A Dream for Tomorrow (40 page)

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Elizabeth jumped, grabbing onto the rail to keep herself from tumbling.

“Careful there.” Will put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. “I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I thought you’d seen me.”

“No,” she gasped. “I didn’t see anyone.” Then she explained trying to avoid being sick down below.

He nodded. “I didn’t want to admit it, especially to my daughters since they make fun of Lavinia so, but I’ve discovered I get a little queasy too.”

She chuckled. “I’m sure your girls wouldn’t tease you for that.”

He laughed. “And I thought you knew them better than that.”

“They are fine girls.”

“Yes. But spirited. And I’m afraid that I’ve given them free rein. They express themselves quite liberally. I suppose it’s fortunate we’re going to live in the Wild West. They may appear a bit more civilized and cultured here than back in Boston.”

“Yes, I have a feeling that the Western frontier needs strong-willed women.”

“You seem to be well suited for it, Elizabeth.”

She could hear the tenderness in his tone, and it made her uneasy.

“I know I promised not to attempt to court you until we reached Elk Creek,” he said quietly, “but seeing you out here in the moonlight…well, it’s not easy to hold my tongue.”

She continued looking toward the land, to where the moon was steadily rising, trying to think of something gracious yet noncommittal to say. Nothing came to her.

“It won’t be long now,” he said more lightly. “The captain said we’ll make Coos Bay by midmorning. And we’ll be unloaded in time to have several hours of traveling time before we make camp for the night.”

She nodded. “And it will be only two days’ journey after that. If all goes well, that is. But the weather does seem to be in our favor. And we did have a gorgeous sunset tonight. You know what they say about red sky at night and—”

“
Elizabeth
.”

She could hear the emotion in his voice…the wistful longing. And yet she felt no such longing in her own heart, no romantic stirrings whatsoever. All she felt was an extreme uneasiness, which felt more disturbing than seasickness.

How could she lead this good man down a road that she knew she would never travel? It was not only unfair, it was unkind. And Will had been a good friend to her. He deserved better. Hard as it was, and even if she was burning a bridge, she had to make her feelings known.

“Will,” she said in a firm tone. “May I be very honest with you?”

“Please, do.”

She turned to look directly at him. “You are a fine man, and I have enjoyed your companionship and our conversations immensely.”

“As I have yours, Elizabeth.” He smiled. “I never dreamed I’d meet someone like you on the Oregon Trail.”

“And I truly value your friendship. And I hope that we can continue to be friends.”

His smile faded. “But…?”

“But I just don’t have those kinds of feelings for you. The kinds of feelings that a woman should have for a man, the kinds of feelings that you deserve in a wife, Will.”

He frowned. “You don’t think your feelings could change? Or that my feelings could make up for it?”

She knew her mother would be greatly dismayed to see what her daughter was so easily tossing aside. Elizabeth herself might one day regret this decision. But right here and right now, it was the only choice she could honestly make. “I don’t think my feelings will change. And I’ve tried to make them change. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to convince myself that we would be a good match. I wanted to believe it was possible. But I would be a hypocrite and a liar to pretend that I loved you like that.”

Will didn’t respond but just looked out across the moon’s reflection slicing through the ocean.

“And I’m so sorry to tell you this because I know it’s a disappointment. And the honest truth is that I’m feeling very scared right now.”

“Scared?”

“That I could be making an enormous mistake. I realize my situation. I’m a widow settling in the frontier with two children.” She paused to look at the moon. “They say looking at the moon can make you mad. What if I’ve lost my senses because of the moonlight?”

“You’re not making sense to me,” he said dully.

“The moon is making me feel strong,” she confessed. “Like I can take on this great challenge. But at the same time, underneath it all, I’m very frightened. I’m worried I could wake up tomorrow or the next day or the next…and I could completely regret this conversation.”

He slowly shook his head, emitting a sad sigh.

“I hope you don’t feel I’ve misled you, Will. I felt confused because I truly enjoyed your friendship…and I suppose I hoped my feelings would blossom into something more.”

“I don’t feel misled, Elizabeth. Just disappointed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I shall go down below.”

“Yes…of course…good night.” As she watched him going, she suspected he would prefer to be seasick down below than to remain with her on deck. “Dear God,” she prayed, “I hope I haven’t made a most regrettable mistake.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

E
lizabeth and her family gathered together near the bow, watching as the ship sailed into Coos Bay. A sea breeze blew steadily, filling the sails and driving the vessel farther inland.

“Isn’t it beautiful,” Clara said. “Have you ever seen so many trees?”

“Oregon is timber country,” Asa declared. “We will have no shortage of wood for building houses and barns and fences.”

“Malinda said the weather this time of year is some of the very best,” Elizabeth told them. “The rains don’t usually start for a few weeks.”

“Let’s hope she’s right,” Asa told her. “From what I’ve heard about the trail we need to take from here, it’ll be a bear if it rains.”

It seemed no time at all until the big ship lowered its sails and finally came to a graceful stop next to the docks. “This is it,” Elizabeth told her children. “We’re nearly there.”

Everyone was excited as they disembarked from the ship, chattering among themselves and pointing out colorful waterfowl and a nearby sawmill and other interesting sights. While wandering about the docks and waiting for the unloading, they also saw a number of Indians who looked entirely peaceable. Ruth, with tablet and pencils handy, found a pile of crates to sit on while she attempted to make a sketch of their ship, and Mrs. Taylor seemed perfectly content to sit and watch her. All were happy to get their feet on solid ground again—or as solid as the gently rocking docks could be. Especially Lavinia.

“Is that Empire City?” JT asked Elizabeth.

“I think it must be,” she told him. “Remember Aunt Malinda wrote that it’s the county seat. Just a few years ago, I believe.”

“And it’s called Coos County,” JT added. “I wonder what Coos means.”

“It’s the name of the Indians who live here.” She glanced over to where several Indians were huddled together in conversation.

“I think Asa said that Coos means lake and pines,” Clara told them. “Or something like that.”

“It seems the Prescotts have a problem,” Asa told Clara and Elizabeth when he joined them. “The ship with their cargo went on down to San Francisco first, planning to stop on the way back here, but they haven’t arrived yet.”

“What does that mean?” Clara asked. “Has the ship sunk?”

“Oh, no, I don’t think so.” Asa glanced over to where Lavinia, Hugh, and Will were conversing. “But they want to stay here and wait for that ship so they can bring everything out there with them. Lavinia hopes to open up a store before winter.”

“Yes, I know.” Elizabeth nodded. “But does that mean we have to wait here with them?”

“They told us to go on ahead. They have their map and know where to meet up with us. So unless you have objections, I think we should head on out as soon as our wagons and animals are unloaded from the boat.”

Before they left, they took their time saying goodbyes. Even though they knew it would be for only a few days or a week at most, it was difficult telling their dear friends farewell—except for one of them. Elizabeth had no problem telling Will a stiff goodbye. They shook hands as if they barely knew each other and then quickly moved on. Unfortunately, that didn’t miss her mother’s watchful eye. But thankfully, she didn’t ask questions.

Truly, there was no time for questions because once the teams were unloaded, everyone was busy hitching the wagons and preparing to go. And suddenly, with the sun high in the sky, Elizabeth and her family were on the wagon trail, heading southwest. At first, the trail was fairly well traveled and smooth. But after a couple of hours and numerous turnoffs to other various destinations, the trail become more uneven. Finally, they reached a nice meadow, and with the sun dipping low into the sky, they decided to make camp.

“What a pretty place,” Elizabeth said as they prepared to fix supper. “I wouldn’t mind settling right here.”

“But you wouldn’t be neighbors with Malinda,” Clara pointed out.

“That’s true.” Elizabeth sighed. “I cannot wait to see my dear friend’s face.”

“I don’t remember what she looks like,” Ruth said as she laid some firewood down.

“That’s because you were a baby when they left,” Elizabeth reminded her. “But the last time I saw her, she was a little shorter than me. Her auburn hair was braided and pinned around her head. And her eyes, which were just the color of the clouds before a thunderstorm, were filled with tears.”

“Because she was sad to leave?” Ruth asked.

Elizabeth nodded. “We both cried.”

“She was your best friend?”

“She was.” Elizabeth stirred the cornbread batter.

“And her children are Todd—he’s the oldest—and Emily and Bart and Susannah.” Ruth recited the list happily. “And Susannah is the youngest, like me, and she’s only a year older than me. Right, Mama?”

“That’s right.” Elizabeth poured the batter into the cast-iron pan.

“Do you think Susannah will be my best friend, Mama?”

“I know you’ll be friends, Ruth.”

“Will Bart be JT’s best friend?”

“Well, they’re about the same age.” Elizabeth smiled. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Besides, don’t forget about Tumbleweed Tillie. She was your best friend on the wagon train. And it won’t be long until they get here too.”

“I’ll have all kinds of friends, won’t I?”

“And I’ll have enough children to get a school started,” Mrs. Taylor declared. Now she and Ruth, using their fingers, attempted to count how many children would be among the settlers.

Elizabeth felt her mother watching her as they worked together preparing food and organizing the kitchen things that hadn’t been used much for the last week or so. She knew that Clara had questions about Will. But Elizabeth wasn’t sure she wanted to answer them. Not yet anyway. Instead, she busied herself with rearranging her wagon and checking on her animals. And then, claiming she was tired from not sleeping well on the boat, she excused herself to bed. But instead of going to sleep, her mind began to race. They were so near their destination, she had every reason to be excited. But at the same time she felt increasingly uneasy. What if she’d made a huge mistake by saying those things to Will last night? Why couldn’t she have simply remained quiet?