A Death On The Wolf (9 page)

“
How do you know when you’re in love?” I said as Daddy sat at the table across from me with his mug of coffee.

He chuckled and took a sip. “I’d say not being able to sleep all night is a good sign. I assume we’re talking about Mary Alice?”

“
Yeah,” I said.

“
I’m proud of you, son—for the way you’ve treated her, I mean. You’ve made Mary Alice feel very special.”

“
She is special,” I said. “How do you know how I’ve made her feel?”

“
She talks to your aunt and your aunt talks to me.” Daddy took another sip of coffee and stared at me. “Anything else keep you up all night? Like maybe the fight you had with Frankie yesterday?”

“
How do you know about that? Did Mary Alice tell Aunt Charity?”

“
No, your sister did. But I heard about it from Frank Thompson.”

“
Frankie’s dad? When did you see him?”

“
I stopped by there on the way home from work yesterday to get some eggs.”

“
And he knew about the fight?”

“
Yes,” Daddy said, and took another sip of coffee. “Mark had told him.”

“
What’d he say?”

“
Let me hear your version first.” So I gave him a blow-by-blow account of everything that happened yesterday morning from the time Mary Alice and I went out on the porch until the fight was over. “That’s pretty much the story Mark told,” Daddy said. “Except for the queer part. What’s that all about?”

“
I don’t know, Daddy. Frankie’s been acting jealous about Mark and me ever since that day at the river when Mark lost his trunks and I gave him a ride home. You remember me telling you about that?”

“
I remember.”

“
And you saw how he acted Sunday just because I asked Mark if he wanted to go with us to the Colonel Dixie. It’s like Frankie wants me all to himself. I think what really flipped him out yesterday was me sitting there with Mary Alice and holding her hand. I don’t know why he thinks I’m queer for Mark since he said himself that I’ve got a girlfriend now.”

We sat there in silence as Daddy finished off his coffee. He got up to take the empty mug over to the sink. When he came back and sat down at the table, he said, “Did you ever think what’s really bothering Frankie is how he feels about you, not how he thinks you feel about his brother?”

It took several seconds for me to grasp the meaning of my father’s question. “You mean you think Frankie likes me…I mean likes me like that?”

“
I don’t know, son. I’m just saying it’s possible if he’s been acting jealous, especially given what he said about you and Mark.”

“
Oh, man,” I said, and looked down. I didn’t want to admit it, but what Daddy had just said could be right. Was that it? Was Frankie mad at me because he thought I was queer for his little brother? Or was he mad because he knew I wasn’t queer for him?

“
Nelson, look at me,” Daddy said. I looked up. “You and Frankie have been friends since you were both knee high to a grasshopper. Whatever’s going on with him right now, he’s clearly struggling with it. You need to remember he’s still your friend as you work this out with him.”

“
I’m not queer, Daddy. I don’t want to work it out with him.”

“
That’s not what I meant, son. All I’m saying is don’t be too quick to throw away this friendship until you’ve at least tried to understand what’s going on with Frankie.”

“
And what if he is queer?” I said.

“
Then you’ll have to deal with it. But if it’s true, son…don’t you think it’s bothering him, too? You all have never had a fist fight over anything that I know of. Why else would he be acting the way he is?”

“
Because he’s crazy,” I said, dismissively.

Daddy chuckled. “I know you don’t believe that. Anyway, I think you should go by there today on your way to work and apologize to him.”

“
Apologize?!” I was incredulous. “Why should I apologize to him? He started it.”

“
You broke his nose, Nelson. He spent most of the day yesterday at the doctor’s office.”

“
Well, I didn’t mean to. He shouldn’t have started it.”

“
Are you glad you broke his nose?” Daddy asked.

His question hit me square in the gut. Of course I wasn’t glad I’d hurt Frankie, and if I’d been honest with myself, the fact that I did was part of the reason I’d had a sleepless night. Now that I knew just how badly I had hurt him, I really felt terrible. I finally looked up at my father and said, “No, sir. I hate losing my temper like that.”

“
Think about how he must be feeling, Nelson. I’ll bet you he’s just as upset and confused about this fight as you are, just for different reasons. Do you want him wondering if his best friend hates him?”

I didn’t say anything. I just glanced at Daddy and then looked back down at the red Formica of the table top. As usual, my father knew just what to say to put things in their proper perspective. I was going to have to go tell Frankie I was sorry, and not just because Daddy wanted me to, but because I really was sorry. I still couldn’t get my mind around the possibility that my best friend was a homosexual, but Daddy was correct there, too. If he was, I’d just have to find a way to deal with it. My worry, especially after what happened yesterday, was whether Frankie could find a way to deal with it.

“
Well, I’ve got to get to work,” Daddy said as he got up from the table. He came over to me, ran his hand over my tousled hair, and then leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “You remind me so much of your mother sometimes,” he said looking down at me with his hand still resting on top of my head. “I love you, son.” He turned and walked over to the door. He stooped and picked up his lunch box, then took his hardhat off the coat rack. He turned back to me and said, “You think about what we just talked about. Do what you know is right.”

“
I will, Daddy.”

He put his hardhat on and opened the kitchen door.

“
Daddy?” I called to him.

He turned back to look at me. “Hmm?”

“
I love you, too.”

He winked at me and headed out the door.

— — —

“
What’s wrong with you today?” Mary Alice asked me.

“
Nothing,” I answered.

We had just finished eating lunch and were sitting on the front porch at my house. Aunt Charity had taken Sachet into town with her. They were going to Anne’s Beauty Shop for Aunt Charity’s weekly hairdo and my sister was getting her hair cut. She had announced at breakfast that she wanted her hair short. Sachet had beautiful, long blond hair, so it was going to be interesting to see what “short” meant to her.

I had been distracted all morning, and Mary Alice had picked up on it. The conversation I’d had with my father before dawn was troubling, and while I had resolved to apologize to Frankie, I was not looking forward to facing him. My greatest fear was that our friendship was over, and I was heartsore because of it. Why couldn’t things have just stayed the same?

“
Tell me what’s bothering you, Nelson,” Mary Alice said. “And don’t say ‘nothing,’ again,” she added. I wanted to scream I was scared to death my best friend was queer and liked me, but instead I just told her I’d been thinking about Frankie. “You mean because of the fight?” she asked.

“
Yes,” I said, and it wasn’t a lie. The fight was bothering me, too. “I’m going down to his house before I go to work and apologize to him. I found out from Daddy this morning that I broke his nose yesterday.”

Mary Alice was sitting in one of the painted white chairs across from me. I was sitting in the only rocker on the porch. She had on light blue Bermuda shorts and a pink short sleeve shirt, but no sandals; today she was wearing pink slip on sneakers with white ankle socks. She started to get up, and when I saw her, I did too, out of habit. She didn’t have her walking stick and I figured she wanted to go inside, maybe to the bathroom, and she was not familiar with our house yet. I asked her if she wanted me to help.

“
No, no…you stay there,” she said. “Keep talking so I can find you.” Mary Alice was about ten feet away, across the pine slat floor of our porch. I sat back in the rocker and watched her take a tentative step forward. “Talk!” she commanded.

I laughed. “What do you want me to say?”

She turned toward the sound of my voice. “Keep talking,” she said.

In a singsong, I intoned, “I’m—talk—ing—to—the—prett—i—est—girl—in—Miss—i—ssip—pi.”

She chuckled and took two more steps toward me. Every instinct in me said get up and help her, but I kept my seat. “You’re not talking,” she said as she took another step.

“
I’m—the—luck—i—est—guy—in—Miss—i—ssip—pi,” I continued in a singsong.

She took two more steps. “Keep talking,” she said.

“
You’re supposed to ask me why I’m the luckiest guy in Mississippi.”

“
Why are you the luckiest guy in Mississippi?” she said, and took another step.

“
Be—cause—Ma—ry—A—lice—Had—ley—is—my—girl—friend.” She laughed again, and I said, “Take three more steps and you’ll be here.”

When she stopped right in front of me, I reached out and took her left hand. She leaned down and with her other hand touched my leg. She turned and I let go of her hand and she sat down in my lap. She leaned back until her head was resting on my shoulder. I brushed her hair out of my face and inhaled deeply through my nose. There was a hint of Prell, but mostly it was just…her. She smelled divine.

Mary Alice laughed and said, “See, I told you…everyone has their own smell.”

It was as if she could read my mind. I put my arms around her and then she rested hers on mine. She searched with her right hand until she found my hand and then we interlocked fingers. “I’m sorry you’re hurting about your friend,” she said. “That’s nice that you want to apologize to him.”

I didn’t want to talk about Frankie right then. My only thoughts were on Mary Alice. “It’s going to kill me when you have to leave next month,” I whispered in her ear.

“
Let’s don’t think about it,” she said.

I started us to gently rocking. It was another gray day, like yesterday, and relatively cool—if the mid 80s could be considered cool. There was a breeze blowing through the tall pines in our front yard. I had asked my father earlier how you knew when you’re in love. As I sat there rocking Mary Alice in my lap, I knew. I’d never felt like this before even though I’d had girlfriends ever since I was in the fifth grade. Bridget Wheaton and I had even “gone steady” through the first half of the tenth grade last year. Going steady with Bridget comprised two trips to the mall in Bay St. Louis holding hands in the back seat of Aunt Charity’s Cadillac, and one movie (
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
) at the Palladium Theater in Bells Ferry when we were out of school for Christmas break. That all seemed so trivial and childish now compared to what I felt with Mary Alice. I was in love, and the thought that in a few short weeks I would not be able to see her for weeks, maybe months, at a time was depressing beyond words.

— — —

An hour and a half later I was turning in to Frankie’s drive on the Honda. The day had grown grayer, rain was imminent, so I was wearing a weatherproof windbreaker. I’d left early for work so I could get this apology out of the way, and I had butterflies in my stomach as I pulled up in front of the Thompson house and shut off the engine. Mark was sitting on the porch in his swim trunks and he was soaking wet.

“
Hey,” I said as I got off the bike.

“
Hey,” he replied and raised his hand from the arm of the chair in a slight wave.

“
You been swimming?” I asked as I stepped up on the porch.

Mark shook his head. “Daddy set up the Slip ’N Slide in the backyard.”

“
Is Frankie in the house?”

“
In his room.”

“
Where’s your mom and dad?”

Mark crossed his legs and reached down to scratch his foot, which had grass clippings stuck all over it. “Mama went to town to get groceries. I don’t know where Daddy is.”

“
How’s Frankie doing?”

“
You broke his nose,” Mark said, and I detected a faint smile on his lips.

“
I know,” I said. “That’s why I’m here. I want to tell him I’m sorry.”

“
He started it,” Mark said. “That’s what I told Daddy.”

“
He didn’t hit you or anything, did he?”

“
No, he told me he was sorry for knocking me off my bike when I got back here.”

“
Really? Why’d you tell your dad about the fight, then?”