A Gentleman in the Street (11 page)

“Smart lady.” Ben poked over the chicken wings and selected one laden with barbecue sauce. “Yeah, she didn’t give me anything either. Except for what was in the will, that is.”

“Which is doing pretty well, if I may say so,” Connor interjected.

Jacob only nodded. Connor was a whiz with numbers, so it had made sense to entrust him with investing the bequest. Jacob had no plans to touch his portion. He only wanted it to do well so his siblings could enjoy it.

Ben cleared his throat. “You know, you said Mei told Kati to sell off the box to pay for her education. But Connor and I have been talking, and with the scholarships Kati has, there’s enough in the principal Mei willed to us to cover a lot of expenses.”

Jacob was already shaking his head before Ben could finish speaking. “That money will come in handy for your business.” A refrain he had been repeating since he had heard of the bequest.

“We’re on track to breaking even this year, and maybe being in the black,” Connor said. “We save a ton by living together. We were planning on talking to you about this before we got the bequest. It’s dumb for you to shoulder her whole expense when we’re finally in a position to pitch in.”

“Kati’s our sister too, Jacob. Taking care of her shouldn’t only be on your plate.”

Jacob peeled the label off his bottle. “Guys. Really. This is sweet, but I have this.”

Connor’s lips compressed. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. For God’s sake, Jacob—”

Ben rested his hand on his brother’s arm. “Not now.” To Jacob, he said, “Is Kati sulking ’cause you took the box away? That doesn’t seem like her. She’s a reasonable kid.”

Jacob winced at Ben’s question. He didn’t think his reaction or the punishment he’d meted out to Kati had been out of line, but he didn’t particularly enjoy being a hard-ass. “She’s sulking because I yelled at her and took her phone away last week. And haven’t given it back.” He wouldn’t give it back until Kati was able to comprehend what she had done and said was wrong. Since they were currently not speaking to one another, that might take a while.

Connor gave a soundless whistle and helped himself to another portion of sliders and mozzarella sticks. “Her phone? Harsh.”

“Not to question your parenting skills, big brother, but I think you could have calmly explained about the box not belonging to us, and she probably would have gotten it,” Ben pointed out.

“I didn’t yell at her about the box. I mean, I expressed disappointment she kept it from me. But I wouldn’t have punished her for that alone.”

“What else then?”

Jacob toyed with a French fry. “She called Akira a slut.”

Connor winced. Ben’s eyes grew big. “To your face?”

Jacob dipped the French fry in ketchup and took a bite, though he wasn’t hungry. “Yeah.”

Connor pursed his lips. “She’s lucky all you did was take her phone away. If that had been either of us, you would have kicked our asses.”

“Deservedly,” Ben said, in a rare moment of seriousness.

Jacob warmed at their instant agreement.

Hypocrite. You didn’t storm out when Remy called Akira a slut.

That had been…different. Completely different. Still, Jacob internally squirmed, immediately throwing up a mental block on last night’s events. If he thought about it at all, he would be utterly useless.

“She said Mei called Akira names often enough.” He hesitated. “Did either of you hear her talk about her daughter like that?”

He was gratified when Ben and Connor instantly responded in the negative. “But, you know, they had a contentious relationship. You could tell Mei wasn’t very fond of her,” Ben mused. “Mei tried to keep up appearances, but she was so cold to her in public, I can’t imagine she was much kinder to her in private.”

Connor’s eyes warmed with appreciation. “At least Akira didn’t take any shit. I kind of loved how she would bait Mei.”

“What do you mean?”

“The act she would put on. Mei would walk into a room, and Akira would just slip into it. Like every word she uttered was designed to annoy the woman.” Connor shrugged. “Hell, it’s kind of how she treats you, right?”

Jacob dropped his half-eaten French fry, struck by the words. “What do you mean?” he repeated.

Ben and Connor glanced at each other. The two were so close, despite their bickering, sometimes it seemed like they shared a brain. Jacob had nurtured that bond, but now it only annoyed him.

“Uh,” Ben stalled.

“Answer me.” All of the jumbled chaos rioting around in his mind suddenly calmed, his thought processes crystal clear.

You made me think you despised me for fourteen years, and now I find out it was because I committed the cardinal sin of attracting your lust. I reserve the right to not be punished for your desires.
Absolutely right. She didn’t deserve to be punished for his wants.

He’d told himself repeatedly today she was wrong. He had never told her he hated her or found her disgusting, or even that he disapproved of her lifestyle. For fourteen years, he’d simply avoided her. He hadn’t sought her out or tried to bait her.

But a little voice in the back of his head had been unconvinced. And now that voice had come roaring back with a vengeance.

“I think the two of you have a complicated relationship,” Connor said diplomatically.

“What do you mean?”

“It means it’s okay for two people to not get along.”

“Akira has always been perfectly nice to us, though we don’t see her that often,” Ben admitted. “But we like her. Maybe she picks up on the fact…you don’t.”

The blood rushed in Jacob’s ears.

“I don’t think you would ever be as vocal about your dislike as Mei was. But she’s astute, Jacob.”

“You guys think I hate her?” he said roughly.

His stomach caved when both his brothers nodded, Ben more reluctantly. “Especially after you killed her in
Shield of Sorrows
.”

Jacob stared at his brothers. “What are you talking about?”
Shield of Sorrows
had been his first book, published when he was the tender age of twenty-six, and had launched his series about CIA Agent James Talent, a rogue operative frequently called on to save the world.

“Lidia was Akira, right?”

“No.” Even as he denied it, a sinking sensation came to the pit of his stomach. “She wasn’t anything like Akira.”

“She might have been Korean-American, not Japanese-American, but…” Ben ticked off the points on his hand. “She was rich, sexy, mouthy, beautiful, and the heir to a fortune.”

Also, utterly shallow and all-around unlikeable, a femme fatale luring the hero to his doom. In the book, she had been killed execution style by the shadowy villain, the final death before the stalwart James had taken the man down. Lidia hadn’t been designed to be a character anyone would mourn.

“It was weird when we read it. We didn’t think you even knew Akira well enough to dislike her personally.” Connor made a face. “But the other option was that you just disliked her on principle. And you’re not the type to insta-hate someone.”

“I’m not,” he said, numb. He would never condemn Akira for living whatever life she damned well pleased.

How could he, a small, truthful voice whispered, when he knew the only thing keeping him from doing the same was his obligations to his family? How could he despise a woman for acting on her base instincts? If there was no one in his life who would suffer for his decisions…

Naked limbs, sweat, grunting, growling, biting, his hard cock sinking into a tight pussy, a wet mouth.

He shuddered, slamming the mental brakes on the Pandora’s box of fantasies he had kept contained in his brain for the majority of his adult life. On the fantasy she had brought to life for him last night.
Not for you. Never for you.

Jacob wiped his hand over his mouth, but it couldn’t rid himself of the bad taste left there. He prided himself on being a good man, a progressive man. He felt like the lowest of the low. “I don’t hate her,” he confessed. Both men leaned forward, and he realized he was close to whispering. “There was no history. I didn’t want to be like Dad… I had you guys and Kati to think of and take care of…” Every word Akira had hurled at him last night came flinging back at him. “I wanted her. I didn’t want to want her. My response must have seemed like disapproval. But it wasn’t directed at her.”

There was silence for a moment before Connor spoke. “You aren’t Dad. You could never be like that fucker.”

Jacob’s hand tightened on his beer, the reflexive defense of their father popping out of his lips. “Dad was—”

Connor held up his hand, stalling him. His mouth twisted cynically. “I’m not Kati. I was old enough, Jacob. I remember what Dad was like.”

“He was ill-equipped to have children,” Ben said quietly, somberness stamped into his face. “Far too irresponsible.”

“He tried,” Jacob faltered. “He had…problems.” Despite all his flaws, Jacob had loved his father. And unlike his brothers, who had been one and two when their mother had died, he remembered a different man. A man who had been less troubled and more balanced. The memories were why he had stuck so close to home, long past the time he should have become independent.

“He did. That doesn’t excuse him.” Connor looked away, his gaze distant. “You’re not him. Even if you hooked up with Akira, hell, with a hundred women, you could never be like him.”

He couldn’t speak. In the ensuing silence, Ben straightened from his slouched position. “Holy shit.”

“Jacob,” Connor said slowly. “Did you and Akira…?”

He shook his head. “This— Nothing much happened.”

“But something did.” Connor propped his chin in his hand and stared at Jacob like he’d never seen him before. “With Akira? Wow.”

Ben cleared his throat. “You don’t have to give us details, Jacob, but, uh. We won’t turn you away if you do.”

“There will be no details.” He pinched his nose.
I’m sorry for you. But you still had no right to treat me like you have.

No. He had no right.

He could posture about disapproving of Mei calling her daughter a slut. He could take away all of Kati’s electronics. But at the end of the day, was he really much better? He may not have said the derogatory words, but his aloofness could easily have been taken as disapproval. It didn’t matter he hadn’t intended it. What mattered was how he had made her feel. “How could I treat a woman like this?”

“Because you’re not God,” Connor snapped. “You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

His lips twisted. “My mistakes affect three people.” His daily reminder, the thing keeping him on the straight and narrow path for so many years.

“Really?” Connor responded. “Because as far as I can tell, this mistake? This affected you. And a completely innocent woman.”

Ben nodded. “Do you think we’re happy you sacrificed her to spare us…what? The knowledge our brother is human and has sex or feels desire or something? Come on. You’re allowed to be selfish.”

He suppressed a shudder, unable to think about selfishness and not relive those moments on the soft red rug in Akira’s office. It had been everything he’d thought it could be. For that period in time, he’d forgotten everything else in his life. His world had been reduced to him, and her, and satisfying their most basic needs.

Wrong. Dangerous. The path to destruction.

So why had it felt so right? The only thing that felt wrong about this scenario was the way he had treated Akira for all these years. He’d hurt her. He shoved his now
-
lukewarm beer away. “I just didn’t want you guys to be hurt.” The excuse felt dumb and stupid on his lips.

But then, his brothers didn’t know everything about him and their father, the secret he would probably take to his grave.

“Wake up, Jacob.” Uncharacteristic impatience colored Ben’s voice. “We’re all grown up. So is Kati.”

“What are you going to do when Kati leaves for college in a few months?” Connor asked with brutal honesty. “Be alone? Seal yourself up in your house with your books and your computer and never come out again? Why don’t you try living for yourself for a little while? You might like it.”

Live for himself. Do whatever he wanted, and damn the consequences.

What an utterly terrifying yet exhilarating possibility.

He glanced up at his brothers, stunned at the emotion written all over their faces. Worry. Worry for…him?

No, that was crazy. He was the one who had to worry for his siblings. Not the other way around.

“If you had a ‘nothing much’ going on with Akira…you should crawl back to her and turn that into something,” Connor said. “You’d be dumb as a rock not to.”

Ben nudged his brother. “Akira may be jumping into the deep end of the wild side,” he cautioned. “Maybe have a one-night stand first.”

“If he’s going to have a wild night with someone, it should be someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Jacob held up his hand to stop the absurd argument. There was truth in what his brothers were saying, but he needed some time to get there. After a lifetime of self-denial and responsibility, he couldn’t imagine rushing out and grabbing something for himself.

But you want to.

God, how he wanted to. Forget the universe and get down on his hands and knees between her legs and…

Jacob swallowed. At the very least, he had to make things up to the woman he’d inadvertently stomped upon.

“I don’t know if Akira’s ever going to talk to me again.” Jacob’s voice was low. “But if nothing else, I have to somehow make up for being an asshole.”

His brothers quieted, thinking. “Jewelry? Sweets?” Ben suggested.

“Food.” Connor nodded knowingly. “All those people who talk about a man’s heart being through his stomach are idiots. It’s the other way around. Cook a woman a nice dinner or bring her coffee in the morning, and she’s yours. I think it’s the effort.”

Jacob squinted. “Effort.”

“Yeah. Women like to know you put time and energy into pleasing them, especially when you’re trying to apologize to them.”

“I doubt she’ll be happy to see me,” Jacob pointed out.

Ben pondered that. “Maybe she doesn’t need to see you.”

Jacob scrubbed his hand over his stubble, something stirring inside him. It was much like the stirring he felt when he was pulling together a new plot, thinking of all the characters and the actions and reactions and consequences to follow.