A Game Worth Watching (23 page)

Maybe
she expected him to cower under her rage or readily agree to call it quits with
casting the spotlight on her. What she didn’t expect was for him to smile like
an idiot and act like her threat held no power.

“There’s
my superstar,” Riley said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around
her waist before she could protest. He picked her up off the floor and spun her
around, setting her down a safe distance away from Jerry. When she turned
around to face them, Riley and Jerry shared identical grins. Did they not
understand how none of this was funny?

Riley
put his hand on her waist, no doubt to tell her to relax, but Emma pushed away
from him. “Don’t.”

Riley,
along with everyone else, had enjoyed every second of her humiliation, stuttering
like an idiot in front of the entire school. And people wondered why she hated
the whole school sports thing. She didn’t want special treatment, she didn’t
want to be recognized at school assemblies, she didn’t want her friends to
treat her differently. She just wanted uninterrupted Saturday basketball games
with the guys and some good one-on-one friend time with Riley before he packed
for college and left her behind. Was that too much to ask?

Yes.
Yes, it was. Because if she’d known what her wish would result in she never
would’ve asked for anything.

***

Riley
held Emma’s hand as he led them down their trail to the waters of Puget Sound.
Beneath the trees, the night seemed darker than usual. Clouds hovered overhead,
obscuring the moon and threatening rain. Emma loved the rain at night. She
loved sitting with Riley by the water, listening to the raindrops splatter the
rocks and sharing stories about what life would be like when they grew older.
Now, with graduation less than seven months away, the transition from childhood
to adulthood had come too fast and not without its price. Tonight, she
preferred to listen to their feet squishing in the mud than swap what ifs and
maybes about their futures. Riley proved to be in the mood to chat.

“Em?”
The word came out soft, cautious. “Do you ever think about…us?”

In
the dark, she could only make out his black silhouette as he walked beside her,
her hand clutched in his. She couldn’t see his face, didn’t know what kind of
answer he wanted, but she stiffened. Thinking about the restrictions of time
and the inevitability of change, she felt the weight of his question and
tripped over a tree root she normally would have avoided. Somehow, Riley caught
her, saving her from a face-plant.

He
secured her against him. “You okay?”

“I’m
fine.”

A
cloud shifted, spilling moonlight through the tree branches and illuminating
Riley’s face. She looked into the eyes of the only person who really knew her,
and her heart ached. How many more times would they sneak out of their houses
to walk the beach and sit on their favorite piece of driftwood? How many more
times would he take her hand and lead her through the dark? The year was only
so long. In so many ways, the basketball season was flying by, which meant the
rest of the school year would arrive not far behind. Then what?

She
bowed her head so he couldn’t see her face. “Yes, I think about us,” she said.
“I think about how next year you’re heading off to college, destined for
greatness, while I’m—”

His
hand guided her face back to his. “Destined for greatness right alongside me.”

She
gave a weak smile, slipped out of his embrace, and continued down the path. He
fell into step beside her, his hand slipping around hers again.

The
tree branches stretched out, ushering them to the beach. She looked across the
water. Beneath the calm surface, the current swirled and twisted, forcing
debris in different directions, showing no mercy. Kind of like how, at the end
of the school year, life would force Riley and her apart.

“I
know you only want what’s best for me, Riley, but no one in my family has ever
gone to college. My brothers barely made it out of high school, and my mom
dropped out as a senior. My dad works two jobs to support the family and it
still isn’t enough. Based on that, my chances for college are pretty much
nonexistent.”

“Don’t
say that,” he said firmly, dropping her hand and spinning her to face him. “You
haven’t even tried.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “Em, you’re not stuck in
the life your family chose for themselves. You’re better than that. You deserve
to go to college and be happy just as much as me or anyone else.”

“Why?”
she shouted. “Because you want me to?” She would never be one of those people
who packed up after graduation and set out on a new adventure; she was trapped.
“I’m sorry, Riley, but life doesn’t work that way. Next year you’ll be at some
fancy college surrounded by new people and new opportunities, and I just…I
don’t see how I’ll fit into all that.”

His
eyes softened. “Listen, Em.” He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her
closer. “You are my best friend and that’s never going to change. I don’t care
if you’re so poor you live in a cardboard box, if you fail to graduate high
school, or if thousands of miles try to separate us. I’ll always love you just
as much as I do now.”

It
was the ‘L’ word that tripped her up and caused her breath to catch in her
throat. She couldn’t remember anyone ever telling her she was loved. Not her
mom, not her dad, and certainly not her brothers.

Love.

Emma
couldn’t define it based on her mom fleeing in the middle of the night never to
be heard from again, by her dad’s inability to make eye contact with her, or by
the collective feelings from her brothers that she should disappear and never
return. What did the word
love
even mean? But then she saw Riley standing in front of her and
thought about all the times he’d draped his protective arm around her
shoulders, brought her food when he knew she hadn’t eaten, and supported her
every second since the day they’d met.

Emma
waited for him to take the word back, to admit he’d made a mistake in saying
it, but he didn’t. She tried to look away, tried to break the connection
between them, but she couldn’t.

He
reached up to brush a strand of hair away from her face, his fingers lingering
longer than necessary on her cheek. “If you don’t believe anything I say,” he
whispered, “believe this.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

She
probably shouldn’t have kissed him back. There was no probably about it, she should
not
have
kissed him back. They were friends.
Best
friends. Non-kissing friends! But maybe
Ashley was right. Maybe Emma wasn’t immune to love, especially not when Riley
was concerned. And that scared her more than anything.

Sometime
after their lips met, but before incoherent thought kicked in completely, Emma
pushed him away and stumbled backwards, rocks clattering beneath her feet.

“Em,”
Riley said, reaching for her.

She
held up her hands to ward him off. “I have to go.” The more distance she put between
them the better.

“Emma,
don’t leave,” he begged. “Please.”

Only
the pain in his last word stopped Emma from fleeing into the night and finding
solace among the shadows.

“I’m
sorry,” he said. “I just thought—”

His
words ended there, like he expected everything to automatically make sense.
“You just thought what?” she choked out, backing away. “You and I both know
this would never work between us.”

“Do
we?”

“Yes.”

“How?”
His eyes searched her face. “How do we know? Because the way I see it, there’s no
reason it wouldn’t work. We’ve been best friends since fourth grade, and you’ve
always been the one for me.”

She
shook her head, refusing to get caught up in the moment. She wouldn’t hold him
back or drag him down into a life he wasn’t supposed to live. There were so
many other girls out there, so many other girls better for him. Why couldn’t he
see that?

He
took advantage of her hesitation to close the distance between them and place
his hands on her cheeks, willing her to look at him. “Tell me you don’t have
the same feelings for me that I do for you.”

She
opened her mouth to speak, trying to form the words, but she couldn’t lie to
him. Not now. Not ever. The desire to be near him, the fear of losing him, the
way her stomach reacted when he touched her. He made her feel safe,
happy…loved. Maybe her feelings for him did extend beyond friendship.

A
smile of relief appeared on his face when she didn’t answer. “That’s what I
thought.”

She
may not have been able to lie to him or explain exactly how she felt about him,
but it didn’t mean anything had changed between them. “We can’t,” she
whispered.

“Why
not?”

“Because
you deserve better.”

“Better
than what?”

She
looked up at him, tears blurring her eyes. “Better than me.”

Emma
scrambled up the path, falling a few times in her haste, but each time rising
again to pursue her course. She heard Riley calling her name and running after
her, but she didn’t turn back. With her head start, he would have difficulty
catching her before she reached her house. Branches lashed at her face, tree
roots and mud tried to trip her, but she didn’t slow down. She charged ahead,
fighting her way back to safety.

The
trail opened to the street, and she burst from the trees and mud, pushing her
arms and legs faster now that no obstacles stood in her way. Raindrops fell
from the sky and splattered on her face, mixing with the tears sliding down her
cheeks. Her feet thudded against the pavement, her chest burned from forcing
back sobs, and still she ran. Ran until her feet crunched the gravel driveway.
Ran until the shadows surrounding her house enveloped her.

She
threw open the outside door to her garage-slash-bedroom, stumbled over the
threshold, and slammed the door behind her. Leaning against the door, she tried
to catch her breath. This isn’t happening, she thought as her eyes frantically
scanned the garage. For what, she didn’t know. Maybe a hiding place. Maybe a
sign for what to do next. It was only a matter of time before Riley burst
through the door looking for her. She didn’t know the answers to a lot of
questions, but she knew she wasn’t ready to face him yet.

She
snatched a blanket and pillow from her bed and, for the first time in five
years, snuck into the house to sleep on the couch, knowing Riley wouldn’t
follow her inside. The rest of her family was asleep, or at least locked behind
their bedroom doors for the night, so she didn’t have to formulate a reason for
her actions. She stretched out on the couch and stared up at the darkened
ceiling, her heart racing.

Riley
had kissed her.

She’d
kissed him back!

She
covered her face with her hands trying to settle her thoughts, but it didn’t
work. She kept seeing his face lean closer and closer; she kept feeling his
lips on hers. Now what? They couldn’t just go back to the way things were
yesterday. A kiss was a serious breach on their friendship.

It
wouldn’t have been so bad if they’d kissed and then realized there wasn’t
anything between them, but the girl in her—no matter how underdeveloped
that part of her was—didn’t need a second opinion to know there was way
too much in their kiss to forget.

Emma
refused to let her eyes close. The morning would come soon enough; she didn’t
need to encourage it with sleep. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, or
if she even wanted to know. Nothing about this year had gone as planned.
Nothing about her life had gone as planned. Riley was her friend. He wasn’t
supposed to kiss her and send her life into a tailspin, especially not now when
they only had so much time together before he left her for good.

Riley.

She
wouldn’t survive without him. Sure, he’d come home from college for holidays
and to visit, but it wouldn’t be the same. She knew they wouldn’t survive as
devoted pen pals or phone buddies, and the last thing they needed was a kiss
looming over them. He deserved to live his life without feeling obligated to
remain her friend—without feeling pity for the poor girl he left behind.

Her
chest tightened, her eyes burned, and as hard as she fought to keep her tears
in check, they came anyway. Big, fat, stupid girl tears spilled down her
cheeks, and she cursed every one of them. The more she tried to wipe them away
the faster they came. With no other choice, she buried her head in her pillow,
and for the first time in years cried herself to sleep.

***

The
short snippet of sleep Emma got was plagued with visions of Riley and the kiss,
but all of it disappeared when she was jolted awake by Lance kicking her. Hard.

She
bolted upright, disoriented. Why was she sleeping on the couch?

“Move,”
Lance growled.

She
looked up at her brother and last night’s events came flooding back to her.

“Go
away,” she said groggily, flopping down on her pillow and covering her head with
her blanket. Returning to sleep had no appeal but neither did moving and giving
Lance the satisfaction of stealing the couch from her. All she wanted was to
curl into a ball and let the next ten years pass by her.

Emma
heard a grunt and felt the couch slant forward. The next thing she knew, she
landed with a thud on the floor. Lance jumped over the back of the couch and
took her place, stretching the length of the couch so there was no room for
her. He propped a box of donuts on his stomach and turned on the TV.

There
were a lot of things she wanted to say to him, but she bit her tongue and
hauled herself off the floor, not in the mood for a confrontation. Snatching
her blanket and pillow, she retreated to her bedroom, hoping Riley wasn’t there
waiting for her. She meandered through the path of boxes and broken equipment
until she saw her corner and breathed a sigh of relief. All was clear.