A Daughter's Duty (35 page)

A terrible feeling of desolation was creeping over her, all the more intense for the joy and happiness which had gone before. There was a spare blanket on a chair. She wrapped herself in it and went to the window. Pulling the curtain back so that she could see out, she stared out over the sands to the sea. She had cheated him. Only now did she realise how badly she had cheated him. She should have told him. She folded her arms before her, holding on to the blanket, head bent as she stared out, seeing nothing at all.

Jeff woke with a start and instantly felt bereft. Where was she? He had been having a bad dream, had dreamed that Rose was going away yet again. ‘I have to go, I have to,’ she was saying in the dream and she was crying, great teardrops rolling down her face in hopeless abandon. ‘Don’t go! Don’t go, darling,’ he called. He was racing after her, calling her name, and when he woke the euphoria of the night before was gone.

Rose was standing by the window, the picture of dejection, tears rolling down her cheeks as they had in his terrifying dream. He jumped out of bed and hurried to her, gathered her in his arms, held her to him.

‘Don’t go,’ he said. ‘Don’t go. I won’t let you, Rose, do you hear me?’ He picked her up and carried her back to the bed where she lay listlessly in his arms. ‘Tell me what it is? Tell me!’ he said. ‘Rose, there’s nothing you can say that will ever turn me from you. Nothing.’

It was her father. He saw now what it had been with sudden clarity. It had to be her father. She must have had some feeling for him, he thought, and now Alf was dead. But, no. Everything bad in her life had been due to her father, he knew that. How could she miss him? ‘Tell me,’ he insisted again; he was not to be denied. And Rose began to speak. Slowly, it all came out: the years of growing to be a teenager, the way it had caused her mother’s death earlier than need be, the fears she had had for her little sister Mary, the infamous bargain she had made with her father because of it. And last, worst, the dead baby and her father’s callous treatment of her, even to leaving her in the dene to die.

‘I had nowhere to turn, no one to turn to,’ she said, dry-eyed now. ‘Aunt Elsie helped him, Jeff. She was so terrified that he would take the twins from her.’ She was silent now, reliving the awful sense of betrayal when her aunt did what she had.

‘You had me,’ he said. He could hardly speak, filled with such a sense of loathing for Alf Sharpe. And self-loathing too. Oh, he had heard rumours when he lived in Jordan, talk among the men at the pit about Alf Sharpe’s unnatural obsession with Rose. He had been on the receiving end of the man’s hatred when he had thought Jeff was too fond of his daughter. But he hadn’t wanted to believe it, couldn’t bring himself to believe it. And he could have done something! Anything. He could surely have got Rose out of that hell. But he’d been so young, had had nothing to offer her, had thought he was doing the best thing by getting away out of Alf’s sight. But he had let her down. She had said it herself. She’d had nowhere to turn, no one to turn to. He had been useless to her. Holding her to him Jeff began to cry himself, for the first time since his mother had died when he was a youngster.

That was it, thought Rose, her happiness was gone for ever. It had lasted for a few short hours only. Jeff didn’t speak, he was holding her but lying so still he seemed to have forgotten that he was. He must be full of disgust for her, she thought dumbly, but couldn’t summon the energy to leave his arms, get out of bed, go. He should be free to find a normal girl, not someone tainted as she was. She opened her mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come. It was when she felt the wetness on his cheek that she forced herself to say them.

‘I’ll go now, I won’t bother you again,’ she said and was amazed at the steadiness of her own voice. Jeff’s arms tightened around her convulsively.

‘You will not,’ he said. His voice was husky from tears but strong. ‘You won’t leave me ever again.’

‘Jeff’s been out all night.’ Marina, frying pan in hand, was dishing out bacon and eggs to Brian and her mother. It was Sunday morning, early, for today they were going to the new house again, Sunday being the only day Brian had free to help with the painting and wallpapering.

‘Hmmm, I wonder what he’s up to.’ Brian looked speculative but unworried. After all, Jeff was a single man and if he wanted a night out on the tiles … well, then. He himself was more interested in the smell of the bacon and breathed it in with pleased anticipation. The bacon ration only ran to one breakfast a week so Sunday mornings were a treat.

Marina finished dishing out and brought her own plate to the table. She too had her mind on things other than Jeff’s absence. She sighed. ‘At least we know where Rose has been all this time,’ she said pensively.

‘An’ she might have let us know an’ all,’ said Kate. She put down her knife and fork and lifted her cup of tea, leaning her elbows comfortably on the table while she sipped from it. By, she thought, she was enjoying this weekend and it was going to be lovely when the three of them were in a house of their own. No more lonely evenings spent listening to the wireless on her own. She’d always been used to a full house and being lonely was a new and unwelcome experience for her. And thinking of the wireless … ‘Put the news on, will you, pet?’ she asked Marina. ‘I like to keep up with things.’

Obediently, Marina rose and went to the side table where a new wireless stood, Jeff’s really, but he never minded them using his things. She glanced at the clock. Ten-past eight.

‘It’ll be nearly over, Mam.’

The BBC announcer was coming to the end of the news but he was followed by bulletins from the regions, in their case from Newcastle for the North East. Nothing very interesting to them except that Easington Colliery had exceeded its production target for the month yet again. Brian nodded his head and grunted his approval. But then there was an item of traffic news which knocked them all sideways.

‘A fatal accident occurred on the road between Shotton Colliery and Durham City yesterday at about one o’clock in the afternoon. A car collided with the parapet of a small bridge over a stream. A man was killed and two children injured and are now recovering in the Cameron Hospital, Hartlepool. The children, eight-year-old Michael Sharpe and his twin sister Mary, are understood not to be seriously injured. Their father, Alfred Sharpe, was killed instantly. If anyone saw the accident, will they please get in touch with their local police.’

There was stunned silence in the kitchen. After a while Brian got up and turned off the wireless. Marina stared down at the congealing fat on her plate. She felt sick.

‘Those poor bairns,’ said Kate, breaking the silence. ‘Those poor little mites. Orphans now.’

They would be better off without their father in Marina’s opinion, but she said nothing. Rose must have known about this, she suddenly thought. Was that where she had been last night, at the hospital? Oh, she must go to her, never mind about Mam being here.

‘I’ll have to go,’ she said aloud and began clattering dishes together, thinking only of getting off.

‘Why, Marina, what about the house?’ asked Kate. ‘Why do you have to go, anyway?’

‘I just do.’

‘I’ll run you through on the motorbike,’ suggested Brian. Kate opened her mouth to protest again but just then they heard a key in the front door. ‘Jeff!’ said Brian. ‘I wondered …’ His voice trailed off as Jeff came into the kitchen, ushering Rose before him.

Marina flew across the kitchen and flung herself on her friend. ‘Rose!’ she cried. ‘Oh, my God, Rose!’ She was practically weeping with relief at seeing her. The two girls hugged each other, making small exclamations, laughing, crying, then standing back and gazing at each other.

‘Blooming heck, Rose, you’re as thin as a lathe,’ cried Marina. ‘Where in the world have you been? Why did you say you were in London? By, I’ve been that worried, I have –’ She broke off, remembering the news item about the car accident. ‘Eeh, Rose, I’m sorry about the bairns, I am.’ She dropped her arms and stood back a pace. ‘How are they, do you know?’ She didn’t mention the death of Rose’s father. There was nothing to say about that.

‘Let us get in, eh, Marina?’ Jeff was grinning widely. He put an arm around Rose’s shoulders and led her to the fire, sitting her down on an armchair and settling her as though she were made of glass. And, gazing at her, it was all too evident to Marina that she was fragile, or ‘femmer’ as her mother would say. She looked as though she couldn’t tip the scales at more than seven stones. Marina was filled with guilt. Oh, she should have made more of an effort to look for Rose, she should have sought until she found her. She wondered about the baby Rose was carrying when she had gone, remembered that Sunday when her friend had confided in her. And she, Marina, hadn’t been equal to it, she had failed her friend. Yes, indeed, she’d been too wrapped up in her own concerns. Rose had obviously been through so much since then.

‘Are you not well, hinny?’ Kate was asking, forgetting everything but concern for Rose. But she smiled brilliantly, her face alive with happiness. She looked over at Jeff and her white cheeks became suffused with pink.

‘I’m fine, Mrs Morland,’ she said. ‘I have been poorly but I’m over it now. Oh, yes, I’m very well now.’

‘Well, are you? You look as though you could do with a good feed to me,’ pronounced Kate, folding her arms. ‘Is there any of that bacon left, Marina? Enough for these two?’

‘We’ve had breakfast, thanks very much, Mrs Morland,’ said Jeff. He stood by Rose’s chair, his hand on her shoulder as though he couldn’t bear to be separated from her by even an inch or two, and she put up her own hand and laid it on his and he grasped it, holding it close.

‘And what about the twins, are they all right? I mean, it said on the wireless they were recovering,’ asked Brian.

‘We rang this morning,’ said Jeff. ‘Michael had a good night, Sister said, but Mary was restless though she wasn’t hurt as much as Michael.’

Mary had been calling for Aunt Elsie, the Sister had told Rose, and had asked who Aunt Elsie was. Could she come to see the child and then she might settle down? ‘It’s not good for head injuries to get emotionally upset,’ she had added.

‘We’re on our way to Shotton to see Rose’s aunt, she hasn’t been told what’s happened yet,’ said Jeff. ‘But Rose wanted to come here first.’

She and Marina exchanged a long look of understanding. There was a lot to be said between the two of them but somehow explanations didn’t seem so important to Marina as she had once thought they would. They could wait. For the moment Rose was thinking apprehensively of her meeting with Aunt Elsie. She had no idea how she was going to react when she saw the woman she felt had betrayed her. But the bairns loved her, Mary especially, and now they needed her.

‘Well, have a cup of tea before you go at least,’ said Kate, taking charge as it seemed no one else was. She picked up the kettle and took it to the sink to fill but Rose was rising to her feet.

‘No, don’t bother, Mrs Morland,’ she said. ‘We’re going now and after we’ve been to Shotton we’ll go on to the hospital, probably take …’ She swallowed, it was a hard thing for her to say even though she had been thinking it. ‘Probably take Aunt Elsie.’ Mary was calling for Aunt Elsie, she reminded herself yet again. Mary loved her aunt. It didn’t matter that if Rose had only herself to consider she would never speak to the woman again.

‘Just you go on with your own plans,’ said Jeff. ‘We’ll see you later.’

‘Well, that was a brief visit,’ commented Kate after they’d gone. ‘An’ after all that time too, I must say.’

‘Oh, Mam,’ said Marina. She was so glad that Rose was back, that she was well and at last with her beloved Jeff, that she had no patience for her mother’s carping.

‘So long as Rose is all right,’ Kate said quickly, realising she had sounded somewhat uncaring. ‘Look, let’s get the breakfast things washed up and then we’ll get along to the house. The sooner it’s done, the sooner we can move in, isn’t that right?’

Jeff drove into Shotton and along the end of the rows, parking on the street where only yesterday they had witnessed Alf Sharpe take the children, Elsie’s distress and the neighbours gawping. Rose sat still, gathering her reserves of strength to get out of the car and face Aunt Elsie.

‘Howay, flower.’ Jeff’s heart turned over in love and pity for her, his lovely Rose. But why should she have to do this? Hadn’t she been through enough? ‘I’ll go myself and tell her, if you like.’

‘No. It’s up to me,’ she said, and managed a tiny smile for him. Her eyes followed him as he got out of the car and walked round to the passenger side of the vehicle, opening the door and helping her out tenderly.

‘Well, remember I’m right here beside you.’

‘I know, Jeff. I know, and I’m grateful.’

They walked close together up the yard to the door of Elsie’s house where Jeff knocked. There was no reply, just a silence, and Rose let out the breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding.

‘She’s not in,’ she said, relief flooding through her. ‘Come on, Jeff, let’s go.’

But he was trying the handle and the door opened, it wasn’t locked. And directly in front were the stairs Rose only vaguely remembered being carried down on that awful night. The pain, the terror … she felt it rising up again in her throat.

She forced herself to look up and there was Elsie, standing on the tiny landing at the top, a dishevelled, half-undressed, wild-haired woman, face red and swollen from many hours of weeping.

‘Rose? Is that you?’ And from standing frozen to stillness at the top of the stairs, Elsie came suddenly to life and rushed headlong down, slipping on a step and righting herself somehow until she was there, standing before her niece. ‘Have you brought them back, Rose? Are they here? Oh, thank you, thank you –’

‘They aren’t here, Aunt,’ said Rose, and surprised herself by the calm tones she used.

‘Where are they? You didn’t leave them with Alf? You didn’t, did you? No, of course you didn’t.’ The woman was frantic. She peered round Rose, ignoring Jeff altogether. She couldn’t believe it, she had been so sure Rose had the children with her.