A Fallen Woman (21 page)

‘
Both, if you like. And I am quite good with a pistol,’ he
informed her gravely. ‘When one is wandering around the Continent
for a few years with nothing in particular to do, one finds various
means of entertainment. I found a very good fencing master in
Verona and shot lead at any number of inanimate
objects.’

Rachel
found that she was not surprised by this piece of information.
Worsley had returned to England with more physical presence than
when he had left, but with his personality a good deal more
formidable. There wasn’t anything she could actually put her finger
on, but he carried himself with an air of calm authority that had
certainly been missing when he had paid court to her. Or had it?
Perhaps her memories of him were not nearly as accurate as she
assumed. Had she really missed that aura of quiet
competence?

‘
There is no need to defend me,’ she assured him. ‘And really,
there would be no basis for it, would there? I have no honor to
defend.’

‘
You made a mistake, Rachel. One mistake.’

‘One mistake can alter the course of a lifetime. We both
know it.’ She shook her head. ‘You are being very kind to me, my
lord. Why is that? I would have thought…’ She trailed off, not
wishing to remind him that he, of all people, might have more
reason than most to be
un
kind. It was remarkable how quickly they seemed to have
become easy with each other. She would have thought that any
conversation must necessarily be stilted and awkward and yet it did
not feel that way at all. Worsley was very easy to talk to. And, if
she could just ignore the unmistakable curl of attraction (it was a
little bit more than a curl but Rachel was choosing not to
acknowledge that), then she was sure they could meet at Fallowfield
with an ease she would not have thought possible a few days
ago.

He was
staring down at her in a manner that made it suddenly a good deal
more difficult to ignore that niggly curl of attraction. ‘I have
discovered,’ he said slowly, ‘that I care very little for the
opinion of Society. How can I when I can see for myself that it is
wrong? Mistakes are made all the time but they are covered up and
nobody is the wiser. God knows how many young females have found
themselves compromised but their families have hushed the matter
up. It was unfortunate that your indiscretion was discovered but it
seems utterly wrong that it should blight the rest of your
life.’

‘Please do not consider it
,’ she begged softly, ‘You have no need to
be indignant on my behalf.’

‘
I think I do need to.’

‘
But why?’

He looked down at her for a long moment, then
shook his head. ‘I
do not think this is the time or the place to have that
discussion.’

Rachel was
bewildered. ‘But why?’

‘
Because…’ he paused, then seemed to reconsider his answer. ‘I
was going to leave tomorrow.’

‘
You are?’

‘
I was,’ he corrected. ‘Now I have decided to stay.’

It was
disconcerting how swiftly disappointment could turn to delight. The
idea of him leaving was depressing, the knowledge that he had
decided to stay on had the effect of immediately lifting her
spirits again.

‘
Why have you decided to stay?’

He shook his
head again. ‘I will tell you,’ he promised quietly. ‘But it will
have to wait until tomorrow.’

‘
You are being very mysterious, Sir.’

‘
I’m sorry. It must be very irritating.’

‘
It is!’

He
chuckled and they danced in silence for a few moments. Then he
spoke again, tone gentle. ‘You have had a difficult time of it but
everything will come out all right in the end.’

She was
silent for a moment. Her parents had always said much the same
thing but she knew it was said only to comfort her. Without
warning, her thoughts went back to the morning after she had
returned home. She had been exhausted and shocked but she had slept
a little and had thought herself ready for the scolding that her
parents were no doubt going to hand out. They had not been harsh.
Indeed, they had been remarkably gentle. Perversely, that had made
her feel much, much worse and she had been wishing they would rail
against her, call her a ninny, a fool, nitwit. Their conference was
interrupted by her brother George precipitously erupting into the
room. He had stopped when he had seen the three of them together
and Rachel had seen him swallow heavily.

‘
George?’ her mother had inquired anxiously.

‘
I am sorry,’ he said wretchedly. ‘I am so very
sorry.’

It was astonishing how fast juicy gossip could travel. By
mid
day the
news had been all over town that she had been found alone with Mr.
Salinger, a married man of ill repute.

‘It might not be as bad as we think,’ her mother had said,
with more hope than conviction. But it was. T
hey had lingered for several
more days in London but no morning visitors came to call on them
and no further invitations arrived for Rachel, a damning indication
that her reputation was in ruins. To spare his family any further
unpleasantness, Lord Sheridan had arranged for their return to
Thorncroft and had taken care with the places they stopped for the
evening on their journey there. The retreat had been a relief. She
had wanted to escape. She had wanted to go home.

She had been
silent for some time.

‘Rachel?’
he inquired softly.

‘
We both know it cannot be mended.’

‘It was three and a half yea
rs ago.’ The final strains of Strauss were
being played. Their dance was nearly over.

‘It
hardly matters, does it? What should I expect? That I will be
forgiven in time? That I will be allowed to once again enter such a
sacred place as Almack’s or visit the theatre or even partake of a
picnic in Hyde Park? It simply isn’t possible.’

The music
died away. Once again, they stood together, two people marooned
among a sea of bodies. At least this time, Worsley remembered to
drop his hands and take a small step away from her but even so,
Rachel was very conscious that they were the focus of a great many
pairs of eyes.

He was frowning a little, grey eyes shadowed.
‘I don’t believe you
should be punished any further for an act that was made through
foolishness. Through innocence.’

Taking his arm
in her own, she tugged him gently towards the edge of the dance
floor. Lord, she could hear the murmurs that followed them. It was
odd how they did not reach her ears when she was dancing with the
earl, but she was suddenly – uncomfortably – aware of them now.

‘
Come along.’

‘
Why not just stay here? I want to keep dancing with you and
they’re sure to start up again in a minute.’

He did
not realize what he was saying, Rachel decided. He really had been
gone for a long time if he thought he could just keep dancing with
a girl, let alone her, for as long as he cared to. Even couples
that were affianced to each other usually obeyed the rules which
stated that two dances in a row with the same partner was
unacceptable. Staying on the floor in anticipation was unheard
of.

‘
You need to dance with somebody else,’ she said firmly,
steering him towards her parents who, like a good many other
people, were staring at them. The only difference was that her
parents did not wear a look of scandalized censure. Mama was
actually smiling, that quizzical little smile that suggested both
amusement and curiosity.

‘
I don’t want to dance with anybody else.’ He sounded perfectly
amiable but there was a stubborn look about his mouth.

‘Why not?’ she demanded, exasperated. ‘Good heavens,
Worsley, do you
want
to be discussed at every breakfast table in the county?
This only feels like a far flung province. Believe me when I tell
you, what takes place here tonight will be grist for the gossip
mill in London not two weeks hence. By the time you return, people
will be full of your incomprehensible behavior.’

He gave her an
amused look. ‘And yet I remain unrepentant. I daresay I will
survive the talk.’

‘
You say that, but you have not been subjected to it. It is one
thing to flirt with me,’ she pointed out, dropping her voice as
they approached her parents, ‘or even indicate that your interest
in me is no more than that of any other gentleman here tonight.’
She could not stop the rise of heat in her face that these words
generated but they must be said. He might not realize it, but he
was opening himself up to unnecessary talk. ‘But asking me to dance
repeatedly and neglecting the rest of the females who are here
simply will not do.’

They had
reached Mama and Papa by then. After one more thoughtful look at
her, he turned to give her mother a dazzling smile. ‘Lady Sheridan,
may I ask you for a dance?’

Lady
Sheridan smiled sweetly and acquiesced. ‘Why thank you, Sir. I
should enjoy it.’

Left alone at
her father’s side – it was a curious thing that gentlemen were not
so eager to ask her onto the floor when she was standing next to
her sire – Rachel sighed.

‘You have
done marvelously, my dear,’ Papa said and there was no mistaking
the pride in his voice. ‘Under what I know must be very difficult
circumstances. I trust your partners have remembered
themselves?’

‘
Of course,’ Rachel lied. Not for the world would she indicate
any differently. ‘It is Worsley that is proving
difficult.’

Lord Sheridan looked startled. ‘
He
has been forgetting himself? But you both
looked perfectly content.’

‘He has
been forgetting himself inasmuch as he refused to behave as he
ought, by not asking others to dance and… and monopolizing me
instead. I know it is only done with the best intentions. He wishes
to spare me further oafish partners, I daresay. But people are
talking.’

‘
They are, are they not?’ Her father did not sound particularly
troubled by this. ‘As we both know, however, people will talk no
matter what. They would discover things to gossip about at a church
meeting.’

‘
Yes, but he is giving them cause!’

Her father
looked at her. ‘We cannot always make others behave as we might
like, my dear. If Worsley is determined to dance with you then go
ahead and dance. It can hardly hurt you.’

‘
It can hurt him.’

‘
Something that he seems quite content to bear.’

‘I do not know what has gotten into him,’ she muttered,
watching his tall, elegant figure squire her mother expertly into
the country quadrille that had st
ruck up. Mama looked perfectly at ease,
laughing at something the earl had said.

‘
But you do not really know him at all,’ her father reminded
her gently. ‘Worsley impressed me three and a half years ago when
he offered for you and I have seen nothing to change my good
opinion of him. Indeed, he seems to have matured into an
exceptional man.’

There was
no disagreeing with that. One would have to be very critical indeed
to find anything disagreeable about the Earl of Worsley. Except
that he was stubborn and intractable, she amended, eager to find
something to object to. Certainly, he was very unwilling to listen
to good advice.

‘I made a mistake, didn’t I?’ she said softly, so softly
that her father had to tilt his head towards her to hear the words.
‘Not just with Salinger. That was truly awful. But in not being
able to see the qualities of some of the gentlemen who did
pay
me
court.’
In
not seeing Worsley’s qualities
, was her silent addendum. ‘Truly Papa, I do not
know what I was thinking. I still do not know how I… how I
could…’

There was
no graceful way to say it, not to her father. Whilst they had
talked as freely and affectionately as they had always done after
her return to Thorncroft, it had been her mother who had done most
of the listening while Rachel had spent hours marveling at her own
idiocy, when she had finally started to talk about what had taken
place. She had never brought herself to have such a frank
conversation with her father or her brothers. But he understood
very well, it seemed and draped an arm around her shoulder now, a
veritable bastion of silent support.

‘It is
all in the past now, my dear. Your mother and I have been perfectly
content to look to the future, and to you and your sisters’
happiness.’

Ridiculously, Rachel felt the unexpecte
d prick of tears. That she
should be surrounded by such kindness.

‘Thank
you, Papa. Would it be very rude of me to retire? I am feeling
dreadfully tired, all of a sudden. I suppose I am not used to
socializing anymore.’ Or fending off importunate males.

‘
Good heavens my dear, it is after midnight! Go to bed. I will
give your goodnights to your mother.’

Even with this,
Rachel hesitated. She did not want to look as if she were running
away. ‘Perhaps another hour -’

‘
Go to bed,’ her father counseled gently. ‘You do not have to
please any of these people.’