A Fallow Heart (31 page)

“Oh, hell. I hate it when you turn all prissy and socialite because something makes you uncomfortable. Now stop it. This is important. And I don’t care what you two have
brought up
. I want to know what you’re feeling.”

With a deep sigh, Jo Ellen closed her eyes, concentrating on the weight of Brand’s body in her arms. “It can’t last,” she stated without the slightest of inflection in her voice, though her pulse jerked with dread as the words became vocal. “I’m going back to Dallas on Sunday. He has to stay here. We’re both pretty much stuck in our current situations. I have responsibilities keeping me there. He has responsibilities keeping him here.”

“So what?” Emma Leigh frowned. “Ever heard of a long distance relationship?”

“Em,” Jo Ellen growled, gritting her teeth.

Her twin blinked, her expression showing off all her confusion. “What?”

Ducking her face into Brand’s body, Jo Ellen groaned. “Don’t you get it? This isn’t about any of that at all. It just…it’s an excuse. I’m scared out of my mind here. I shouldn’t fall for him. I just…I shouldn’t.”

“What. The. Hell?” Emma Leigh’s mouth gaped open. “If distance isn’t a problem, then what in God’s name is wrong with you?”

She would never understand. Emma Leigh went after whatever she wanted. She didn’t fear anything. The woman didn’t have a timid bone in her body.

“He’s just too…too…he’s just too much. I can’t…I can’t…”

“Breathe,” her twin instructed.

Jo Ellen sucked in air so hard she was afraid she might start hyperventilating.

As if reading her feelings off her face, Emma Leigh leaned over to rest her cheek on Jo Ellen’s shoulder. She reached out and stroked Brand as well. And strangely, Jo Ellen began to calm down.

“Honestly, the distance thing really is kind of a problem. I mean, how long could we last before…well, before we wanted more, before we want to get married or have children? If we kept on, eventually we’d both want to live together. And where would we live? I have commitments there; Cooper is tethered here. And even if for some strange reason he did move to Dallas, he’d be miserable within the week. He’s an ingrained farmer, Em. It’s in his blood. He’d end up blaming me for taking his soul away from him. And it’s not as if he could just desert his parents when they needed him most.”

She didn’t mention what would happen if he asked her to give up Dallas and return to Tommy Creek. She told herself not to rationalize that scenario, because he hadn’t asked. He wouldn’t ask. But if he did, she’d leave the city in a heartbeat. To be with him, to find meaning in her life, she’d go wherever he asked her to go, which scared her most of all. She’d give up everything for the man she loved commit her life to him. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if it ended up the same disastrous way it had the last time she’d so fully committed herself to someone?

“Sounds to me like you’re inventing a load of problems before they can even happen. You don’t
know
that’s how things will end. No one knows. Hell, I could be ripped away from Branson tomorrow and never see him again. But that’s the point of making a relationship count and living each day like it might be the last. Just think about this; if you break it off now, it’s guaranteed to end miserably.”

With a scowl, Jo Ellen considered her twin’s words and wondered when the heck Emma Leigh had gotten so insightful.

Then she sniffed. “But if we end this on Sunday, as planned—” though, technically, she realized they’d never actually verbally agreed on that plan, it just seemed like an unspoken pact, “—then we won’t have time to grow as many feelings as we would if we tried to take it beyond this week.” And maybe she wouldn’t end up a broken, self-conscious mess like she had turned out the last time.

She prayed to God her theory was right
, because she didn’t know if she could handle it if she discovered she was wrong.

Chapter Twenty

Cooper arrived at the Rawlings mansion two minutes early to pick up Jo Ellen.

As he pulled into the drive, he told himself that however she responded to him today would express how she truly felt about him. Her reaction would state whether he should pressure for more time together after she left Tommy Creek or if he should let her go gracefully. Because if he went by his own impulse, he’d get a ring on her finger by the end of the day and high tail them to the Caribbean for a luxurious honeymoon.

He wasn’t thinking straight, wasn’t thinking with his brain. Even now, his blood surged with dizzy anticipation just to see her.

After killing the engine, he slid out of the driver’s seat and started toward the house, feeling unreasonably nervous. But this was the first time he’d ever picked her up at her parents’ place to take her anywhere. It felt suspiciously like a date, though everyone knew he was only driving her to his dad’s nursing home.

Still, seeing her again made him hesitant. Nothing about their relationship was defined. They certainly weren’t a one-time oops, but he couldn’t say they were committed. The future had become like a four-letter word between them, something not to be discussed, even if he did think about it constantly.

He knew how he wanted to treat her
, like a lover, like a permanent fixture in his life. He wanted to kiss her when he saw her, pull her into his arms and hug her. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, how great she smelled, how crazy he was about it. But he instinctively knew pushing too hard, too fast would only frighten her off. So, he’d play it cool, keep an emotional distance, and talk to her like a friend. But that was the way he was talking to her now, and he only felt closer to her than he’d ever felt to anyone.

Wiping his damp palms on the thighs of his blue jeans, he blew out a breath and started for the front covered porch. Halfway there, the front door came open. He saw her slim silhouette under the shaded
overhang as she pulled the entrance closed behind her.

After hurrying for the steps, she descended them and lifted her face when she reached the sunlight. The bright day beamed down on her, making her dark cap of hair look glossy and glamorous…citified. She wore a conservative length, khaki skirt, and a floral top with a deep V-neck and short sleeves.

Oxygen caught in his throat when her gaze met his. Face lighting with pleasure, she burst into the most radiant smile he’d ever seen. With that smile meant just for him, she hurried her pace, her dark strands of hair flying behind her as she dashed to him.

He felt eighteen again; like he’d finally gotten a repeat of the morning he’d visited her after their drunken kiss. But this time, she flew to
him
, no one else. He slowed to a stop and waited, letting her close the distance.

Upon reaching him, she opened her arms and leapt into his embrace. Shock, warmth, love, and undeniable bliss filled him. He closed his hug around her and pulled her close, breathing in the hint of her flowery shampoo. And just like that, the unease and uncertainty fell away. He kissed her hair, feeling settled and calm.

“Hey,” he murmured, never wanting to let go.

She pulled back just enough to grin at him, the tops of her cheekbones flushing healthily. “Hey yourself.”

Swept into the moment, he dipped his head and kissed her. Hot damn, but she kissed him back, tipping up her chin and slanting her mouth open for him to sweep his tongue alongside hers.

He groaned against her lips, realizing just how screwed he was. Jo Ellen Rawlings hadn’t just gotten under his skin. She’d gotten into his blood, into his soul.

When he broke away, he panted hard into her hair, and continued to hold her close. “Did y’all get the new baby home okay?” he managed to ask.

He felt her face move as she nodded.

“Good. Are you ready to go then?”

“Yes.”

He drew in a deep breath, bracing for the moment he’d have to let her go, then released his hold and stepped back. She took his hand and his soul quieted, content. Their fingers interlaced as he walked her to his truck where he opened the passenger side door.

“Thank you,” she demurred, her blue eyes propositioning him under her long lashes when she smiled coyly.

His body drew taut as she brushed by. He shivered and waited for her to climb into the cab, then he gently shut her door, waited to let his internal temperature cool, and finally hurried around to the driver’s seat.

They rode to the home in silence. She only asked one question. “Have you talked to your mom yet?”

He flinched and shook his head. Jo Ellen must’ve sensed how much turmoil his emotions were in because she didn’t scold, which he appreciated. He ran his fingers over hers as she kneaded his thigh.

Once they arrived, she interlaced their hands again at the entrance, where they waited to be admitted inside. His grip on her tightened when a buzzer sounded and the door was electronically unlocked.

“Dad likes to roam, so he could be anywhere.”

As soon as he spoke, however, a nurse spotted him and smiled. “Hey, Coop. I just saw your dad. He’s taking his afternoon walk down the north wing today.”

With a nod, Coop sent the woman a smile. “Thanks, Mary Ann. Appreciate it.” Steering Jo Ellen left, he started them toward the north wing where he immediately spotted his father’s bent back as he shuffled along.

He pointed, unable to speak. Jo Ellen’s attention followed the direction of his finger, and she smiled softly.

“Morning, Dad,” he greeted, his voice raspy with sentiment.

Thad didn’t even pause, his attention focused on the gleaming tiled floor as he shambled with some unknown purpose.

“Dad?” Cooper lifted his voice an octave and touched the frail, slouched shoulder.

His father jerked, startled by the interruption. He had to shift his entire torso around to lift his face and crane his neck up to see his guest. After studying Cooper, then Jo Ellen, with a blank gaze, he dropped his head and started walking again.

Jo Ellen chuckled. “He’s never been one to stand still, has he?”

Cooper smiled wistfully, but he ached too much inside to let the smile linger.

Disregarding all attempts at communication, Jo Ellen hurried to Thad’s left side and continued down the hall with him. After a dozen feet, she glanced over her shoulder and sent Cooper a curious look. “Aren’t you coming?”

Bemused, he hurried after them. Jo Ellen grinned at him over his father’s head. “Nice day for a stroll, hmm?”

Cooper shook his head and had to smile.

So, they walked. Jo Ellen would occasionally make a comment about a picture on the wall or ask Cooper about the accommodations at the home. She didn’t try to talk to Thad and he completely ignored both of them.

An hour later, Coop couldn’t take anymore. Thad hadn’t stopped walking, though he’d found a new wing to explore, and he hadn’t acknowledged either of his guests again, not until Jo Ellen touched his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

“It was good to see you again, Thad.”

The old man lurched, and swung around to gape as if he hadn’t realized she’d been there the past sixty minutes. Following her lead, Coop kissed his other cheek, and his dad swung toward him.

Staring at him without any sense of recognition, Thad blinked at his son. Cooper cleared his throat and swiftly turned away, striding down the hall toward the exit. Jo Ellen caught up with him, slipping her hand into his. He squeezed her fingers but otherwise ignored her until they reached his truck. After helping her into her door, he marched around and slid behind the wheel, then started the engine, but just sat there.

“Cooper?” her dulcet voice rattled him into reacting.

He closed his eyes and bowed forward to rest his forehead on the steering wheel. “I feel like a total shithead.”

“Why?” Concern lacing her voice, Jo Ellen scooted to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

He leaned heavily into her but refused to open his eyes. “Because I hate coming here. I hate seeing him like this.”

She sighed. “That doesn’t make you a shithead. Feeling pain from seeing your father’s misery makes you compassionate.”

Touching his back, she eased her fingers over his tense muscles. But her caress didn’t relax him, as he was sure she meant it to. His body only pulled tauter.

“I wouldn’t do that right now if I were you.”

When she shivered, he glanced over his shoulder, his eyes burning with emotion. He groaned when he saw the tips of her breasts hard and beaded under her blouse.

“I feel like a pressure cooker. And if you keep touching me, I just might lose my composure.”

Her lips parted. Tilting her chin up in challenge, she said, “So then lose it.” To tempt him further, she slid her hand down his back to the base of his spine where her touch slid half an inch into the gap at the waistline of his pants, pushing him past his limit.

His eyes dilated and his nostrils flared as he turned to face her fully. “I meant sex.”

She pulled in a sharp breath. “I know.”

“Right here,” he rumbled. “Right now.”

She nodded, seemingly too aroused to speak.

He scanned her face and found all the answers he wanted to see. “Jesus.” She was serious. She would. Right here.