A Deal to Die For (19 page)

Maggie had to strain to hear him, but when she did, she was confused.

“But I don’t understand,” she said. “If you really don’t know why she was there, then
you’ve been telling the truth.”

“Somewhat,” Doc said. His tone was rueful. “I don’t know exactly why she was there
that day, but I have an idea.”

Maggie waited. She had already pushed him pretty far; the rest was up to him.

“Alice will be devastated,” Doc said. His face crumpled. He looked crushed, like a
man watching his carefully constructed life slip through his fingers like soapy water
down a drain.

“Why?” Maggie asked. “What happened, Doc?”

“About thirty years ago, I had an affair with Vera Madison,” Doc said.

Maggie gasped. She didn’t mean to. Deep down she had known it was going to be something
like this, but still, hearing him say it…She was shocked.

Doc raised his eyes to hers. What he saw must have confirmed his worst fears, because
he ducked his head and ran his hand through his hair, which was now at optimum hedgehog.

They were both silent. Maggie wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t help but feel
bad for Alice, and now her anger seemed so appropriate and her treatment of Doc so
justified.

“It was wrong,” he said. “And I’ve tried to make it up to her—really, I have—but I
don’t know if she’ll ever truly forgive me.”

Maggie picked up her cup and took a sip of her coffee, more for something to do and
to shield the thoughts that were racing around in her head like a hamster on its wheel.
How could Doc have cheated on Alice? Why? Was Vera so special that he couldn’t refuse?
The coffee tasted bitter on her tongue, and it was cold, making her insides feel even
chillier than they already were. She put it back on the table.

“Did Alice know when it was happening?” Maggie asked.

She knew it was none of her business, but she asked anyway, because she understood
some of what Alice felt.

For the longest time, she had thought Sam had cheated on her with Summer. She had
held on to her anger for years, even while happily married to someone else. The betrayal
had changed her. It had carved out a piece of her heart that she never got back, not
even now that she had discovered it wasn’t Sam who had been with Summer that fateful
night.

“She found out at the time it was happening,” he said. The next words that came were
reluctant, as if he would have liked to keep them to himself, but was forcing himself
to offer full disclosure. “She caught us together.”

Maggie blew out a breath. She knew the stomach-dropping,
gut-churning feeling of walking in on a scene like that. And thirty years ago? Well,
Alice would have been several years younger than she was now.

It must have been a crushing blow for Alice to find her husband—Maggie cut off the
thought. She didn’t want to think about it—she didn’t want to have a visual of Doc
and Vera.
Ack! Too late.

“There is no defense for what I did,” Doc said. “It was awful. I took everything that
was important in my life, and I just threw it away.”

“Vera Madison bears some of the blame, too,” Maggie said. She agreed that what Doc
had done was wrong, but she couldn’t discount the other woman’s responsibility in
the situation. “How did Buzz take it?”

“As far as I know, he never knew,” Doc said. “It was just the three of us for all
of these years. I promised I would never have anything to do with Vera again, and
I never did, until…”

“She was found dead in your office,” Maggie guessed.

“Yes.” Doc bowed his head and Maggie wondered if he was remembering the day they found
Vera’s body or
if he was remembering the times he shared with her thirty years ago.

“But you and Alice stayed together,” Maggie protested. “Surely, she must have made
peace with it at some point.”

“I can never expect Alice to forget or forgive, but I have tried to make it up to
her,” he said.

“I’m sure she knows how sorry you are,” Maggie said. She knew it was cold comfort,
but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“It’s complicated,” Doc said. “You see, at the time that I had my…relationship with
Vera, Alice was—”

Maggie glanced at Josh, who was now making train-whistle noises as he raised the drawbridge.

“Alice was what?” Maggie asked.

“She was obsessed with having a child. We’d been trying for years, but with no success.
It became all she could talk about or think about. It got so that I dreaded going
home, because I knew it was going to be another evening spent talking about having
a baby. I just wanted her to let it go. Selfish, I know.”

Maggie reached out and put a hand on his arm. She could tell he still felt ashamed
for the way he had felt and for what he had done.

“It started so innocently. Vera was a bit of a hypochondriac, so she was in my office
constantly,” he said.

Maggie wanted to tell him that she didn’t need to hear the details, really, but she
had a feeling that Doc had bottled up all of this inside of him and needed to let
it out.

She picked up her cold coffee and braced herself. In the dark days after her husband
had been killed, Doc had listened to her cry her eyes out more times than she could
count. Surely she could be as good a listener as he had been.

“Vera’s hypochondria was mostly because she was lonely,” he said. “Buzz was always
traveling on business, and that was a mighty big house for a woman in her late thirties
to rumble around alone in. And Buzz…well, he wasn’t the most faithful sort.”

Maggie tried to imagine it. Vera must have been so bored spending every night by herself,
waiting for her husband to return. Maggie found it hard to fathom. She’d always had
to work, and in fact couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t had a job. Although
the idea of living in the lap of luxury sounded appealing, she had a feeling she’d
go slowly mad.

“Vera’s hypochondria got worse and worse, and I realized she was making excuses just
to come in and see me,” he
said. “I referred her to a new doctor because I had a feeling she had developed an
unhealthy attachment to me.”

“So, you tried,” Maggie said. “You tried to keep it professional.”

“Yes, but—” Doc broke off and rose from his seat. He walked over to the window and
stared out across the street.

Maggie glanced at Josh who was now lining up his trains to take them around the track.
The engineer was busy and had no idea of the heavy adult conversation going on across
the room.

Maggie rose and went to stand beside Doc. She didn’t say anything, instead waiting
for him to speak if he chose.

“I fell in love with her,” he said. He was quiet for a long moment. “I never told
Alice that. I’ve never told anyone that.”

Maggie closed her eyes and pressed her head against the cool glass of the picture
window. Poor Doc. His reluctance to leave Vera’s side when they’d found her was so
much more poignant now.

She put her hand on his and squeezed.

“Oh, Doc,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I didn’t want to fall for her. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t
help it. Vera was like a movie star. When she walked into a room, it was like getting
hit by electricity. There was no resisting her charm, and I could never understand
how Buzz could be away from her for so long. If she had been mine…but she wasn’t.”

“But Doc, what about Alice?” Maggie asked. “Even if Vera was married, shouldn’t you
have left Alice so she could find someone who felt that way about her?”

“I did leave,” he said. “For a short while. But Alice wanted to work on the marriage,
and Vera wouldn’t leave Buzz, so I felt like I owed it to Alice to try.”

“Did it work?” Maggie asked.

“Alice and I are friends, good friends,” Doc said. “We’ve carved out a good life together.”

“Good,” Maggie said. “But not electric.”

Doc turned to look at her. “No, we never really managed it after I cheated, no matter
how hard we tried. So not only did she never get the child she craved, but she has
spent her life with a man who would have left her for someone else.”

“Poor Alice,” Maggie said.

She felt a soul-deep flash of gratitude that she and Charlie had been lucky enough
to have Laura, not only because Maggie always had a part of Charlie with her, but
because she couldn’t imagine her life without Laura in it.

Her thoughts strayed to Joanne and how desperately she wanted a baby. She could only
imagine what it must have been like for Alice.

“She would have been an extraordinary mother,” Doc said. “At the time, though, she
went a little crazy with longing. She felt she wasn’t a real woman without a baby,
and she spent most of her days in tears. She couldn’t look at women with babies, she
couldn’t talk to anyone with a baby. Those were some very dark days.”

Maggie wondered if Michael was going through this with Joanne. She made a mental note
to talk to him at the first possible chance. She didn’t want to see her friends go
through what Doc and Alice had endured.

“Part of what made Vera so attractive to me was that she didn’t want anything from
me. And Alice, well, it was baby talk morning, noon, and night. I sought solace in
Vera’s arms,” Doc said. “It was a wretched thing to do.”

“But in the end, you chose Alice,” Maggie said. “You could have been with Vera when
Buzz died, but you didn’t
go back to her. That should count for something. You chose Alice and you stayed with
her.”

“I owed her that, didn’t I?” Doc asked. When he looked at her, his face was stricken.

Maggie stared at him. Did he mean it? Had he chosen Alice out of duty?

“I don’t know what to say,” Maggie said.

Doc heaved a sigh. “Don’t mistake me. I do love Alice, but, at the time, if Vera had
asked me to run away with her, I would have.”

“She never did?”

“Vera was in love with Buzz,” he said. “And when he died, she was devastated.”

“What a mess,” Maggie said.

“Truly,” Doc said. “You see why I can’t say anything. I let Alice down once. I don’t
want to do it again. No one ever knew about Vera and me. It will crush Alice if the
town finds out. She doesn’t deserve that. She’s suffered enough.”

“I’m sorry, Doc,” Maggie said. She thought about her own life and her own heartbreaks.
“Love can be so complicated.”

“Yes, it can,” he agreed. Doc was silent for a moment, and then he turned and looked
at Maggie. She got the feeling he needed to talk about something else and wasn’t surprised
when he said, “Speaking of complications, I hear you have a date with Pete Daniels.”

“News spreads fast,” Maggie said. “But it’s not a date. We’re just having dinner as
friends. How did you hear about it, anyway?”

“Pete told Tyler Fawkes, who told Tim Kelly, who told Mrs. Shoemaker, who told me
when she came in to have her blood pressure checked this morning,” he said.

“Well, that’s a fast-climbing gossip vine,” she said.

“I have to say I’m a little surprised,” he said.

“Why?” she asked. “He’s nice, and we both have small businesses in town. He has a
real way with customers. I thought he could teach me a thing or two.”

“No doubt,” Doc said. He turned around and leaned against the window while he watched
Josh, who was now off-loading freight from his small wooden trains. “Mr. Daniels does
make a fine cup of coffee and is quick with a joke or a funny story.”

“But,” Maggie said. “I hear a
but
in there.”

“Forgive me. It’s none of my business, but I thought you had feelings for someone
else,” Doc said. The glance he gave her was shrewd.

“Me? No,” Maggie said. She shook her head. Even to her own ears she sounded as if
she was protesting too much, and yet she couldn’t stop herself. “Who could I possibly—?”

“Sam Collins,” Doc said. “I remember the day that he left for college. I was sure
your heart was going to break. Now he’s back. I just assumed, since you’re both single,
that the two of you would revisit what might have been.”

“Oh, that,” she said with a shake of her head. “There’s twenty-plus years between
those days and these. People change. We don’t have anything in common anymore.”

“Really?” Doc asked. “That’s interesting, because I could have sworn when I was at
the station being interviewed by him that he paid particular attention to any mention
I made of you.”