A Crying Shame (131 page)

She came to him, sitting in his lap, resting her head on his shoulder, her weight a warm, comforting thing to him.
Tell me about Africa, Jon.”

He sighed.
I wondered when you would ask that.”

Do you ... does it bring back too many painful memories?”

A few. Africa,” he said, stroking the lushness of her hair.
Africa is beautiful, violent, serene, savage, dirty, breath-takingly clean. Full of so much hope and so much of the most appalling, abject misery and human suffering that it is indescribable. Africa is intense enlightenment and gross ignorance. One has to personally witness and smell the suffering, and even then, when you walk away from it, you really can't believe what you've seen.”

I don't understand that, Jon. Your statement seems full of contradictions.”

No one understands Africa. Someone once wrote that it is always five minutes until noon in Africa. No ... one has to see Africa—witness it.” He took a deep breath.
I have seen children, from tiny, helpless babies to teen-agers, lying by the side of the road, for what appears to be miles—is miles. They were all starving to death. Most of them too weak to cry, or to make any noise at all, except perhaps some small mewling sound. Those are the ones who are so far gone the doctors can do nothing for them ... except to let them die in some sort of peace.”

He felt his shoulder grow wet from sudden tears.
What can . . . what did you do?”

For the most part, nothing.”

She sensed it was hurting him to recall this, but she did not know how to stop the vocal recollection—or if she wanted it stopped.

You just walk on past, weapon at sling, and keep your eyes on the dirty neck of the man in front of you. Look perfectly straight ahead. I have seen some of the toughest mercs in the world break down and weep, openly. I have seen some of them reach into the depths of their souls and put as many of the kids as they could out of their awful misery and agony.”
Did you—?”

Yes,” he said, before she could speak the words.
A few times. I felt I was doing the right and just and moral thing at the time.”