A Fluffy Tale (18 page)

But then his fingers met Zachary’s
again
—and this time, Zachary didn’t move
his hand in the least. Julian frowned a little and went to lift his own
hand—only to find Zachary’s on top, trapping his. He stared at Zachary, but the
man wasn’t looking his way at all. Very carefully not looking his way.

Julian left his hand where it was. After a
few moments, Zachary squeezed his fingers and then resumed his gentle stroking
of the two kems’ fur.

That destroyed any idea of him concentrating
on the film after that, though he pretended to as best he could, for Leo’s
sake. Every few seconds, Zachary’s fingers would brush feather light over his
skin, as if by accident—but it was no accident. What Julian couldn’t figure out
was what the guy was up to. Touches were significant things to Zachary—so why
him, why now and why at all?

The film was a mere hour and a half long—it
felt more like five hours before the credits rolled. Leo and Zachary stood
almost at once. Julian sat a little longer, feeling rather confused about what
Zachary had meant by all that.

“Well, goodnight, Zachary,” Leo said, as
Nuji jumped up into his arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow before you head out.”

“Yes, you will. Thank you, Uncle Leo. Thank
you both. It’s been the nicest birthday I can remember.”

“Ah, wait until you see what I’ve got
planned for next year. Julian, see you in the morning.”

Julian waved as Leo left the room, then he
stared up at Zachary. He opened his mouth to speak, but Zachary, his green eyes
giving absolutely nothing away, put his finger to his lips and pointed to the
floor, before picking up Linis and heading out. Julian gave him two seconds’
head start, then followed, Pyon tucked under his arm and being suspiciously
quiet.

The lower apartment’s door was open. He
walked in and Zachary standing in the middle of the living room, hands curled
into light fists, his eyes shadowed and unreadable.

“What’s going on?” Julian demanded.

“I…don’t know. I…touched you…by accident.
Then I…I wanted to touch you again. I'm sorry.”

Julian came closer, setting Pyon down. His
kem ran over to Linis and then the two of them sat, heads tilted in an
identical manner, watching the two humans. But Julian’s attention wasn’t on
their kems.

“Do you want to touch me again now?”

“I…think I do. I don’t know why. I
just…it’s like being hungry, but we just had that big meal.”

He sounded aggrieved by this and Julian
couldn’t help grinning. “I don’t think it’s your stomach that’s hungry.” He was
now almost toe-to-toe with Zachary. He had only to lift his hand and he’d be
touching the man. But he didn’t lift his hand, wanting this to be Zachary’s
move.

“I don’t know what to do, Julian. I don’t
know what this feeling is. I don’t know why it is.”

“I think you do. It has to be your choice.”

Zachary stared, unblinking, right into
Julian’s eyes. Julian could read nothing of his emotions, except that they were
intense enough to make Zachary’s hand shake a little as he lifted it. He held
his breath, waiting, wondering—what would he do?

Zachary’s hand wavered, uncertain, until it
came to rest on Julian’s chest, dropping quickly as if Zachary realised how
personal such a gesture was.

Julian caught his hand and held it. “It’s
okay,” he said quietly. “I don’t mind.”

“But it’s not something
you
want.”

“Would I be here if that was true? Zachary,
you can read Linis, you can read me.”

But Zachary was paralysed, unable to decide
what to do, and Julian realised if he didn’t help, Zachary would never make
that first step. So he made it for him, stepping further into Zachary’s
personal space and putting his arms lightly around the man’s waist.
Unmistakeably a hug but loose enough that Zachary could escape without a
struggle or loss of dignity. If he wanted to. Did he?

For a second or two, it felt like he didn’t,
his body rigid and his expression tense. But then Zachary relaxed and lifted
his hand again, this time to lightly caress Julian’s cheek with the back of his
fingers. “This is okay?”

“This is fine. Is it a good feeling? Me
holding you?” Julian hoped so because holding Zachary like this was so sweet…so
much something that he wanted to keep doing. But only if
Zachary wanted it.

“Yes. Yes it is, but I don’t know why. It
should make me panic. It did before.”

Linis trilled suddenly, making them both
jump. Julian grinned. “I think he knows why.”

“He’s been pushing us together for weeks.”
Zachary frowned. “So has Leo. Are we being managed?”

“I think maybe we are.” Julian reached up
to cup Zachary’s jaw. “Do you mind?”

“No. But I have no idea what to do now.”

Julian caressed him a little. “I can’t
stay, unless you come upstairs…”

“I'm…not… Perhaps…not now.”

“Not yet, no.” He leaned up. Zachary was
three inches taller than him, which made this slightly more difficult…but the
man realised his intentions and bent down a little. Julian brushed his lips
against Zachary’s, a dry, sexless kiss that they could write off as friendly
affection—if they wanted to.

“Is that…my first?” Zachary’s forehead
wrinkled as if he was disappointed.

“No.” Julian leaned up again, and this
time, did it right, his hand firmly behind Zachary’s sleek head, his lips
intent and gently demanding. “This is.”

Of course Zachary had no clue what to do,
but Julian did, nibbling gently and teasing with lips and tongue, persuading an
untutored mouth that this was a good thing, and something to do again. He
almost grinned as he felt the firmness against his stomach, evidence through
immaculate trousers that, virgin or not, Zachary was starting to work things
out.

He let the embrace go on, because Zachary
felt good against him, against his lips, and Zachary’s arms around his
shoulders told him that his companion wanted this. He’d never been this careful
before—never needed to be. But this was too important to screw up.

When he realised Zachary had become
passive, no longer reacting, he loosened his embrace, expecting Zachary to push
him away. But he didn’t. He just stared down, eyes confused. “I…that…felt good.
But…I don’t want our friendship to change. This could change it.”

“It could be good.”

“It could be a disaster. You forget I'm a
lawyer. I see the results of broken relationships all the time.” But still he
kept his arms where they were.

“So you think we should stop?”

“I…don’t know. You do—why don’t you
decide?”

“Because there are two people involved. And
two kems and one interfering old bastard we both love to bits.”

Zachary nodded, and stepped away. Julian
couldn’t help the pang that went through him, but perhaps Zachary was right to
be sensible…

“Maybe…we should think about it some more.”

Linis whined. Julian turned around and
wagged his finger. “Oh no you don’t. And not you either, Pyon,” he added as his
kem squeaked. “This is too important. Zachary, we can take as long as you want.
If you say stop, I won’t be upset, honest. If you say…go slow, I'm fine with
that. You’re worth waiting for.”

“I…appeal to you?”

“Hell yes. You ‘appealed’ even when I hated
your guts.” Zachary looked rather offended at that. “That was a long time ago.
Yes, you appeal. Very, very much. But I'm not the only
guy around. Are you sure you’re even gay?”

Zachary blinked. “Uh, I don’t know. How
would I tell? I never felt anything for anyone like this.”

“Then maybe it’s just…you know, me being
here. Opportunity and all that.”

Zachary’s expression fell. “Oh. So this
isn’t real? These feelings are…simply convenient?”

Julian shrugged, feeling a bit of a prick
for tripping up Zachary’s baby steps but wanting the man to be clear-headed
enough to realise what was happening. “People fall in and out of love and lust
all the time. The feelings are real…they just might not be permanent. And
that’s fine. I don’t mind…you trying stuff out with me.” He kept his tone and
his expression light. He had to convince himself what he’d just said was
true—eventually.

“You’re a friend. I can’t treat a friend
like that. No. I won’t. Better…not to ‘try stuff’ with anyone than to treat
them like a toy.”

Julian sighed, stepped up and took
Zachary’s hand. “I'm not a toy,” he said quietly. “I'm not a kem either. I can
walk away, and I can sure tell you where to shove it—you already know that.
You’ll still be my friend—if we can survive all that’s happened, we can
survive…this. Whatever ‘this’ ends up being.” He leaned up and placed a kiss on
Zachary’s cheek. “I'm going upstairs. We can talk over the weekend. Goodnight.”

Zachary touched his cheek where Julian had
kissed him, a distant expression in his eyes. “Good night…and thank you. For…a wonderful evening. All of it.”

“You’re welcome. Taxi at seven
tomorrow night to take us to the train station. I’ll see you then.”

Zachary looked as if he wanted more but
Julian was firm with him and himself, walking away and calling Pyon after him.
He got the distinct impression the kems were disappointed. Too
bad. They’d manoeuvred Zachary into position, and now it was up to him
to take it from there.

“But don’t think I'm not grateful,” he
whispered to Pyon in bed that night, rubbing his nose against his kem’s soft
tummy. Pyon trilled and curled up on his chest, licking Julian’s chin. Julian
couldn’t help wishing it was Zachary’s tongue, and the
man’s long body against him. Still…the kiss had been nice. More
than nice. And to be repeated, with any luck.

Not saying anything to Leo was hard, if
only because Julian knew how delighted the man would be. But he was afraid of
Leo pushing the way Linis and Pyon were, out of eagerness, and Zachary was too
fragile for that.

Somehow he managed to maintain discretion,
and the afternoon was taken up packing for the weekend and making sure the
attendants they’d booked for Leo were properly briefed. Julian still felt
uneasy about leaving Leo, and if anything happened to him while he was off
having fun, he’d never forgive himself. Leo dismissed all his fears and told
him that he felt entirely content that Julian and Zachary would be out enjoying
the crisp early winter while he was tucked up warm and comfortable at home.

Zachary showed up just before seven, all
packed and ready. Nothing in his manner or expression betrayed what had passed
between them the night before, and he let Leo tease him as he always did. But
when the taxi driver called to say he’d arrived downstairs, Zachary went to his
uncle and squeezed his shoulder—Leo looked as surprised as Julian felt by the
unusual gesture.

“Thank you, Uncle Leo. For everything and
for this.”

“My dear boy. So little, so late.”

Zachary glanced at Julian, then smiled at his uncle. “Not too late. We’ll see you
Sunday night.”

“With photos!”

“Yes, with photos. Come on, Julian.”

Zachary said not another word to him until
they were in their seats on the train and supper had been served. The waiter
left them to it, but Zachary didn’t pick up his knife and fork.

“Something wrong with the food?” Julian
asked. It was nothing amazing, but what did he expect on a train, even in first
class?

“No. I…uh…haven’t had much of an appetite
today.”

“Are you sick? Zachary, you should have—”

Zachary held up his hand. “Not sick.
Just…distracted.”

Then he smiled, and Julian was lost in how
very handsome he looked when he did that. The man was simply gorgeous.
“Anything I can do?”

“You’re doing it. You’re here. I'm…glad of
that.”

“Uh…me too.”

Pyon stuck his head up from where he’d been
hiding on Julian’s lap, and gave a loud, enthusiastic chirp. Linis, on
Zachary’s shoulders, gave a wide yawn and then licked a long stripe up
Zachary’s cheek.

“I think it’s unanimous,” Julian said,
straight-faced, and Zachary grinned. His grins were even more handsome than his
smiles—and more precious for being so rare.

They ate in silence, but their eyes met
more than once, asking questions, seeking reassurances. The words backed into
Julian’s teeth but he didn’t want to let them pass. Zachary was hardly
rejecting him, but Julian already knew how easy it was to make him retreat into
his shell. He didn’t want that. He’d become used to Zachary in his life and now
he knew that he definitely didn’t want to lose him. The only question was in
what way could he keep him—as a friend, or something…more.

Their plates were cleared and they could
relax now for the remaining hour of the trip. As soon as the waiter left, Linis
jumped down from Zachary’s shoulder and stalked regally across the tabletop. He
stopped in front of Pyon, licked his face, and then the smaller kem climbed up
onto the table as well. Linis stepped down onto Julian’s lap—and Pyon went over
to Zachary and mewled pathetically as if he hadn’t just had hours and hours of
cuddles and attention. “Ingrate,” Julian muttered.

Zachary picked Pyon up and looked at him
severely. “I do know what you’re up to, you know.” He glanced at Linis. “And
you.”

Linis chirped quietly, his liquid golden
gaze quite serene, before he head butted Julian’s stomach as if to tell him to
get on with the required petting and adoration.

What could he do but obey, when Zachary had
already put Pyon on his lap and started to stroke him with the exquisite
gentleness Julian had noticed from the very beginning. So strange that a man
who could be so verbally harsh, was almost always so tender, so careful in his
movements around the kems. And people, if truth be
told. Even though he despised most of humanity, he didn’t show it in his
actions. Julian wondered if it was a matter of genuine dislike, or if it was
fear of what he didn’t understand. Maybe both.