A Dozen Deadly Roses (12 page)

She ran back inside, anxious to wash her hands.

# # #

After being dropped off by Jade, Mac changed his clothes and went for a run.  Even if he ran every street in his neighborhood, it wouldn’t be enough.  He had energy and tension to burn.  Being so physically close to Jade in their training had him all wound up.  Waving at the guard in the security office, he jogged out of his gated community.

His mind kept replaying the feel of her wrapped between his legs, her breasts covered by a t-shirt swaying temptingly in his face.  Focus on the run, he thought.  That’s why you’re out here.  Stop thinking about Jade!

Running easily, his thoughts turned to his first attempts to kick the booze.  He hadn’t thought he needed A.A.  Trying to help himself, he’d started running again to get in shape.  When he’d first started exercising, he’d thought he was going to die.  He hadn’t believed how out of shape he was.  For a while, he’d been able to slow the drinking down and eat better.  He’d thought he had it licked.  Then came the first anniversary of his family’s death.  He drank himself into alcohol poisoning.  Luckily, he’d known something was seriously wrong and called an ambulance.  The hospital social worker got him hooked up with A.A.  He’d resisted for the first month or so, but as he’d heard other stories of the struggle, the relapses and successes, he’d given it a try.

Every day he grappled with the temptation of the bottle.  He told himself daily if he resisted, it only made him stronger.  In his soul he wasn’t sure he could resist forever, but he took one day at a time.  Sometimes, it was one hour, or on really bad days, one minute at a time.  That’s how he felt right now.

As if fighting the bottle wasn’t hard enough, he realized his feelings for Jade and Donnie were growing.  He didn’t want to care about them.  He didn’t want those feelings again.  The last time he’d cared, he’d lost everything and became a drunk.  His addiction almost cost him his life – and Jade’s life too.  Thanks to her, he was still alive.  Lord, he needed a drink.  He forced himself to run faster, concentrating on his rhythmic breathing, footfalls, and the cool air rushing by his face.

Mac pulled himself out of his thoughts and wasn’t too surprised to find he was running down Jade’s street.  But he was startled to see her skulking out to the dumpster carrying what was obviously another one of those damn foil boxes wrapped in a plastic bag.

She didn’t see him as she lifted the lid of the metal trash container and tossed the bundle inside.  She let the top slam closed and didn’t even look back as she dashed to her apartment.

Turning on the next street to go home, Mac made plans to confront Jade about the boxes.  Besides, he wasn’t sure he could wait the two days they were off work before he saw her again.

# # #

The next morning, Jade was glad it was her day off.  It gave her time to talk to the apartment manager and ask him to keep an eye open for strangers prowling the building.  She didn’t reveal the fact she was being stalked, but did tell the manager some strange things had been left at her door.  She also reassured him she felt the odd deliveries were being directed only to her.  There was no need to be concerned for any of the other tenants.

She’d just hung up the phone when a bleary-eyed Donnie emerged from his bedroom, short spikes of hair framing his face like sun bursts.  “Mama, am I going to Grandpa’s today?”

“Nope.  It’s Mommy’s day off, so we can spend the day together.  We have some errands to do, but we’ll do something fun too.  How does that sound?”

“Can we go to Mr. Stryker’s house and get my fireman’s hat?”

Jade looked sharply at her son. 
Why would Mac Stryker be Donnie’s waking thought?
 
Don’t be ridiculous, Jade.  Donnie just wants the helmet
.

“Um, I don’t think so.  Mr. Stryker probably has stuff to take care of too.”

“Does he have a little boy at home?”

Unbidden tears formed in Jade’s eyes. 
How are you going to answer this one, Jade? You promised God you’d tell Mac he had a son, and now Donnie is asking about it too.  When are you going to live up to your promises?

“He used to have a little girl, but she died a few years ago.” 
Very smooth, just ignore his question and hope it won’t come up again.  You’d better make up your mind what you’re going tell them – and soon!

The little boy clutched the chocolate milk his mother had poured for him and moved to sit on a kitchen chair.

“What happened to her?  Did she get sick?”

“No, Donnie.  She died in a car accident.”

“How come?  Was Mr. Stryker driving?”

Jade lifted her son into his chair and put her arms around him.  She breathed deeply, inhaling the aroma uniquely her son’s.  “Oh, no, Donnie.  Mr. Stryker had nothing to do with it.  It was just an accident.  Mr. Stryker’s wife died too.  It wasn’t their fault.”

“Well, he must have been very sad.”

Jade thought about the broken man who’d been her training officer for two months.  “Yes, Donnie, he was very sad.” 
And out of Mac’s misery, you were conceived
.

Jade released her grip and looked into her son’s dark eyes.  Eyes very much like his father’s.  “But Donnie, sometimes bad things happen for a reason.  Sometimes bad things make us stronger, or teach us lessons.  And sometimes those lessons can be the greatest gifts of all.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re a policeman, Mama.  Bad things won’t happen to us, and no one can hurt us.”

I hope not, Jade thought, thinking of the foil boxes. 
I sincerely hope not
.

# # #

Later, Donnie yelled from his bedroom.  “Mommy, I can’t find my shoes.  I think they’re losted.”

Jade sprayed cologne on her neck.  With a sigh, she gave herself an appraising look in the bathroom mirror.  Not too bad she thought, liking the contrast of her dark hair in soft curls against the burnt rust of her sweater.  Flipping off the light switch, she strode to her son’s room.

“I’m sure your shoes aren’t lost,” she said.  “But this is why it’s so important to put your clothes away at night.”

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door.  Jade stiffened.  She hadn’t threaded her gun and holster onto her belt yet. 
Who would be knocking at her door so early in the morning?

Jade put her fingers to her lips, indicating to Donnie he should be quiet and stay there.  Silently Jade moved down the hall.  Another knock, this time a little louder, erupted from the door.

“Jade, it’s me, Mac.”

What was he doing here?
  She let out the pent-up breath she’d been holding.  She moved to the door.  Looking through the peephole she confirmed it was her partner standing in the hallway.

Jade unlocked the series of deadbolts and chains she had on the door.  It was a lengthy and noisy process.

“I feel like I’m gaining entry into Fort Knox,” Mac joked, as he stepped inside the door she’d opened.

Jade immediately spotted the fluorescent yellow firefighter’s helmet in Mac’s hands.  The headgear was city issued.  She’d expected him to bring Donnie a toy store replica.

Donnie shuffled down the hallway, a battered sneaker in each of his chubby hands.  “Mama, I found ‘em.”  His eyes widened at the sight of Mac, and the helmet he held.  “Is that for me?” he asked in an awed tone.

Mac knelt on one knee and offered the boy the present.  “You bet it is.”

“Wow,” Donnie cried, taking the gift and putting it on his head.  “It’s a real fireman’s hat.”

“What do you say to Mr. Stryker?” Jade prompted.

“Thank you, Mr. Stryker.  This is the bestest present I ever got.”

“It’s my pleasure, Donnie.”  Mac looked over the little boy’s head to Jade.  “I have a friend in the fire department.  He owed me a favor.”

Donnie ran from the room saying something about seeing himself in the mirror.

“Well, you sure know how to make a little boy’s day,” Jade said.  “Thank you very much.  Would you like some coffee or tea or something?”

Mac lifted himself from the floor.  “No thanks, I’m fine.  You sure have a sweet little boy there.”

Jade’s heart lurched as her heartbeat accelerated, the rhythm thundering in her ears.  He’s your son, too, she thought, fighting back tears.

“Yes, he’s very special,” Jade managed to choke out.

“How about I take us all out to breakfast?” Mac offered.

“That’s not a good idea.  You’re forgetting we could get in trouble if anyone finds out we’ve seen each other off-duty, no matter how innocent the circumstances.”

Besides, she thought, I can’t stand to see you and Donnie forming a relationship.  What if he wants to live with you when he finds out you’re his father?

“We can say we’re practicing our arrest and control techniques,” Mac said, suddenly grabbing Jade’s waist and gently forcing her to the floor.

He pinned her on her back.  He leaned diagonally across her, his face inches away from hers.  Startled, her initial reaction was to knee him in the crotch.  But as she watched his brown eyes darken to the shade of molasses, an awareness of just how close they were shifted her train of thought.  If she lifted her head just an inch or two...

Mac must have had the same thought, because without hesitation his mouth found hers.  His lips parted, hungry with need.  His tongue teased her mouth to grant him entry.

I can’t do this, she thought. 
Donnie is right down the hall
.  But it felt so right.  At first, she kept her mouth closed tight, resisting his overtures for deepening the kiss, but passion won out.  As her heart accelerated, her mind re-lived flashbacks to five years earlier when she and Mac had kissed like this.  She’d never intended that night to end in passion, but it had…and she’d never forgotten.

She was on probation and Mac was her training officer.  She’d reluctantly attended the retirement party of the captain.  It was expected she’d be there.

Mac was at the party, too.  Of course he was drinking - heavily.  She was horrified when her direct supervisor, Sergeant Kincaid, suggested Jade drive Mac home since he was obviously unable to do so for himself.

She’d maneuvered Mac into her battered compact car and he’d been the perfect gentleman…he’d fallen into a drunken sleep.  Luckily, she’d gotten his address out of him before he’d passed out.

At his house, he’d leaned heavily on her as she’d dug around his pockets for his house keys.

“Gee partner,” he’d slurred, “I didn’t know you liked me so much.”

“Shhh.  Let’s get you inside,” she’d replied, slipping the key in the lock. Mac, where’s the light switch?”

“Huh?”

“I need to turn on some lights.  Where’s the switch?”

“No.  I don’t want lights on.  No lights.”

Sighing, she’d propped Mac against the wall and then started feeling along the other wall for some kind of lighting.

“Flashlight.  I only use a flashlight.”

Mac had leaned around her and she felt him groping beyond her.  Suddenly, a pin-point of light from a mini-light shot through the darkness.

Jade was fed up and tired. She didn’t want to play games with her alcoholic partner.  “Okay, Mac.  Remember, we don’t work tomorrow.  We’re on days off.  Are you able to get to bed okay?”  She’d gotten no reply.  “See ya,” she’d said, easing past him and out the door. Stepping off the porch, she’d heard a loud crash from inside the home. Her conscience had won over her distaste, leading her back to the house.

“Mac?  Are you alright?”  Nothing.  Jade had moved her hand along the wall, making contact with the light switch.  Light splintered the darkness.  Her heart had constricted at the poignant scene before her.

Shattered picture frames crunched beneath her feet as she approached Mac.  Tears fell off his chin onto the photos of smiling faces of his dead wife and little girl.  Faces captured in happy times.

Mac hadn’t acknowledged her.  He’d gazed longingly at the images of his honey-blond wife and tow-headed daughter.

“Mac, it will be alright.  I promise.  Sometimes things happen for reasons we don’t understand.”

“Who are you to tell me it will be alright?  What the hell do you know?  You’re a naive kid who has no idea what I’m going through.  Susan and Ashley are dead, damn it!”

Jade had shaken her head, tears filling her eyes.

“Oh, Mac, you’re wrong.  I lost my mother when I was eight years old!”

Now she understood why he didn’t want any lights on.  Pictures of his wife and daughter hung from ceiling to floor on all the walls.  Closest to her was a photo of Susan holding baby Ashley in the hospital, each of them wearing pink plastic bracelets bearing the word “Stryker”.  There were images of Mac, Susan and Ashley at an amusement park, eating watermelon at a family picnic, proudly holding up a string of fish on the muddy shoreline of a lake.

Mac had sat amidst ornate frames with haunting images of his former family gazing adoringly into the chaos.

“I can’t go on,” he’d slurred.  “I drink to drive them out of my mind, but they won’t go.  They won’t leave.”  He’d hung his head and more tears had splattered onto a silver-framed wedding picture.

Feeling his pain, Jade sat on the floor next to him and pulled him close, stroking his head as she would a child’s.  “There, there.  It will be okay.  I promise, it’ll be okay,” she’d said, softly brushing his hair with her fingers.  His eyes were closed while she ministered to him.  He’d looked so beaten, so worn out, so vulnerable.  Frown lines burrowed between his brows.  She’d wanted to place her lips on the slashes of discontent, willing them to evaporate and give Mac some peace.

She did.  The result was electric.  His eyes flew open and he’d pulled back and stared into her face.  His expression had taken her breath away.  Raw need radiated from his tormented gaze.

Mac’s gaze had settled on her lips.  Was he going to kiss her?  Would she let him?  Should she let him?