A Flower’s Shade (10 page)

Xiaoyun said nothing, but through his dark glasses he looked at Huaifu with total indifference. He was in a foul mood just then. Ever since he had returned to the little town, it seemed he hadn't once been in a good mood. A cynic, Xiaoyun was thoroughly dissatisfied with everything. He was not willing to remain on the rotten, decaying Estate. But even if he left the Estate, the things he saw outside were also infuriating. It was the same way regarding Miss Yu. Ever since he had seen her again upon his return to the little town, he had wanted to teach this proud girl a harsh lesson. He was aware of his natural hostility towards her. Although they had not met in ten years, he still recalled her insufferable arrogance. Ten years had passed, and the insufferable arrogance had not vanished; instead, it had gotten worse.

Huaifu's eyes were still fixed on the bird in the cage. He waited, calm and collected, for Xiaoyun's answer, but Xiaoyun was not responding, nor did Huaifu hurry him. Xiaoyun just put his index finger into the cage for the bird to peck. Liangzhong, standing nearby, could not figure out what was going on; it was as though he were a total outsider. He stared first at Huaifu and Xiaoyun, then turned around to glance with a mocking smile at Suqin. His smile was less than natural, for he had suddenly realized that the silent Xiaoyun might be a potential rival. Obviously, he was not the only one to covet Miss Yu's property, and Xiaoyun was ideally positioned for it. If Suqin was interested primarily in matchmaking for her brother, then Zha's plans were dashed. Worrying about this, he saw Suqin's derisive sneer. She said, "Incredibly. That's certainly our young lady's style. Liangzhong, you mustn't be surprised. Our young lady acts as though she's the empress. Nowadays everyone has to listen to her, and her alone. Xiaoyun, you'd better go. She's summoned you. Go on now, since she's favoring you."

"Why should I go, just because she sends for me?" Xiaoyun said, full of pride. "My name is Yuan Xiaoyun, and I am not her servant boy. Who's ever heard of such a thing? So what if she is the lady of the house? Just because she says something, or sends word, telling me to do something—why should I do that? What gives her the right?"

W
ith a bang, the furious Miss Yu had hurled a teacup to the ground, smashing it to pieces. Xiaoyun's arrogance had incurred her wrath. "And what else did he say?" Huaifu had returned, stammering his report that Xiaoyun refused to return, with Miss Yu responding with irate inquiries. During the interval, she had sat the whole time in front of her dressing table making herself pretty. Having waited a long time for Xiaoyun, she had stored up considerable anger. Now Huaifu had finally come, and this was the news he brought.

Huaifu stood humbly by, not daring to make a sound. Miss Yu's tempers were a common occurrence. But smashing teacups, like today—this was something new. Even though the anger was not directed at him, but, as they say: if the city gates are on fire, the fish in the moat suffer too. There was nowhere for him to hide, and of course the matter did in a way concern him. "You're so useless. I ask you to fetch someone and it takes you forever. If he won't come, then just come back, why stand farting around waiting for him? You shouldn't beg from him!" When Miss Yu was angry, she liked to use the word 'fart'. Whether or not it was reasonable, she always began by abusing Huaifu to let off steam. "Let me hear you say again what he told you." Miss Yu compelled him to repeat his words again.

Huaifu stammered, saying, "He…he didn't say much…"

Miss Yu forcefully unbound the two braids, then, looking at herself in the mirror, ran her fingers through her hair at random and turned on her heels. She was mumbling, and rushed off to confront and punish Xiaoyun. All Huaifu saw was her form vanishing quickly down the corridor, and after a moment she couldn't be seen at all. Huaifu, panicking, cantered off in pursuit. He hadn't thought she would take it so seriously. If Miss Yun and Xiaoyun really did have a big argument, there would be no way of making reason heard between the two fiery spluttering young people. He had a groundless fear that Xiaoyun would deny everything, which would make it seem like Huaifu had been deliberately stirring up trouble between them.

Miss Yu, fuming with anger, entered her sister-in-law's courtyard. Zha Liangzhong had already left, and Suqin and her brother had both gone into their rooms. Only Ai'ai and Naixiang were in the courtyard, Ai'ai pushing Naixiang about in his wheelchair, and having entered the courtyard at the same time. Without regard for propriety, Miss Yu rushed right into her sister-in-law's room, and screamed at her, "Where's Xiaoyun? I have something to say to him."

Suqin greeted Miss Yu, but Miss Yu really couldn't be bothered to pay any attention to her. She turned and bolted out of the room, stood in the courtyard and screeched in the direction of Xiaoyun's room, "Xiaoyun, are you there, if you are, come out here this minute, don't hide your head like a tortoise in his shell, you coward!"

Obviously, Xiaoyun had heard her yelling. But as if nothing was the matter, he poked his head out of the window, and looked silently at Miss Yu. Miss Yu was so busy shouting at the door that it took a moment before she saw Xiaoyun at the window.

Xiaoyun was still wearing his dark glasses. As long as he had the dark glasses on, he gave people the feeling that he was wearing a mask. Now that his face had become an enigmatic mask, Miss Yu discovered that she was speechless. The strangeness of his appearance quenched a good deal of her anger.

Through the window, Xiaoyun said emotionlessly, "What's all this anger? Having troubled to come here yourself, what do you command?"

"You…" Miss Yu was speechless for a moment. She had been angry, but just what she had wanted Xiaoyun for, she couldn't say herself. "Come out."

"Just tell me this: what difference does it make?"

"Come out!"

Xiaoyun emerged, neither very quickly nor too slowly. He raised his chin, as though expecting Miss Yu's next comment, but also as though he held her in no esteem at all, as if he was deliberately making light of her. Miss Yu ground her teeth as she looked at him, and still said nothing. It seemed like everyone in the courtyard: Ai'ai, as well as Suqin, and Naixiang in his chair—it seemed they were all waiting to see how Miss Yu would deal with Xiaoyun.

Miss Yu finally blurted out, "What's the big deal with you?"

Xiaoyun indicated that he did not quite understand what she meant.

Miss Yu said again, "So you went out for a couple of days and saw what the modern world was like. What's the big deal about that?"

Almost like an admission of guilt, Xiaoyun said, "Of course I'm no big deal. When I was a child, I depended on my sister. Now I'm grown up, and I'm still eating her food, and I know—if I'm eating our food, then it's really you Zhens who are feeding me. What you say is true, madam, what big deal could there possibly be about someone like me?

This little speech of Xiaoyun's caused a great deal more of Miss Yu's anger to vanish. Xiaoyun's attitude often perplexed her, it was neither arrogant nor subservient, or rather it was alternately arrogant and subservient, like he was playing a game with her. Miss Yu's anger having been reduced almost to nothing, Xiaoyun's next words caused it to flare up again. Of course there is no big deal about me, Yuan Xiaoyun. But as for you, madam, what's the big deal with you?" He turned around and looked at her very affectedly, "Madam, you're nothing but a rich little girl, not to put too fine a point on it, a rich little girl is all you are. Let me tell you, rich little girls are thick on the ground. Perhaps—perhaps having a little bit of money is not such a big deal either, am I right?"

Miss Yu, having swallowed this response, found she was speechless. In high dudgeon, she turned and left.

N
o one had ever dared to treat Miss Yu in such a way. Returning to her own rooms, all Miss Yu could think about was how to straighten out Xiaoyun. This time, she felt that she certainly could not spare Xiaoyun. He oughtn't to think that just because he'd read a few books or had a couple of days of modern education that he had a right to mock her in this way. She believed herself to be very angry, although actually she was not all that enraged. Perhaps all that Xiaoyun said was true, for Miss Yu knew that everybody supposedly feared her, but it amounted really only to indulging her. And why should everybody either fear her or indulge her?

As the weather got warmer and warmer, Miss Yu's temper also got increasingly irascible, increasingly bizarre. Although she had seen Xiaoyun again, the event had not brought many memories of childhood back to her. She could remember that she had often bullied him when they were small, and that for this reason Xiaoyun had always timidly hid from her. She could remember Xiaoyun as an introverted boy, always fearfully avoiding her. At the time, Xiaoyun had not been tall, but he had big eyes, good-looking eyes, although he never dared to look straight at a person. Hard to believe that this bullied boy was now so full of himself.

Xiaoyun's arrogance afforded a different kind of temptation. Compared to the other men she had seen, Xiaoyun was the only one who was ready to really stand up to her. Contradiction often has unexpected consequences. Sometimes, contradiction can be attractive. Miss Yu knew that she had never really been angry with Xiaoyun. It seemed like she deliberately wanted to give Xiaoyun a chance. As an old maid, Miss Yu had practically no experience dealing with men. The opposite sex had for her an extraordinary attraction. After the death of Old Master Zhen, when Miss Yu had acquired full power over the family property, she had more than once entertained visions of how she might interact with the opposite sex. After all, from the age of seventeen, she had been an avid reader of The Plum in the Golden Vase. With regard to sex, she had for years endured extraordinary repression. Even before the death of Old Master Zhen, she had imagined how she might become indecent and debauched. This was the unspeakable secret of an old maid without any sexual experience. It had surprised even her that when she had heard the news of her father's death, her first impulse was not to grieve at her father's death, but rather to entertain a burning if unfulfilled desire to find some random man to sleep with.

Lying in the bathtub, Miss Yu fondled her overripe body, feeling wronged by the passing of the spring of her youth. In the era in which Miss Yu lived, it was a catastrophe if a woman was not married by the age of twenty. Many girls had become mothers by the age of fifteen or sixteen. Miss Yu, growing up in the closed environment of her Estate, had received her sexual education not from her frequent readings of The Plum in the Golden Vase but rather from the womanizing of her father and brother. Their unrestrained sexual life had made the Estate for many years seem like a den of iniquity, little different from a brothel.

One stuffy summer night, Miss Yu had gone out into the back garden to get some fresh air. Two of her brother's concubines were also there for the same reason. The sky was filled with stars, and there was finally a cool breeze. Miss Yu had dozed off without realizing it, and when she awoke the two women were quite close, brazenly relating their sexual sensations. Perhaps they thought Miss Yu was sleeping, or perhaps they were speaking so that she would hear. In any event, their voices were not so low, and they concealed nothing, although they kept on chuckling and chortling. They spoke in specific and vivid detail, rating Naixiang's technique. Naixiang had by this time already become an invalid, and the two women shared a lamentable fate; gossip was the only outlet they had for their dissatisfaction. They talked about this and that talking and talking until the topic turned to Miss Yu herself.

Miss Yu heard one of the concubines lower her voice to say, "What can the old master be thinking? His daughter's so old and yet he doesn't get her married off."

The other concubine answered, "The old stinker only thinks about his own pleasure. He's not too bothered about his daughter. Let me tell you, men are all the same. All they know is they want it, but what they don't know is that actually we women want it too. You think she's not anxious to be married? For better or worse, the two of us have had a taste of men." 　

"You don't know about her. The more you've had men, the more you want it. But when we were still maidens, we didn't think about that at all…"

They had deliberately lowered their voices, as though they were afraid that Miss Yu would wake up and hear them. For many years, Miss Yu had regretted that she hadn't stood up and given the two shameless concubines a verbal thrashing to their faces. Perhaps they were right about one thing, and that was that Miss Yu truly did want her taste of men. But she didn't want it the way they imagined, anxious to find a man of any kind to marry and have done with it. In fact, Miss Yu was not anxious to be married soon. It is not necessarily the same thing to want marriage and to want men. All men are vile, if they have any kind of standing at all, they'll want all kinds of wives and concubines. Miss Yu had long since considered what would be the outcome if she were to get married. Her father and brother had so many concubines, so why would her own man be an exception? Why should it be so unfair between men and women, with men being permitted to have many women, but women got only one man, and they had to fight tooth and nail for him to boot?

Miss Yu decided that she would make the Zhen Residence into a real woman's world. She was the mistress of this world, and in this world of hers men would have to become like women. She would make all of the men in this Estate follow her commands, make them scheme and grow jealous of her favor, make them fight for her till the blood flowed. She would wreak a cruel vengeance for womankind, oppressed for thousands of years.

What, after all, was Xiaoyun? It wasn't on his account that she would wrestle with her conscience or stay angry for any length of time. Going to bed that night, she believed she had already found the right way of dealing with him. She was sure that she had already conquered him, and as she imagined the scene of her total victory, she went to bed with a smile on her lips.