A Father's Sins: A Pride and Prejudice Variation (4 page)

A
refreshing cup of tea sounded wonderful to Elizabeth. Before the girl could
leave the room, Elizabeth asked for her name. “Sarah, Miss. I will be just a
moment.” The maid disappeared through the only other doorway in the room, which
led to the servants stairway to the kitchen. Her room did not connect with
Jane’s.

After
enjoying the repast, Elizabeth headed down the hallway to her sister’s bed
chamber. Turning the handle to the door, she opened it to a sight she had
missed for so long. Seeing her sister resting in the large bed, Elizabeth’s
eyes filled with tears. “Oh, my sweet, sweet Jane, what are we to do?”

Forgetting
all else, Elizabeth hurried to the bedside and looked down at the pale face of
the angel lying against the white bedclothes. So pallid, but yet still so
beautiful. Elizabeth touched Jane’s brow and felt the warmth of her skin. She
grabbed the cloth resting in a bowl of water beside the bed and, after wringing
it out, wiped down Jane’s face. The tears continued to stream down Elizabeth’s
face as she touched her beloved sister. It had been so long since she had been
this close to the best friend she ever had. “Oh, Jane, “she sighed repeatedly. “Sweet,
sweet Jane, how happy I am to be near you again,” Elizabeth whispered.

At
the first touch of the cloth on her face, Jane started to wake. When she heard
Elizabeth’s whisper, she felt that she must be dreaming. Finally, Jane became
fully aware and was ecstatic at seeing her younger sister in the flesh.

Elizabeth’s
heart squeezed with joy and delight as she begged her sister not to speak until
she had some water. Elizabeth and the maid, Sarah, helped Jane to sit while she
sipped the cooling liquid. “You are more beautiful than when I left you, dear Jane.
Please tell me how you fair?”

Jane
continued to sip at the water, gazing at her sister with eyes brimming with
love. “Lizzy,” she spoke softly. “You came.”

Once
Sarah moved the water glass, Elizabeth gathered her older sister to her and
they both wept. Tears of joy; tears of sadness; tears for all the years that
they had been apart. Elizabeth rocked her sister and held her like she would
never let go. “Get some rest now, sweet sister. Get some rest.” Elizabeth laid
her back on her pillows and watched Jane’s eyes close; the long, thick, dark
lashes they shared like shadows on her pale face. “
I love her with all my
heart,
” she thought to herself.

Elizabeth
and Sarah tended her through the rest of the day and night. Several times they
woke her sister to give her some of the powders she had brought in her
apothecary case. The medicine, which seemed to help with fever and pain, had
helped others in the past. Each time, Jane complained of the taste, but drank
it down.

_ _ _

After
Miss Elizabeth was escorted upstairs to her sister, Darcy headed to the rarely
used library to reflect on this chance meeting. He sat in one of the chairs,
close to the roaring fireplace. Picking up a book on a side table, he weighed
it in his hands, not paying attention to the title or content. Bennet was not
an uncommon name and neither was the Christian name, Elizabeth. It had been a
pleasant surprise to find that it was the same person from the bookstore.
Thinking over the time that had passed since he first spoke with her in
Hatchards, he wondered how her life had been impacted by the passage of years. 
In his mind, on occasion, when he had thought of her as he picked up a book on
geography or travel, she had remained unchanged; still the young girl from the
bookstore. How pleased he was to officially be introduced to her as a young
woman.

He
had wondered, when his sister had inquired as to the correctness of writing to
Miss Jane Bennet’s sister, if it was the same young woman. At the few social
gatherings that he had attended in Meryton, he had been impressed with Miss
Jane Bennet who was tall, slim, fair-haired, blue-eyed, and elegantly calm. However,
her quiet nature was so similar to Darcy’s and her place in society so far
removed from theirs that he quickly passed up the opportunity to know her
better. Bingley did not have that concern and after being acquainted with her
for a mere two hours, proclaimed her “his angel”.  The young girl, Miss
Elizabeth Bennet, from his memory, resembled her older sister not in the
slightest.

Darcy’s
time had been filled with adapting to his role as Master of Pemberley and
guardian to his young sister. Like his father before him, he had determined to
fulfill his duties with diligence, dignity, and pride; to be a successful and
caring landowner. Under Darcy’s guidance, the coffers of Pemberley had
increased dramatically and the reputation of the Darcy name had finally
returned to the height it had been over the generations previous to his father.
Unlike his father, he remained moral, constantly aware of how the smallest
indiscretion could taint the family reputation. This self-restraint moved him
to remove himself from certain associations, especially in the presence of
vice, be it of a sexual nature, or gambling, or any other dissolute behaviors.
His wealth and stature made him the target of women of all ages, single or
married. Their grasping, clinging stratagems were an affront to his normally
shy nature. He knew, for example, that Caroline Bingley would never have looked
at him twice if he did not own one of the largest estates in all of England,
other smaller properties, a house in town, and fine carriages and horseflesh.
Over the years that he had known her, she had made clear her desire to be the
next Mistress of Pemberley. That would not happen!

Darcy,
in his heart, longed for a companion, one who understood the pressures he was
under, one who could be a sister and companion to Georgiana, and one who would
bring back the joy and laughter that had been missing from his life since his
mother died. He was lonely.

He
thought of the twinkle in Miss Elizabeth’s eyes when she teased him in the
entryway and how she endeavored to immediately put Georgiana at ease. Her
politeness and dignity in the face of Miss Bingley’s intolerance indicated that
her manners were far superior to those of her hostess. Darcy was pleased at the
thought that he would finally get to know Miss Elizabeth Bennet. While he
clearly understood what was proper and that convention would not allow
opportunity for private conversation with a single woman, he vowed to take
every opportunity to learn all he could about her and her circumstances. He
could not help the smile that grew as he meditated on her fine eyes, her
intelligence, and her wit.

- - -

The
next morning found Jane weak but much improved. Sarah helped her to bathe,
while Elizabeth went to her own room to bathe and change. She rejoined Jane and
helped feed her small amounts of broth and a dry piece of toast. The two
sisters gazed upon one another and smiled. “Rest now, Jane, and I will go
downstairs to let poor Mr. Bingley know that you are recovering. He has sent
message after message throughout the night. I do believe the man is in love
with you, Jane.” Elizabeth smiled at the pleasant thought of having Mr. Bingley
for a brother-in-law.

“Elizabeth,
I missed you,” said Jane.

“I
missed you too, dear sister, and I noticed how your sentiment changed the
subject. I will desist for the moment, but be prepared to tell me about your Mr.
Bingley when I return.” Elizabeth smoothed the covers over her sister and left
the room with a smile.

Netherfield Park, Hertfordshire

Downstairs,
the table at the breakfast room had an available seat between Miss Darcy and
Mr. Hurst. It was Elizabeth’s first opportunity to meet the gentleman married
to Mrs. Hurst. He was so intent on breaking his fast that he did not look up
from his plate when she sat down at his side. Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley both
stood at her entrance. Elizabeth hoped the Darcys and Mr. Bingley would
participate in conversation, as Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst had not
acknowledged her presence at the table.

“Miss
Elizabeth, how is your sister this morning?” Mr. Bingley was all concern. He
leaned forward in her direction, as if he was afraid to miss a word. Elizabeth’s
esteem rose for this gentle man.

“I
am pleased to say that she is much improved. Her fever is gone and she is
resting easily.” The comments from Mr. Bingley’s sisters were perfunctory at
best. Mr. and Miss Darcy both expressed their sincere pleasure at the news. Mr.
Bingley appeared to bounce in his seat at the good news from upstairs. “It may
be a day or so before she is well enough to return to Longbourn. I do hope you
do not mind if we trespass on your hospitality a bit longer?”

“Not
at all,” Mr. Bingley immediately supplied. “She is welcome to stay and be ill
as long as she would like.”

Elizabeth
lowered her eyes to her lap to hide the small grin at Mr. Bingley’s
proclamation. “
He truly does love her,
” she thought. She looked over to
see the same small smile on Miss Darcy’s face. “
Ah, she is another kindred
soul
.”

After
the meal ended, Elizabeth excused herself to go upstairs to check on her
sister. Elizabeth released Sarah from her vigil so she and Jane could visit in
private. There was much to be said, explained, and understood. Jane, too, was
anxious to know about Elizabeth.

“Lizzy,”
Jane hesitantly started the conversation. “Why were you gone so long?”

Elizabeth
looked at her, puzzled. “I don’t understand what you are asking, Jane. You know
why. You were there and heard Father. Did you think I would be welcome at
Longbourn?”

Jane
looked down at her hands twisting on her lap. “I thought….. I thought that you
would have apologized to Papa long ago and we could have been together all these
years. I guess that I do not understand why you never did.” Jane would not look
up, so she failed to see the incredulous look on her sister’s face.

“Jane!
Me apologize?” It was almost hard for Elizabeth to take a breath, she was so
stunned by this unexpected turn. “Whatever did I have to apologize for, Jane?” She
did not mean for her voice to sound so severe, but it was hard to grasp this
thinking. She looked again at her sister and wondered if she really knew her
anymore.

“Lizzy,
you do not know what it was like after you left.” Jane paused to gather her
thoughts. Finally, she looked up at her sister. “Longbourn was so empty and
quiet. Mama stayed in bed for many months after you left and Papa buried
himself in his library. Hill and Mrs. Hill cared for the house and tenants as
best as they could without proper direction. It has been a very trying time.”
She paused again while Elizabeth waited in stunned silence. “Charlotte
whispered to me that you have been traveling the world, one exciting adventure
after another. I do love you and am happy to see you, but your life seemed to
have been all about what brought you pleasure. Did you just decide to forget
about us when you left? We needed you at home, Lizzy.”

Elizabeth
was exceedingly surprised at the force of Jane’s last statement. Before she
replied, she gave serious thought to not only the things Jane had said, but
also the way they were said. Twice she said, “after you left,” as if the
leaving had been voluntary on her part. It certainly had not been her choice!
She grieved the loss of her siblings deeply and berated herself for a long time
that she had not known more about how to treat smallpox. The things she had
learned, especially while in India, indicated that there truly was not more
that could have been done. She had tried. She had tried her best and done all
she could to help them. She and Mrs. Hill struggled through those fourteen days
of agony only to have the ending so bleak. Apologize? Apologize to her father
for what? For not insisting that they be vaccinated? She had insisted and he had
chosen not to listen. For not nursing them to her fullest? She had given all
there was to give of herself. Why? Why would Jane think the error was hers?
Shaking her head back and forth, she struggled to understand.

“Jane,”
Elizabeth pinned her sister with a look. “Please, remember that it was not my
choice to leave Longbourn. I was disowned and cast off by a father who claimed
that he loved me. I have nothing to apologize for. If you concluded from
hearing of my travels from Charlotte that my life was filled with gaiety and
joy, you would be most incorrect. I used those travels as opportunity to study
treatments and to learn better methods of care for those who are ill. I learned
to mix the formula for the tonic that reduces fever and possible infection and
other formulas for the reduction of pain. Yes, I did visit many places and saw
many things that I had only ever read about, but I also cared for my cousins
and kept myself under good regulation at all times so that I brought no reason
for Aunt and Uncle to cast me off as well.” She walked closer to the bed.
“Jane, my life has been filled with uncertainty for the past five years. I
suffer constantly the loss of Mary, Kitty, Lydia and young Tom. It was five ago
yesterday, November 11th, that I received a blow from which I will never
recover. How can you suggest that I owe an apology?”

Elizabeth
turned and paced back and forth from the door to the bed. She had never spoken
so harshly to her eldest sister. She was appalled at herself for doing so and
appalled at Jane for needing to be spoken to that way. Turning back to the bed,
she was surprised to see that her tender Jane had no tears. “Jane, the only
words I have received from Father since I left was a summons that was delivered
only yesterday. There was no softening on his part, only a demand that I return
to marry his cousin, a Mr. Collins, so that I again can make life easier for
him.
He said that I owe it to him to marry. Why? Why, Jane? Why would he want me
to marry this man? Why not you? Why would he think that I would owe him? Do you
know?”

Jane
did not speak right away. This was a different Elizabeth from the one she knew.
The Elizabeth of old would have happily followed her father into fire, if
needed. She had been the one to care for the day-to-day decisions of the
household and to see to the needs of the tenants. Even at only five and ten
years, Elizabeth accepted that no task was too unimportant for the well-being
of the family and Longbourn. She had loved Longbourn so much that she would
have done anything for its maintenance and growth. “Lizzy, you are tired from
your journey yesterday. I’m sure that when you meet Mr. Collins and think upon
the fact that one day you will be the Mistress of Longbourn, that you will find
great joy in the arrangement. It is what Father trained you to be, which is why
he never educated me for that purpose. You love Longbourn. It is your home,
your place. With you there, our situation can return to what it was.”

Elizabeth
stared at her in wonder. “
Does she truly believe that
?” Shaking her head,
she turned and walked to the window. A heavy fog sat over the grounds and there
was little to delight or distract her in the view. She had never realized,
until this very moment, how alike Jane and her father were. Both just wanted
peace and neither wanted responsibility. The thought made her feel beyond her
years, as if a giant millstone settled on her slight shoulders. “Jane,” she
turned back to her sister. “Rest now and we will speak of this no more.”

The
relief Jane felt was evident in her expression. After thanking Elizabeth, she
closed her eyes and soon slept. When Elizabeth heard her steady breathing, she
crept out of the room, longing to be left alone to meditate on the things she
had learned. It was not to be.

It
was almost as if Miss Bingley had been hovering at the door, eavesdropping. She
straightened as Elizabeth exited. What she hoped to gain by her efforts to
listen in on a private conversation was a perplexity to Elizabeth. “Excuse me;
may I be of some assistance to you, Miss Bingley?” The question went unanswered
as Miss Bingley spun on her heels and headed down the hall to the main floor
below. “
How curious
,” Elizabeth thought, heading to her room.

It
wasn’t until later, after checking on her sister, when Elizabeth entered the
drawing room before dinner, that she discerned Miss Bingley’s motives. Mrs.
Nicholls had been correct. Miss Bingley had her arm through Mr. Darcy’s and was
holding on as if an unseen force threatened to pull her away. When Mr. Darcy
noticed Elizabeth’s entrance, he carefully extracted Miss Bingley’s hand from
his arm and walked to greet Elizabeth. It was then that the truth was known.
Miss Bingley glared daggers at Elizabeth. Hatred poured off of her in waves.

Mr.
Darcy was unaware of the animosity as he greeted Elizabeth with a bow. “Miss Elizabeth,
how pleased we are to see you this evening. I hope your sister is improving in
health?”

Elizabeth
looked up at him with a smile. “Thank you, Mr. Darcy. She is much improved. The
rest has benefitted her greatly.”

Before
they could walk across the room to stand with Miss Darcy, Mr. Bingley inquired
if Miss Bennet was truly improved. His concern was genuine and warmed
Elizabeth’s heart. Nonetheless, the thought briefly occurred to her that Jane’s
affections may not be as engaged as Mr. Bingley’s. Again, she wondered why Jane
was not betrothed to the unknown Mr. Collins. Possibly it was that her mother’s
purpose was to have Jane attached to Mr. Bingley with his large home and
fortune. Her sending Jane to Netherfield Park on horseback in the rain appeared
to support this conclusion. Emotions were swirling like whirlwinds at
Netherfield Park and Elizabeth was weary.

Of
one thing Elizabeth was certain, if she had noticed the change the last five
years had brought in Jane and Jane herself noticed the change in Elizabeth, she
also noticed the change in Mr. Darcy. Gone was the carefree young man she
conversed with in London all those years ago. He, too, seemed to be bearing a
weighty burden on his shoulders. His sister, probably no more than five and ten
years of age, also appeared to have a great reticence about her.  She looked
like she needed a friend and Elizabeth determined to be that very person.

Just
as they reached Miss Darcy, Mr. Burton, the elderly butler, stepped into the
drawing room and announced to Miss Bingley that dinner was served. Before Miss
Bingley reached Darcy’s side, the gentleman offered an arm to Elizabeth and to
his sister. Mr. Bingley escorted his sister and Mr. Hurst, who had been dozing
on a settee in front of the fireplace, escorted his wife. In the dining room,
Mr. Darcy seated his sister on his right and Elizabeth to his left. This
guaranteed pleasant dinner conversation. He was looking forward to improving
his acquaintance with Miss Elizabeth.

The
discussion between the three, Elizabeth and the Darcy siblings, centered on the
places Elizabeth visited in her travels and the books the three of them had
read and were currently reading. Elizabeth mentioned to Mr. Darcy that she had
brought with her to Netherfield Park the volumes she had purchased at Hatchards
all those years ago. She hoped to read them to Jane as she continued to improve
in health. It was a pleasant few hours of light-hearted discussion.

After
dinner concluded, Elizabeth returned upstairs to see to the progress of her
sister. Miss Darcy accompanied Elizabeth, both to provide company and to avoid
the fawning from Miss Bingley. Elizabeth had asked if she wanted to extend her
greetings to Jane and Miss Darcy was pleased to do so. Yet, when Elizabeth
opened the door, they found Jane sleeping soundly. Miss Darcy then invited
Elizabeth to her private sitting room to get to know each other better and
Elizabeth was pleased to accept.

It
wasn’t long after they settled on two over-stuffed chairs that were moved close
together in front of the fireplace that Miss Darcy asked Elizabeth to use
Christian names. Groundwork was being laid for a solid friendship. Then,
strangely enough, there was silence as if Georgiana did not know where to start
the conversation. Elizabeth could sense that something troubled her new friend,
so she offered, “Georgiana, you appear to be unsettled. Might it be that it
could be a relief to share with a friend your concerns? Please believe me that
you may tell me anything with impunity. I am here to listen to whatever you
feel the need to express.”