A Dream of Death (15 page)

Kara shifted in her seat.

“The next dream was similar except the skull had a message
for me, “why?” written in blood on its forehead. The body had been excavated
partially as well, and a rib and a piece of another were missing. After that I
started hallucinating, moving into my dreamworld during the day sometimes.

“When Chen called about the body found in Algonquin I
somehow knew that was what my dreams had been telling me. He had called before,
before I had the first dream. I forgot all about the call, someone had found
the body but couldn’t locate it again to show the cops. Took them a while to
find it again.”

I took a sip of my scotch.

“In my dreams I had seen the area the body had been located
in, a river nearby. It had always started to rain in my dreams, from a clear
sky to a downpour in seconds. I warned Chen about the rain and he laughed, said
it was sunny. Turns out I was right, it was pouring when I got there.”

Kara appeared to be having a hard time with this; the idea
of precognition was something she didn’t believe in.

“When we got to the scene the next day everything began to
fit together. The body was in the same place I had seen it in my dream,
skeletonized in a shallow grave decades old. When the anthropologist had
cleared the dirt away I saw the missing ribs and I began to vomit. It was all
coming true.”

“That night I dreamed of two men fighting while I was lying
on the ground in pain, my left arm broken. The injuries in my dreams, they were
the same as what I had suffered when I fell down a small ravine on a camping
trip with my father. I was eight at the time, he told me we had gone to
Tobermory. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness in the dream, finally
seeing the victor standing over me. I couldn’t see who it was but he reached
out to touch me.

“We went back the next day. No other evidence had turned up
to that point. I talked to a park ranger who gave us a lead on the deceased—”

“The public masturbator and pedophile?”

“Yeah, said that guy had gone missing in the area in eighty-four
and two kids a few years earlier. I was wandering around and saw something
glimmering. I knew it was important so I took it, lying to Chen about what I
had found. It was my father’s watch. LMIV, nineteen-seventy-six engraved on the
back.”

“Oh God,” Kara said.

I ignored it, a vestigial saying and as meaningless as a
gasp. “I knew what had happened. I had been hurt somehow, probably by the person
my father was fighting and he killed him. His watch must have broken off in the
fight. It was him standing over me at the end.”

“Your father killed this guy?”

“I think so.”

“Even if he did, that guy was going to kill you and your
father. Those missing kids, they’ve got to be from him.”

I hadn’t even thought about that. How could a trained mind
have missed something so simple?

“Your father must have interrupted him, he didn’t do
anything wrong.”

“Until he chose not to report it and buried the body.”

“He was protecting you.”

“Kara, if this comes out, what will they do to him? He’s got
Alzheimer’s so bad he can’t remember anything. Jail would kill him.”

“Then leave it, don’t tell anyone.”

“And if they figure it out? And know that I knew? I’d be
done.”

She stopped for a moment, the thought obvious to her. How
could someone who covered up a murder be a police officer? My job, my family,
my life, it was all on the line.

“I need to know the truth,” I said. “Once I do, I’ll come
clean.”

“I’ll be right beside you when you do,” she said and I knew
she was speaking the truth.

We sat for a while, unsure of what to say. I told her I
needed to call Chen, to tell him about the missing kids. Kara brought me the
phone and I dialed the number I knew by heart.

“Chen.”

“It’s Link,” I said, slipping into the name of my childhood
before I’d realized it.

“How’s it going? Heard you got your guy. Nice shooting.”

“Thanks. Look, I want to talk about your case. Heard enough
about mine to last a lifetime.”

Chen apologized, sincerity in his voice.

“Those missing kids the ranger talked about, have you looked
into them?”

“Same thought I had, Link. We’re pulling the reports right
now. Should have them soon.”

“If it was him, he probably camped in the same spot each
year,” I said.

“What’s your suggestion?”

“You won’t like it.”

“The mosquitoes will.”

“Yeah. Get the team together again and head back up there,
get some search trained officers and metal detectors. Hopefully you won’t need
to dig the whole area out if the kids had metal buttons or anything.”

“How wide?”

“Start with a hundred meter radius from the body then move
out from there, don’t cross the river.”

“Saves some area. You coming to help?”

“I’d love to Chen, but they’ve got me on leave right now,
broke my ankle chasing Saunders down.” There was no reason for Chen to know
about my mental instability.

“Shit. You all right?”

“Nothing a few screws and a plate couldn’t fix.”

“Ouch. Oh hey, almost forgot. I got a hold of the old
guestbook from the closest ranger station, looking at who had signed it around
the time Jeffries went missing.”

“Any leads?” I knew where this was going and I didn’t like
it.

“None yet, but your handwriting sucked.”

“Seriously?” I strained to appear shocked. “Is that the
summer I was there?”

“Looks like,” Chen said, no hint of anything beyond mere
coincidence in his voice.

“Wow, almost forgot about that camping trip. A little
hiking, a little fishing. It was a good time.”

“Yeah, your dad signed it right above you. How’s he doing by
the way?”

“Not good, doesn’t remember me at all anymore.”

“Sorry, Link. I remember him at graduation, no one else’s
dad looked so proud seeing their kid in uniform.”

He was right, my dad had been beaming. “Thanks, Chen. Means
a lot.”

“Anyway, Link, I’ve got to run. Still want me to keep you
posted?”

“Definitely. Thanks, Chen.”

I hung up the phone.

Kara looked at me, her eyes filled with worry. “He knows you
were there?”

“Yes, but I don’t think he suspects anything yet. Just a
bizarre coincidence as far as he’s concerned. He already thought about the
missing boys and is expanding the search. They’ll find the bodies soon, I’m
sure of it.”

Kara stood up and walked behind where I sat, then wrapped
her arms around my chest and squeezed. “It’ll be fine, Link,” she said but her
voice lacked the conviction of her words.

* * *

The house was empty when Kara brought me home that evening.
Kat and the kids would be in the air right now, high above the Atlantic Ocean
on their way to Warsaw.

I tried not to think about it. It hurt too much. I had never
gone more than a couple of days without seeing the kids, four weeks was going
to kill me.

Four weeks without seeing Kat on the other hand filled me
with relief, we both needed some time apart—time to think about my mistakes and
find a way to prove to her that they would never be repeated, and time for Kat
to try to find a way to forgive me or at least to accept my transgressions.

It was starting to get late and hobbling around on crutches
was wearing me down. I decided to go to bed early, ready to face another day
tomorrow. I questioned what the night would bring: a restful sleep or a return
to my nightmares? I hoped for the latter, a chance to further understand what
had happened.

As they say, be careful what you wish for.

I walk amongst trees, through groups of people who cannot
see me.

They are hard at work. The heat, humidity and insects wear
them down. A red flag marks the grave where Jeffries’s body was removed. They
are far from it, the search taking them further and further away from the empty
hole.

My eyes cast back and forth as I walk. I recognize many of
the workers—the anthropologist, his students, Chen. The river rages in the
background, filled beyond capacity by heavy rains. A voice shouts across the
roars and splashes—someone has found something. I run toward the sound and find
a man on bended knee, hands rooting through the dirt, metal detector on the
ground beside him. I kneel down beside him and he continues working.

I don’t exist. I am a ghost.

His hand strikes something hard and he pulls it from the
soil. He takes a tool from the ground beside him and begins brushing at the
object, removing years of dirt. A toy car, red paint worn away and rust taking
over. A Ford Mustang, 1967 by the looks of it.

I remember the days as a child when my most prized
possessions never left my pockets. Sometimes they stayed with me as I slept.
The body would be found nearby.

A quiet voice behind me catches my attention and I turn. A
large oak tree stands among the pines and spruces, and beneath it are two young
boys, sitting with their backs against the wide trunk. The lowest branch is
just above their heads, bending almost to touch them before rising back toward
the sky.

The boys wave to me.

They can see me.

I walk toward them with cautious steps, a ghost afraid of
other apparitions. I study them as I walk, their hairstyles and clothing remind
me of my youth. They speak to each other in voices so low I hear nothing. I’m
close now, only a few steps away. Their eyes meet mine, smiles on their faces.

“Thank you,” they say as one.

They fade into the air and leave me standing alone again.
The searchers are still far away. I want to stay, I want to wait until they
find the boys, but I feel myself being pulled away.

The clock showed 10:27 when I awoke. I couldn’t remember the
last time I had slept that late. The house was silent as I reached beside the
bed and grabbed my crutches. The bustle of activity that usually filled the
home was gone, and with it my happiness. I sat on the edge of the bed and
mourned, wondering if Kat and the kids had arrived in Warsaw safely and if Link
and Kasia were enjoying themselves.

I needed to call Chen, to share what I had seen in a way
that would neither alert nor alarm him. I pushed aside my moment of
self-loathing, rolled toward the phone on the bedside table, picked it up, and
dialed Chen’s number.

“Chen?” I said, as I heard someone pick up. Didn’t even wait
for a ‘hello.’

“Nope, it’s Aidan.” He paused, looking at the display.
“Uncle Link?”

I had forgotten. There was someone else who called me Link.
“Hey, buddy. It’s been a while. How are things?”

“Good. School’s over and it’s summer now.”

He was speeding up as he talked, his excitement getting the
better of him. So much like Link.

“Awesome. Maybe we can come visit you guys this summer.”

“Really?” Then triple speed, “Can I talk to Link right now?”

I almost said ‘sure.’ Then I almost cried.

“Link’s in Poland with his mom and Kasia. I broke my ankle
and couldn’t go this time. He’ll be back in a few weeks, then I’ll have him
give you a call.”

“Cool.” Bored now. “I’ll get my dad.”

“Thanks, Aidan. Have fun.”

The sound of the phone hitting the floor sent a shockwave
through my ear followed by some muffled hollering from Chen.

“Hey, Link. Wish that kid would put the phone on the table
or the couch or something. You should see my hardwood. How goes it?”

“It goes. You?”

“Heading back to the scene in a couple of minutes, we’re
starting the search after lunch. Couldn’t get the team out any earlier today.
Any tips on the weather?”

I was far from in the mood to deal with Chen’s quips. “No,
but thoughts on the crime scene. Look for any sort of natural landmark, a large
rock, an out of place tree, a hanging limb, something that would be around year
after year. I have a feeling he buried the boys together, using the same spot
each time.”

“Okay.” I could hear Chen reaching for a notepad. Even with
a memory like a bank vault he always made notes. “Anything else?”

“You’ll have to go deeper this time. Jeffries wouldn’t have
been in a rush.” The thought of his victims struck me, bringing with it the
feelings that come from seeing a child’s casket. “And he wouldn’t have had to
dig as large a grave. Whoever killed him didn’t have the time to dig deep.”

Chen was scribbling, the notepad held close to his face. His
pen was by far the loudest at college and it was a wonder his paper held up.
Chen did everything with determination.

“Thanks.” The notepad slapped on the table.

“Good luck,” I said. “Bye, Chen.”

“Have a good one, Link.”

A knock at the door came as I put the phone down. I had
forgotten—Kara said she would stop by in the morning to see if I needed
anything. I didn’t think I would, but she insisted.

But things had changed through the night. She was my
confidante and my dream had left me with something to ask her about.

I made it down the stairs by the end of the third set of
knocks and unlocked the door. Kara stepped in, a bottle of Glenmorangie in her
right hand and a six-pack in her left.

My surprise was obvious, my confusion clear.

“It’s your turn to sit,” she said. “I figure you’ll need a
drink as well.”

I had no idea what to say, possibilities ran through my
head. Was it something to do with us? With the SIU investigation? Did the plane
crash?

When ridiculous thoughts took the place of reasonable ones,
I decided to accept my fate.

We made our way into the living room and I fell onto the
couch. My crutches bounced on the hardwood floor and the sound echoed through
the silent house.

Kara came in a moment later, scotch on the rocks again. I’d
have to break it to her at some point. Ice just diluted the taste, took away
from the subtle characteristics of the single malt. I accepted the glass and
Kara sat down on the loveseat perpendicular to the couch. Deep within was a
desire to sit beside her but she had other intentions. She wanted eye contact.

“Link, what I’m going to tell you I’ve only ever told a few
people.”

I felt guiltily relieved. It was about her, not about us or
the investigation, and Kat and the kids were fine.

“You shared what may be your darkest secret with me
yesterday, I need to share mine.”

I didn’t speak, I just nodded.

“My mother was killed…” She paused, pain evident in her
face.

“I know, Kara.”

“No, you don’t. I lied to everyone. It wasn’t a car
accident. She was murdered. They never caught her killer.”

“I’m sorry,” I said and reached for her hand. She accepted
the gesture, holding tight.

“I was six when it happened although my father didn’t tell
me the truth until ten years later. She was beaten, raped, and left for dead in
a ditch at the side of the road.”

I had no idea what to say. ‘I’m sorry’ sounded hollow, but
so did everything else I thought to say.

“That’s why I wanted to become a cop, Link.” She took a long
drink of her beer. “I only applied to the OPP, never even thought of working
somewhere else. We lived in Dutton at the time. It’s still an open OPP case, a
cold one now.”

“Have you read it?”

“Yeah, I pull up the file probably once a month. Nothing’s
really been done on it in the eight years I’ve been on. They had a couple of
tips come in, but nothing that panned out.”

“They’re stuck.”

“May never get unstuck. Every moment I have I think about
the case, I review the details. I’ve followed leads off-duty, revisited the scene,
followed suspects.”

“You don’t have to tell me this, Kara.”

“Yes, I do. I’ve been holding it in for too long.”

I understood that. It must have been how my father felt, a
secret kept for nearly thirty years. To his benefit, he no longer remembered it.

“What you did, stopping Saunders, what you think your father
did, I hope someone did that to my mom’s killer. If they find him, if he’s
still alive, I’ll probably kill him myself.”

I placed my weight on my good leg and shifted across the gap
between the couches to sit down beside Kara. I held her close.

“That’s not you, Kara, you’re not like that. Line of duty,
sure, but you wouldn’t hunt someone down.”

“I wish I was as sure as you.” She leaned her head against
my shoulder. “For twelve years I’ve wanted to see his face, I’ve wanted him
standing in front of me. Ever since my father told me the truth I’ve thought
about killing him. I’ve killed him hundreds of times in hundreds of different
ways.”

“How does it feel?”

“Wonderful. I visualize it and whether it’s quick or drawn
out it feels good. How did you feel when you killed Saunders?”

“Relieved. Forgetting about the other women, the ones he
killed and was going to kill, he attacked you. That was enough for me to take
the shot.”

Kara looked up at me and I knew what she was thinking. I
pulled myself away from her.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“If I kiss you I won’t be able to stop. I can’t do it.” I
looked away from her, unable to meet her eyes. “Kara, I have to get Kat back.”

“Do you still love her?”

“I do. We have our differences but I do.”

“She’ll never accept you. Killing a man, sleeping with me.”

“I know.” My hand rose to my face. “But I have to try.”

“I hope you’re not trying just for the kids. We’ve seen too
many domestics, too many people screwing the kids up worse by staying together
for them.”

“I love her, Kara.”

“Do you love me?”

Her eyes were getting wet, and the sight of it made mine a
mirror image. “Of course I do. You know that.”

“But not enough?”

“It’s not that easy. I wish it was.”

The subject was too painful, I had to try to change it. “I
had another dream last night.”

I could tell she wasn’t interested but she nodded for me to
continue anyway.

“I was at the scene in Algonquin; people were searching the
area for the boys. Someone found a toy car. I heard a voice and turned around,
there were two young boys a ways away. When I walked up to them they told me
‘Thank you’.”

I could tell that Kara was intrigued, her lack of interest
had given way to curiosity.

“Kara, what if I’m the one who killed Jeffries? I saw him
and my father fighting, maybe my dad was losing and I plunged the knife into
his back?”

“After having been beaten?”

“The autopsy said the stab wound went through his back,
severed two ribs and cut through the heart. If my father had been underneath
him, he wouldn’t have had enough strength to stab him through the back like
that.”

“Maybe he stabbed him while he was on the ground, got on top
of him or something.”

“I don’t know, I’d rather think he killed him in the heat of
the fight rather than stabbing him while he lay on the ground.”

“You wouldn’t have been strong enough, Link. You were only
eight and you had been beaten severely. A broken arm, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Your dreams are important, but who knows what it meant. You
were obviously the last one Jeffries abducted, and your father stopped him.
Maybe they’re thanking you for that, or maybe they’re thanking you for helping
to find them. You know, putting their spirits to rest, the whole unfinished
business thing.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Or maybe it’s about you, you’re putting your own memories
to rest.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Though my memories still didn’t feel very
rested.

Kara stood up from the couch. “I need to get going.”

I knew why she was leaving but I chose not to argue it. I
felt even worse than when I had woken up. I had betrayed my wife and children
and forced them halfway across the world. Now I had hurt the only person who
was standing by me.

“Please, don’t go.” I tried to take her hand as she began to
walk away.

“I have to. You want me here as a friend, I can’t be that to
you right now. I’m not ready to go back to that.” She broke eye contact. “I may
never be.”

All I could do was watch her leave, but I’d been getting
good at that. I’d had a hell of a lot of practice. I was losing everything that
meant anything to me. Ruining my life seemed to be my only competency.

The only person I had left to turn to didn’t even know who I
was.

* * *

I made my way out to my car and put my crutches in the back
seat. The roof supported me as I hopped into the driver’s seat. My right ankle
was fine, driving would not be a problem. I reviewed the directions in my head
then charted a course for somewhere I had avoided for far too long.

I backed out of the driveway and began my journey, arriving
a little more than an hour later in the parking lot of my father’s nursing home
in Chatham. The trip to the front door was easy once I worked out how to get
out of the car and retrieve my crutches. I entered into the secure area between
two set of doors. The clerk at the front desk saw me and unlocked the doors.
They closed behind me and I heard them lock again.

But of course, the security was necessary. The facility was
primarily for patients in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. The patients had
a tendency to wander if left unattended and an errant patient would be a major
liability for the home. I approached the desk and was pleasantly greeted by a
young black woman.

“I’m here to see Lincoln Munroe,” I told her.

“And your name?”

“Lincoln Munroe.”

She looked confused for a moment before I added, “I’m his
son.”

“He’s just finishing lunch. Do you want me to bring him
here?”

I nodded and looked around at the beautiful lobby with its
high glass ceiling and many trees, plants and flowers. A large aquarium sat
between the lobby and a sitting area filled with colourful salt water fish. It
was all very serene and I could feel myself beginning to relax.

“That would be great,” I said.

I took a seat in a leather chair, resting my crutches
against the table to my left. I found myself mesmerized by the fish darting in
and out of the coral and rocks. I was lost in their flashing colours when a
nurse brought my father in.

He had changed so much since I last saw him. His hair was
all gray now and longer than I recalled. I wondered if he wouldn’t let the
nurses cut it, if he had lost the ability to comprehend what they were doing.
Gray stubble covered his face, which was all but unrecognizable. He had lost a
lot of weight, literally down to just skin and bones. It was most striking in
his face, the gauntness of his appearance unnerved me.

His deep brown eyes had not changed, but there wasn’t much
of him left in them. He looked like little more than a shell to me. My father’s
body, propped up and made to move by invisible strings. I was surprised when he
broke the silence.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

I wanted to call him dad but I wasn’t sure how he would
react.

“I love those fish too. You did a good job.”

Something new, I had never been the aquarium care person
before.

“Glad you like them,” I said. The nurse eased him down in
the chair beside me then left us to ourselves. “The little yellow ones have
always been my favourite.” It didn’t matter what I said, I was just happy to
carry on a conversation with him.

“Me too. Them and the blue ones.”

“I’ve missed you, dad.”

He looked confused but didn’t say anything, he just kept
watching the fish.