A Fox's Family (5 page)

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Authors: Brandon Varnell

Tags: #Humor, #Fiction

BOOK: A Fox's Family
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Kevin
and Lilian stood with two dozen other kids. Most of them were in
groups of two or three, talking amongst themselves about one thing or
another. Over to their left, a couple girls were staring at them.
Whenever he or Lilian looked their way, they would giggle and go back
to their conversation, which Kevin suspected he and his mate were the
topic of. Standing several feet to his right was yet another group of
kids, boys this time, all of whom were glaring at him. Kevin matched
their glare with a stare of his own, which just caused their attempts
to kill him with their eyes to grow more fervent.

“I
never thought I’d
see you look so confrontational,”
Lilian
said, studying his expression.

Kevin
turned away from his peers and looked at her, his head tilting. “What
do you mean? I’m
not being confrontational.”

“Yes,
you are,”
Lilian
rebutted, smiling as if she was pleased about something. “Maybe
you’re
not trying to bring about a physical confrontation, but you’re
definitely showing these other boys more hostility than before. Back
when we first met, you always did your best to avoid the looks they
sent you. Now you’re
returning them.”

Kevin
turned his head a bit, mostly to hide his blush. “I’m
just sick and tired of people looking at me like I’ve
committed some great crime. The only reason they’re
glaring at me like that is because I’m
dating you and they’re
not. I’m
tired of dealing with their petty jealousy.”

“I
never said there was anything wrong with it.”
Lilian
placed one hand on his right shoulder while the other began to run up
and down his left arm. “I
like that you’re
not letting these people get to you like you used to. It’s
really hot.”

Kevin
rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks growing even darker. “Y-you
think so?”

“Oh,
yes.”

The
world around him faded as Lilian’s
trapped him with her gaze. Slowly, she leaned up on her tiptoes and
gave him a soft, almost delicate kiss. Kevin closed his eyes and
kissed back. He didn’t
hear the girlish squeals that erupted from nearby, nor did he feel
the increased killing intent pouring off the boys. Everything except
him and Lilian vanished from his perception.

“Not
you two again! Knock it off, lovebirds! Go play tonsil hockey on your
own time!”

At
least until a familiar shout interrupted them.

Kevin
and Lilian pulled away from each other. While he blushed and tried to
pretend that he hadn’t
been exploring the inside of Lilian’s
mouth with his tongue, his twin-tailed mate glared at Coach Raide,
who hardly even seemed to notice the angered look she assailed him
with. The large wookie of a coach blew his whistle and started
shouting.

“Alright,
brats! Line up!”

Standing
so close their shoulders were touching, Kevin and Lilian stood in
line. Eric, who must have appeared around the same time as Coach
Raide, moved to stand on Kevin’s
left.

“I’ve
got some news for you kids,”
Coach
Raide began. Everyone looked surprised. Their PE coach wasn’t
one for giving speeches, so if he actually had something to tell
them, it must have been important. “We’ve
got a new assistant coach today. She’s
going to be in charge of all female PE activities, so you little
valley girls had better listen to what she says! Got it?!”

Coach
Raide got several glares from a couple of those “valley
girls,”
who
didn’t
appreciate the insult one bit.

“Now
I want you all to welcome…
Ms.
Heather Grant.”

Kevin
only had a moment to wonder why that name sounded so familiar,
because seconds later, a woman who looked vaguely familiar walked in
through one of the gym’s
double doors.

Her
short blond hair framed a pleasantly smiling face. She wore a pair of
blue sweatpants with white lines running along the outer legs, and a
blue t-shirt that conformed to her generous frame. Despite himself,
Kevin noticed that her bust, while not the same size as Lilian’s,
was still quite large. Light bluish-green eyes looked upon the group
of students with a strange sort of dazzle, as if they were a pair of
sparkling gems. Several boys held a hand to their nose as blood
seeped between their fingers.

The
only nosebleeder who didn’t
hold a hand to his nose was Eric, and that was because he was already
on the move.

“Oh,
baby! Where have you been all my life, you boobilicious blond sex
machine! Come to papa―Gurk!”

Everyone
watched in mute shock as Eric was clotheslined by a deceptively
delicate arm.

It
was almost amazing how the lower half of Eric’s
body continued moving even while his neck and head remained
practically stationary. Due to the built up momentum, his feet left
the ground, swinging about in a surprisingly graceful parabolic arc.
The rest of his body soon followed, rotating along the central axis
provided courtesy of the woman’s
arm.

Time,
which seemed to have slowed down as Eric soared through the air in an
out of control spin, reasserted itself as the licentious boy hit the
ground. Hard.

“Urk!”

Several
people winced at the strangled gurgles that escaped the boy’s
mouth.

“I
give you an A for effort, but an F for execution,”
Heather
said. Kevin’s
brows furrowed some more. He felt like he should know this woman.
“Seriously
kid, what were you thinking, going for a frontal assault like that?
Everybody knows that when you want to properly grope a woman, you
need to sneak in behind them and attack when they least expect it.”

“Urk…
ugh…
ooh…”

Kevin
wondered if anyone else was sweatdropping as much as him. Did this
woman seriously just give Eric Corrompere, the epitome of
concupiscence, groping advice?

Heather
looked up, an amused smirk on her lips.

Then
she made eye contact with Kevin and Lilian.

The
smirk vanished.

“AAHHHHH!!!”
Kevin
and Lilian pointed at the woman, who pointed right back, all three of
them shouting at the same time. “IT’S
YOU!”

***

The
boys and girls split up after Heather was introduced, with Coach
Raide taking the boys outside while the girls remained indoors.

“Alex.”

“Rodriguez.”

“So…”
Eric
placed his hands behind his head. “That
Heather chick with the mean WWF skills is the woman in charge of
those people who tried kidnapping you and Lilian, huh?”

“Seems
that way,”
Kevin
grunted. He and Eric were standing in yet another line, this one on
the basketball court.

I
hate basketball.

“Philip.”

“Brian.”

Eric
whistled. “Damn.
Never thought we’d
bump into one of those people. Wonder how she got a job working at
this school. Then again, that Japanese professor guy―”

“Inagami
Takashi.”

“Right,
right, him. Anyway, he also worked at this school. Maybe she had her
super secret spy agency or whatever create some false identification
stating she was a teacher.”

“Or
maybe your dad let her have the job because she’s
hot, and we all know that your dad’s
as lecherous as you are.”

“Christian.”

“Zach.”

“That’s
a harsh thing to say, My Lord,”
Eric
muttered. “My
old man might be a perv, but there’s
no way he’s
anywhere near as perverted as me!”

“That’s
not something to be proud of, idiot! And don’t
call me ‘My
Lord!’
It’s
creepy.”

“Francis.”

“Jack.”

“So,
what do you think’s
going on with the girls?”
asked
Eric.

Kevin
ran a hand through his hair. “I
don’t
know, but I’m
worried. That woman was the one who ordered my kidnapping, or at
least I think she was. Either way, she was the one in charge of those
people, which means she’s
the one who wanted to capture Lilian. Who’s
to say that’s
not still her goal?”

“You
could always call the police.”

“And
say what? ‘Hey,
Mr. Police Officer. I’ve
got this woman teaching my gym class. I think she’s
actually a spy sent by a secret organization to capture my kitsune
girlfriend. Could you please send someone over here to arrest her for
me?’”
Kevin
snorted. “Yeah,
I can see that going over really well.”

“You
know, you’ve
become awfully sarcastic in the past two weeks, My Lord.”
Kevin
twitched. “Are
you feeling alright?”

“Just
dandy.”

“Haden.”

“Eric.”

“Heh,
looks like they’re
calling me.”
Eric
stepped out of line and tossed his friend a wave. “Catch
you later, My Lord.”

“Oh,
for the all the gods’
sakes,
would you stop calling me that?!”

***

“Shouldn’t
you be playing dodgeball with the other girls?”

Lilian
didn’t
answer Heather’s
question, instead choosing to glare daggers at the blond-haired
woman. The new assistant coach appeared more amused by the redhead’s
attempt at making her spontaneously combust via her eyes than
bothered. She was even grinning.

“Now
there’s
a dangerous look. You weren’t
wearing that look the last time I saw you.”
Heather
lifted her eyes to the ceiling. “Then
again, I couldn’t
really see you all that well, since you were being supported by your
boy toy.”

“Don’t
you dare call Kevin that!”
Lilian
spat.

“Oh,
so you can talk. I was beginning to wonder.”

Lilian
and Heather sat on the bleachers. Well, Heather was sitting. Lilian
stood several feet from the woman, hands clenched into fists so tight
that it was a wonder her nails hadn’t
broken the skin.

“What
are you doing here?”

“My
job.”
Heather
raised an eyebrow. “You
know, assistant PE coach?”

“That’s
not what I meant and you know it!”
Lilian’s
already narrowed eyes became fierce slits. Her transformation slipped
for a second, whiskers appearing for a brief instant before
vanishing. “What
are you doing here? Are you here to try and kidnap me again? Or are
you going to try and use Kevin as a hostage like you did last time? I
swear, if you hurt even one hair on his head, I’ll―”

“Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, girl.”
Heather
raised her hands in a “settle
down”
gesture.
“I
have no designs on kidnapping either you or your boyfriend. I’m
not even a member of that group anymore.”

Lilian
remained tense, still feeling wary of letting her guard down around
this woman. “What
do you mean?”

“I
mean they fired me,”
Heather
stated flatly. “People
who don’t
accomplish their mission objectives aren’t
people they can afford to keep. When I failed to capture you, they
decided I was no longer fit to be a member of their group and they
dropped me faster than yesterday’s
trash.”

“So,
if you’re
not after me and Kevin, then what are you doing here?”

“Didn’t
I just tell you? I’m
the assistant PE coach.”
Heather
shrugged. “I
needed a job, so I applied.”

“And
they let you work here just like that?”

“Yep.”
Heather
nodded. “The
principal said ‘you’re
cute, so I’ll
hire you!’
and
that was how I got my job.”

Lilian
took a second to think about that statement.

A
drop of sweat soon appeared near her temple, trailing down her face
and neck, rolling across her clavicle bone, before dipping into her
PE shirt.

Lilian
remembered; she had been allowed to enroll despite not having any of
the necessary background information for that very same reason.

“Right.
I forgot the principal here is a complete pervert.”

***

Sitting
in his office, behind his fancy desk made of the finest mahogany,
Principal Corrompere giggled. Several feet away from him was a
television, and on that television was porn.

What?
This was the guy who birthed Eric. Are you honestly surprised?

“Kukukuku…
oh,
yeah….
you girls are looking mighty fine…
oh,
yes…
just
like that…
you
can do it, baby!”

As
he giggled some more, mumbling out words no principal in their right
mind should ever say out loud—especially
at a school—a
strange sensation came over him, like a feather tickling his nose.

He
sneezed. Then he looked around. After several seconds of nothing
happening, Eric’s
father shrugged and went back to watching porn.

And
people wondered why this school was so messed up.

***

Gym
eventually ended.

Kevin
and Lilian met up after changing into their regular clothes. Eric
probably would have been with them, except he’d
been sent to the nurse’s
office after trying to sneak up on Heather and grope her from behind.
Too bad the woman was a former secret agent of some kind. Not even
the Deus Sex Machina that allowed all perverts to recover after a
massive beating seemed capable of healing the grievous injuries she
had dealt to him.

Almost
as soon as they left the gymnasium, Kevin noticed his mate’s
mood. “Are
you worried about that Heather woman?”

“Yes.
No. Well, maybe a little.”
Lilian
furrowed her brows and frowned. “I
don’t
like the fact that she’s
working here at our school. That woman’s
already kidnapped you once.”

“Ugh,
please don’t
remind me.”

“Who’s
to say she won’t
try it again?”

“Yeah,
I thought the same thing, more or less.”
Kevin
paused. “Only
our roles in the entirely hypothetical second kidnapping scenario
were reversed. Anyway, there’s
not much we can do unless you want to pick a fight with her or
something. We’ll
inform Kotohime about Heather becoming our new teacher. That way, if
something happens to us and we don’t
show up at home, she’ll
know who the most likely culprit is. Really, that’s
about all we can do.”

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