until I know I can face Cameron without breaking down and crying.”

Helen nodded, and after discussing the matter further both she and North agreed to go with her and approach her grandfather about it.

It wasn’t easy convincing the marquis she would return to fulfill her duties as his heir. In the end, however, he did agree to pay for her voyage.

Lord Moreland was able to find her passage on a ship leaving in three days. Since the captain’s wife was on board and agreed to act as her companion, she did not need to find someone to travel with her as a chaperone.

Helen suggested, since North was leaving for a few days on business, that she come and stay with her until she sailed. Claudia agreed, but only if they could stay in and not attend any gatherings.

She did not want to risk seeing Cameron one more time.