A Gathering of Memories (14 page)

“I do not go to church to turn the heads of the young ladies.”

“No, I guess you don’t. As a matter of fact, neither do I. But when a guy is having a nice little chat before the service with the very attractive Candy Hunter, and then this guy’s friend walks in and suddenly Candy forgets he’s even there, well, let’s just say it’s a bit discouraging.”

“I didn’t even see Candy yesterday.”

“That’s my point. From what I could see, the only girl you saw was Mandy Jackson.”

“Mandy Jackson?”

“Hey, Ross, take it easy. I’m not criticizing your choice. She’s real easy on the eyes.”

“Don’t you talk about her like that!” Ross was instantly on the defensive.

“Oh, so that’s the way the wind blows,” Pete said with a knowing smile.

“No, it’s not. It’s just that the Jacksons have had a real hard time of it lately, and I don’t like that kind of talk where Amanda is concerned.”

Peter eyed Ross for a moment and then shrugged. “You’re right. It is a rather flip way to refer to a lovely lady like Mandy Jackson. But I better warn you—if you’re feeling something for her, you’d better speak up. Every guy in church yesterday had his eye on her.”

“All six of them, you mean?” Ross’ voice was unconcerned.

“It only takes one.” Pete turned away after making that remark and didn’t see the thoughtful look on Ross’ face.

“Well, I’m back to work. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, my uncle said the house would be ready next week.”

“Next week! That’s great.”

“Yeah, I think so too. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ross! You’re home for lunch. What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion really. I need to read a letter from Sarah without worrying that someone will come into the office.”

Grandma Em looked compassionate and Ross sat down on the nearest chair in the kitchen. “She couldn’t have received the letter I just sent, so it makes me wonder what she has to say. Something tells me it’s not good news.”

“I’m sorry, Ross.”

“Thanks, but I’m not sure if I’m sorry or not. I guess I’m just too much of a romantic. I always pictured that love would come for me as it did for my mother. She said that she was walking down the street when she saw a small boy run into the road. Without even looking she charged into the street and then froze, putting herself and the child both in danger of being run over by a fast-approaching wagon. My father witnessed the whole thing from a few yards away and rushed after them.

“She said when they’d arrived safely on the walk and the boy skipped away unhurt, she looked up to find my father’s arms still around her. She said it was love at first sight. He came calling that night, and they were engaged and married five weeks later. My father always jokes that it would have been a lot sooner but my mother insisted on a church wedding—fancy dress and all.

“The first time I saw your granddaughter-in-law, Abby, I was sure it had happened to me just like mother said. But she ended up being the answer to my spiritual needs and believe me, I’m not complaining.” Grandma Em nodded, remembering Ross telling her about this not long after he moved in.

“Now with Sarah, it wasn’t love at first sight because we’d known each other so long. It was more like a feeling of rightness. That, along with our bond in the Lord, and of course we care for each other. And well, we just sort of—”

“But there’s no real spark.”

“No. No spark.” He looked as if the thought had just occurred to him. Then he rose. “I’ll be in my room for a while. If I have time later I’ll grab a bite to eat.”

Grandma Em sat for a time where he’d left her. The yearning for the companionship she’d had with Joseph had
never completely abated but at least the unsureness of youth was gone. They’d had many wonderful years together and now he was with the Lord. And someday she would be too.

But how many times had she been through this with her own son and grandchildren? She wasn’t sure what the exact count was, but all of them had followed a pattern that somehow led up to the good marriages they all shared.

First came their faith in the Lord. Not even Luke, who met Christine before she was saved, ever entertained thoughts of marrying a non-Christian.

She was sure that each one had experienced some sort of misery in the waiting game. It was the spark that she and Ross spoke briefly of, which caused that. If they hadn’t wanted desperately to be together, there would have been no tension about the future.

It was easier, she was convinced, to make a decision about your life mate if you had God to turn to. But it didn’t change the uncertainty of the moment, the yearnings and the needs. Grandma Em knew Ross to be in this state and her keen memory of her own life and the lives of others within her reach caused her to be able to pray with great compassion.

Dear Ross,

It’s hard that you’re leaving tomorrow morning and there are things between us that are unsettled. It’s not the same, but I’ll try to say to you in this letter the things I was not able to say in person.

I don’t believe that any of this is your fault. You are acting as you feel God leads, and that is how it should be. But I can’t help but wonder about myself. I mean, wouldn’t a woman who loved a man be willing to go anywhere he is, just to be with him? Maybe our friendship has been too close, but something
is wrong with the way I feel and I don’t think either one of us should force this.

What I mean by that is—I want you to consider yourself free to see other girls. I will consider myself free in the same way, but please don’t think I’m out looking—I’m not.

I know this hurts you. I hurt, too. But right now, and I think you would agree, I can’t see us as husband and wife.

Please write back to me Ross. Please stay in touch so I know how you’re feeling. I think I’ll always love you. I’m just not
in
love with you. Does that make sense? Write when you get this. I’ll wait to hear from you.

Love, Sarah

“It makes perfect sense,” Ross said to the empty room. There was something wrong with the fact that she was not willing to follow him anywhere. There was also something wrong with the fact that he was more relieved than upset at knowing there was probably no future for them.

Ross read the letter once again and was again surprised to find himself so relieved. He’d write back to Sarah immediately and thank her for her wisdom. Unbidden, Peter’s words came back to him. “The only girl you saw was Mandy Jackson.”

Ross shook his head. Pete had only misinterpreted his glancing her way to see how the whole family was getting along. An image came to mind of Amanda on the wagon seat, the reins clenched in her hands. Then in front of the dresser holding her mother’s picture and finally, thanking him for not slapping her hand away when she’d reached for him at the funeral.

Ross was convinced at that moment that the most dangerous thing on earth was a slim, hazel-eyed woman who’d never known a day of comfort in her life.
Stay away from her, Ross, no matter what Pete says. Stay away from her.

“Leave me alone!” Rebecca screamed the words at Amy. Amy watched in confusion as Becca tried to push the sofa with her small body and hide behind it.

“Becca, honey, what is it?” Amy implored the child from a nonthreatening distance, but Becca continued to sob and tried to make herself as small as possible against the living room wall.

“What happened?” The question came from Mandy, who had heard the noise from upstairs.

“I honestly don’t know. Becca fell asleep on the sofa during the story I was telling her and when I tried to put a blanket over her, she woke up and began to scream. All I can think of is that I must have startled her.” Amy described the scene to the accompaniment of Becca’s cries.

Mandy pulled her youngest sister away from the wall and into her arms. Becca struggled, kicking and screaming, but Mandy held fast. And after what seemed an eternity, the little girl collapsed in her arms. In a pitiful and nearly indistinguishable voice, Becca said, “I want Mama.”

Amy sank into a nearby chair and did nothing to hide her tears. The grief had to come, she knew that. These children had adjusted so quickly to the move, but their mother still lived in their hearts, just as she should, and their pain was still very real. Amy, however, hadn’t been prepared for such a violent reaction. She didn’t take it personally. Becca had probably been dreaming and hadn’t recognized where she was when Amy woke her.

The cries were quieting now, with only an occasional call for her mother. Mandy continued to hold her and scrutinize Amy.

“Are you alright?”

“I think so,” Amy answered quietly.

“Carrie told me that Becca cried in the night for Mama. Did she tell you?”

Amy shook her head no.

“I know that Becca likes you. Silas too. But I think coming here so soon after Mama’s death sort of crowded out some of the grief in our minds. Now the newness is wearing off. It’s becoming routine to have enough to eat and a soft bed to sleep in. But with the wonder of it wearing off, we have more time to think. And naturally our thoughts turn to Mama and Pa.”

Amy was struck momentarily dumb by Mandy’s speech and then, “Mandy,” she said softly, “I think you’re wonderful.”

“You do?” She was genuinely surprised.

“Yes, I do! I knew you would all begin to miss your mother, but I never thought of it in regard to your moving here and well, you just explained it all so logically, I just—”

Amy seemed to run out of words and Mandy smiled at her. “I think you’re pretty nice, too.”