A Dream Forbidden (Lillith Mercury ) (20 page)

"Like you?"

"Yes," he said with a smile. "Like me."

After a few more minutes I asked, "Would you be willing to look at a dream for me?"

"That appears to be the only way I'll ever be in your dreams," he said playfully.

I loved Alek's flirtatious personality and dry humor. I made a mental note right then to spend more time with him. Besides, how many people had a wizard living below their house? Here I had one and I had been ignoring him.

The dream that had been on my mind was the one that awakened me at Dracula's castle. Try as I might I couldn't remember his face. If I was going to go through with my current plans, I needed to prepare myself for the worst. So, with Alek's help I hoped to be able to revisit my nightmare.

I shared with Alek what had happened the first time before he said, "Make yourself comfortable."

Alek removed a small pouch from the bedside table before he crawled onto the bed beside me. I watched as he took a handful from the bag of what looked like glitter, but I knew it to be stardust. He blew it up toward the canopy above his bed where it stuck like thousands of tiny stars. It looked like we had a view of a clear night sky.

"Relax," he said softly, "and close your eyes."

I remembered the process of dream visitation from the times we had practiced it before. I began to picture Alek standing before me. He was wearing blue silk pajamas and I saw him just as clearly as if my eyes were open. Next I imagined the texture of the fabric beneath my hands and I touched his shoulder. As I did this Alek turned to me and I was lost in the honeyed brown of his eyes.

In an instant we were in my dream. We watched as if trapped inside a movie. The scene began to unfold just like I'd told him and we followed along as The Phantom led me deep beneath the theatre.

Alek tried to keep his cool, but he raised an eyebrow and smiled when I ripped off Dracula's shirt.

"Bit eager, were we?" he drawled sarcastically.

"This is the part."

"Stop," Alek ordered, and time stood still.

He walked around to face Dracula, but I remained to the side, watching the shocked expression on my face in the dream. It was bizarre to watch another version of me running around, but I tried to ignore it.

Alek examined the image of Dracula carefully before saying, "Come take a look at this."

"Is it awful?"

"No," he said, shrugging. "Actually, there's nothing there at all. Come see."

I walked cautiously around to where Alek stood and could only stare openmouthed at what I saw. There really wasn't anything there. It was like someone had drawn Dracula's face on a piece of paper and erased the right side. Nothing was there, not his eye, not his eyebrow, or even the contours of his face. It was completely blank.

"This is very powerful, very old magic," Alek said. "He has managed to completely block the image from your mind."

"Then, I can't really prepare myself."

I broke contact with Alek and as we sat up on the bed he told me, "The eyes of love see things differently. When you look at him, I doubt you will react with horror, no matter what your nightmares might say. This dream was not a premonition so much as it was an expression of anxiety."

"So you're saying I screamed at what I was afraid of seeing, not what was actually there."

"Right," Alek said as he scooted to the side of the bed and stretched.

"I should get to bed." I yawned, getting to my feet. "Thanks, Alek."

"Don't let me rush you," he drawled.

Alek walked me all the way back up the stairs where he turned his cheek for a goodnight kiss. I took his face in my hands and kissed both cheeks before hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry for ignoring you lately," I whispered.

He just smiled and ruffled my hair before telling me to go to bed. Johnny must have already gone to bed too, because all the lights were out. I climbed the stairs in the dark and entered my room to find Bade reading Mathias's journal.

He was sprawled across the bed wearing only his jeans and he was startled by my appearance.

"Lilith, I'm sorry. I didn't know what it was. Well, I'm still not entirely sure, but I know I shouldn't have been reading it. I just wanted something to pass the time till you got here," he explained.

"It's alright, Bade. He never says the same thing, and he won't tell you anything that you don't need to know."

It was the truth. I really didn't mind Bade looking at the journal. Actually, it was kind of funny.

"So, what did the old man have to say?"

Bade suddenly looked very pale as he said softly, "He just told me to put the book up because you were about to come upstairs and call him an old man." He sat up and scooted back against the pillows, leaving the book as far as it could be from him and still be on the bed. "What kind of magic is this?"

Bade knew who Mathias was, because I'd told him so. But, he didn't know the whole story. While I changed clothes I told him as much as I could explain about my great, great grandfather. During this explanation he took off his pants. I watched as he stood beside the bed and slid the jeans down his long legs. Normally I would have thought of sex, but I admired Bade's body as a work of art. Even though Luther had seen me naked before, I still didn't change clothes in front of him. But something was different about Bade. Maybe it was because I'd known Luther since I was eleven. Whatever it was, I felt more comfortable in my skin around Bade. Luther didn't make me uncomfortable, but Bade made it feel alright if I wanted to take off my clothes.

"I don't really want to wear this," I said, slipping off the oversized pajama top I'd put on. "I was just being polite."

"No need for pretense here, love," he said softly.

While I slid between the red silk sheets Bade turned out the light. It was then I noticed the candle he had burning beside the bed.

"Do you want me to put it out?" he asked.

"No, I like it. It smells familiar." I took a deep breath. "It smells like you."

"I burn this scent in my apartment," he said with a smile. "It's called cedar and oak moss."

"I like it." I sighed as I rested my head against Bade's chest. "Bade?"

"Yes, love."

"Will you tell me a bedtime story?"

"Does Dracula always read to you?" he asked as he took a book of fairytales from the bedside table.

"Most of the time."

"You miss him don't you?" When I didn't answer he said, "There's no shame in that, love. I'm not judging you."

I curled up to Bade, tightly pressing the front of my body against his side. He put one arm around me and opened the book over his chest so that I could read along. I fell asleep halfway through Beauty and the Beast.

* * * *

I awoke early the next morning still tightly pressed against Bade's side; however, someone else was against my back. Marco's arm was stretched across me and his hand touched Bade's thigh. Neither of them seemed to notice or care. I wiggled slightly and found that Marco was also completely naked. Despite how this sounds I wasn't aroused. I was spent, emotionally, physically, and psychically. The last few weeks had really taken a toll on me.

I knew that werewolves recovered more quickly from physical injuries if they slept next to other werewolves. But I had no idea that you could recover mentally too until I lay there a moment and paid attention to how much better I felt touching the both of them. It felt almost like being hypnotized or taking a sleeping pill. It was that wonderful feeling between sleep and wakefulness when you haven't had time to remember everything you're supposed to worry about.

I stretched and yawned as Bade rolled toward the window. I snuggled up against his back and Marco wrapped his arm more tightly around my waist. I had missed being near him so much. But in that moment I didn't worry about it. As long as Marco touched me all was right with the world.

* * * *

We were awakened a few hours later by Johnny.

"Holy shit," he said from the door.

Bade and I both jumped but Marco didn't even move as he asked, "What do you want Johnny?"

"Well, I came to see if Lilith wanted breakfast, but I think I'd rather get in the middle."

Marco and I normally slept without the sheet and I was very glad that I'd managed to tangle myself in the covers the night before. It wasn't like Johnny had never seen me naked before, but he'd never caught me in bed with two naked men.

"We'll be down in a few minutes," Marco said, still not bothering to move.

"You sure I couldn't just …"

"No, Johnny. We'll be down later," Marco growled.

"You just don't want to share," he taunted.

"We're not having a three-way Johnny, and we're certainly not having a four-way, now go away," Marco replied irritably.

"Well, if you're not then what the hell are you doing?"

"It's a werewolf thing," Bade rumbled as he put a pillow over his head, "you wouldn't understand."

"You should put that on a t-shirt," Johnny suggested.

He had already closed the door by the time Bade threw a pillow at him.

?

Chapter Twenty

Once Johnny had gone back downstairs Bade yawned and said, "I'm not really hungry."

"Me neither," I said, snuggling back up to his side.

"Well, fuck me," Marco growled and Bade and I laughed. "I am hungry after he had to mention breakfast."

"Shut up," Bade snapped. "I'm trying to ignore my stomach."

But about that time it growled and he said, "Shit, I might as well get up."

Bade pulled on a pair of jeans and went downstairs while Marco went to the bathroom. By the time he came back out I was already dressed. It hadn't been awkward with Bade in the room, but now that we were alone silence hung between us. I didn't want things to be weird after the time I'd spent with Dracula, especially since it was all his idea. Marco was right, I had been safe.

"I haven't been having sex with Dracula," I said softly, "or Bade."

"I never thought you had."

As usual, the kindness in Marco's eyes broke my heart. He was always pleasant to look at, but his eyes added a warmth to his appearance. At least that's what happened every time he looked at me. Even if he'd never voiced his feelings, I knew Marco loved me every time he looked at me. It was plain to see, and I couldn't believe how many years it had taken me to notice. But I saw it now and I was afraid of losing it.

"When you decide to proceed with what we talked about, I'll understand," he said, placing his hands on my shoulders. "I'm not saying I like the idea, because I don't. But I couldn't live with his suffering or his death on my conscience." My vision blurred with tears as he said softly, "He needs you more than I do right now, Red. And that's saying a lot."

I couldn't speak. I looked up and the expression on his face cut me to the bone.

"I do not share you lightly," he whispered fiercely. "In fact, I don't even share you willingly."

"What are you saying, Marco? When I go through with this … will I see you?"

I could barely bring myself to ask the question. The thought of not seeing Marco again was too terrible to even speak.

"You'll never be rid of me, Red. But I doubt you'll ever be rid of Dracula either."

"Then what will become of us?"

"I don't know, but I'm not abandoning you."

Marco kissed me then and everything he felt was in that kiss. I fell into his arms as I wrapped myself around him. I needed to be near him. Marco had become an essential part of my life. A minute without him was like a minute without air. I didn't know how I would handle being without him if that's what it came down to.

After we left the bedroom there was no longer any awkwardness between Marco and I, which made me feel better. When we finally went downstairs Johnny and Bade were still cooking breakfast and Alek was making some tea. Marco spent most of the day with me and sent Bade along for rehearsal that night.

As soon as I arrived my eyes sought Dracula on the stage. I wasn't even aware that Bade was with me as I approached the vampire like a moth to a flame. The more I was near him, the more I wanted to be. I couldn't live without Marco, but part of me wanted nothing more than to stay with Dracula in his castle. Marco made the rest of my life seem short when I thought of being able to spend it with him. But Dracula was beginning to make forever seem like not enough time.

"They've finished the rest of our costumes," Luther told me as I walked behind the stage and followed him to my dressing room.

"Good, I was tired of not having the right dress for the right scene."

"Not to mention we have our first performance in less than three weeks."

When Luther pointed this out my heart fluttered. In two and a half weeks we would do this in front of an audience. I hadn't played Christine in so long. Even though rehearsals had gone well, part of me wondered if I was too old for the part. After all, Christine is supposed to be in her teens and I was twenty six. But given my heritage, I could easily have passed for eighteen with no makeup. Then again, why was I worried? The Phantom was supposed to be middle-aged and Dracula was over two thousand years old.

Luther was already dressed in his ruffled white shirt and tight black pants. He began to put on a form fitting blue jacket while one of the ballerinas tightened my corset.

"Should you be in here?" she said, sneering at him.

"Give me that." He pushed her aside and finished tightening my corset himself.

"Stupid little bitch," he mumbled as she left my dressing room. "I'm sick to death of all these little prima donna ballerinas. The show does not revolve around them."

As I turned to face him Luther said with a smile, "It revolves around me."

"I thought it revolved around me," I said haughtily.

"Actually, it revolves around me," Dracula said as he came through door, dramatically unfurling his cape as he bowed to me. "I am The Phantom after all."

He bent to kiss my hand and Luther growled, "Show off."

"One shows what one has," Dracula teased.

"Talent," I said then blushed at my words.