A Fractured Light (4 page)

Everything I’d left behind was a mess. Cassie was unconscious in a hospital bed—or worse—because the Order was afraid I might tell her my secret. She and Dan had finally gotten together after a whole lifetime of friendship, and now he might be alone for good. Aunt Jo probably thought I’d run away or something. And Ian wasn’t exactly my biggest fan right now, not after I’d ditched him for two mysterious strangers—one of whom had tried to kill me.

Did I want to go back there and face them? And then a more chilling thought occurred to me: Did my friends even want me? I hadn’t been there for them at all since my birthday, not really.

“I missed you so much,” Asher whispered into my hair, stopping my thoughts. “You have no idea how much—how scared—”

“I was, too,” I whispered, looking up at him. The fire reflected in his almost black eyes.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” he said.

I brought my hand up to his face and smoothed a stray hair. “But you didn’t,” I said. “I’m here. I’m yours.”

He took my hand in his. “Can I . . . ask you something?” His voice shook slightly.

“Of course,” I said. “Anything.”

He paused and took a breath. “Join the Rebellion,” he said. His voice was barely a whisper. “We’ll fight the Order side by side. Whatever’s coming, we’ll face it together. We’ll be unstoppable. Fierce.”

I sucked in my breath.

“Will you do it?” he asked.

I stared at him.
He saved your life
, I thought.
You owe him everything.
But even if I hadn’t owed him anything, how could I say no? I pictured us together, partners in all this chaos. No matter how much I loved my friends, there were secrets I couldn’t tell them, things that kept us apart. I’d tried to confide in Cassie, and it had only landed her in the hospital. I could never tell her the truth now—I couldn’t tell any of them. Not Cassie, or Dan, or Ian, and especially not Aunt Jo. The truth would only hurt them.

The world pitched forward as I realized it.

I’m alone.

Asher squeezed my hand, a gentle reminder that I hadn’t answered the question.

But I don’t have to be.

He smiled at me hopefully. “What do you say? I need you, Skye.”

In my heart, I knew that it was time to make the choice I never made in my dreams. The one I had never made in River Springs. And I finally knew what the answer was.

“Yes,” I said, knowing that the decision, once it left my lips, would be impossible to take back. I smiled, and for the first time since I’d woken up, Asher looked alive again, confident, like we could take on anything in the world as long as we were together. “Yes, I will.”

Chapter 5

I
t was an almost moonless night. I couldn’t sleep.

Ardith had taken couch duty downstairs, and I waited for Asher to doze off in the rocking chair before silently slipping out of bed and out of the room. The closet door at the end of the hall beckoned to me. I wasn’t sure quite what it was that compelled me about this cabin, but I felt connected to it somehow, like I felt connected to the sweater I’d found earlier. I wondered who had lived here, and why they had abandoned their home.

I opened the door as slowly as I could so that it didn’t squeak. The cabinet of drawers stared back at me.

I started where I’d left off, opening each drawer slowly, quietly, and then closing it again. The first row was empty. So was the second. When I got to the third row, I felt the same scorching heat jump off the knob as before. Gingerly, I used the sleeve of my sweater to grasp the knob and pull open the drawer. Inside was a tiny, moleskin notebook. My hands trembled slightly as I picked it up.

The first page was dated March 6 in the year I was born.

Guardians haunt these woods, watching us. I know they know. It’s only a matter of time.

We have to act quickly. There are too many of them. We need more recruits.

What?
It sounded like something Ardith or Asher could have written this morning, as if they’d been keeping a secret journal during their time here. But the date at the top of the page made that impossible. Could it be that this notebook belonged to someone, years ago, who knew about the Order? Someone who—like me—was being watched?

As quietly as I could, I riffled through the remaining drawers but turned up nothing. I tucked the notebook into the enormous sleeve of my sweater and tiptoed back into the bedroom. When I was sure Asher was sound asleep, I hid it under my pillow.

My discovery felt important. A clue—but to what mystery?

I climbed into bed, and my sleep was peppered with feverish dreams.

I was being chased.

Crouching lower into the wind, I let my skis propel me faster. The snow beneath me was hard and icy, and it was almost impossible to keep myself from slipping in every direction. I veered wildly back and forth, certain with every passing second that he was going to catch up. I didn’t know what would happen when he did, but my whole body shook with fear at the thought.

The figure in white was gaining on me. He was remarkably controlled, every movement precise, like he was merely running on the ground. He laughed, and I could have recognized that voice anywhere.

“Well, hey there, Skye,” it called out to me.

It wasn’t a
he
at all.

It was Raven, the stunning, deadly Guardian who’d first told me just how far my powers could reach. That I was blurring my own destiny and the destiny of those around me. That Devin was changing because of me. Raven, who’d cut the brakes on Cassie’s car when Devin had told her I’d come close to revealing my secret. Raven, who had told the Order just how big a threat my powers were to them. Because of Raven, Devin had tried to kill me. And yet I’d almost forgotten about her.

“The last time I saw you,” she called, “you were about to die.” Even yelling over the wind, her voice was sickly sweet and dripping venom.

Now we were neck and neck, flying down the slopes.

Flying
, I realized with a start, as my feet left the ground. Her great white wings expanded behind her, sparkling like icicles in the harsh sunlight. I was suspended in the air, my own set of wings flung wide behind me. I couldn’t see them, but my heart lurched at the shadow they cast. What color were they? Pure, feathery white—or blackest black?

“You think about him still, don’t you, Skye?” she yelled, gaining on me.

The freezing air whipped at my face, which was numb from the blowing ice and snow.

“I don’t!” I yelled back. And then, “What do you want from me?”

“Come.” Her voice carried on the wind, sharp as a razor’s edge.

“I’m not following you anywhere!”

She moved closer. I could feel her just behind me now.

“I can protect you,” she said, more urgently, the tone of her voice changing slightly. It wasn’t a threat. It was more . . . a plea. “You know as well as I do that the Rebellion doesn’t care about your safety. They’re just going to use you as a weapon against us, anyway. I can get you home, and I can get you there safely.”

Home.
I ached for it. I missed Aunt Jo, missed my friends, wanted desperately to have my old life back. Was she really trying to help me? Could I trust her?

“No!” I yelled back, trying to make my voice as steely as possible.

“Fine, suit yourself. But I have to warn you.”

Warn you. I have to warn you.
My blood pounded in my ears, and I braced myself for whatever was coming next.

“You should know. He’s in River Springs, waiting for you. They all are. Tons of them. If you’re going back there, you should know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked. What ulterior motive could she possibly have?

“I may be a Guardian,” Raven said, “but there are laws that I’ll never understand.” She pulled up alongside me. “Don’t get yourself killed,” she added. “If it’s going to happen, I want to be the one to do it, ’kay?”

I continued for a moment in silence, breathing hard.

“Careful there, Skye!” Raven shouted as she veered, suddenly, left. Her voice was shrill and mocking. “Don’t fall now!”

And then as if her words were a direction I had no choice but to follow, I fell, tumbling forward through a gaping hole in the side of the mountain and into what looked eerily like the snow cave that Asher and I had fallen into during the avalanche, the first time he’d shown me how to create fire. A figure in a black snowsuit stood hunched in the corner, his back to me.

I was flooded with relief.

“Asher!” I tried to catch my breath. The figure turned around, pulling down the hood of his jacket. The light reflecting off the snow caused his blond hair to blur into a halo around his head.

Devin.

I wasn’t at all prepared for the wave of emotions that overtook me when our eyes met. He looked so helpless, like he had that night in the clearing. Not at all like the evil monster he’d become in my head. “Skye,” he said. “I missed you.”

“How can you say that?” My voice was shaking. “How can you talk like you didn’t try to kill me?”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t.” He reached out his hand. It was trembling ever so slightly, as if he was willing it not to. “Take it,” he said. “Take my hand.”

“No.” I couldn’t. Not after what he’d done. “I will never trust you again.”

“You will,” he said. “The Gifted can see it. They know you will.”

“Then prove it!” I yelled. My voice rose above the howling of the wind and snow. “Prove to me I can trust you!”

“You know the Rebellion isn’t the place for you. You have too much chaos in your life already. You want order, Skye. You want rules and serenity. You know I can give you that. You’ll look for reasons to trust me again.”

I paused, the wind whipping my black hair in every direction. We stared each other down. The ice glistened on the walls around us.

“You’re lucky this is just a dream,” I said. “If this were real life, I’d hurt you, just like you hurt me.”

“Are you sure it’s just a dream?” he asked. His voice was low, level, calm as always.

“Yes,” I said. “I’ve had this one before. In a minute, you’re going to warn me.”

“Warn you? About what?”

“You know,” I said through gritted teeth, waiting for it, bracing myself, “what you have to warn me about.”

And just like that, a searing pain sliced through my stomach, and the walls of the cave became wings, writhing and alive, white as the snow and stained with my own blood.

I woke up gasping, clutching my stomach. I wondered if a day would ever come when I wouldn’t be afraid of dying.

I thought about home. I was afraid to find out what had happened to Cassie. Afraid to face Aunt Jo. And since turning seventeen, I’d been afraid of my powers—terrified of becoming as powerful as everyone said I would be.

But I didn’t want to be a person who was governed by fear anymore.

I was going to have to go home.

I lay awake in bed as the sky changed from inky night to stormy gray. Thunder churned outside my window and lightning flashed silently across the clouds. I knew, somehow, that my fear was causing the storm. I didn’t know how to calm myself down, to shut off my mind—or my powers. They all just blended together. The turmoil of being me.

When the sky was light enough to count as morning, I turned from the window to the door. The rocking chair was empty. Asher was gone.

As quietly as possible, I got out of bed and tiptoed to the top of the stairs. There were voices coming from below, and I held my breath so I could hear them.

“. . . have to leave here.” Asher’s voice was low and insistent. “What if she told them? It’s not safe.”

“But where do we go? We can’t take her back to the Rebel camp. She’ll destroy it; she’s too wild. Uncontrollable.”

“You saw her with the icicles. She’s learning. . . .”

“No, it’s too risky. But if we take her home—”

“There are Guardians everywhere,” Asher said darkly. “It’s not safe anyplace.”

I couldn’t believe they were talking about what to do with me, like I was just some doll they could pack up in a suitcase and carry away. Like I had no say in the matter. I thought we were done with all that. But it looked like I was wrong.

If I was really as powerful as they said, then it was time I took control of my own destiny once and for all. I pounded down the stairs. Asher and Ardith looked up, startled.

“I’m feeling better,” I said loudly. “I’m ready to go home now.”

They shared an uneasy glance.

“We were just talking about that,” said Asher.

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. “I need to see Aunt Jo. I need to find out what happened to Cassie. I need to finish school and get into college.” I was getting more worked up by the second. The cabin was growing warmer. Asher glanced around nervously. “I can’t stop living my life just because of who my parents were. Because of
what
they were. I can’t just abandon everything I love and everything that makes me
me.
”

“It’s not just your parents,” he said to me, passion building in his voice. “This is who you are, too.”

“But I don’t—”

“Your powers are a gift. You’ve been given greatness. You’ll see. Once you learn to control it—and you
are
learning—”

“I didn’t ask for this!” I yelled before I could stop myself.

“No one ever does.” Ardith’s voice cut across the room like glass. We both turned to look at her. “You can’t abandon the life you’ve always known, Skye, we know. But you can’t abandon the life you’ve been given, either. It’s not the powers you were born with that will define you. It’s what you make of them. That’s what everyone’s waiting to see.”

My powers.
Everyone said I had the potential to be more powerful than any Rebel or any Guardian. They all wanted to see just what I was capable of. But I just wanted to be me. I just wanted to be happy. What was so great about what I could do? As far as I could tell, my powers were impossible to control.

I looked down at my hands, cupping them in front of me like I was holding water from a river.

Okay, powers,
I thought.
Do your thing.

Nothing happened. I closed my eyes, and tried to remember what Asher had told me back in my room in Colorado.

“Just pretend that everything inside you is lots of unfiltered electricity. Imagine what you want to do with it. And then imagine flipping a switch—and turning it on.”

He paused, and I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were searching mine, impossibly deep. I had to control myself. “The Gifted,” he said, “start small. They focus on nuances. A whisper of a breath. A hair out of place. They manipulate each and every small thing on this earth. And every little thing has an effect on something else. Just think of what a big change can do: it could sway the path of someone’s life, the outcome of battles, the course of history.”

I swallowed, hard, mesmerized by the look in his eyes.

“It’s our job, as the Rebellion, to stop them from controlling what they have no right to control. You could help us do that.”

I tried to stop the energy roiling inside of me like storm clouds. My wild, impossible-to-control feelings for Asher. My anger at the Rebellion for wanting too much from me, and at the Order for trying to control me. My fury at Devin for betraying me, and frustration at my friends for never being able to understand. And most of all, my fear of all of this—of being the powerful blend of light and dark that would sway the outcome of a war. Of becoming Great with a capital G. Being Great wasn’t going to bring my parents back. It wasn’t going to make me closer to my friends. And it really wasn’t going to make it any easier for me to let myself trust anyone.